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THE HIGH 5: PEARL JAM FANS LIVE
The team here at gremmie.net (goof & gremmie) have been fans of Pearl Jam since 1992. We’ve been to less than 35 shows combined. We only own a couple of posters between us. One of us has a kid. One is married. Neither of us own a vinyl copy of Benaroya Hall. Only one of us is a member of the TenClub. On average, I’d say we’re pretty normal Pearl Jam fans. Below you’ll find the top 5 Pearl Jam fans you’ll run into at a show.
The Elitist
If you’re reading this, there’s a chance you are this; if not explicitly, you’re one of their close cousins, such as The Collector (must have it all). The Elitist, at a show, is visibly perturbed the band doesn’t respond to his “Play Puzzles and Games!! ZOMG!!1″ sign. You may even see him pout. This, of course, is not only because the band didn’t validate his self-annointed sense of specialness but because he is certain “Puzzles and Games” is better than “Light Years”. And if you think otherwise, you’re wrong. Why are you wrong? Because The Elitist has been a fan longer than you and his TenClub number is 3,xxx; which he will undoubtedly namecheck as he “schools” you on the historical significance of the “Birdman Sessions” leak. He’s heard Pearl Jam songs you never knew existed. “Cold Concession”? Heard it, hated it. “2×4″? It’s shit. He even knows better than the band, though would never claim it outright. But if he could just get 5 minutes with Ed, he’d be able to explain what they’re doing wrong. He trolls Synergy and The Sky I Scrape forums looking for loopholes to exploit in people’s lazy online logic on topics like the pedal-board Mike uses or why the best Track 4 from any album is “Given to Fly”. The Elitist bugs us most because they’re exclusive and their opinions are grounded less in fact than deranged fiction. They’re Jack Black in High Fidelity with a sprinkle of Matt Dillon from Singles. We at gremmie.net try to take the wind out of their snobby sails by leveling the playing field and giving everyone access to as much Pearl Jam as possible. If we have it, so do you.
The Ten-er
Ten was Pearl Jam’s best album, or so proclaims the Ten-er. Having listened to nothing beyond Vitalogy (which was “the band’s last good album”), this archetype stares at you blankly when you ask if he’s heard of No Code. “No Code? Isn’t that their slow album?”. Slow indeed. He hopped on the bandwagon when Ten hit big, rode the populous wave until 1995, then skipped town on a horse named “Limp Bizkit“. The Ten-er is often accompanied by The Girlfriend (see below) which, at a show, can be fiercely irritating. Between them the three most common phrases you overhear are, “Play Betterman!”, “I don’t know this song, maybe it’s a new one.” (during Crown of Thorns), and “This is my favorite song off Ten!” (during MFC).
The Stoner
This type of fan was a Dead Head in the 60’s, a disco king in the 70’s, and a Metallica fan in the 80’s; dedicated, but primarily in it for the subterranean community. Going to a show requires a Santeria-esque series of rituals that include a circular cocktail of booze and drugs. Even before the first note is played, The Stoner is blitzed out of his mind. No slouch, they usually light up during the show too, blowing smoke in your face (though not purposely). Their brain functions in synapses, like a string of Christmas lights that blink every five minutes. So, communication is spotty in the event you want the guy to take it down a notch. Picture yourself speaking mostly in Latin, but every 10 words comes out in English. That’s how the Stoner hears you. Blah blah blah blah blah blah please stop blah blah blah blah blah blah choking…you get the idea.
The Family Man
The Family Man is a joy to sit next to insofar as his kid is happy to be there. Goof and gremmie have only had good experiences with this genre of fan. In fact, at MSG II in 2010 we had the pleasure of sitting right behind this(link) kid and his Dad, X. The kid’s name is Griffin, aged 12?, and his excitement was palpable. It was his first show and his Dad made good on bringing him. Their father-son comraderie was at once both totally awesome and poignant. The show was better because of this scene. The Family Man is also The Top of the 9th Deserter. Let me explain. As a parent (ask Goof), you can’t always stay until the end. With kids, you need to bail early to beat traffic and get home at a reasonable hour because the kid has school the next day and as the parent you’re cool, but not THAT cool. As such, you leave at the Top of the 9th (see also: after the first encore) in order to be responsible and set a good example. The familial demographic of Pearl Jam fans is slowly shifting; these guys will shortly become the majority. Cheers to The Family Man!
