do not give up

mysticweed
mysticweed Posts: 3,710
edited December 2010 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
I went to my mother
I need answers please
She barely turned her head
'Maybe so, just not from me"

I went to my father
Will you give me answers
"I've never given you anything
so why start now" he sneers

I went to church
Can you tell me the truth?
"yes, you have been unwelcome here
since you outgrew your youth"

The ocean always comforts
so I went to the sea
Have you any answers?
She said "You are what you seek"

I am my own answer?
I asked with a start
She said "It has been so all along
search deep inside your heart"

But my heart is empty
I cried with regret
"Not so, everything is there daughter
do not give up yet"
fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

"what a long, strange trip it's been"
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • the wolf
    the wolf Posts: 7,027
    this is,.... this is really,... REALLY fucking good.

    I'm blown away.
    Peace, Love.

    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • mysticweed
    mysticweed Posts: 3,710
    the wolf wrote:
    this is,.... this is really,... REALLY fucking good.

    I'm blown away.

    I am humbled and honored wolf
    thank you so much
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    Stephen Crane, better known for his novels (Red Badge of Courage, Maggie: a girl of the streets) also wrote a little poetry that I have always loved. This reminds me of those works. Check it out if you haven't. Nice job.
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  • mysticweed
    mysticweed Posts: 3,710
    eyedclaar wrote:
    Stephen Crane, better known for his novels (Red Badge of Courage, Maggie: a girl of the streets) also wrote a little poetry that I have always loved. This reminds me of those works. Check it out if you haven't. Nice job.

    No I haven't
    any plagiarism is completely unintended
    after a reread, i could hear ed singing the real me
    (sorry who)
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • the wolf
    the wolf Posts: 7,027
    Ehh... I rip people off all the time without knowing. I went to play a song that i wrote a year ago for someone, and realized it was a complete rip off of "tender years" from the Eddie and the Cruisers soundtrack about halfway through the second verse. it happens. :oops:
    Peace, Love.

    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    lettinggo wrote:
    eyedclaar wrote:
    Stephen Crane, better known for his novels (Red Badge of Courage, Maggie: a girl of the streets) also wrote a little poetry that I have always loved. This reminds me of those works. Check it out if you haven't. Nice job.

    No I haven't
    any plagiarism is completely unintended
    after a reread, i could hear ed singing the real me
    (sorry who)

    For the record, I am not suggesting this is in any way ripped off. Just reminded me of some great material.
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • mysticweed
    mysticweed Posts: 3,710
    eyedclaar wrote:
    lettinggo wrote:
    eyedclaar wrote:
    Stephen Crane, better known for his novels (Red Badge of Courage, Maggie: a girl of the streets) also wrote a little poetry that I have always loved. This reminds me of those works. Check it out if you haven't. Nice job.

    No I haven't
    any plagiarism is completely unintended
    after a reread, i could hear ed singing the real me
    (sorry who)

    For the record, I am not suggesting this is in any way ripped off. Just reminded me of some great material.
    easy fella
    tongue in cheek
    tongue in cheek
    for the record, i took your comment as a compliment
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • Godfather.
    Godfather. Posts: 12,504
    LG I don't know what to say, all I can say is you rock !!! XLNT WRITE !

    Godfather.
  • mysticweed
    mysticweed Posts: 3,710
    Godfather. wrote:
    LG I don't know what to say, all I can say is you rock !!! XLNT WRITE !

    Godfather.

    too kind,gf
    (but i do rock)
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • Godfather.
    Godfather. Posts: 12,504
    lettinggo wrote:
    Godfather. wrote:
    LG I don't know what to say, all I can say is you rock !!! XLNT WRITE !

    Godfather.

    too kind,gf
    (but i do rock)

    yea ya do darlin !


    Godfather.
  • DangDang
    DangDang Posts: 1,551
    Seriously, serious goosebumps!
  • DangDang
    DangDang Posts: 1,551
    Seriously,

    that is text-book, required reading material.
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    lettinggo wrote:
    easy fella
    tongue in cheek
    tongue in cheek
    for the record, i took your comment as a compliment

    Easy? EASY?!? Why, I'm...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqdan_NA0iA
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • mysticweed
    mysticweed Posts: 3,710
    eyedclaar wrote:
    lettinggo wrote:
    easy fella
    tongue in cheek
    tongue in cheek
    for the record, i took your comment as a compliment

    Easy? EASY?!? Why, I'm...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqdan_NA0iA

