Parents hosting parties with underage drinking

JonnyPistachio

There have been two stories all over the news in my area recently about parents who allow their children to drink alcohol at parties hosted at their own homes. They are both a product of homecoming weekend celebrations.

The first one occurred in a very upscale neighborhood ($2.7 mil, 17,000 sq ft home). There were reports of kids passed out in the lawn, others vomiting, and dozens clearly wasted drunk.

The second was an upper-middleclass family, and there were tons of kids trying to hide from the cops and they found a keg of beer. It didnt sound too out of control, but the parents were still arrested.

Have any of you (or your parents) hosted a party like this or know someone who has?

http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/2010-1 ... arty-teens

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/palm-b ... 1438.story

BinauralJam

When i was 13 my freinds mom had a party for him and bought a keg, but it was one keg with like 40 kids, everybody had like two beers and it was empty, cool party, live band, beer. Nobody got more than a buzz, but when your 13, you'll take it. No way my parents would ever be this cool.

Cree Nations

when I was 16 yes

unlost dogs

I would never have asked my parents to allow a party with alcohol when I was underage. And they would have been astonished if I had asked. And then would have responded with a rapid "of course not."

Black73

BinauralJam wrote:

...Nobody got more than a buzz, but when your 13, you'll take it. No way my parents would ever be this cool.

Guess I'll be the uncool parent, like yours, that chooses to be safe and smart vs. cool and dumb. Alcoholism runs deep on both my parent's sides, so choosing to be dry for past 9+ years has been anything but easy (and viewed as a bit uncool by others at times). Lucky for me, I don't give two healthy shits what anyone thinks about my choices, which should prove helpful in a few years when my kids find me uncool.

JonnyPistachio

13?! damn, thats young.

They all say the same thing -- that their kids are going to drink no matter what, but that they'd rather the kids be doing it at home. It seems to make a tiny fraction of sense, but as soon as something happens to one of these kids (ie car accident, accidental overdose, rape, whatever...), those parents would be fucked for life. Also, i feel it is just a bad example to set for your kids. They will be expecting the rules to be bent under certain circumstances later too.

The father of one of the kids said, "You're crazy if youdon't think every one of these kids is out drinking and having sex."
That is terrible, and although there are many, many kids doing this, it's not ALL of them.

Also, this sounds somewhat familiar to the thread about the 5th grader who turned in his parents for weed. (Although I think weed should be legal, those folks should've never let their kid find it though) Parents are setting some shitty examples these days.

CJMST3K

Not I. When I was 13 I learned that taking a swig of Chloroseptic allowed you to chug vodka quite efficiently. After having to be hung-over in secret, that was more-or-less the end of my drinking career for the better part of a decade.

BinauralJam

As a side note, she was a single mom and Kevin was a great kid, he even went on to be Validictorian in high school.

But if i had kids of my own, There's no fuckin way, i might let my teenager drink, if he/she was at home and i was present when they reached 16. But to give beer to somebody else's kid just sounds like your asking for trouble.

ajedigecko

if i discovered that an adult is hosting an illegal party and encouraging illegal activity.....someone is going to take an ass whoopin. might be me, might be the host....someone will be in pain.

and i am a nice guy.

gimmesometruth27

when i worked as an Athletic Trainer at a high school from 2000-2007, with a student population that was mostly fairly well off, this was a very common occurrance. this used to happen at a different kid's house following every friday night home football game. my responsibility was taking care of the injured players that were hurt in that game and those that had nagging injuries that required little attention, such as a quickie re-exam and a bag of ice or something. many times i would sit in my training room for a half hour waiting for them to come up and i would go to the locker room and everyone would be gone. everyone was in such a rush to get to the party that they would shower and leave without checking in. as a result i was always innundated with new injuries from the game on friday when i got to school on monday afternoon. sometimes they required attention from a doctor that would take a few days to get in, and tests like an mri, and the kids would miss the next game because the doctor would not clear them without the test results. they screwed themselves because they would have rather gotten to the party than checked in with me.

