Conservative/ Liberal Divorce Agreement

OnTheEdge

Can't take credit for writing it, but I can take credit for sharing it.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

markin ball

OnTheEdge wrote:

Can't take credit for writing it, but I can take credit for sharing it.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Would Jesus be what you define to be a liberal? Yes, yes he would.

gimmesometruth27

OnTheEdge wrote:

Can't take credit for writing it, but I can take credit for sharing it.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. haha funny, considering most conservatives on here think that their government can do nothing correctly...

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

and do you find this piece of worthless biased drivel funny?? i find it funny that the author can nice and cleanly divide everything up like that in this condescending "article" that no doubt is an email forward to you, in such a condescending, know it all, generalizing manner.... it reflects the complete misunderstanding that the right has about the left. and reflects the whole attitude that it is "me" over "we"...if you all continue to believe as this piece suggests it only reinforces my belief that the people on the right have no idea what they are talking about when referring to the left...this piece acts as if things like being judeo christian is better than anything else... :roll: ...and if your side is elected and implements some of the policies described above it will be the death knell for the middle calss and eventually the country as a whole.. i have highlighted the parts that i find as generalizations, completely offensive, or outright stupid...it says alot that the right would want some of those things the author says it will keep.... :thumbdown: :thumbdown:

ed243421

OnTheEdge wrote:

Can't take credit for writing it, but I can take credit for sharing it.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

1. sarah palin is not hot. what are you 90?
2. what "place" that we have hammered has threatened us?
3. do you really believe that heathcare should be a luxury or is it just because you are white and have a job?
4. you want-
guns
war
nra
military
the smelly oil industry
greedy corporations
wal-mart
wall st.
greedy ceo's
bibles
suv's
the history, name and flag
and the national anthem

and we get-
hippies
subaru's
healthcare
AND "imagine"

where can i sign?

gimmesometruth27

ed243421 wrote:

OnTheEdge wrote:

Can't take credit for writing it, but I can take credit for sharing it.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

1. sarah palin is not hot. what are you 90?
2. what "place" that we have hammered has threatened us?
3. do you really believe that heathcare should be a luxury or is it just because you are white and have a job?
4. you want-
guns
war
nra
military
the smelly oil industry
greedy corporations
wal-mart
wall st.
greedy ceo's
bibles
suv's
the history, name and flag
and the national anthem

and we get-
hippies
subaru's
healthcare
AND "imagine"

where can i sign?

exactly...i like how he said we are offended by history so they will keep that...many of the conservatives i know and deal with on a daily basis in my life have not read a history book since high school and admittedly know nothing about history...coincidence?

maj4e

Can't take the cops or military with you waaayyyy too much socialism there. No highways no regulating industry so inhale that ddt and other toxic chemicals. Also you'll need those tax cuts, open up that check book no free public education.