The Girlfriend
Fortunately neither goof or gremmie have dated The Girlfriend, but we’ve known people who have and we never had the heart to say anything. Indeed, that makes us enablers. The Girlfriend is perpetually bored and will spend the entire show cheeks to seat unless she hears the opening verse to either Elderly Woman, Betterman, or Last Kiss. Even then, she’ll slowly stand, barely excited, and tacitly sing along. If none of these songs are played before the first encore she’ll complain to her boyfriend (who really should have brought a fan) that she wants to leave. What may get a rise out of the The Girlfriend is if Black is played – because that song was written for her, and if only the whole world understood her pain the way Eddie did when he wrote Black, her inability to truly love wouldn’t be so misunderstood. If you’re in New York, this means she’ll want to go to La Esquina for a late dinner and then Pianos on the Lower East Side for a drink and “cool” music. Of note: The Girlfriend is always disproportionately better looking than the pile of chum she’s with.
For posterity, gremmie most closely resembles the Elitist subset called “The Collector” and Goof is “The Family Man” (though he did date a girl once who was “The Girlfriend” material). Also, the High 5 will be published once a month from here on in; as much fun as it is to conjure up ideas, neither goof nor gremmie consistently have the time to write the High 5 every 2 weeks without the quality slipping.
http://www.gremmie.net/?p=1449
I remember when Ten-er cut me off, telling me he is there just for the old stuff, and I was like, what! why? I didn't know that species before.
Or the guy behind me complaining: 'They never play Betterman'. After In My Tree! (elitist)
I was kind of elitist on my first show. Now I realise I was an ass.
THE HIGH 5: PEARL JAM FANS LIVE
The team here at gremmie.net (goof & gremmie) have been fans of Pearl Jam since 1992. We’ve been to less than 35 shows combined. We only own a couple of posters between us. One of us has a kid. One is married. Neither of us own a vinyl copy of Benaroya Hall. Only one of us is a member of the TenClub. On average, I’d say we’re pretty normal Pearl Jam fans. Below you’ll find the top 5 Pearl Jam fans you’ll run into at a show.
The Elitist
If you’re reading this, there’s a chance you are this; if not explicitly, you’re one of their close cousins, such as The Collector (must have it all). The Elitist, at a show, is visibly perturbed the band doesn’t respond to his “Play Puzzles and Games!! ZOMG!!1″ sign. You may even see him pout. This, of course, is not only because the band didn’t validate his self-annointed sense of specialness but because he is certain “Puzzles and Games” is better than “Light Years”. And if you think otherwise, you’re wrong. Why are you wrong? Because The Elitist has been a fan longer than you and his TenClub number is 3,xxx; which he will undoubtedly namecheck as he “schools” you on the historical significance of the “Birdman Sessions” leak. He’s heard Pearl Jam songs you never knew existed. “Cold Concession”? Heard it, hated it. “2×4″? It’s shit. He even knows better than the band, though would never claim it outright. But if he could just get 5 minutes with Ed, he’d be able to explain what they’re doing wrong. He trolls Synergy and The Sky I Scrape forums looking for loopholes to exploit in people’s lazy online logic on topics like the pedal-board Mike uses or why the best Track 4 from any album is “Given to Fly”. The Elitist bugs us most because they’re exclusive and their opinions are grounded less in fact than deranged fiction. They’re Jack Black in High Fidelity with a sprinkle of Matt Dillon from Singles. We at gremmie.net try to take the wind out of their snobby sails by leveling the playing field and giving everyone access to as much Pearl Jam as possible. If we have it, so do you.
The Ten-er
Ten was Pearl Jam’s best album, or so proclaims the Ten-er. Having listened to nothing beyond Vitalogy (which was “the band’s last good album”), this archetype stares at you blankly when you ask if he’s heard of No Code. “No Code? Isn’t that their slow album?”. Slow indeed. He hopped on the bandwagon when Ten hit big, rode the populous wave until 1995, then skipped town on a horse named “Limp Bizkit“. The Ten-er is often accompanied by The Girlfriend (see below) which, at a show, can be fiercely irritating. Between them the three most common phrases you overhear are, “Play Betterman!”, “I don’t know this song, maybe it’s a new one.” (during Crown of Thorns), and “This is my favorite song off Ten!” (during MFC).
