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Do people confide/ask for advice from you?

pjfan31pjfan31 Posts: 7,331
edited June 2010 in All Encompassing Trip
Why do people who I would consider just a friend, not even a close friend confide in me or ask for advice?

I seem to get quite a few people telling me things, and serious things not like 'I like Lucy, don't tell anyone' but serious issues like depression, health problems, relationship advice even sexually transmitted infections, family problems and even family members attempting to take their own lives.

One example, was an old friend from high school I hadn't seen for about six years, saw me out one night. He pulled me aside, he was with all of his mates and said 'I could always talk to you in school.... My sister and her partner both tried to commit suicide. Her boyfriend died, she didn't. What can I do for her?'

It was strange but I just let him talk, cause I know he wanted to get it off his chest, though I do find it strange that people tend to seek my advice. Does this happen to you guys?
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Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • 8181 Posts: 58,276
    you gotta scowl more.

    i have one lady at work that just blabs about everything. i need to scowl more at her. good luck
    81 is now off the air

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  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,038
    or you can take it as a high compliment. you are deemed as a trustworthy person. or just a good listener.
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  • pjfan31pjfan31 Posts: 7,331
    I guess it's a compliment, but when I get something really juicy,I wanna tell people.
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,038
    pjfan31 wrote:
    I guess it's a compliment, but when I get something really juicy,I wanna tell people.
    :shock: you are human!!! :mrgreen:
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • pjfan31pjfan31 Posts: 7,331
    mickeyrat wrote:
    pjfan31 wrote:
    I guess it's a compliment, but when I get something really juicy,I wanna tell people.
    :shock: you are human!!! :mrgreen:

    When someone told me about an STI they got, well, I wanted to tell, but I didn't. As soon as that, 'don't tell anyone, or this is between you and me' it goes in the vault.
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,038
    pjfan31 wrote:
    mickeyrat wrote:
    pjfan31 wrote:
    I guess it's a compliment, but when I get something really juicy,I wanna tell people.
    :shock: you are human!!! :mrgreen:

    When someone told me about an STI they got, well, I wanted to tell, but I didn't. As soon as that, 'don't tell anyone, or this is between you and me' it goes in the vault.
    see. trustworthy. not such a bad thing in the big picture.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • megatronmegatron Posts: 3,420
    you already know the answer..quit fishing for compliments ;)

    either you're full of great advice or just a great listener. either way it's a compliment.

    don't let it get to you like it did me. now i'm just an ass to everyone so they won't want to approach me
  • ZiggyStarZiggyStar Posts: 14,328
    81 wrote:
    you gotta scowl more.
    :lol:
    ★ 1995 - Brisbane ★ 1998 - Brisbane ★ 2003 - Brisbane ★ 2006 - Brisbane ★
    ★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
    ★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
  • pjfan31pjfan31 Posts: 7,331
    jones wrote:
    you already know the answer..quit fishing for compliments ;)

    either you're full of great advice or just a great listener. either way it's a compliment.

    don't let it get to you like it did me. now i'm just an ass to everyone so they won't want to approach me


    Hey I wasn't fishing for compliments. The reason I ask was today I logged on to facebook, I rarely use it, and this girl popped up in my chat. She is my mates girlfriends sister. Then she starts telling me of boy problems she's having etc and what should she do, why is the guy doing what he's doing etc. All this time, I was thinking, why is she spilling the beans to me. I see her maybe 3 or 4 times a year. She told me not to tell my friends. ANd I was polite and listened to her problems, but wondered why that's all, and wrote it all down here.

    If I was fishing for answers, not compliments.
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • megatronmegatron Posts: 3,420
    hence the winky face

    I WAS JOKING
    :D
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    pjfan31 wrote:
    As soon as that, 'don't tell anyone, or this is between you and me' it goes in the vault.


    start talkin'...no one tells secrets to people who blab :thumbup: ;)
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,038
    norm wrote:
    pjfan31 wrote:
    As soon as that, 'don't tell anyone, or this is between you and me' it goes in the vault.


    start talkin'...no one tells secrets to people who blab :thumbup: ;)
    :lol::lol::lol:
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • badbrainsbadbrains Posts: 10,255
    Sometimes friends just need to borrow ears. Listening is a very powerful tool in helping others....if only more people listened, oh what the world would be.......
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    No - I am simply used as a living example of what not to do or say. One needs only to observe me to gain this insight. No need to ask me anything.
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Posts: 15,165
    edited June 2010
    Yes always, especially on my daughters wedding day.
    They come to see me in my office for favours and whisper their favours in my ear as I pat my cat.
    I just ask them when have they ever come to me in friendship and tell them that if they did they would never have had to go to the police.
    Usually I just task the favour to Clemenza my friend for him to carry out.
    Post edited by Thoughts_Arrive on
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    pjfan31 wrote:
    Why do people who I would consider just a friend, not even a close friend confide in me or ask for advice?

    I seem to get quite a few people telling me things, and serious things not like 'I like Lucy, don't tell anyone' but serious issues like depression, health problems, relationship advice even sexually transmitted infections, family problems and even family members attempting to take their own lives.

    One example, was an old friend from high school I hadn't seen for about six years, saw me out one night. He pulled me aside, he was with all of his mates and said 'I could always talk to you in school.... My sister and her partner both tried to commit suicide. Her boyfriend died, she didn't. What can I do for her?'

