The Ego Story

tremors

It's the story we tell about ourselves
Tell ourselves
That keeps tripping us up
Oh, to simply Be!
'I didn't sign up for this'
'I am affronted'
'I make great cakes'
'I'm not that kind of person'
It all adds up to one massive saga
One great soap opera
That runs and runs
And next thing - we're trapped.
Trapped in an endless 'I'
The endless lie
Of Who We Are
Of who I am

Yet without this I'm what?
Lost, certainly
Fragile, maybe
Empty, probably not
So next time they tread on my toes
Maybe I'll simply move.
This story - so clear in me now
That it's already ruining these lines
Oxidising into over ripe platitude
Didactic psychobabble
When I was young I had a cartoon book
'What I want to be when I grow up'
I always wanted to be the doctor
I think I liked the look of the clothes
If only I'd been a doctor
Maybe this story wouldn't keep on feeling
such a weight

catefrances

and in the end thats all it is... a story. and we make it up as we go along.

justam

I like the thoughtfulness of this one.

I'm wondering how we wash away these old stories. Do you think we have to break them down one piece at a time as the need arises?

DangDang

You make great cakes?

tremors

DangDang wrote:

You make great cakes?

I'm a pretty good cook these days!!

tremors

justam wrote:

I like the thoughtfulness of this one.

I'm wondering how we wash away these old stories. Do you think we have to break them down one piece at a time as the need arises?

Good question. To which I don't fully know the answer. I guess it's a continuous process of 'letting go'. I have noticed this breaking down happening in therapy, and in tai chi, and in the combination of the two! One of the central parts of tai chi training and taoist philosophy in general is in losing 'expert mind', 'competent mind', and finding 'beginning mind', 'learning mind' - so being able every lesson to let go of what you thought you knew before, and see things afresh. And so be open to what is new in a more spontaneous and childlike way - to be receptive. This has really helped me. Taoism is essentially doing what is appropriate to the time and the circumstances or season - no more, no less. I love the tai chi classes because there it is ok to keep remembering that you don't know what you are doing, and simply to 'follow' - then five minutes later you find yourself teaching some beginners, and you quickly have to rediscover competence mode, to lead, to demonstrate, to perform, to show as much as you know.

This letting go of the story though I have found when I have had an intense session of therapy, then later in the week go to the tai chi class. It's like the therapy helps me to chip off and isolate and identify the locked in pain, memories, disappointments - like chipping off a long standing chunk of granite - and then the tai chi helps it to dissolve, to sink away, to melt into the sea.

Although these two points (beginner mind and letting go of the past) don't directly relate to this verse - I feel this is the essence of 'moving on' and remaining supple and open to change. The 'story' though.... in 21st Century Western society once we pass the age of about 21 we are expected to be 100% expert, informed, competent - so it can be a great relief to be able to admit we don't know what the hell we are doing, or who we are from time to time, and very helpful, and probably more accurate. I think though that without this our species can become very dangerous. Just look at Israel and Palestine - the whole impassable impossible situation is being continually replenished by the stories both sides tell about themselves and about each other, and I sometimes think if only they could stop dead and perceive just what they are doing to each other, they might notice that it is a cruel and bloody mess.....

the wolf

tremors wrote:

Trapped in an endless 'I'
The endless lie
Of Who We Are
Of who I am

This is so true, I"ll fess up to this,... sometimes its so hard looking past everything going on in your live, because your own troubles seem so big... so overpowering, that I do fall into the world of "I".

Very cool tremors, made me think about some stuff.

Thanks.


-steve

tremors

the wolf wrote:

tremors wrote:

Trapped in an endless 'I'
The endless lie
Of Who We Are
Of who I am

This is so true, I"ll fess up to this,... sometimes its so hard looking past everything going on in your live, because your own troubles seem so big... so overpowering, that I do fall into the world of "I".

Very cool tremors, made me think about some stuff.

Thanks.


-steve

That's nice - thanks Steve - so many of your poems have made me think about stuff recently..... so I'm glad

justam

tremors wrote:

justam wrote:

I like the thoughtfulness of this one.

