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do not give up

mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
edited December 2010 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
I went to my mother
I need answers please
She barely turned her head
'Maybe so, just not from me"

I went to my father
Will you give me answers
"I've never given you anything
so why start now" he sneers

I went to church
Can you tell me the truth?
"yes, you have been unwelcome here
since you outgrew your youth"

The ocean always comforts
so I went to the sea
Have you any answers?
She said "You are what you seek"

I am my own answer?
I asked with a start
She said "It has been so all along
search deep inside your heart"

But my heart is empty
I cried with regret
"Not so, everything is there daughter
do not give up yet"
fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

"what a long, strange trip it's been"
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • the wolfthe wolf Posts: 7,027
    this is,.... this is really,... REALLY fucking good.

    I'm blown away.
    Peace, Love.

    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    the wolf wrote:
    this is,.... this is really,... REALLY fucking good.

    I'm blown away.

    I am humbled and honored wolf
    thank you so much
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    Stephen Crane, better known for his novels (Red Badge of Courage, Maggie: a girl of the streets) also wrote a little poetry that I have always loved. This reminds me of those works. Check it out if you haven't. Nice job.
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

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  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    eyedclaar wrote:
    Stephen Crane, better known for his novels (Red Badge of Courage, Maggie: a girl of the streets) also wrote a little poetry that I have always loved. This reminds me of those works. Check it out if you haven't. Nice job.

    No I haven't
    any plagiarism is completely unintended
    after a reread, i could hear ed singing the real me
    (sorry who)
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • the wolfthe wolf Posts: 7,027
    Ehh... I rip people off all the time without knowing. I went to play a song that i wrote a year ago for someone, and realized it was a complete rip off of "tender years" from the Eddie and the Cruisers soundtrack about halfway through the second verse. it happens. :oops:
    Peace, Love.

    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    lettinggo wrote:
    eyedclaar wrote:
    Stephen Crane, better known for his novels (Red Badge of Courage, Maggie: a girl of the streets) also wrote a little poetry that I have always loved. This reminds me of those works. Check it out if you haven't. Nice job.

    No I haven't
    any plagiarism is completely unintended
    after a reread, i could hear ed singing the real me
    (sorry who)

    For the record, I am not suggesting this is in any way ripped off. Just reminded me of some great material.
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    eyedclaar wrote:
    lettinggo wrote:
    eyedclaar wrote:
    Stephen Crane, better known for his novels (Red Badge of Courage, Maggie: a girl of the streets) also wrote a little poetry that I have always loved. This reminds me of those works. Check it out if you haven't. Nice job.

    No I haven't
    any plagiarism is completely unintended
    after a reread, i could hear ed singing the real me
    (sorry who)

    For the record, I am not suggesting this is in any way ripped off. Just reminded me of some great material.
    easy fella
    tongue in cheek
    tongue in cheek
    for the record, i took your comment as a compliment
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • Godfather.Godfather. Posts: 12,504
    LG I don't know what to say, all I can say is you rock !!! XLNT WRITE !

    Godfather.
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    Godfather. wrote:
    LG I don't know what to say, all I can say is you rock !!! XLNT WRITE !

    Godfather.

    too kind,gf
    (but i do rock)
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • Godfather.Godfather. Posts: 12,504
    lettinggo wrote:
    Godfather. wrote:
    LG I don't know what to say, all I can say is you rock !!! XLNT WRITE !

    Godfather.

    too kind,gf
    (but i do rock)

    yea ya do darlin !