    It was strange but I just let him talk, cause I know he wanted to get it off his chest, though I do find it strange that people tend to seek my advice. Does this happen to you guys?
    What happens to me is when I'm out and about complete strangers tell me stuff, pretty personal stuff, examples like you gave :shock: The checkers, patrons, clerks, bartenders, people in general.
    JB will say, What is it with you? I don't know, they think I care.
    They're right I do. I care. Maybe your people think you care too and maybe you do.
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    pandora wrote:
    pjfan31 wrote:
    Why do people who I would consider just a friend, not even a close friend confide in me or ask for advice?

    I seem to get quite a few people telling me things, and serious things not like 'I like Lucy, don't tell anyone' but serious issues like depression, health problems, relationship advice even sexually transmitted infections, family problems and even family members attempting to take their own lives.

    One example, was an old friend from high school I hadn't seen for about six years, saw me out one night. He pulled me aside, he was with all of his mates and said 'I could always talk to you in school.... My sister and her partner both tried to commit suicide. Her boyfriend died, she didn't. What can I do for her?'

    It was strange but I just let him talk, cause I know he wanted to get it off his chest, though I do find it strange that people tend to seek my advice. Does this happen to you guys?
    What happens to me is when I'm out and about complete strangers tell me stuff, pretty personal stuff, examples like you gave :shock: The checkers, patrons, clerks, bartenders, people in general.
    JB will say, What is it with you? I don't know, they think I care.
    They're right I do. I care. Maybe your people think you care too and maybe you do.

    Pandora gave me some excellent advice once. "Get away from me you drunken freak show". I took it as constructive criticism, and aim to be less of a freak show in the future.
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    Dissidentman wrote:
    Pandora gave me some excellent advice once. "Get away from me you drunken freak show". I took it as constructive criticism, and aim to be less of a freak show in the future.
    I thought that's what you said to me! :D
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    pandora wrote:
    Dissidentman wrote:
    Pandora gave me some excellent advice once. "Get away from me you drunken freak show". I took it as constructive criticism, and aim to be less of a freak show in the future.
    I thought that's what you said to me! :D

    Wait - now that you mention it, I am full of good advice!


    :D
  • Green CircleGreen Circle Posts: 5,192
    Dissidentman wrote:
    No - I am simply used as a living example of what not to do or say. One needs only to observe me to gain this insight. No need to ask me anything.

    don't believe a word of this....one of the best guys I know!
    "...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
    I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    Theovl316 wrote:
    Dissidentman wrote:
    No - I am simply used as a living example of what not to do or say. One needs only to observe me to gain this insight. No need to ask me anything.

    don't believe a word of this....one of the best guys I know!

    He only knows 2 guys, and the other is not here to defend himself.
  • Green CircleGreen Circle Posts: 5,192
    :wtf: :problem:
    "...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
    I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
  • DeLukinDeLukin Posts: 2,757
    Yea, happens to me all the time. I used to think conversations were a 50/50 proposition but I've since learned that's not the case - ever. People want to be heard, and most of the time they don't care about what's being said to them in return. So true listening is a rare skill. And if you can be someone that can truly listen people are going to seek you out and share things with you. I've learned the hard way that there is nothing worse than putting something out there about myself and having someone not care in return. So I tend not to share but listen more. It's amazing how much people love to talk to you when the entire conversation is about them. Human nature is a funny (and by 'funny' I mean nauseating) thing...
    I smile, but who am I kidding...
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    DeLukin wrote:
    Yea, happens to me all the time. I used to think conversations were a 50/50 proposition but I've since learned that's not the case - ever. People want to be heard, and most of the time they don't care about what's being said to them in return. So true listening is a rare skill. And if you can be someone that can truly listen people are going to seek you out and share things with you. I've learned the hard way that there is nothing worse than putting something out there about myself and having someone not care in return. So I tend not to share but listen more. It's amazing how much people love to talk to you when the entire conversation is about them. Human nature is a funny (and by 'funny' I mean nauseating) thing...
    So true and there was a time I found this very disappointing. But you do find those people who share thoughts with the intent to learn and understand and then its not only a meeting of the minds but of the heart.
  • mikalinamikalina Posts: 7,206
    Pandora - if you lived anywhere near me.... I'd probably ask you a "million" questions !!!! :D
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  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    I don't give people too much credit in the brains department, but I do realize they are typically smarter than resorting to my advice.
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  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    eyedclaar wrote:
    I don't give people too much credit in the brains department, but I do realize they are typically smarter than resorting to my advice.

    Don't sell yourself short. I would have no clue how to dress an ill-tempered wolverine were it not for you.
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    mikalina wrote:
    Pandora - if you lived anywhere near me.... I'd probably ask you a "million" questions !!!! :D
    sweet you are :D
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    Dissidentman wrote:
    eyedclaar wrote:
    I don't give people too much credit in the brains department, but I do realize they are typically smarter than resorting to my advice.

    Don't sell yourself short. I would have no clue how to dress an ill-tempered wolverine were it not for you.
    how to dress an ill-tempered wolverine...
    that is hilarious.

    :D
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  • pj.uw.laurapj.uw.laura Posts: 553
    Try being a therapist. I'm a year away from a PhD in Clinical Psychologist, so apparently that means I'm everyone's therapist. My husband's aunt calls me all the time to complain about her in-laws, but she won't take my advice anyway.

    So yes, I get people confiding in me all the time! I don't mind it if they're actually looking for help. I just don't like it when they want to vent to me but don't care what I have to say about it.
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