Cosmo

So... let me get this straight...
I'm a middle of the roader... leaning slight left... at this point in time. So I have to choose a side between:
One that wants war, firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military to invade and hammer places that threaten them. Along with the nasty, smelly oil industry and their continued relationship with Middle Eastern Oil Shieks to power gas-guzzling SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars, capitalism, greedy corporations run by greedy CEO's, pharmaceutical companies to maintain the flow of over prescribed drugs, Wal-Mart to make sure the Communist Chinese economy of Mao Tse Tung continues to grow and un-regulated Wall Street douchebags, whose personal wealth is their priority, powering the engine of trickle down economics.
They get dim-witted, middle-aged Alaskan hockey moms as political leaders in exchange for Alaska itself.... because natural beauty, Arctic Wildlife and pristine wilderness at Earth's surface trumps monetary gains to be had below it. And if there is a dispute... it comes down to land mass... Alaska or Texas. That's kind of a no brainer as to who gets which, right?
One side gets Judeo-Christian values based upon redneck interpretations of the Bible who believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. Like the Bible says, 'Fuck thyne poor'.
One side gets a revised version of history, according to the Texas School board... which also validates which side gets Alaska. They also retain the flag... which will either have to delete 25 stars from the blue field or redraw state borders. As well as retaining the name, 'The United States Of America'... which will no longer be 'united' because they are the ones who chose to fragment it. Also, retention of the 'Star-Spangled Banner' as the The National Anthem and "The Battle Hymn of the Republic".
...
The other side gets:
Redistributive taxes. And liberal judges and the ACLU... who, despite their sometimes unpopular stances, try to execute justice blindly and evenly amongst all citizens... even the unpopular ones.
The other side also has to suffer through Oprah, Michael Moore, Shirley McClain and Rosie O'Donnell, but still get to watch 'The Office', 'Law And Order' and Hollywood movies.
This side gets energy sources from wind, solar and biodiesel and will cut ties with oppressive Middle Eastern Monarchies and Governments.
Although they have to face the problem of welfare receipiants, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, drug addicts and illegal aliens these hippies try to provide shelter and food to the homeless and hungry through acts of charity and hope, selflessness and caring... and will look for a humanitarian solution to the Illegal Immigration issue by recognizing that these are humans we are dealing with... not vermin.
They will try to make nice with Iran and Palestine through communication by peaceniks and war protesters who see them as humans, capable of human emotions. Granted, that is new ground and may fail... but, the road well traveled has so far, lead us nowhere. Besides, Iran and the Palestinians will still have a beef with the previous side and their support of oppressive Middle Eastern Monarchies and Governments.
This side accepts Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Scientology, Humanism and all religions as part of religious freedom, as oppose to an All Christian Theocracy. Will use political correctness because ethnic and racial stereotyping is considered hazardous in a diverse society of differing ethnicities and races.
This side will still be a part of the U.N., but will no longer be able to pay the bill and ask that it be headquartered in Europe.
Everyone gets basic healthcare on this side... because those who can afford it can maintain their current level of care... and to the ones who currently don't have any... any care is better than no care. The doctors still get paid, the insurance companies no longer get the money and the power to choose who gets what care.
This side has people in Subaru station wagons, listening to "Imagine". And since it lost the current National Anthem in the divorce settlement, will probably adopt 'America, The Beautiful' as its National Anthem because it conveys the natural beauty of the land and the heart of its people... rather than glorifying rocket's red glare and bombs bursting overhead. It's easier to sing, too.
This side will more than likely dispose of "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", since it was the conception of the Coca-Cola Corporation of its opposition and will completly dump "Kum Ba Ya" and "We Are the World" because everyone agrees, these songs suck ass.
...
Now... before I choose.. I ask... which one of these sides would Jesus, Himself choose? The side that has War, weapons, aggression, vengence, greed, selfishness, indifference and pollution... or the side that has peace, love of thyne enemies, forgiveness, charity, tolerance, acceptance and clean air and water?
I think I'm going to have to side with that hippie, Jesus on this one. After all... He DID walk amongst the poor and down trodden... healing the sick... helping the weak... right? I think He was a pretty cool Guy and I would trust His judgement.

gimmesometruth27

Cosmo wrote:

