How's the hook? (Intro to 7,500 word non-fiction piece)

eyedclaar

How does this intro work for you as a reader. Would you want to read more? I'll be trying to sell this one to one of the major outdoor magazines.

Hot Spring Break

While the rest of our nation dreams and schemes of sunny beaches and blue skies for their hard-earned spring break, my wife and I are driving into one of the coldest places in the entire continental United States - Stanley, Idaho. This frigid mountain town has a year-round population of less than 50. Even in the first week of April, one can expect nightly temperatures to plummet below zero and we’ll be lucky if a daytime high hits the freezing mark. We will also be camping along the way. Why do this, you ask. Are we crazy? Are we not sick of winter's gray cloak? Are we not dying to step into a pair of shorts and just feel warm again? The answer, my friends, is yes, yes, and most certainly, yes. In fact, I have a swimsuit packed, and based on a lifetime of experience; I am predicting an 87% chance of public nudity at some point during our adventure. Hey, it's spring break; that's pretty much an American institution.

chadwick

certainly as fantastic as it could ever get.
why go to nyc or L.A.?
cities are boring unless they are full of man eating beasts, waterfalls, herds of elk, and of course hot springs.
however, i do enjoy the madness a sprawling city can offer but i'd never move in.
cities have no nude women lounging about in hot spring mountain water...

this is why i am moving to idaho next week...

eyedclaar

If only everyone who read my stuff approached/appreciated life with Chadwick's perspective. Not only would the planet be a much healthier place, but my writing would sell like hot cakes.

catefrances

why have a swimsuit packed at all?????????????

mikalina

catefrances wrote:

why have a swimsuit packed at all?????????????

Very true - nothing like skinny dipping in frigid water.

mikalina

eyedclaar wrote:

How does this intro work for you as a reader. Would you want to read more? I'll be trying to sell this one to one of the major outdoor magazines.

Hot Spring Break

While the rest of our nation dreams and schemes of sunny beaches and blue skies for their hard-earned spring break, my wife and I are driving into one of the coldest places in the entire continental United States - Stanley, Idaho. This frigid mountain town has a year-round population of less than 50. Even in the first week of April, one can expect nightly temperatures to plummet below zero and we’ll be lucky if a daytime high hits the freezing mark. We will also be camping along the way. Why do this, you ask. Are we crazy? Are we not sick of winter's gray cloak? Are we not dying to step into a pair of shorts and just feel warm again? The answer, my friends, is yes, yes, and most certainly, yes. In fact, I have a swimsuit packed, and based on a lifetime of experience; I am predicting an 87% chance of public nudity at some point during our adventure. Hey, it's spring break; that's pretty much an American institution.

I like this alot...

chadwick

eyedclaar wrote:

If only everyone who read my stuff approached/appreciated life with Chadwick's perspective. Not only would the planet be a much healthier place, but my writing would sell like hot cakes.

i've always wanted to get some decent camouflage, a nice camera, and crawl up to a herd of elk; get within a short distance of them and take pictures as well as inspire poetry.
this will happen one day.
also, sometime in the future, i'll fall down drunk & high in nyc's time square & puke all over myself as nypj1 kicks me square in the balls only after flicking a cigarette at me. this is when i'll turn into a cross between Vlad the Impaler and Lief Erikson on crack.

make any sense?
didn;t think so...

chadwick

do tell why stanley, idaho gets so cold?
mountain range winds, elevation, valleys and such picking up high speed freezing wind gusts?
what gives?

by the one...

early 70's... northeast iowa... cold as phuck... -40's
nicely done...
few years back went up to alaska hauling goods for some big (chain) grocery store.
northern B.C. not so bad... but really cold with snow up to one's balls.

yukon, canada... colder than,,,, colder than... um??? thinking...
um... all i can say is truck drivers are insane, moose run the gauntlet, and -50ish degrees is insane yet not as cold as it may feel. weird that cold weather shit.

eyedclaar

catefrances wrote:

why have a swimsuit packed at all?????????????

