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widows and widowers...

lavalounge2000lavalounge2000 Posts: 24
edited July 2010 in All Encompassing Trip
Fellow Jammers,

My wife died suddenly this January of Cardiomyopathy. We had a shared a lot of good Perl Jam moments. In fact when we first met we tried to get into the Dobbs show in Philly but it was packed. We ended up seeing them many other times. In 98 we were lucky to get front row and she caught Eddies Cold. In 2000 we went with my unborn son in her belly. Pearl Jam was always with us on car rides and at home. 2009 we had Backspacer in the car and we all would sing Just Breath. The song now haunts me. I would have to turn the radio off if it came on, my boys knew that this song made me cry, in fact I am tearing up now. Only with in the last month, 4th of July to be exact, I started to listen to pearl jam again. Thats because PJ's cover of Harvest Moon (our song) came on my 9 year old said leave it on. It makes me think of Mom...So me and my 2 boys sat and listed both laughing and crying at the same time. After that they wanted to hear the 10 CD. It is still very hard listening to PJ for many reasons. Today is the first day I returned to the forum which used to be part of my daily ritual. New meanings for my new life with out my Jam partner. I even thought of canceling my membership as it was due 2 weeks after she died. I did renew thinking that the one day I may want to go I would need my low number and be even more sad. On day when the boys get older I will take them, at least that is my thought now...

So now I think there has to be some fellow Jammers who have been through loss. Its hard being a young widow and trying to find others with the same likes to talk to. Most people die old so the support groups I find are older folk. If anyone wants to share please drop me a line I could use some good vibes these days...

Thanks for letting me ramble...
Lava Frank
Its nice to be nice to the nice.

Frank Burns
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • 8181 Posts: 58,276
    not much i can say except welcome back to the forums and wish you well as you move on down the street of life. enjoy the present, remember the past and look forward to the future.
    81 is now off the air

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  • JOEJOEJOEJOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,483
    Welcome back.

    I hope one day that what haunts you will instead bring back happy memories.
  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    I am truly sorry, brother. I can't even imagine how I would go on... except that I am sure she would want me to. Try to remember that and all the good times. Peace.
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

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  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,262
    I'm very sorry to hear about your wife. All good vibes are sent your way.

    Sometimes the tone of condolence messages must be structured around empathy and calm.

    However, it sounds like your wife ROCKED!!!!! All 4 of you probably sang and danced to a great rock band together, eh? What beautiful experiences to teach your children!

    Welcome back, Lava Frank.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    I hope Pearl Jam can bring you the joy it once did, your wife would want this.
    Your boys need this to have her spirit close and her spirit lives on in PJ music.
    I hope it will comfort you all and wrap you in beautiful memories filled with love.
    I'm glad you decided to come back to the board there are friends to help you.
    God rest her soul and I hope you and the boys find peace soon.
  • nuffingmannuffingman Posts: 3,014
    Extremely sorry for yours and your boy's loss. Hopefully in the not too distant future all the memories of her will make you all smile.
  • polaris_xpolaris_x Posts: 13,559
    my good friend is going through something similar ... know that it probably won't get any easier and that it's ok to feel sad ... we may not know exactly what you are going through but we can all empathize and when you express your thoughts on here ... many of us will be listening (reading) ...
  • mfc2006mfc2006 Posts: 37,412
    wow...so sorry to hear about your loss. i can't begin to imagine what you're going through & the mere thought of losing my wife scares me and makes me so sad. if you need someone to vent to, just let me know. you & your boys will be in my prayers.

    Matt
    I LOVE MUSIC.
    www.cluthelee.com
    www.cluthe.com
  • UpSideDownUpSideDown Posts: 1,966
    One day at a time..............

    All the best to you and your boys.
  • unlost dogsunlost dogs Posts: 12,553
    I haven't been where you are, but it sounds like you're putting one foot in front of the other and making your way through this with your boys. Your wife sounds like a really cool person...

    I'm glad you're back.
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • Kilgore_TroutKilgore_Trout Posts: 7,334
    It would be so easy to become cynical in your situation but it sounds like you've been able to stay strong for your sons... I honestly can't even imagine how hard it must be... I just recently lost my first true love to a break up and that has been more than I can bear... your story really puts things in perspective

    All condolences that come to mind probably sound cliche from anyone that hasn't lived it... but... you were lucky to have the time you had together, you are lucky to have sons as a constant reminder of your love, and there must be some method to all this madness (whether you're a religious man or not)

    you have my sympathies... WELCOME BACK! :)
    "Senza speme vivemo in disio"

    http://seanbriceart.com/
  • lavalounge2000lavalounge2000 Posts: 24
    Thanks all...I am more of a lurker but do check the boards regularly...

    Its like grief is in waves it hits and you ride it out. The waves still come but it is not the tsunami it was during the first 2 months. Its all the firsts that hit, the boys birthday, hitting 6 months gone, and this Friday would have been our 16 yr wedding anniversary. So I will celebrate with my boys making their favorite grill food and break out all the old cassettes of our PJ early shows and just melt in the sun. A little lemon cello will be consumed as that was her favorite. Thanks all for understanding and sharing its good to vent
    Its nice to be nice to the nice.

    Frank Burns
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