I'm wondering how we wash away these old stories. Do you think we have to break them down one piece at a time as the need arises?

Good question. To which I don't fully know the answer. I guess it's a continuous process of 'letting go'. I have noticed this breaking down happening in therapy, and in tai chi, and in the combination of the two! One of the central parts of tai chi training and taoist philosophy in general is in losing 'expert mind', 'competent mind', and finding 'beginning mind', 'learning mind' - so being able every lesson to let go of what you thought you knew before, and see things afresh. And so be open to what is new in a more spontaneous and childlike way - to be receptive. This has really helped me. Taoism is essentially doing what is appropriate to the time and the circumstances or season - no more, no less. I love the tai chi classes because there it is ok to keep remembering that you don't know what you are doing, and simply to 'follow' - then five minutes later you find yourself teaching some beginners, and you quickly have to rediscover competence mode, to lead, to demonstrate, to perform, to show as much as you know.

This letting go of the story though I have found when I have had an intense session of therapy, then later in the week go to the tai chi class. It's like the therapy helps me to chip off and isolate and identify the locked in pain, memories, disappointments - like chipping off a long standing chunk of granite - and then the tai chi helps it to dissolve, to sink away, to melt into the sea.

Although these two points (beginner mind and letting go of the past) don't directly relate to this verse - I feel this is the essence of 'moving on' and remaining supple and open to change. The 'story' though.... in 21st Century Western society once we pass the age of about 21 we are expected to be 100% expert, informed, competent - so it can be a great relief to be able to admit we don't know what the hell we are doing, or who we are from time to time, and very helpful, and probably more accurate. I think though that without this our species can become very dangerous. Just look at Israel and Palestine - the whole impassable impossible situation is being continually replenished by the stories both sides tell about themselves and about each other, and I sometimes think if only they could stop dead and perceive just what they are doing to each other, they might notice that it is a cruel and bloody mess.....

It's interesting that you feel so aware of the process because of therapy. I just try to get where I'm trying to go and sometimes I notice when some beliefs I have are standing in the way...

For me, it's a continuous process of trying to grow by changing whatever isn't working for me. For example, I might notice that something I've been doing unconsciously for years is blocking my progress so THEN I mow it down or somehow get it out of the way. (!)
:? :P

mysticweed

i am constantly aspiring to let go of bad shit
i have managed to unload some
but there is still some shit stuck to the back of my mind
maybe a perpetual effort to let the bad shit go is not a bad thing

pandora

tremors wrote:

It's the story we tell about ourselves
Tell ourselves
That keeps tripping us up
Oh, to simply Be!
'I didn't sign up for this'
'I am affronted'
'I make great cakes'
'I'm not that kind of person'
It all adds up to one massive saga
One great soap opera
That runs and runs
And next thing - we're trapped.
Trapped in an endless 'I'
The endless lie
Of Who We Are
Of who I am

Yet without this I'm what?
Lost, certainly
Fragile, maybe
Empty, probably not
So next time they tread on my toes
Maybe I'll simply move.
This story - so clear in me now
That it's already ruining these lines
Oxidising into over ripe platitude
Didactic psychobabble
When I was young I had a cartoon book
'What I want to be when I grow up'
I always wanted to be the doctor
I think I liked the look of the clothes
If only I'd been a doctor
Maybe this story wouldn't keep on feeling
such a weight

Nice T, very nicely written as always.... on the subject I only have this


Never.... live I
Never..... say no
Never..... let go of the things that make you, you.
Cherish all that you are, all you have been given.
Forgive the bad but remember it too.
Forgive and give with an open heart, it is the path of least resistance.

P.S. Glad you weren't a Doc you probably wouldn't be here with us

tremors

Thanks for the replies here - and the thoughts to ponder. I haven't felt up to anything 'deep and meaningful' for a while - so apologies for my general rudeness / ignorance. Normal service will hopefully be resumed reasonably quickly.

Thanks for the kind words, as well as the thoughts to provoke

t