Well, it doesn't get worn at every stop, as some are more isolated than others.

eyedclaar

chadwick wrote:

do tell why stanley, idaho gets so cold?
mountain range winds, elevation, valleys and such picking up high speed freezing wind gusts?
what gives?

by the one...

early 70's... northeast iowa... cold as phuck... -40's
nicely done...
few years back went up to alaska hauling goods for some big (chain) grocery store.
northern B.C. not so bad... but really cold with snow up to one's balls.

yukon, canada... colder than,,,, colder than... um??? thinking...
um... all i can say is truck drivers are insane, moose run the gauntlet, and -50ish degrees is insane yet not as cold as it may feel. weird that cold weather shit.

Stanley sits at that base of a large series of 10,000 + foot peaks (the Pioneers, the Sawtooths, and the White Cloud Mountains) basically converging to surround the valley. Like with Yellowstone, the cold mountain air constantly cascades down those slopes and fills the valley with cold heavy air. Also, when I say one of the coldest spots in the continental united states, I'm talking about where people actually live year round, not coldest recorded temps or anything. On any given day though, it isn't at all uncommon for Stanley to be the coldest spot in the lower 48.

chadwick

eyedclaar wrote:

Stanley sits at that base of a large series of 10,000 + foot peaks (the Pioneers, the Sawtooths, and the White Cloud Mountains) basically converging to surround the valley. Like with Yellowstone, the cold mountain air constantly cascades down those slopes and fills the valley with cold heavy air. Also, when I say one of the coldest spots in the continental united states, I'm talking about where people actually live year round, not coldest recorded temps or anything. On any given day though, it isn't at all uncommon for Stanley to be the coldest spot in the lower 48.

Sawtooth Mountains...
several times i've watched a mini series on these two people (the Dutchers) who live with & study wolves.
they are in fact in the sawtooth mountain range inside their wolf sanctuary.

i have heard of this Stanley, ID before.
sounds fantastic.

are you near any of the mountains you listed?

eyedclaar

chadwick wrote:

eyedclaar wrote:

Stanley sits at that base of a large series of 10,000 + foot peaks (the Pioneers, the Sawtooths, and the White Cloud Mountains) basically converging to surround the valley. Like with Yellowstone, the cold mountain air constantly cascades down those slopes and fills the valley with cold heavy air. Also, when I say one of the coldest spots in the continental united states, I'm talking about where people actually live year round, not coldest recorded temps or anything. On any given day though, it isn't at all uncommon for Stanley to be the coldest spot in the lower 48.

Sawtooth Mountains...
several times i've watched a mini series on these two people (the Dutchers) who live with & study wolves.
they are in fact in the sawtooth mountain range inside their wolf sanctuary.

i have heard of this Stanley, ID before.
sounds fantastic.

are you near any of the mountains you listed?

The Sawtooths are my main stomping grounds, although I live 1.5 hours from them. Almost every weekend, we are out in them, even in the winter. From my sig, you can access my facebook profile and see a photo album of my wife and I backpacking in the Teeth. Oh, you probably have to have a facebook account. I almost never access mine. I have heard of the Dutchers, but never met them. Lot of wolves up in there! Stanley might be my most favorite town in the world, mostly due to the size, scenery and hot springs.

chadwick

eyedclaar wrote:

The Sawtooths are my main stomping grounds, although I live 1.5 hours from them. Almost every weekend, we are out in them, even in the winter. From my sig, you can access my facebook profile and see a photo album of my wife and I backpacking in the Teeth. Oh, you probably have to have a facebook account. I almost never access mine. I have heard of the Dutchers, but never met them. Lot of wolves up in there! Stanley might be my most favorite town in the world, mostly due to the size, scenery and hot springs.