    Godfather.
  • DangDangDangDang Posts: 1,551
    Seriously, serious goosebumps!
  • DangDangDangDang Posts: 1,551
    Seriously,

    that is text-book, required reading material.
  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    lettinggo wrote:
    easy fella
    tongue in cheek
    tongue in cheek
    for the record, i took your comment as a compliment

    Easy? EASY?!? Why, I'm...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqdan_NA0iA
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    eyedclaar wrote:
    lettinggo wrote:
    easy fella
    tongue in cheek
    tongue in cheek
    for the record, i took your comment as a compliment

    Easy? EASY?!? Why, I'm...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqdan_NA0iA

    Well,
    all right then
    yes, you always have come across like a sunday morning
    to me
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    DangDang wrote:
    Seriously, serious goosebumps!

    hey there dd
    see you made your 4 digit mark

    ps glad you liked it
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • runawayrunaway Posts: 427
    lettinggo wrote:
    I went to my mother
    I need answers please
    She barely turned her head
    'Maybe so, just not from me"

    I went to my father
    Will you give me answers
    "I've never given you anything
    so why start now" he sneers

    I went to church
    Can you tell me the truth?
    "yes, you have been unwelcome here
    since you outgrew your youth"

    I always feel comfort in the ocean
    so I went to the sea
    Have you any answers?
    She said "You are what you seek"

    I am my own answer?
    I asked with a start
    She said "It has been all along
    search deep inside your heart"

    But my heart is empty
    I cried with regret
    "Not so, everything is there daughter
    do not give up yet"


    thank you for this....it hits home
    Music is the universal language
    What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    runaway wrote:
    lettinggo wrote:
    I went to my mother
    I need answers please
    She barely turned her head
    'Maybe so, just not from me"

    I went to my father
    Will you give me answers
    "I've never given you anything
    so why start now" he sneers

    I went to church
    Can you tell me the truth?
    "yes, you have been unwelcome here
    since you outgrew your youth"

    I always feel comfort in the ocean
    so I went to the sea
    Have you any answers?
    She said "You are what you seek"

    I am my own answer?
    I asked with a start
    She said "It has been all along
    search deep inside your heart"

    But my heart is empty
    I cried with regret
    "Not so, everything is there daughter
    do not give up yet"


    thank you for this....it hits home

    Thank YOU
    how are you
    better??
    (I was loopless for a few days)
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    lettinggo wrote:
    I went to my mother
    I need answers please
    She barely turned her head
    'Maybe so, just not from me"

    I went to my father
    Will you give me answers
    "I've never given you anything
    so why start now" he sneers

    I went to church
    Can you tell me the truth?
    "yes, you have been unwelcome here
    since you outgrew your youth"

    The ocean always comforts
    so I went to the sea
    Have you any answers?
    She said "You are what you seek"

    I am my own answer?
    I asked with a start
    She said "It has been all along
    search deep inside your heart"

    But my heart is empty
    I cried with regret
    "Not so, everything is there daughter
    do not give up yet"


    Has the feel of a 'parable', or one of the zen anecdotes I love so much. There is a lot in there to digest, and like others have said, technically excellent (I enjoy it most for the 'spirit' though). deep. One for reading over.... Thx
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

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  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    tremors wrote:
    lettinggo wrote:
    I went to my mother
    I need answers please
    She barely turned her head
    'Maybe so, just not from me"

    I went to my father
    Will you give me answers
    "I've never given you anything
    so why start now" he sneers

    I went to church
    Can you tell me the truth?
    "yes, you have been unwelcome here
    since you outgrew your youth"

    The ocean always comforts
    so I went to the sea
    Have you any answers?
    She said "You are what you seek"

    I am my own answer?
    I asked with a start
    She said "It has been all along
    search deep inside your heart"

    But my heart is empty
    I cried with regret
    "Not so, everything is there daughter
    do not give up yet"


    Has the feel of a 'parable', or one of the zen anecdotes I love so much. There is a lot in there to digest, and like others have said, technically excellent (I enjoy it most for the 'spirit' though). deep. One for reading over.... Thx

    thank YOU
    every word is autobiographical
    except for the last
    to let it end
    with yet
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    It seems sometimes we can gain protection when writing from a difficult place through a strong structure. This seems the case here. You are right, there is an echo of 'the real me' in there I noticed second time around. Not damaging though, rather - adds some rhythm. I've been finding myself writing with my headphones on a lot recently, and also noticing phrases and rhythms coming in from the songs I have playing. It's kind of helpful to me - cos I am generally not good at keeping any structure to my words. The tunes and melodies seem to help - and the advantage of pure text - they are harder for others to guess and hear!!

