What do you say to someone who....
Nothingman54
Posts: 2,251
Has so long to live? Everyone iv known that died died fast, drowning, heart attack, car crash. I'm sure one day a family member will get sick and have so long to live. But what do you say? How do you treat them? When it comes to death I'm real strange about it.
I'll be back
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You treat them the same way you treat them if they aren't ill. Too many times people die sudden and the people remaining say "damn sure wish I would have said..." or "wish I would have..". If you respect and love them and show them they are important to you everyday and you have done the best you can do - they will appreciate it. Think about what you would want others to do or say to you if you were the one ill.
I had a stroke in January and I can tell you that people have been soooooo odd AND sooooo wonderful. They generally don't know what to say so they just kind of stare at me. They treat me like I'm going to have a heart attack if they look at me wrong. They try to protect me from painful information because they don't want to give me something else to worry about... If I have a headache they are ready to dial 911. Honestly, I just wish they would treat me the same as they used to. I'll take care of me. The best thing people did for me was to show me they cared. I didn't realize so many people gave a shit about me. Watching the ways they showed they cared during my recovery made me realize I had not been showing them enough friendship or kindness prior to my stroke. I realized I needed to make a greater effort to let them know I cared about them too.
Ed sings I know I was born and I know that I'll die, the inbetween is mine. I am mine. So true. During my "inbetween" I am making greater efforts to make sure people know they are special to me.
Another favorite line - I had a false belief I thought I came here to stay. We're all just visiting. All just breaking like waves.
Condensed (not from the heart) version:
"I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry to hear this, there's no way I can even comprehend what must be going through your mind ::shed tear:: you know I'll be here if you ever need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on
This was somewhat hard for me when my grandmother died of cancer. She really fought it and tried to keep a positive attitude. It's not that I didn't know what to say to her in general - I just acted normally - but I didn't know whether I should just come out and have the "I want to tell you I love you before you die" talk. I didn't know whether I should just straight-up say, "Look, we both know you're about to die," especially when she was trying to be so positive. Ultimately, I didn't. (I don't know whether that was the right or wrong thing to do.) Of course I told her how much I loved her, but I would have liked to have said so much more.
Just bring it from your heart.
Follow their lead, listen and relax, let your souls connect.
So much to share and learn. Don't forget the hugs, touch is so very comforting.
It is sad but it is life and it is ok to leave this world, something they may already know.
close to 2 months ago i had to tell my mom that she had about 1 month to live. she had very progressive cancer that spread to every part of her body. when i told her my mom already knew just because of the look on my face. it was the hardest thing to do for me. I treated her the way i could. ie as normal as possible. don't hide teh fact that the person is dying but just remember that they are still alive. so everyday, i went to the hospital and we talked about what she did that day which was usually just sleep and we both knew the reason and we were not afraid of it. i didn't think my mom would like to have seen me break down every time i saw her so i did my best. Just remember that this is not about you, so treat that person the way you would want to be treated.
don't know if that helped you more or me.
"what a long, strange trip it's been"