The Stoner
This type of fan was a Dead Head in the 60’s, a disco king in the 70’s, and a Metallica fan in the 80’s; dedicated, but primarily in it for the subterranean community. Going to a show requires a Santeria-esque series of rituals that include a circular cocktail of booze and drugs. Even before the first note is played, The Stoner is blitzed out of his mind. No slouch, they usually light up during the show too, blowing smoke in your face (though not purposely). Their brain functions in synapses, like a string of Christmas lights that blink every five minutes. So, communication is spotty in the event you want the guy to take it down a notch. Picture yourself speaking mostly in Latin, but every 10 words comes out in English. That’s how the Stoner hears you. Blah blah blah blah blah blah please stop blah blah blah blah blah blah choking…you get the idea.
The Family Man
The Family Man is a joy to sit next to insofar as his kid is happy to be there. Goof and gremmie have only had good experiences with this genre of fan. In fact, at MSG II in 2010 we had the pleasure of sitting right behind this(link) kid and his Dad, X. The kid’s name is Griffin, aged 12?, and his excitement was palpable. It was his first show and his Dad made good on bringing him. Their father-son comraderie was at once both totally awesome and poignant. The show was better because of this scene. The Family Man is also The Top of the 9th Deserter. Let me explain. As a parent (ask Goof), you can’t always stay until the end. With kids, you need to bail early to beat traffic and get home at a reasonable hour because the kid has school the next day and as the parent you’re cool, but not THAT cool. As such, you leave at the Top of the 9th (see also: after the first encore) in order to be responsible and set a good example. The familial demographic of Pearl Jam fans is slowly shifting; these guys will shortly become the majority. Cheers to The Family Man!
The Girlfriend
Fortunately neither goof or gremmie have dated The Girlfriend, but we’ve known people who have and we never had the heart to say anything. Indeed, that makes us enablers. The Girlfriend is perpetually bored and will spend the entire show cheeks to seat unless she hears the opening verse to either Elderly Woman, Betterman, or Last Kiss. Even then, she’ll slowly stand, barely excited, and tacitly sing along. If none of these songs are played before the first encore she’ll complain to her boyfriend (who really should have brought a fan) that she wants to leave. What may get a rise out of the The Girlfriend is if Black is played – because that song was written for her, and if only the whole world understood her pain the way Eddie did when he wrote Black, her inability to truly love wouldn’t be so misunderstood. If you’re in New York, this means she’ll want to go to La Esquina for a late dinner and then Pianos on the Lower East Side for a drink and “cool” music. Of note: The Girlfriend is always disproportionately better looking than the pile of chum she’s with.
For posterity, gremmie most closely resembles the Elitist subset called “The Collector” and Goof is “The Family Man” (though he did date a girl once who was “The Girlfriend” material). Also, the High 5 will be published once a month from here on in; as much fun as it is to conjure up ideas, neither goof nor gremmie consistently have the time to write the High 5 every 2 weeks without the quality slipping.
http://www.gremmie.net/?p=1449
I remember when Ten-er cut me off, telling me he is there just for the old stuff, and I was like, what! why? I didn't know that species before.
Or the guy behind me complaining: 'They never play Betterman'. After In My Tree! (elitist)
I was kind of elitist on my first show. Now I realise I was an ass.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
3 Decibels Doubles the Volume
2006
That being said, I would be considered the Elitist when talking to non-PJ fanatics. It's all relative, I guess...
I agree ... since I experienced both - European and US crowds - I can honestly say that US crowds are pretty lame compared to our crazy Euro crowds. I mean like the first 3 rows and 50% of the whole crowd in general are not moving at US concerts. It's a rock concert - not an opera! Guys, you gotta move!!! If you wanna watch a concert while relaxing in your seats, why don't you just stay at home and put in a DVD instead of paying like 70$ for tickets?
i know. you're the girlfriend.
But of course, this is coming from the guy who has been a devoted fan since he was 19 years old ('92)...seen the band a dozen or so times, has taught himself every single PJ song on guitar, thoroughly enjoyed practically every single piece of music the band has released (with exception to Last Kiss) and who has been given truckloads of shit by every single white male under the age of thirty for the past 5 years or so for loving the best band in the world...I've even let my membership expire once when I was too broke to have a computer (or a TV or stereo for that matter) so my number is only 189,xxx..........