    Musings.......I saw an anthology in the shop of 'the poetic form' - wish I' bought it. Looked very interesting collection. Will try and look it up later- then will probably be able to tell you why I thought of it!!
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

    lettherecordsplay1x.gif?t=1377796878
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    well done
    and yes it is all there inside of you
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    chadwick wrote:
    well done
    and yes it is all there inside of you

    NOW
    i am content
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    lettinggo wrote:
    chadwick wrote:
    well done
    and yes it is all there inside of you

    NOW
    i am content
    hey, thank you.
    that is nice of you.
    it is really a great piece.
    thank you for your talent.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    chadwick wrote:
    lettinggo wrote:
    chadwick wrote:
    well done
    and yes it is all there inside of you

    NOW
    i am content
    hey, thank you.
    that is nice of you.
    it is really a great piece.
    thank you for your talent.

    talent schmalent
    i am way too left brained to have talent
    creativity eludes me 99% of the time
    once in a while i get lucky
    (and sometimes i write :o )
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    lettinggo wrote:
    talent schmalent
    i am way too left brained to have talent
    creativity eludes me 99% of the time
    once in a while i get lucky
    (and sometimes i write :o )
    ok... i understand
    talent schmalent
    at least you didn't kick me.

    i'd have kicked someone if they said to me "thank you for your talent"
    whamo, ninja poetry
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • tremorstremors Posts: 8,051
    Here's the book I saw I thought looked interesting - 'The Making of a Poem' - A Norton Anthology of Poetic Forms'

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Making-Poem-Nor ... 0393321789

    Your poem made me remember it lettinggo

    Goes through, explains and (most importantly) features lots of poetry written using different forms and structures. Seemed to have some nice stuff in, regardless of the focus on the form
    This anthology illuminates the history, practice, and wonder of our most elusive art, poetry. Intended for all those who love poetry, including teachers, readers, writers, and students, the book should be valued by those who feel that an understanding of form-sonnet, ballad, villanelle, and sestina would enhance their appreciation of poetry, but are daunted by the terms, the names, and the histories of various poetic forms. The anthology draws the reader in, by example and explanation, to the excitement and entertainment of these forms. It explains their origins, traces their development, and shows examples from the past and present. In a feature called "the form at a glance" the reader can try his or her own hand writing a particular form. Included are essays by each of the editors describing their own personal journeys toward a form for their poetic voice. Above all, this anthology shows that poetic form is a continuing adventure.

    I quite liked the way it was presented - and coming from someone who has little respect for structures!!
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

    lettherecordsplay1x.gif?t=1377796878
  • tchaliztchaliz Posts: 37
    "Not so, everything is there daughter
    do not give up yet"

    You are not empty, or you would not be writing;
    Everyhing is there and it hurts, it sure does, but , please don't let no one make you think you are empty;
    T.
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    tchaliz wrote:
    "Not so, everything is there daughter
    do not give up yet"

    You are not empty, or you would not be writing;
    Everyhing is there and it hurts, it sure does, but , please don't let no one make you think you are empty;
    T.

    Thanks, T
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • DangDangDangDang Posts: 1,551
    lettinggo wrote:
    chadwick wrote:
    well done
    and yes it is all there inside of you

    NOW
    i am content

    You mean you found the answer inside of you?***
    Your "yet" is fulfilled then?
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    DangDang wrote:
    lettinggo wrote:
    chadwick wrote:
    well done
    and yes it is all there inside of you

    NOW
    i am content

    You mean you found the answer inside of you?***
    Your "yet" is fulfilled then?

    I have simply acclimated myself to not knowing
    and found some joy in believing that no one else knows either
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
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