So... let me get this straight...
I'm a middle of the roader... leaning slight left... at this point in time. So I have to choose a side between:
One that wants war, firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military to invade and hammer places that threaten them. Along with the nasty, smelly oil industry and their continued relationship with Middle Eastern Oil Shieks to power gas-guzzling SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars, capitalism, greedy corporations run by greedy CEO's, pharmaceutical companies to maintain the flow of over prescribed drugs, Wal-Mart to make sure the Communist Chinese economy of Mao Tse Tung continues to grow and un-regulated Wall Street douchebags, whose personal wealth is their priority, powering the engine of trickle down economics.
They get dim-witted, middle-aged Alaskan hockey moms as political leaders in exchange for Alaska itself.... because natural beauty, Arctic Wildlife and pristine wilderness at Earth's surface trumps monetary gains to be had below it. And if there is a dispute... it comes down to land mass... Alaska or Texas. That's kind of a no brainer as to who gets which, right?
One side gets Judeo-Christian values based upon redneck interpretations of the Bible who believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. Like the Bible says, 'Fuck thyne poor'.
One side gets a revised version of history, according to the Texas School board... which also validates which side gets Alaska. They also retain the flag... which will either have to delete 25 stars from the blue field or redraw state borders. As well as retaining the name, 'The United States Of America'... which will no longer be 'united' because they are the ones who chose to fragment it. Also, retention of the 'Star-Spangled Banner' as the The National Anthem and "The Battle Hymn of the Republic".
...
The other side gets:
Redistributive taxes. And liberal judges and the ACLU... who, despite their sometimes unpopular stances, try to execute justice blindly and evenly amongst all citizens... even the unpopular ones.
The other side also has to suffer through Oprah, Michael Moore, Shirley McClain and Rosie O'Donnell, but still get to watch 'The Office', 'Law And Order' and Hollywood movies.
This side gets energy sources from wind, solar and biodiesel and will cut ties with oppressive Middle Eastern Monarchies and Governments.
Although they have to face the problem of welfare receipiants, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, drug addicts and illegal aliens these hippies try to provide shelter and food to the homeless and hungry through acts of charity and hope, selflessness and caring... and will look for a humanitarian solution to the Illegal Immigration issue by recognizing that these are humans we are dealing with... not vermin.
They will try to make nice with Iran and Palestine through communication by peaceniks and war protesters who see them as humans, capable of human emotions. Granted, that is new ground and may fail... but, the road well traveled has so far, lead us nowhere. Besides, Iran and the Palestinians will still have a beef with the previous side and their support of oppressive Middle Eastern Monarchies and Governments.
This side accepts Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Scientology, Humanism and all religions as part of religious freedom, as oppose to an All Christian Theocracy. Will use political correctness because ethnic and racial stereotyping is considered hazardous in a diverse society of differing ethnicities and races.
This side will still be a part of the U.N., but will no longer be able to pay the bill and ask that it be headquartered in Europe.
Everyone gets basic healthcare on this side... because those who can afford it can maintain their current level of care... and to the ones who currently don't have any... any care is better than no care. The doctors still get paid, the insurance companies no longer get the money and the power to choose who gets what care.
This side has people in Subaru station wagons, listening to "Imagine". And since it lost the current National Anthem in the divorce settlement, will probably adopt 'America, The Beautiful' as its National Anthem because it conveys the natural beauty of the land and the heart of its people... rather than glorifying rocket's red glare and bombs bursting overhead. It's easier to sing, too.
This side will more than likely dispose of "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", since it was the conception of the Coca-Cola Corporation of its opposition and will completly dump "Kum Ba Ya" and "We Are the World" because everyone agrees, these songs suck ass.
...
Now... before I choose.. I ask... which one of these sides would Jesus, Himself choose? The side that has War, weapons, aggression, vengence, greed, selfishness, indifference and pollution... or the side that has peace, love of thyne enemies, forgiveness, charity, tolerance, acceptance and clean air and water?
I think I'm going to have to side with that hippie, Jesus on this one. After all... He DID walk amongst the poor and down trodden... healing the sick... helping the weak... right? I think He was a pretty cool Guy and I would trust His judgement.

well stated cosmo, your post should be the official mass email rebuttal to counter the original post...

OnTheEdge

Gotta admit, he did do a fine job. Obviously spent some time with it. But i'll still choose the right.

gimmesometruth27

OnTheEdge wrote:

Gotta admit, he did do a fine job. Obviously spent some time with it. But i'll still choose the right.

he probably wrote it in about 15 minutes. it did not require any thoughts, just listing bullshit right wing fox noise glenn beck and hannity talking points and prejudices and assumptions that we all hear about every day....anybody could have done that..

keeponrockin

Cosmo wrote:

