Funny Crimes

Brain of Josh

Does anyone know of any stories of crimes they heard about on the news or read in the newspaper that really made you laugh??? If so lets hear about them. I'll share this one, it's from the september 8th 2008 edition of the San Francisco Chronicle, I actually clipped this story out of the newspaper and have kept it since I thought it was so funny. So without further ado, here it is....

Arrest made in sausage, spice attacks

Fresno - Fresno County authorities have arrested a man they say broke into the home of two farmworkers, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.

Fresno County sherrifs Lt. Ian Burrimond says the suspect, 22 year old Antonio Vasquez of Fresno, was found hiding in a nearby field wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks.

The victims told deputies they awoke Saturday morning to the stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with an 8 inch sausage.

Burrimond said money allegedly stolen in the burglary was recovered. The sausage was tossed away by the fleeing suspect and eaten by a dog.

mcgavinj

friggin hilarious

arq

How could you eve punish a "crime" like that?

Dissidentman

Sausage tosser.

Black Diamond

arq wrote:

How could you eve punish a "crime" like that?

They get sent to the Grill...

Lizard

I totally remember reading that one!!

Brain of Josh

arq wrote:

How could you eve punish a "crime" like that?

well for sure breaking and entering and it did say money was allegedly stolen so theft as well. I'm not so sure rubbing spices and whacking with a sausage could be counted as assault though.

PJGirl321

New Jersey woman allegedly steals, drinks 26 bottles of vanilla extract :lolno:

Published: Thursday, July 08, 2010, 10:50 AM

A 57-year-old New Jersey woman beat Wednesday's near triple-digit heat browsing the aisles at Ahart's Market, then she allegedly took vanilla extract into the bathroom, police said, drank it and tried to steal some more.


According to police, Susan Finnigan, of Flemington, tried to bolt from the store without paying for 26 bottles of extract, worth $54, and she drank an unknown amount of the high-alcohol-content baking ingredient.


According to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration pure vanilla extract must contain at least 35 percent alcohol -- Jack Daniel's whiskey contains 40 percent alcohol -- so the concoction packs a punch.


Finnigan isn't the first to try drinking alcohol in the store bathroom. Susan Montgomery, 54, allegedly quaffed two bottles of cooking wine while in the bathroom the morning of April 28.


Like Montgomery, Finnigan was charged with retail theft.

markymark550

One from my hometown a couple of months ago.....talk about opening up a can of whoop-asp

Motel guest hit in face with snake, Rock Hill man charged
By Kimberly Dick - The Herald
A man “deathly afraid” of reptiles was attacked by a snake-wielding man using the four-foot long python as a weapon, police say.

Tony Smith, 29, of 1920 Corwin Drive, Rock Hill was charged with assault and battery after an altercation at the Executive Inn on North Anderson Road Tuesday night, according to a Rock Hill police report.

Smith is accused of hitting Jeffery Culp, 47, in the head with the snake on the balcony of the motel, police said.

Tony Smith. Courtesy of Rock Hill Police. “I almost had a heart attack,” Culp said. “I dropped to my knees and actually crawled back into my room.”

Culp, who has been staying at the inn until his housing comes open, said he had contact with Smith and the snake earlier in his stay.

“He was out there running up and down the sidewalk with it,” Culp said. “I told him I don’t do snakes. I’m deathly afraid of them.”

But that didn’t stop Smith from tapping Culp on the shoulder and putting the python in his face, he said.



Read more: http://www.heraldonline.com/2010/04/15/ ... z0t9HcL0wm

Dissidentman

markymark550 wrote:

One from my hometown a couple of months ago.....talk about opening up a can of whoop-asp

Motel guest hit in face with snake, Rock Hill man charged
By Kimberly Dick - The Herald
A man “deathly afraid” of reptiles was attacked by a snake-wielding man using the four-foot long python as a weapon, police say.

Tony Smith, 29, of 1920 Corwin Drive, Rock Hill was charged with assault and battery after an altercation at the Executive Inn on North Anderson Road Tuesday night, according to a Rock Hill police report.

Smith is accused of hitting Jeffery Culp, 47, in the head with the snake on the balcony of the motel, police said.

Tony Smith. Courtesy of Rock Hill Police. “I almost had a heart attack,” Culp said. “I dropped to my knees and actually crawled back into my room.”

Culp, who has been staying at the inn until his housing comes open, said he had contact with Smith and the snake earlier in his stay.

“He was out there running up and down the sidewalk with it,” Culp said. “I told him I don’t do snakes. I’m deathly afraid of them.”

But that didn’t stop Smith from tapping Culp on the shoulder and putting the python in his face, he said.



Read more: http://www.heraldonline.com/2010/04/15/ ... z0t9HcL0wm

Really?

Man drops to his knees after being slapped by python wielding man - story by Kim Dick.

markymark550

yes....true story

and I thought it was hilarious that the paper gave that story to that reporter....

matabele

I knew these two brothers who were as naughty as hell, as they got older their crimes got worse until they stole this car. They took the car back to the house they were renting and stripped it down to the shell, sold all the parts but now they had to get rid of the body. In their wisdom they hire a couple of labourers to dig a hole in their garden to throw the body into, when the hole was finished the get the body into the hole but it is not deep enough so the roof is sticking out. No problem they give the labourers a couple of hacksaws and tell them to cut the roof off and cover everything with dirt. Labourers finish the job and go and ask for their pay, the brothers tell them to hit the road because they did not do the job properly, guys went to the cops and the brothers went to jail for a couple of years. This was in Zimbabwe and the amount they refused to pay would amount to about $20 in today's money!