Haiku & Briefs

tremors

Ok, not too strict.

I've seen some haiku-like writing come and go on here. I've tried a few concise things of my own but they often seem to get swamped amongst the other strong poetic words and feedback around them.

So I thought I'd try a thread for haiku-like verses. Technically a haiku is said to have 17 syllables, and other rules - but it's not so simple. I thought we could just use this thread for poems of this 'style' - short, sharp, evocative. No rules, other than brevity. Anyone care to join me occasionally? Sometimes I just need to be terse.

You can read more about actual haiku here

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku

Here are some examples from a zen guy called Basho, which I like a lot. Underneath I'll try and post a few of my own short pieces which I kinda liked, but wished they stood out more.


__________________________________________________________________________________________


Basho



None is travelling
Here along this way but I,
This autumn evening.




_______________________________



The first day of the year:
thoughts come - and there is loneliness;
the autumn dusk is here.




_________________________________



Lightning -
Heron's cry
Stabs the darkness



_________________________________



Clouds come from time to time -
and bring to men a chance to rest
from looking at the moon.



___________________________________

tremors

__________________________________________


Haze of rain traversing
at 33 degrees
You can't see the hills, the horizon,
but I can.


___________________________________________


I call your mobile
You're breaking up,
It's always your fault


___________________________________________________




My heart
empty as a core
My mind
sharpened now
in steel.
Razed the temple;
My view
right across the shore.


____________________________________________________

runaway

You are the one
Your words envelope
my soul
Into a new life we begin

tremors

runaway wrote:

You are the one
Your words envelope
my soul
Into a new life we begin

:thumbup: :thumbup:

runaway

You are something
She ain't nothin'
Crystal tears fall down
her porcelalin face

runaway

tremors wrote:

__________________________________________


Haze of rain traversing
at 33 degrees
You can't see the hills, the horizon,
but I can.


___________________________________________


I call your mobile
You're breaking up,
It's always your fault


___________________________________________________




My heart
empty as a core
My mind
sharpened now
in steel.
Razed the temple;
My view
right across the shore.

I like yours too....
____________________________________________________

tremors

runaway wrote:

You are something
She ain't nothin'
Crystal tears fall down
her porcelalin face

very powerful

StillHere

rain falls thunder rolls
the air is thick with ozone
tearful eyes in the window
pray that they're wrong

StillHere

mine is the sky
yours is the heavens above
one day we will meet
on earth

StillHere

smiles fade from faces
blackened clouds subdue the sun
trouble rolling in

StillHere

@Tremors

giant thoughts arrive
words are few but powerful
such is the haiku

Thanks for the idea

I love me some Haiku!

DangDang

If its not haiku
Why use the Haiku title
Why not call this "Briefs"

StillHere

DangDang wrote:

If its not haiku
Why use the Haiku title
Why not call this "Briefs"

or boxers

StillHere

or tightie whities
all bunched up and in my head
boxers, briefs, or haiku

StillHere

seventeen open windows
breezy circles round my head
fans for my soul

tremors

DangDang wrote:

If its not haiku
Why use the Haiku title
Why not call this "Briefs"

DangDang can be trusted
to spoil my fun
She's a hard one to please
I still prefer haiku
to briefs

tremors

StillHere wrote:

mine is the sky
yours is the heavens above
one day we will meet
on earth

You're on a bit of a roll here still-here. Very good!

I think the problem with doing formal haiku is I doubt so many of us here are that knowledgeable about the intricacies of Japanese or the exact tradition. The contemporary haiku-spirit is what we're after - innit? If the purists want to do haiku - I'll happily read them!

StillHere

tremors wrote:

DangDang wrote:

If its not haiku
Why use the Haiku title
Why not call this "Briefs"

DangDang can be trusted
to spoil my fun
She's a hard one to please
I still prefer haiku
to briefs

five seven and five
beauty sorrow pain and joy
we call it haiku

DangDang

tremors wrote:

DangDang wrote:

If its not haiku
Why use the Haiku title
Why not call this "Briefs"

DangDang can be trusted
to spoil my fun
She's a hard one to please
I still prefer haiku
to briefs

Boxers? Them are briefs
Tremors' name is really "Spot"
Names don't mean a thing

That's my sonnet and I'm sticking to they

tremors

Stewing fresh plucked plums,
Pickling (back home) late August
Harder than it looks!

StillHere

tremors wrote:

StillHere wrote:

mine is the sky
yours is the heavens above
one day we will meet
on earth

You're on a bit of a roll here still-here. Very good!

I think the problem with doing formal haiku is I doubt so many of us here are that knowledgeable about the intricacies of Japanese or the exact tradition. The contemporary haiku-spirit is what we're after - innit? If the purists want to do haiku - I'll happily read them!

yes, the traditional japanese style can be complicated...the kigo and kireji....confusing sometimes

thanks for the compliments