i had never seen anything like it. when we had parties in high school it was super-secret, even clandestine so to avoid the word getting out and the party being busted before it started. when we were that age our parents never would have allowed these parties to happen. at this school it seems that the parties were not secret, but encouraged by the community. i remember being like "WTF?" when i would hear how wild the parties got, and that the cops never showed up and nobody ever got in trouble. then in 2005 our boys varsity soccer team was going to play in the state semifinal game on a saturday following one of the parties, and 6 of our starting players all showed up with bloodshot, glassy eyes and vomiting with any sort of activity during warms ups. including the head principal's son. it was found tha they were not hungover but still drunk. the coach benched them and they all got suspended from the team and from school for a couple of weeks by the principal and were unable to play in the championship game. five of them were suspended while the principal's kid was not. there was such outrage in the community that this had happened that the principal was fired. after this episode the police began to clamp down on these parties and by the time i left the school to take my current job in 2007, the student resource police officers knew in advance of these parties and began to bust them before they began. parents began to get arrested and there were many cases of the parents getting stiff penalties and fines, but no jail time. if that principal's kid had not been involved it probably would still be an accepted practice today..

i do not think it would be worth allowing one of these parties for my kids because i do not want to end up in jail if something were to happen during or after the party. yet i can see why parents would want to be there to supervise the kids..so i can see both sides of the argument.

satansbed

arguements are interesting on both sides, im no where near a parent myself but i do think if it was going to happen anyway i would prefer to have it under my own supervision, i know my parents did that for me abit when i was 16, like there is a differance between allowing it to be cool and allowing it cause its better that your there than not there

Jeanwah

My parents would never have done it, but I had one friend who's parents allowed the parties while they were home. They would take the car keys when we walked into their house and they wouldn't let us leave without checking to see how drunk the driver was.

Sludge Factory

Did anybody read the same articles I did? The links to the articles in the OP stated that the parents had parties that were supposed to be non-alcoholic but that uninvited kids showed up with alcohol unbeknownst to the parents.

JonnyPistachio

Sludge Factory wrote:

Did anybody read the same articles I did? The links to the articles in the OP stated that the parents had parties that were supposed to be non-alcoholic but that uninvited kids showed up with alcohol unbeknownst to the parents.

(Are you talking about the articles I posted?)
if you are...Even if it was supposed to be like that, it is quite obvious that there was alcohol at both parties for quite some time.. multiple kids passed out, vomitting, etc..

Those parents knew there was alcohol. There was a keg. Not easy to lug one of those bad-boys around!

JonnyPistachio

you know, hosting these parties for your kids is taking from their need to learn the abilities to become creative and to learn how to not get caught!

Godfather.

Black73 wrote:

BinauralJam wrote:

...Nobody got more than a buzz, but when your 13, you'll take it. No way my parents would ever be this cool.

Guess I'll be the uncool parent, like yours, that chooses to be safe and smart vs. cool and dumb. Alcoholism runs deep on both my parent's sides, so choosing to be dry for past 9+ years has been anything but easy (and viewed as a bit uncool by others at times). Lucky for me, I don't give two healthy shits what anyone thinks about my choices, which should prove helpful in a few years when my kids find me uncool.

:thumbup:

Godfather.

norm

senior year of high school (late 80's), my friend's mom called me and invited me to a surprise 18th birthday party she was throwing for him...i thought fine, we'll surprise him, have some food and then go out drinking like we usually did

i show up and around the house were tubs beer on ice :shock: ...and in the kitchen were various parents (including a part time deputy sheriff)...i was shocked but i had had beers at friends houses from time to time with the parents knowing but this was a whole other level

ended up being a great party...and yes many did drive home...not proud of this fact but...


would i do this today? nope...not worth the trouble and if i did, i'd call all the parents for their approval and no one would drive until the next morning...and the kids would have to be 17+ years old

Godfather.

