What should I do?

Nothingman54

There's this guy I used to be best friends with, I haven't seen him in a few years and haven't hung out with him in 10 years, over the last couple weeks he's tried to kill himself 4 times by taking a bunch of pills. Its obvious its a cry for help or something, 4 times and hes still alive. Part of me feels like maybe I should go talk to him or something and part of me feels like it's none of my buisness and maybe I shouldn't talk to him and hope for the best. We shared many first experiences together growing up. It kills me that he's trying to kill himself. We haven't been friends in 10 years but I still feel an obligation to see if I can help him. But I don't know. What would you do?

Fifthelement

Reach out.

There may not be anything that you can do, but it will cost you nothing but a little bit of time to try and help.

SPEEDY MCCREADY

Fifthelement wrote:

Reach out.

There may not be anything that you can do, but it will cost you nothing but a little bit of time to try and help.

right on........

RKCNDY

That's a really tough situation man...you obviously value whatever friendship you had with the guy. Sure you haven't talked to the guy in years, but who knows, maybe he does not have a close friendship with someone now and needs an outlet. How did you hear about his situation? I think that if maybe you called him and said something like, 'hey, I wanted to know how you were doing, saw/heard blahblahblah made me think about when we were growing up when blahblahblah, we should get some beers/shoot pool/hike' something like that?? Let him know someone is there...just an idea...kinda girly, but I wouldn't come out and say, 'hey heard you were trying to commit suicide' could make him freak...good luck man that's really heavy stuff to deal with...I know.

dcfaithful

Fifthelement wrote:

Reach out.

There may not be anything that you can do, but it will cost you nothing but a little bit of time to try and help.

As I have lost someone dear to me for what is very much suspected to be a suicide, you should definitely answer signs that you are clearly seeing...

As it was said, it will cost you nothing but a bit of time and the effort to really help someone.

stupidbunny

for the several friends ive lost to suicides and alleged suicides...it pains me everyday to think that they died believing that they were alone.... so sometimes all you can do is sit there with them and
just let him know he's not alone...

Jacurutu22

I believe that, in general, suicide is less about a desperate wish to stop living, and more about a desperate wish to stop living "this way", whatever that happens to mean for that person. I spent nearly two decades struggling with suicidal thoughts, though only briefly experienced a genuine compulsion to act on those thoughts. Appropriately enough, it was the song Jeremy that saved me, at least from the brink. Despite ceaseless efforts to correct whatever the problem might have been, it wasn't until I thought of it as a desire to change as drastically as death changes life that I finally overcame that mindset. I found in myself a series of patterns, both of thought and behavior, from which I wanted to escape; it wasn't my life I hated, just the way I lived it. If your friend has only acted out in this way after your relationship faded, it might be possible that he's trying to reconnect with his former self, with older and, presumably, better patterns of thought. There are definitely risks involved, like the possibility of being leaned on too heavily, but I agree that it couldn't really hurt to lend an ear. If your friend is just reaching out toward something more healthy than what he's currently experiencing, and you can be that for him, it's about as big as a person could be in this kind of situation. I say go for it

mookeywrench

You say 'it's an obvious cry for help'....so help

AELARA

mookeywrench wrote:

You say 'it's an obvious cry for help'....so help

I agree. Something that seems totally useless or unimportant to you, may be helpful for your friend. At least you will know that you made an effort.. Good luck to your friend and you..

pandora

When suicide is still considered an option in ones life, and it should not be for the pain it brings others, you need a reason to live.
Disappointment, disconnect, disillusionment in the world, in loved ones, in our selves brings us here.
Finding a purpose, filling the need to belong, realizing worth and value is what may help.
Its hard to imagine what it is like to want to leave this world but if you can put your mind where his is, you may see what his reason to live could be and help him to see it also.
Your goal... to make him understand and feel the pain and guilt it will bring his loved ones, help him believe he is needed by someone, show him he is a valuable loving person and there is hope and a reason to live.
Above all else tell him he will regret leaving but will never regret choosing life. Life is a gift. Having been where he is, if he can come back, this appreciation will live in his heart forever.

iluvcats

how did you find out about the 4 suicide attempts? if someone else told you, did they say he was hospitalized? I'm surprised he was not put in a mental place.

chadwick

mookeywrench wrote:

You say 'it's an obvious cry for help'....so help

yep

catefrances

pandora wrote:

...Above all else tell him he will regret leaving but will never regret choosing life. Life is a gift. Having been where he is, if he can come back, this appreciation will live in his heart forever.

how will he regret it if hes dead?

dunkman

this is probably not one of the times i would advise a punch in the fudd... ergo, I'm shite at this kind of thing and wish you all the best.

pandora

catefrances wrote:

pandora wrote:

...Above all else tell him he will regret leaving but will never regret choosing life. Life is a gift. Having been where he is, if he can come back, this appreciation will live in his heart forever.

how will he regret it if hes dead?

you and I have different beliefs cate, I believe in afterlife, no such thing as dead it is only leaving here

g under p

catefrances wrote:

pandora wrote:

...Above all else tell him he will regret leaving but will never regret choosing life. Life is a gift. Having been where he is, if he can come back, this appreciation will live in his heart forever.

how will he regret it if hes dead?

It appears pandora was speaking of NOT being regretful for choosing to live life. Which is true, how can one not be excited to live life?

As to the OP, I've been there with despondency and I had a friend have a simple half hour talk and snapped me right out of my funk. It happens some years later that same friend a police officer needed my help as he considered taking his life with his service revolver. He called me and I talked him out of his troubles, we talked about our years of softball together and one fight we almost had between us.

My suggestion have a quiet short talk with your old friend, one day he may turn around and help you, one never knows these days.

Peace have great day.

g under p

A song from my favorite album
Grace Under Pressure......Distant Early Warning

An ill wind comes arising
Across the cities of the plain
There's no swimming in the heavy water-
No singing in the acid rain
Red alert
Red alert

It's so hard to stay together
Passing through revolving doors
We need someone to talk to
And someone to sweep the floors-
Incomplete
Incomplete

The world weighs on my shoulders
But what am I to do?
You sometimes drive me crazy-
But I worry about you

I know it makes no difference
To what you're going through
But I see the tip of the iceberg-
And I worry about you...

Cruising under your radar
Watching from satellites
Take a page from the red book-
Keep them in your sights
Red alert
Red alert

Left and rights of passage
Black and whites of youth
Who can face the knowledge
That the truth is not the truth?
Obsolete
Absolute

Absalom
Absalom

the wolf

i would reach out to him. it don't really matter if it's been 10 years.... who knows, your words could be what he needs to hear to turn things around.

good luck.

mysticweed

By all means
go to him
you will regret it
if you don't

fife

First off, this might sound bad but you might not the right person to help him. has he ever reached out to you in 10 years. While i greatly admire you wanting to help a friend, you must also realize that he might not consider you a friend anymore and trying to help him might make him more upset and depressed about himself.

by the way, was he ever placed in a mental health hospital after these attempts? i find it very bizarre (but not surprising) that he remains out on the street after those many attempts in a short period of time.

unlost dogs

If you reach out and he rejects it... you'll know you tried and maybe later he'll come around. If no... you'll know you tried.

If you reach out and he latches on to you... you might need some help with how to deal with him. If you Google "suicide prevention" there are literally dozens of organizations staffed by people who could help you navigate this.

If you don't reach out and you never hear anything more about him... you'll never know. Which might be okay.

If you don't reach out and you hear that he ultimately injured himself catastrophically or was successful in comitting suicide... you may end up questioning yourself forever about the decision not to reach out.

I'm not surprised that someone who's made four attempts to OD with pills is not institutionalized and instead is out in the community. With the cuts in mental health care, insurance and coverage related to mental health, there are a lot of walking wounded out there. People who have made equally, or even more lethal attempts.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Green Circle

Suicidal ideation is a common medical term for thoughts about suicide, which may be as detailed as a formulated plan, without the suicidal act itself. Although most people who undergo suicidal ideation do not commit suicide, some go on to make suicide attempts.

The range of suicidal ideation varies greatly from fleeting to detailed planning, role playing and unsuccessful attempts, which may be deliberately constructed to fail or be discovered, or may be fully intended to succeed.

---

Go and talk to him. I don't believe for a second that it can do any harm. However...should he reject you, You next step is to contact a family member and let them know of his mental state.

Nothingman54

Thanks to everyone for your advise!