Is it almost time for everyone to just get over it already?
Your "point" in nonsense and does not matter in the real world...it's a fucking band, grow up.
Pearl Jam:
Key Arena - Seattle, WA - Sep 21, 2009
Pacific Coliseum - Vancouver, BC - Sep 25, 2011
Key Arena - Seattle, WA - Dec 6, 2013
Eddie Vedder Solo:
Benaroya Hall - Seattle, WA - Jul 15, 2011
My apologies to anyone who has tolerated me while my brain "functions in synapses, like a string of Christmas lights that blink every five minutes" :oops:
Are these real songs?????
:shock: :P
I enjoyed reading this, I think i am an Elitist with an asterisk to not knowing about the above quote.
2010: 5/20 NY, 5/21 NY ... 2011: 6/21 EV NY, 9/3 WI, 9/4 WI ... 2012: 9/2 PA, 9/22 GA ... 2013: 10/18 NY, 10/19 NY, 10/21 PA, 10/22 PA, 10/27 MD
2015: 9/23 NY, 9/26 NY ... 2016: 4/28 PA, 4/29 PA, 5/1 NY, 5/2 NY, 6/11 TN, 8/7 MA, 11/4 TOTD PA, 11/5 TOTD PA ... 2018: 8/10 WA
2022: 9/14 NJ ... 2024: 5/28 WA, 9/7 PA, 9/9 PA ---- http://imgur.com/a/nk0s7
"The live shows? Well, that's church on Sundays"
"Lucky enough" to know you, eh?
We would appreciate it if you didn't copy and paste our work to other sites. We put a lot of time into writing the high 5. As such, it's meant to stay on gremmie.net. Now I am aware we have little ability to control this, but from one fan to another - at least going forward - please just post a link to our site. And if you're going to copy and paste, at least cite gremmie.net at the top so everyone knows where it's from.
We're really glad you guys like it. Also, it would be totally cool if you could become a fan on Facebook. Just go to gremmie.net and check out the fanbox on the right hand side. What this does is it allows us get the word out about updates in the most efficient way possible.
I used a male definite article in my write-up for consistency's sake. Also, it's been in my experience (20 or so shows) that the aforementioned fan types are overwhelmingly male.
I agree, when I met my hub, he was the PJ freak (they need to put that fan in there...FREAK, knows every word to every song, but that's it; may occasionally be seen with a PJ shirt so faded and holey you wonder if it's a PJ shirt or not).
So for his birthday I got him a 'holy grail' PJ gift, he wasn't so psyched about it (autographed CD framed with the concert tix from the same album tour). So I decided to become a fan so I could appreciate 'my' gift more...now I want to stay after the show so I can collect the cool stuff, drives him NUTS.
- Christopher McCandless
I've seen many versions of "The Boyfriend" at shows. The woman is dancing and singing and doing all the right hand gestures; The Boyfriend, on the other hand, is standing with his arms crossed, his fingers tucked into his armpits, still as a statue, and looking like his only reason for being there is to hold her purse.
I can tell you for certain you are an elitist....
Maybe the "Fantasist" since thoughts of Ed are always floating through her brain, especially when her husband works weird hours and is asleep now so she can sit on the internet and google pics of Ed......
oh, and I've been with my husband for almost nine years and never dragged him to a show. Usually I bring one of my girlfriends who loves pj as much as I do. I like to share my sweet sweet tenclub seats with those that actually care.
No worry. Will not happen again.
Thanks gecko. It's much appreciated. Please feel free to edit your first post to cite gremmie.net at the top. Thanks. And again, we're so glad you got a kick out of it.
I am merely pointing out that the use of He as the generic deliberately leaves us ladies out. At the PJ shows I have been to, I stand up and sing and dance....my boyfriend just drinks.
Pearl Jam:
Key Arena - Seattle, WA - Sep 21, 2009
Pacific Coliseum - Vancouver, BC - Sep 25, 2011
Key Arena - Seattle, WA - Dec 6, 2013
Eddie Vedder Solo:
Benaroya Hall - Seattle, WA - Jul 15, 2011