When I was 17 my dad and I would go to bars from time to time and I never got carded,just thought I was the man for sure but now I think back on it and wish my father had not taken me out drinking with him.
I would never do the same with my son in fact he knows if I catch him doing drugs or drinking I would light up like a roman candle and he would be screwed on the deal we have which is no drugs or alcohol and when he graduates HS he can have my truck or my harley......so far he wants the truck HUGE RELEFE ! I really like that bike

Godfather.

BinauralJam

Godfather. wrote:

When I was 17 my dad and I would go to bars from time to time and I never got carded,just thought I was the man for sure but now I think back on it and wish my father had not taken me out drinking with him.
I would never do the same with my son in fact he knows if I catch him doing drugs or drinking I would light up like a roman candle and he would be screwed on the deal we have which is no drugs or alcohol and when he graduates HS he can have my truck or my harley......so far he wants the truck HUGE RELEFE ! I really like that bike

Godfather.

It was a different time, i would have loved to go drinking with my dad, he quit when i was 10 years old, turned into a tight ass as well.

Sludge Factory

JonnyPistachio wrote:

Sludge Factory wrote:

Did anybody read the same articles I did? The links to the articles in the OP stated that the parents had parties that were supposed to be non-alcoholic but that uninvited kids showed up with alcohol unbeknownst to the parents.

(Are you talking about the articles I posted?)
if you are...Even if it was supposed to be like that, it is quite obvious that there was alcohol at both parties for quite some time.. multiple kids passed out, vomitting, etc..

Those parents knew there was alcohol. There was a keg. Not easy to lug one of those bad-boys around!

Yeah, I'm talking about the articles you posted. I read them a couple times because I thought I might've missed something since what people were stating in this thread directly contradicted what both the police and the parents' attorney said about the parents having no clue what was going on.

Thorns2010

Godfather. wrote:

When I was 17 my dad and I would go to bars from time to time and I never got carded,just thought I was the man for sure but now I think back on it and wish my father had not taken me out drinking with him.
I would never do the same with my son in fact he knows if I catch him doing drugs or drinking I would light up like a roman candle and he would be screwed on the deal we have which is no drugs or alcohol and when he graduates HS he can have my truck or my harley......so far he wants the truck HUGE RELEFE ! I really like that bike

Godfather.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.....

WTF is wrong with your son??? That better be a badass truck to pass up on a Harley. hehehehehehehehehehehehe

catefrances

BinauralJam wrote:

When i was 13 my freinds mom had a party for him and bought a keg, but it was one keg with like 40 kids, everybody had like two beers and it was empty, cool party, live band, beer. Nobody got more than a buzz, but when your 13, you'll take it. No way my parents would ever be this cool.

interesting measure of cool youve got there. cause i am a cool parent but an underage party where alcohol was present is not something id allow.

Drowned Out

When I was 16, I hung with a fairly large social circle...probably 10 of us that were always together. We were consistently being caught drunk and high by our parents, and because we'd all grown up together, our parents knew each other and talked enough to make the 'Johnny's stoned, better go check on Billy" phone calls to each other. ugh.

Soooo....the strictest parents of them all decided to call a group meeting one day. The horror! We all had to meet, with our parents, at their house one afternoon to discuss our lifestyle choices. We thought we were fucked for sure.

You know what?

It turned into an honest, open discussion between a whole room full of people trying to find common ground....and we did.

When we left there, we all had the same rules....no more fucking lying about where we were so that the people with earlier curfews could stay out with the ones who did....no more curfews....because we didn't really need them anymore. We were ALL allowed to drink at home after that, as long as the parents were home and all of the parents of the kids there were aware of where they were, and NO ONE DROVE.....it was brilliant. We were given space and responsibility, and our parents got what they wanted most of all - to know that we were safe.

Know what else? Every kid in that room is on my facebook and is at least still an acquaintance, and not one of us has a susbtance abuse problem (least not by my definition )

Sometimes people need to find compromise with their kids and stop being fucking dictators about everything.

redrock

JonnyPistachio wrote:

They all say the same thing -- that their kids are going to drink no matter what, but that they'd rather the kids be doing it at home. .