The "Teeth" as you call them, are very pretty. the forests there are breath taking. of course i've only saw this from that mini series i spoke of earlier. the Dutchers lived in those dome canvas tents up on a deck on stilts.

eyedclaar

chadwick wrote:

eyedclaar wrote:

The Sawtooths are my main stomping grounds, although I live 1.5 hours from them. Almost every weekend, we are out in them, even in the winter. From my sig, you can access my facebook profile and see a photo album of my wife and I backpacking in the Teeth. Oh, you probably have to have a facebook account. I almost never access mine. I have heard of the Dutchers, but never met them. Lot of wolves up in there! Stanley might be my most favorite town in the world, mostly due to the size, scenery and hot springs.

The "Teeth" as you call them, are very pretty. the forests there are breath taking. of course i've only saw this from that mini series i spoke of earlier. the Dutchers lived in those dome canvas tents up on a deck on stilts.

The coolest thing about the central Idaho area is that it consists of far and away the largest roadless wilderness in the lower 48. Our central Idaho wilderness alone is bigger than Scotland and that isn't the only wilderness in the state. I'll never see it all no matter how much time I spend out there.

prism

eyedclaar wrote:

catefrances wrote:

why have a swimsuit packed at all?????????????

Well, it doesn't get worn at every stop, as some are more isolated than others.

and if say a sasquatch does see you out there you needn't be concerned, cause they just point at you and laugh? :P





btw... i like your intro

eyedclaar

prism wrote:

eyedclaar wrote:

catefrances wrote:

why have a swimsuit packed at all?????????????

Well, it doesn't get worn at every stop, as some are more isolated than others.

and if say a sasquatch does see you out there you needn't be concerned, cause they just point at you and laugh? :P

btw... i like your intro

Hey, the water is cold! Oh wait, no it's not... No human can compete with sasquatch's junk. No fair!

the wolf

eyedclaar wrote:

prism wrote:

and if say a sasquatch does see you out there you needn't be concerned, cause they just point at you and laugh? :P

btw... i like your intro

Hey, the water is cold! Oh wait, no it's not... No human can compete with sasquatch's junk. No fair!

Sasquatch's junk is quite impressive.

I dig the intro eyed.

eyedclaar

the wolf wrote:

eyedclaar wrote:

prism wrote:

and if say a sasquatch does see you out there you needn't be concerned, cause they just point at you and laugh? :P

btw... i like your intro

Hey, the water is cold! Oh wait, no it's not... No human can compete with sasquatch's junk. No fair!

Sasquatch's junk is quite impressive.

I dig the intro eyed.

Thanks. I'm writing the last paragraphs of the piece this morning... and then the editing of 16 pages begins. ugh

mysticweed

chadwick wrote:

eyedclaar wrote:

If only everyone who read my stuff approached/appreciated life with Chadwick's perspective. Not only would the planet be a much healthier place, but my writing would sell like hot cakes.

i've always wanted to get some decent camouflage, a nice camera, and crawl up to a herd of elk; get within a short distance of them and take pictures as well as inspire poetry.
this will happen one day.
also, sometime in the future, i'll fall down drunk & high in nyc's time square & puke all over myself as nypj1 kicks me square in the balls only after flicking a cigarette at me. this is when i'll turn into a cross between Vlad the Impaler and Lief Erikson on crack.

make any sense?
didn;t think so...

Actually it makes perfect sense to me

chadwick

lettinggo wrote:

chadwick wrote:

eyedclaar wrote:

If only everyone who read my stuff approached/appreciated life with Chadwick's perspective. Not only would the planet be a much healthier place, but my writing would sell like hot cakes.

i've always wanted to get some decent camouflage, a nice camera, and crawl up to a herd of elk; get within a short distance of them and take pictures as well as inspire poetry.
this will happen one day.
also, sometime in the future, i'll fall down drunk & high in nyc's time square & puke all over myself as nypj1 kicks me square in the balls only after flicking a cigarette at me. this is when i'll turn into a cross between Vlad the Impaler and Lief Erikson on crack.

make any sense?
didn;t think so...

Actually it makes perfect sense to me