So... let me get this straight...
I'm a middle of the roader... leaning slight left... at this point in time. So I have to choose a side between:
One that wants war, firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military to invade and hammer places that threaten them. Along with the nasty, smelly oil industry and their continued relationship with Middle Eastern Oil Shieks to power gas-guzzling SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars, capitalism, greedy corporations run by greedy CEO's, pharmaceutical companies to maintain the flow of over prescribed drugs, Wal-Mart to make sure the Communist Chinese economy of Mao Tse Tung continues to grow and un-regulated Wall Street douchebags, whose personal wealth is their priority, powering the engine of trickle down economics.
They get dim-witted, middle-aged Alaskan hockey moms as political leaders in exchange for Alaska itself.... because natural beauty, Arctic Wildlife and pristine wilderness at Earth's surface trumps monetary gains to be had below it. And if there is a dispute... it comes down to land mass... Alaska or Texas. That's kind of a no brainer as to who gets which, right?
One side gets Judeo-Christian values based upon redneck interpretations of the Bible who believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. Like the Bible says, 'Fuck thyne poor'.
One side gets a revised version of history, according to the Texas School board... which also validates which side gets Alaska. They also retain the flag... which will either have to delete 25 stars from the blue field or redraw state borders. As well as retaining the name, 'The United States Of America'... which will no longer be 'united' because they are the ones who chose to fragment it. Also, retention of the 'Star-Spangled Banner' as the The National Anthem and "The Battle Hymn of the Republic".
...
The other side gets:
Redistributive taxes. And liberal judges and the ACLU... who, despite their sometimes unpopular stances, try to execute justice blindly and evenly amongst all citizens... even the unpopular ones.
The other side also has to suffer through Oprah, Michael Moore, Shirley McClain and Rosie O'Donnell, but still get to watch 'The Office', 'Law And Order' and Hollywood movies.
This side gets energy sources from wind, solar and biodiesel and will cut ties with oppressive Middle Eastern Monarchies and Governments.
Although they have to face the problem of welfare receipiants, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, drug addicts and illegal aliens these hippies try to provide shelter and food to the homeless and hungry through acts of charity and hope, selflessness and caring... and will look for a humanitarian solution to the Illegal Immigration issue by recognizing that these are humans we are dealing with... not vermin.
They will try to make nice with Iran and Palestine through communication by peaceniks and war protesters who see them as humans, capable of human emotions. Granted, that is new ground and may fail... but, the road well traveled has so far, lead us nowhere. Besides, Iran and the Palestinians will still have a beef with the previous side and their support of oppressive Middle Eastern Monarchies and Governments.
This side accepts Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Scientology, Humanism and all religions as part of religious freedom, as oppose to an All Christian Theocracy. Will use political correctness because ethnic and racial stereotyping is considered hazardous in a diverse society of differing ethnicities and races.
This side will still be a part of the U.N., but will no longer be able to pay the bill and ask that it be headquartered in Europe.
Everyone gets basic healthcare on this side... because those who can afford it can maintain their current level of care... and to the ones who currently don't have any... any care is better than no care. The doctors still get paid, the insurance companies no longer get the money and the power to choose who gets what care.
This side has people in Subaru station wagons, listening to "Imagine". And since it lost the current National Anthem in the divorce settlement, will probably adopt 'America, The Beautiful' as its National Anthem because it conveys the natural beauty of the land and the heart of its people... rather than glorifying rocket's red glare and bombs bursting overhead. It's easier to sing, too.
This side will more than likely dispose of "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", since it was the conception of the Coca-Cola Corporation of its opposition and will completly dump "Kum Ba Ya" and "We Are the World" because everyone agrees, these songs suck ass.
...
Now... before I choose.. I ask... which one of these sides would Jesus, Himself choose? The side that has War, weapons, aggression, vengence, greed, selfishness, indifference and pollution... or the side that has peace, love of thyne enemies, forgiveness, charity, tolerance, acceptance and clean air and water?
I think I'm going to have to side with that hippie, Jesus on this one. After all... He DID walk amongst the poor and down trodden... healing the sick... helping the weak... right? I think He was a pretty cool Guy and I would trust His judgement.

I've said this a million times, but Cosmo -> Nail -> Head

Smellyman

Cosmo wrote:

