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Haiku & Briefs

tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
edited September 2011 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Ok, not too strict.

I've seen some haiku-like writing come and go on here. I've tried a few concise things of my own but they often seem to get swamped amongst the other strong poetic words and feedback around them.

So I thought I'd try a thread for haiku-like verses. Technically a haiku is said to have 17 syllables, and other rules - but it's not so simple. I thought we could just use this thread for poems of this 'style' - short, sharp, evocative. No rules, other than brevity. Anyone care to join me occasionally? Sometimes I just need to be terse.

You can read more about actual haiku here

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku

Here are some examples from a zen guy called Basho, which I like a lot. Underneath I'll try and post a few of my own short pieces which I kinda liked, but wished they stood out more.


__________________________________________________________________________________________


Basho



None is travelling
Here along this way but I,
This autumn evening.




_______________________________



The first day of the year:
thoughts come - and there is loneliness;
the autumn dusk is here.




_________________________________



Lightning -
Heron's cry
Stabs the darkness



_________________________________



Clouds come from time to time -
and bring to men a chance to rest
from looking at the moon.



___________________________________
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Send my credentials to the house of detention

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Comments

  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    __________________________________________


    Haze of rain traversing
    at 33 degrees
    You can't see the hills, the horizon,
    but I can.


    ___________________________________________


    I call your mobile
    You're breaking up,
    It's always your fault


    ___________________________________________________




    My heart
    empty as a core
    My mind
    sharpened now
    in steel.
    Razed the temple;
    My view
    right across the shore.


    ____________________________________________________
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  • runawayrunaway Posts: 427
    You are the one
    Your words envelope
    my soul
    Into a new life we begin
    Music is the universal language
    What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    runaway wrote:
    You are the one
    Your words envelope
    my soul
    Into a new life we begin


    :thumbup: :thumbup:
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

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  • runawayrunaway Posts: 427
    You are something
    She ain't nothin'
    Crystal tears fall down
    her porcelalin face
    Music is the universal language
    What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
  • runawayrunaway Posts: 427
    tremors wrote:
    __________________________________________


    Haze of rain traversing
    at 33 degrees
    You can't see the hills, the horizon,
    but I can.


    ___________________________________________


    I call your mobile
    You're breaking up,
    It's always your fault


    ___________________________________________________




    My heart
    empty as a core
    My mind
    sharpened now
    in steel.
    Razed the temple;
    My view
    right across the shore.

    I like yours too....
    ____________________________________________________
    Music is the universal language
    What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    runaway wrote:
    You are something
    She ain't nothin'
    Crystal tears fall down
    her porcelalin face


    very powerful
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

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  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    rain falls thunder rolls
    the air is thick with ozone
    tearful eyes in the window
    pray that they're wrong
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    mine is the sky
    yours is the heavens above
    one day we will meet
    on earth
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    smiles fade from faces
    blackened clouds subdue the sun
    trouble rolling in
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    @Tremors

    giant thoughts arrive
    words are few but powerful
    such is the haiku

    Thanks for the idea

    I love me some Haiku! :D
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • DangDangDangDang Posts: 1,551
    If its not haiku
    Why use the Haiku title
    Why not call this "Briefs"
  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    DangDang wrote:
    If its not haiku
    Why use the Haiku title
    Why not call this "Briefs"

    or boxers
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    or tightie whities
    all bunched up and in my head
    boxers, briefs, or haiku
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    seventeen open windows
    breezy circles round my head
    fans for my soul
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    DangDang wrote:
    If its not haiku
    Why use the Haiku title
    Why not call this "Briefs"


    DangDang can be trusted
    to spoil my fun
    She's a hard one to please
    I still prefer haiku
    to briefs
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

    lettherecordsplay1x.gif?t=1377796878
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    StillHere wrote:
    mine is the sky
    yours is the heavens above
    one day we will meet
    on earth


    You're on a bit of a roll here still-here. Very good!

    I think the problem with doing formal haiku is I doubt so many of us here are that knowledgeable about the intricacies of Japanese or the exact tradition. The contemporary haiku-spirit is what we're after - innit? If the purists want to do haiku - I'll happily read them!
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

    lettherecordsplay1x.gif?t=1377796878
  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    tremors wrote:
    DangDang wrote:
    If its not haiku
    Why use the Haiku title
    Why not call this "Briefs"


    DangDang can be trusted
    to spoil my fun
    She's a hard one to please
    I still prefer haiku
    to briefs

    five seven and five
    beauty sorrow pain and joy
    we call it haiku
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • DangDangDangDang Posts: 1,551
    tremors wrote:
    DangDang wrote:
    If its not haiku
    Why use the Haiku title
    Why not call this "Briefs"


    DangDang can be trusted
    to spoil my fun
    She's a hard one to please
    I still prefer haiku
    to briefs

    Boxers? Them are briefs
    Tremors' name is really "Spot"
    Names don't mean a thing

    That's my sonnet and I'm sticking to they
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    Stewing fresh plucked plums,
    Pickling (back home) late August
    Harder than it looks!
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

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  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    tremors wrote:
    StillHere wrote:
    mine is the sky
    yours is the heavens above
    one day we will meet
    on earth


    You're on a bit of a roll here still-here. Very good!

    I think the problem with doing formal haiku is I doubt so many of us here are that knowledgeable about the intricacies of Japanese or the exact tradition. The contemporary haiku-spirit is what we're after - innit? If the purists want to do haiku - I'll happily read them!


    yes, the traditional japanese style can be complicated...the kigo and kireji....confusing sometimes

    thanks for the compliments :D
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    Three months,
    June July & August
    never did i change so much
    yesterday seems
    a lifetime away
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

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  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    i love cheesecake too
    oh that's not at all what you said?
    i need a hearing-aid
    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    When you walked in
    with your sleeves rolled down
    and yet
    rubbing your arms
    I always knew
    what was coming next.
    a can of red
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

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  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    Keep on fighting
    Light on the horizon
    Distant lighthouse
    Blinking
    'Keep on living'
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

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  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    tremors wrote:
    Keep on fighting
    Light on the horizon
    Distant lighthouse
    Blinking
    'Keep on living'

    excellent (and great advice too) :D
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    StillHere wrote:
    tremors wrote:
    Keep on fighting
    Light on the horizon
    Distant lighthouse
    Blinking
    'Keep on living'

    excellent (and great advice too) :D


    Had a certain band strongly in mind when I wrote that!
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

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  • StillHereStillHere Posts: 7,795
    can you see me here
    its not me that keeps changing
    the wind blows eastward
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    StillHere wrote:
    can you see me here
    its not me that keeps changing
    the wind blows eastward


    Like it


    A lot!!
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

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  • DangDangDangDang Posts: 1,551
    Once upon a time
    while ever-fencing melons
    Honeydew up dropped
  • DangDangDangDang Posts: 1,551
    Benjamin Franklin
    Didn't invent the gulf stream
    He discovered it
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