There's drinking and then there's drinking (ie reasonably/on occasion and getting so out of it you pass out and/or are sick)! Maybe because of the French in me, my daughter has been allowed some wine with dinner, etc. for quite a while now, just like I was when I was a kid. Whilst I'm OK with this, I will not allow her to drink regularly (like a lil' whisky before bedtime!) and will certainly NOT allow any party with alcohol. She is having her Sweet 16 next month and we are being very strict about alcohol. Strictly no alcohol allowed (with the option of bags being searched upon entry so none 'sneaks' in) and guests who are visibly 'under the influence' will not be allowed in the party. A couple of reasons - first of all, the party is not at home but at a venue and they risk losing their liscence. Second, my daughter wants her party to go well and for all to have fun. If some come drunk, it can mean a lot of hassles, some trouble and having to clear up puke on the middle of the dance floor (as it has happened at a party she recently attended).

Kids need to 'learn' how to drink. Underage drinking at parties is not the way to do that.

Godfather.

Thorns2010 wrote:

Godfather. wrote:

When I was 17 my dad and I would go to bars from time to time and I never got carded,just thought I was the man for sure but now I think back on it and wish my father had not taken me out drinking with him.
I would never do the same with my son in fact he knows if I catch him doing drugs or drinking I would light up like a roman candle and he would be screwed on the deal we have which is no drugs or alcohol and when he graduates HS he can have my truck or my harley......so far he wants the truck HUGE RELEFE ! I really like that bike

Godfather.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.....

WTF is wrong with your son??? That better be a badass truck to pass up on a Harley. hehehehehehehehehehehehe

He can't fit his BMX bike on the back of my bike.

Godfather.

pandora

redrock wrote:

There's drinking and then there's drinking (ie reasonably/on occasion and getting so out of it you pass out and/or are sick)! Maybe because of the French in me, my daughter has been allowed some wine with dinner, etc. for quite a while now, just like I was when I was a kid. Whilst I'm OK with this, I will not allow her to drink regularly (like a lil' whisky before bedtime!) and will certainly NOT allow any party with alcohol. She is having her Sweet 16 next month and we are being very strict about alcohol. Strictly no alcohol allowed (with the option of bags being searched upon entry so none 'sneaks' in) and guests who are visibly 'under the influence' will not be allowed in the party. A couple of reasons - first of all, the party is not at home but at a venue and they risk losing their liscence. Second, my daughter wants her party to go well and for all to have fun. If some come drunk, it can mean a lot of hassles, some trouble and having to clear up puke on the middle of the dance floor (as it has happened at a party she recently attended).

Kids need to 'learn' how to drink. Underage drinking at parties is not the way to do that.

+1 very good attitude and parenting. The European view of drinking much better than the American ways.
Our zero tolerance teaches nothing, not the responsibility necessary when drinking that they need as adults.
As soon as the kids get out on their own, like off to college, they go wild
and lack the experience and knowledge to keep alcohol under control.
Redrock is teaching her daughter respect for herself and alcohol, very much to be admired.
And she is keeping her safe and smart and helping her friends to do the same. :thumbup:

pro

The drinking age law in the USA is 21.... it's cool for allowing an 18 year old to vote and to die for it's country in wars? USA does have queer laws :roll:

Commy

growing up in rural idaho, our choices in highschool were to get a keg and get wasted in the woods somewhere or have a parent supervised party at a friends house.



more people got hurt or were killed in those woods than at the adult supervised parties.........either you send kids out on their own or you watch them, either way they are going to experiment. might as well keep an eye on them.


the most dangerous part of those parties in the woods was when the police showed up. running full speed at night through a forest with no lights? i'm surprised sprained ankles were the worst of my injuries.

then you had those who drove drunk and ended up at the bottom of the mountain without taking the road.....