So... let me get this straight...
I'm a middle of the roader... leaning slight left... at this point in time. So I have to choose a side between:
One that wants war, firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military to invade and hammer places that threaten them. Along with the nasty, smelly oil industry and their continued relationship with Middle Eastern Oil Shieks to power gas-guzzling SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars, capitalism, greedy corporations run by greedy CEO's, pharmaceutical companies to maintain the flow of over prescribed drugs, Wal-Mart to make sure the Communist Chinese economy of Mao Tse Tung continues to grow and un-regulated Wall Street douchebags, whose personal wealth is their priority, powering the engine of trickle down economics.
They get dim-witted, middle-aged Alaskan hockey moms as political leaders in exchange for Alaska itself.... because natural beauty, Arctic Wildlife and pristine wilderness at Earth's surface trumps monetary gains to be had below it. And if there is a dispute... it comes down to land mass... Alaska or Texas. That's kind of a no brainer as to who gets which, right?
One side gets Judeo-Christian values based upon redneck interpretations of the Bible who believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. Like the Bible says, 'Fuck thyne poor'.
One side gets a revised version of history, according to the Texas School board... which also validates which side gets Alaska. They also retain the flag... which will either have to delete 25 stars from the blue field or redraw state borders. As well as retaining the name, 'The United States Of America'... which will no longer be 'united' because they are the ones who chose to fragment it. Also, retention of the 'Star-Spangled Banner' as the The National Anthem and "The Battle Hymn of the Republic".
...
The other side gets:
Redistributive taxes. And liberal judges and the ACLU... who, despite their sometimes unpopular stances, try to execute justice blindly and evenly amongst all citizens... even the unpopular ones.
The other side also has to suffer through Oprah, Michael Moore, Shirley McClain and Rosie O'Donnell, but still get to watch 'The Office', 'Law And Order' and Hollywood movies.
This side gets energy sources from wind, solar and biodiesel and will cut ties with oppressive Middle Eastern Monarchies and Governments.
Although they have to face the problem of welfare receipiants, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, drug addicts and illegal aliens these hippies try to provide shelter and food to the homeless and hungry through acts of charity and hope, selflessness and caring... and will look for a humanitarian solution to the Illegal Immigration issue by recognizing that these are humans we are dealing with... not vermin.
They will try to make nice with Iran and Palestine through communication by peaceniks and war protesters who see them as humans, capable of human emotions. Granted, that is new ground and may fail... but, the road well traveled has so far, lead us nowhere. Besides, Iran and the Palestinians will still have a beef with the previous side and their support of oppressive Middle Eastern Monarchies and Governments.
This side accepts Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Scientology, Humanism and all religions as part of religious freedom, as oppose to an All Christian Theocracy. Will use political correctness because ethnic and racial stereotyping is considered hazardous in a diverse society of differing ethnicities and races.
This side will still be a part of the U.N., but will no longer be able to pay the bill and ask that it be headquartered in Europe.
Everyone gets basic healthcare on this side... because those who can afford it can maintain their current level of care... and to the ones who currently don't have any... any care is better than no care. The doctors still get paid, the insurance companies no longer get the money and the power to choose who gets what care.
This side has people in Subaru station wagons, listening to "Imagine". And since it lost the current National Anthem in the divorce settlement, will probably adopt 'America, The Beautiful' as its National Anthem because it conveys the natural beauty of the land and the heart of its people... rather than glorifying rocket's red glare and bombs bursting overhead. It's easier to sing, too.
This side will more than likely dispose of "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", since it was the conception of the Coca-Cola Corporation of its opposition and will completly dump "Kum Ba Ya" and "We Are the World" because everyone agrees, these songs suck ass.
...
Now... before I choose.. I ask... which one of these sides would Jesus, Himself choose? The side that has War, weapons, aggression, vengence, greed, selfishness, indifference and pollution... or the side that has peace, love of thyne enemies, forgiveness, charity, tolerance, acceptance and clean air and water?
I think I'm going to have to side with that hippie, Jesus on this one. After all... He DID walk amongst the poor and down trodden... healing the sick... helping the weak... right? I think He was a pretty cool Guy and I would trust His judgement.

arq

OnTheEdge wrote:

Gotta admit, he did do a fine job. Obviously spent some time with it. But i'll still choose the right.

Well that's an easy way out, way not take a moment to think and forget about left and right and just take whatever is right for the country, except if you believe that the right is absolutely correct in everything.

Cosmo

OnTheEdge wrote:

Gotta admit, he did do a fine job. Obviously spent some time with it. But i'll still choose the right.

