thought bubbles
justam
Posts: 21,410
Under the surface, it happens so often. Yeah, so do we humans do a lot of our living under the surface?! And, um, uh, should we?! Isn't this the absolute Most-Horrible-Idea? We're thinking, feeling, worrying, hoping, dreaming. It's so invisible, but it's still the truth of our inside life. Isn't it? Rumbling, grumbling, twisting 'round, floating up and then back down. Isn't it?! How would it be to spread it aallll out? A Good-Bad-Mixed-Bag? Learn to live on the top like underneath? Is that even right to aim for, or, would that be much too simple? Maybe humans are too complex for that because of social agreements, responsibilities, and con-flic-ting desires?! Good God, what if coming up entirely to the top with all of it meant there'd be a bunch of angry friends and loved ones?!
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There's a filter between thoughts and words for a reason.
Finding the right balance between filtered & unfiltered toppings is the key
All unfiltered would also be very very noisy and largely, necessarily, ignored
I was thinking more about having less discrepancy between how we're feeling underneath and what we express on top. For example, it takes a lot of effort (and I'm thinking that's wasted effort) to pretend to like someone you actually dislike, or to pretend to be happy about something you're really NOT happy about, or to pretend that you're not sad or angry or bored and would rather be somewhere else.
What if we just allowed what we're feeling to show (not to be cruel or anything, just to be honest) and let other people deal with it? :geek:
I try to only share the good and let the rest go. I think this is in my own best interests,
you know it makes me happy too.
I think the discrepancy I'm thinking of starts with politeness and proceeds into trying to be easy for others all the time. Keep walking on that road and then you start eating meals you don't really like because your spouse likes that food. Keep walking on that road and you pretend to like action movies because your best friend does. Keep walking on that road and you smile when someone tells you something that makes your heart sink.
I can almost see too much politeness as a tilted tunnel towards deep fakery!! :?
I think of deep fakery as not being true to ones own heart. Putting on to be something you aren't for whatever reason perhaps not just to please.
For some though its very natural to want to please, it is being true to themselves there is no faking about it.
Its like with kids picking your battles when it comes to discipline and
using diversion instead of confrontation. Its all techniques to really get what you want out of relationships, out of life.
For me personally my happiness comes from making others happy so if I were to make a meal or watch a movie that made someone else happy that makes me happy.
This describes the personality I think of a caregiver.
Smiling when someone tells me something I find heartbreaking, that would depend,
but I would provide a smile when needed and not feel compromised by doing so.
Giving in to others needs gives some people, like me, what they need.
A person, such as you, or, such as myself can go overboard however. I am a very loving mom. I am a very loving wife. I am a very giving friend. I think it can be taken too far after a while though and a person can lose the boundaries, desires, and wishes that are related to what makes them an individual.
Don't think I don't love to be pleasing. Obviously I do or I wouldn't have spent all these years honing my skills.
There's always room to grow though. Don't you think?
I thought you were leaning towards the fact you thought some people lose themselves in others. Also that you felt people should be more honest about how they really feel when dealing with loved ones.
That if one didn't curb politeness then one could risk becoming fake.
I disagreed with that for myself. I am true to my heart, enjoy being lost in another,
being a caregiver is my most cherished role in life.
Remaining positive is my policy over stirring things up with honesty about things
that might be better left unsaid.
That I get a lot from being the one who makes the meal or watches the movie I don't like
because I get enjoyment from others enjoying.
For me personally this can't go overboard cause of what I get in return, the satisfaction.
We all have different techniques for dealing with our relationships, strategies for success, that guarantees fulfillment and happiness for all concerned.
As far as growing as a person, I feel that just happens. I mean thats the path of life. Our interactions and experiences is what helps us to grow. The revelations that come from this is personal growth.
Love is the single most important thing to me, as probably for you too.
Being caregivers, as we both are, we are making the love happen in our lives... we are the 'love glue' that holds the family together and there can never be too much love
Who was I before I was so deeply into this caregiver role? Can I remember? Can I learn to be more closely connected to what I'm feeling? What do I like myself?
For me, it's like waking up to the fact that I can do both. I can be this loving person and remember myself as Anne Marie too.
And I don't believe I ever told you either, I adore your name, it is lovely.
My kids are at least 10 years older, I believe, than yours. We have been empty nesters for a few years now.
I remain very close to my kids but the separation is also clear now, they are adults.
I never had a problem with them leaving and was relieved it went well for them,
just really happy to be through those horrid teen years and now more than half through their twenties.
As I've aged the who I am has gotten more defined but less noticed if that makes sense.
When I was younger, I thought a lot about those questions you posted but not so much now.
Mostly I am thankful JB and I are reasonably healthy, we are happy together and life is pretty peaceful.
I will never be that young girl again in my head or my body
but who I am has never made me happier, thats the best thing about aging, self just is...
This disguise
Takes so much energy
So much energy
I remember the day
I cast it away and set fire to the fucking thing
Like taking off some heavy pack
And burning up my mask
So I no longer need to hide?
Where's the catch?
The catch is sir,
Your words no longer have
Their half second delay.
Mind how you go.
Send my credentials to the house of detention
yes... what if. :think:
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
LOL! I know that's your way cate.
I'm trying to grow into it.
well as you know a.m. my life isnt a popularity contest. im not here to be friended on facebook... whatever the hell that means.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
And yet you've been my friend for a long time because I love that I can count on your honesty.
very good tremers - just say it in a poem.....
"I cast it away and set fire to the fucking thing, like taking off some heavy pack " - love it !!
yeah im a bitch that way.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I'm here because I love Pearl Jam!
Send my credentials to the house of detention
i dont think youre the only one.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
That's why this place can be so intense, optimistic, challenging I guess, cos the main thing we have in common is we are all enamoured of some very intense music!
Send my credentials to the house of detention
though we are all very different, our views on life and its meaning,
the music is the bridge to our different paths.