    Well,
    all right then
    yes, you always have come across like a sunday morning
    to me
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • mysticweed
    mysticweed Posts: 3,710
    DangDang wrote:
    Seriously, serious goosebumps!

    hey there dd
    see you made your 4 digit mark

    ps glad you liked it
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • runaway
    runaway Posts: 427
    lettinggo wrote:
    I went to my mother
    I need answers please
    She barely turned her head
    'Maybe so, just not from me"

    I went to my father
    Will you give me answers
    "I've never given you anything
    so why start now" he sneers

    I went to church
    Can you tell me the truth?
    "yes, you have been unwelcome here
    since you outgrew your youth"

    I always feel comfort in the ocean
    so I went to the sea
    Have you any answers?
    She said "You are what you seek"

    I am my own answer?
    I asked with a start
    She said "It has been all along
    search deep inside your heart"

    But my heart is empty
    I cried with regret
    "Not so, everything is there daughter
    do not give up yet"


    thank you for this....it hits home
    Music is the universal language
    What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
  • mysticweed
    mysticweed Posts: 3,710
    runaway wrote:
    lettinggo wrote:
    I went to my mother
    I need answers please
    She barely turned her head
    'Maybe so, just not from me"

    I went to my father
    Will you give me answers
    "I've never given you anything
    so why start now" he sneers

    I went to church
    Can you tell me the truth?
    "yes, you have been unwelcome here
    since you outgrew your youth"

    I always feel comfort in the ocean
    so I went to the sea
    Have you any answers?
    She said "You are what you seek"

    I am my own answer?
    I asked with a start
    She said "It has been all along
    search deep inside your heart"

    But my heart is empty
    I cried with regret
    "Not so, everything is there daughter
    do not give up yet"


    thank you for this....it hits home

    Thank YOU
    how are you
    better??
    (I was loopless for a few days)
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • tremors
    tremors Posts: 8,051
    lettinggo wrote:
    I went to my mother
    I need answers please
    She barely turned her head
    'Maybe so, just not from me"

    I went to my father
    Will you give me answers
    "I've never given you anything
    so why start now" he sneers

    I went to church
    Can you tell me the truth?
    "yes, you have been unwelcome here
    since you outgrew your youth"

    The ocean always comforts
    so I went to the sea
    Have you any answers?
    She said "You are what you seek"

    I am my own answer?
    I asked with a start
    She said "It has been all along
    search deep inside your heart"

    But my heart is empty
    I cried with regret
    "Not so, everything is there daughter
    do not give up yet"


    Has the feel of a 'parable', or one of the zen anecdotes I love so much. There is a lot in there to digest, and like others have said, technically excellent (I enjoy it most for the 'spirit' though). deep. One for reading over.... Thx
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

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  • mysticweed
    mysticweed Posts: 3,710
    tremors wrote:
    lettinggo wrote:
    I went to my mother
    I need answers please
    She barely turned her head
    'Maybe so, just not from me"

    I went to my father
    Will you give me answers
    "I've never given you anything
    so why start now" he sneers

    I went to church
    Can you tell me the truth?
    "yes, you have been unwelcome here
    since you outgrew your youth"

    The ocean always comforts
    so I went to the sea
    Have you any answers?
    She said "You are what you seek"

    I am my own answer?
    I asked with a start
    She said "It has been all along
    search deep inside your heart"

    But my heart is empty
    I cried with regret
    "Not so, everything is there daughter
    do not give up yet"


    Has the feel of a 'parable', or one of the zen anecdotes I love so much. There is a lot in there to digest, and like others have said, technically excellent (I enjoy it most for the 'spirit' though). deep. One for reading over.... Thx

    thank YOU
    every word is autobiographical
    except for the last
    to let it end
    with yet
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • tremors
    tremors Posts: 8,051
    It seems sometimes we can gain protection when writing from a difficult place through a strong structure. This seems the case here. You are right, there is an echo of 'the real me' in there I noticed second time around. Not damaging though, rather - adds some rhythm. I've been finding myself writing with my headphones on a lot recently, and also noticing phrases and rhythms coming in from the songs I have playing. It's kind of helpful to me - cos I am generally not good at keeping any structure to my words. The tunes and melodies seem to help - and the advantage of pure text - they are harder for others to guess and hear!!

    Musings.......I saw an anthology in the shop of 'the poetic form' - wish I' bought it. Looked very interesting collection. Will try and look it up later- then will probably be able to tell you why I thought of it!!
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

    lettherecordsplay1x.gif?t=1377796878

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