...
Actually, it was pretty simple. I listed out the specified items in the agreement and used simple logic and reasoning to make the comparison to make it easier for me to choose. It didn't take that much time... although I admit, it probably took me longer to come up with my assessment than it took you to cut and paste it.
I didn't come up with specifics such as letting you take Arizona (for obvious political reasons) but we get the Grand Canyon because we think it would be a shame for you to take that grand monument of nature's beauty and allow you to use it as a landfill for your wasteful consumerism. Alaska or Texas was, as I stated, a no brainer.
Anyway, the gist of it is... you propose that we split the union instead of remaining united as one people and try to work out our nation's problem through negotiation, debate and compromise... free to choose what is best for the greater good of all. I know, negotiating and compromise is hard for some and simply not their nature... so, they choose the easy way out. But, sometimes, the easy way is not the best way.
Finallly, the whole thing about the Judeo-Christian values thing was the simplest. Although you claim them as moral values for the side you want to keep... with greed, violence and aggression as central character traits... and tried to imagine what Jesus, himself, would choose. Again... a no brainer.

OnTheEdge

Cosmo wrote:

OnTheEdge wrote:

Gotta admit, he did do a fine job. Obviously spent some time with it. But i'll still choose the right.

...
Actually, it was pretty simple. I listed out the specified items in the agreement and used simple logic and reasoning to make the comparison to make it easier for me to choose. It didn't take that much time... although I admit, it probably took me longer to come up with my assessment than it took you to cut and paste it.
I didn't come up with specifics such as letting you take Arizona (for obvious political reasons) but we get the Grand Canyon because we think it would be a shame for you to take that grand monument of nature's beauty and allow you to use it as a landfill for your wasteful consumerism. Alaska or Texas was, as I stated, a no brainer.
Anyway, the gist of it is... you propose that we split the union instead of remaining united as one people and try to work out our nation's problem through negotiation, debate and compromise... free to choose what is best for the greater good of all. I know, negotiating and compromise is hard for some and simply not their nature... so, they choose the easy way out. But, sometimes, the easy way is not the best way.
Finallly, the whole thing about the Judeo-Christian values thing was the simplest. Although you claim them as moral values for the side you want to keep... with greed, violence and aggression as central character traits... and tried to imagine what Jesus, himself, would choose. Again... a no brainer.

I didn't claim anything Cosmo. I simply got the e-mail, found it amusing and wanted to see how most would react to it. I have the same urge to copy and paste your rebuttal back to the sender but I feel like it might take too much time.

ed243421

OnTheEdge wrote:

Cosmo wrote:

OnTheEdge wrote:

Gotta admit, he did do a fine job. Obviously spent some time with it. But i'll still choose the right.

...
Actually, it was pretty simple. I listed out the specified items in the agreement and used simple logic and reasoning to make the comparison to make it easier for me to choose. It didn't take that much time... although I admit, it probably took me longer to come up with my assessment than it took you to cut and paste it.
I didn't come up with specifics such as letting you take Arizona (for obvious political reasons) but we get the Grand Canyon because we think it would be a shame for you to take that grand monument of nature's beauty and allow you to use it as a landfill for your wasteful consumerism. Alaska or Texas was, as I stated, a no brainer.
Anyway, the gist of it is... you propose that we split the union instead of remaining united as one people and try to work out our nation's problem through negotiation, debate and compromise... free to choose what is best for the greater good of all. I know, negotiating and compromise is hard for some and simply not their nature... so, they choose the easy way out. But, sometimes, the easy way is not the best way.
Finallly, the whole thing about the Judeo-Christian values thing was the simplest. Although you claim them as moral values for the side you want to keep... with greed, violence and aggression as central character traits... and tried to imagine what Jesus, himself, would choose. Again... a no brainer.

I didn't claim anything Cosmo. I simply got the e-mail, found it amusing and wanted to see how most would react to it. I have the same urge to copy and paste your rebuttal back to the sender but I feel like it might take too much time.

actually, you did make a claim, stand up for your true beliefs
unless of course, they are too hard to believe

Conservative/ Liberal Divorce Agreement
by OnTheEdge » 05 Sep 2010 13:30

Gotta admit, he did do a fine job. Obviously spent some time with it. But i'll still choose the right.