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pickupyourwill

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gimmesometruth27

pickupyourwill wrote:

what are some of your thoughts and/or experiences with it.

My husband and I will be going within a few months.

since i am not married and have no plans to i have no experience with it, however i have had a few friends go through it and some said it was extremely beneficial and was the best decision they ever made as a couple, while others say it did not help at all and actually made things worse for awhile. i guess there are a million variables involved. i'm sorry i could not help, but best of luck to you and your husband. i really hope it helps.

justam

I think anything that gets you both communicating more is probably helpful.

Godfather.

pickupyourwill wrote:

what are some of your thoughts and/or experiences with it.

My husband and I will be going within a few months with the full intention of making our marriage and family stronger, and getting all skeletons dealt with and out in the open.

well....when you go in go in knowing that there are no skeletons in the closet that can come between your love for each other and know that you are both there to heal and grow together, what ever happened in the past must stay there, what is important that you both realize we all make mistakes and through it all you will have each other to count on and learn from.
I wish you both a blessed life and a strong love for each other.

Godfather.

blackredyellow

Never been through it, but I would think that the benefits all depend on how open you guys are going into it (and a lesser extent how good the counselor is). If

Blockhead

I will tell you that i have been to marriage counseling a handfull of times. And it is very helpful. They key that me and my wife had issues with was identifying our emotions and telling the other what we felt, weather it made us mad or sad, rejected, disrespected. This is important because if you don't tell them how you feel , they will never know. I did not know that it meant alot to my wife to do my chores on a weekly basis, someweeks i would mop, other weeks i didn't think i needed to. Well sicne she never told me how she felt about it, i never knew, and she bottled it up and we would get into fights where we were rehasing things from months to years ago and we were going in circles and not getting at the real problem. We went more for communication issues, so I am not sure on your issues.

Stypo420

My wife and I have been in counseling for many months now not so much for internal problems but the effects of external problems on our marriage. When we first started my wife was a little resistant to the whole experience but as time went on and she became more comfortable she began to embrace the experience. We have found as many probably do that our biggest problem was communication and expressing our actual feelings and emotions rather then simply trying to deliver what each other wanted to hear. The more we dealt with the external problems effecting us the more we learned about ourselves, for instance I always new I had some anxiety but through talk therapy I have realized how deep the anxiety ran as well as how many different ways it manifested itself. As a result I have become more aware of when I am reacting because of anxiety or even emotion and can most times pull myself back to a calmer centered place. A marriage is a job one that requires actual work, love is the easy part I have loved my wife from the first time I laid eyes on her love doesn’t take very much work at all.

If you’re both open to the experience and are willing to put in some work I think you find yourselves in a much happier place a few months down the line.

One last thing do not settle for a therapist don’t be overly picky either but you should both feel very comfortable with the person guiding you through this.

Good Luck!

cincybearcat

justam wrote:

I think anything that gets you both communicating more is probably helpful.

This.

But, if you still need someone else's help communicating for an extended period of time, then I think it is prolonging the inevitable. Not trying to sound as harsh as it may seem, but I think it probably can be a good starting point. I've never been myself but have had a good friend go. They kept going and going. Well, they are now divorced. Never figured out how to communicate properly without someone doing it for them.

pickupyourwill

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pickupyourwill

Thank you all for your great advice. Thank you for sharing very personal information.

Cosmo

pickupyourwill wrote:

what are some of your thoughts and/or experiences with it.

My husband and I will be going within a few months with the full intention of making our marriage and family stronger, and getting all skeletons dealt with and out in the open.

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It worked for me. Made the seperation and divorce go nice and smoothly.

pickupyourwill

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Cosmo

pickupyourwill wrote:

Cosmo wrote:

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It worked for me. Made the seperation and divorce go nice and smoothly.

lol. :( My mom would agree with you. They went to counseling for about a year before getting divorced. But there situation was entirely different than ours. plus, I love my mom and all, but I don't think she went in it with the determination to make it work no matter what. And because she came from a family with parents that didn't divorce, I think she was a bit naive to the effects it would have on us kids. I don't want to see my son go through some of the same shit I've had to endure.

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It all depends on who you are.. who your husband is... and who your son is. Comparisons to others are invalid because of the great variables that you all bring to the table.
In my case, I have a real problem with my friends and acquaintances that end a marriage with hatred. How can two people that suppoesedly loved each other so much, end up with so much hate? I swore I'd never end up that way. Me and my ex-wife are still friends.
So, even though you suffered from your parent's divorce, doesn't mean your son will suffer. It all depends on how you, your husband and you son handle it.
Sometimes, the good intention of 'Staying together for the sake of the children' is a poor choice. If staying together leads to silent indignation towards each other or fighting behind closed doors, the kids will pick up on this and may suffer more than if the parents lived seperately.
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So, my advice is... give it a shot. Talk openly about it and try not to get into a never-ending bitch session. See where the two of you stand and weigh the possible outcomes of your decisions. And remember, the kid loves you both... he probably just wants to see the two of you happy. If you can't be happy with each other... maybe you both need some time and space between you two.
Good luck with that.