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Stupid things

mikepegg44mikepegg44 Posts: 3,353
edited May 2010 in A Moving Train
I have read this kind of statement a few times in the last few days

"that has to be one of the dumbest things I have ever read"

And it got me thinking, anyone care to share the dumbest thing they have heard in a while. While at work, I asked a gentleman (loosely used of course) if he had a job. He told me and I quote, "Hell no, Man, jobs is Fo' faggots." And then proceeded to complain because he was going to miss home improvement, which he referred to as Tool Time.

I don't know if I have ever laughed as hard as I did when the guy told me that last part.

so anyone care to lighten the mood and share some ACTUAL stories. Please keep them real. Honor system here
that’s right! Can’t we all just get together and focus on our real enemies: monogamous gays and stem cells… - Ned Flanders
It is terrifying when you are too stupid to know who is dumb
- Joe Rogan
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Boxes&BooksBoxes&Books USA Posts: 2,672
    :lol::lol:

    How about half of the things godfather and unsung post.... just kidding ...no i'm not...... :lol::lol:

    just joking around...

    Great idea with this thread.... I'll ad my story later.....
  • unsungunsung I stopped by on March 7 2024. First time in many years, had to update payment info. Hope all is well. Politicians suck. Bye. Posts: 9,487
    tonifig8 wrote:
    :lol::lol:

    How about half of the things godfather and unsung post.... just kidding ...no i'm not...... :lol::lol:

    just joking around...

    Great idea with this thread.... I'll ad my story later.....


    yawn
  • whygohomewhygohome Posts: 2,305
    Someone blaming Obama for the Dow Jones volatility:

    "Obama doesn't have the balls to go to Wall St. At least Bush did, and we loved him. When he was Pres. we were all making a ton of money"

    It is a sick, sad statement.
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    I'm not sure I have any recently that aren't from this board, but I don't think that's what you had in mind. I have several from when I used to be a movie theater manager though. Let's see....

    One time a bunch of people came out of a movie saying some guy was yelling, so I went in to investigate. Turns out some grown man had gotten his hand stuck in the cup holder. We had to grease it up with popcorn oil to get it out. Then, about 20 minutes after we got it out, someone came out again and said he was yelling again. Yep, he had stuck his hand back in the cup holder. This time we couldn't get it out; it was too swollen. We had to call the fire department to rescue him. They had to cut off the cup holder. When we asked him why he stuck his hand back in there, he said it was fun the first time.

    Another time a guy shot the urinal. When questioned about it, he said "I guess I pulled out the wrong gun."

    Also, one time when I was in high school a bunch of us stopped at a gas station and were talking to this drunk man outside. I lived in a dry community, but alcohol was a HUGE problem. People who couldn't access or afford real alcohol would drink Aqua Net hair spray and that would get them plenty fucked up. So we ran across this man who was fucked up, drinking his Aqua Net. We asked him why he drank that stuff and he asked what we expected him to drink. So we ran down this list of all different kinds of drinks, and to each one he would say, "Coke? I don't like Coke!" or whatever, according to the drink we had said. Finally we asked why he didn't drink coffee. He got all outraged and said with all seriousness, "Coffee?!? You expect me to drink coffee?!?!?! Coffee's bad for you!!!"

    (Perhaps I shouldn't even tell the first and last stories. Obviously both these men had real problems that I don't mean to diminish or make fun of. I hope you all can enjoy the humor without judging the people or others like them.)
  • KDH12KDH12 Posts: 2,096
    we know you mean no hard.....

    sometimes I see it as laughing with them not at them, I work with the mentally ill and they make the worse criminals..... won't go into too much detail but two that stand out

    One client got arrested trying to still a box of slim jims, stuffing 12 sticks of beef jerky that are in a box into your pocket or down your pants is not the easiest thing to do. Not only that he was doing it know that with mandatory sentencing he was facing at least 3 years in prison for stealing them

    Another client was trying to steal a refrigerator. Not exactly sure where from, but it was some kinda of junk yard or storage yard. He wanted to scrap it. Regardless, picture a refridge, a very high person and a security guard. Well the guy obviously was having a hard time getting the refrdige to where he wanted it so he asked the security guard to help him move it.... at which point he was arrested.
    **CUBS GO ALL THE WAY IN......never **
  • mikepegg44mikepegg44 Posts: 3,353
    KDH12 wrote:

    Another client was trying to steal a refrigerator. Not exactly sure where from, but it was some kinda of junk yard or storage yard. He wanted to scrap it. Regardless, picture a refridge, a very high person and a security guard. Well the guy obviously was having a hard time getting the refrdige to where he wanted it so he asked the security guard to help him move it.... at which point he was arrested.


    thats great. I cannot believe the joy it brings me to think of all the stupid shit I see everyday. And you are right, it isn't laughing at the people, just some of the things they do.

    Friday I had a guy in my office trying to intimidate me. So after 20 minutes of trying to change my mind through intimidation, he proceeds to call me an "asshole who needs to grow up." He then puts on his G.I. Joe back pack and walks out of my office in a huff. Worst part was it was from the awful movie and not the cartoon series. At least that would have been nastalgic. But if you can, picture in your mind a grown man who was trying to be scary getting mad and putting this little back pack on and leaving. Priceless.

    So anyone else got anything? we could also discuss this law I think got passed in AZ, it had something to do with hispanics and made getting ice cream illegal...I am not sure
    that’s right! Can’t we all just get together and focus on our real enemies: monogamous gays and stem cells… - Ned Flanders
    It is terrifying when you are too stupid to know who is dumb
    - Joe Rogan
  • cajunkiwicajunkiwi Posts: 984
    I had an old boss (recently fired by the university I work for) who was a walking disaster zone. Every time he opened his mouth he did nothing but embarrass himself, our office, and the university. It got so bad that we started keeping a "Slam Book" where we'd keep track of the inane things he said.

    Remembering that this guy was the head of the Public Affairs department, and therefore the mouthpiece of the university, some of his gems include:

    Telling people we got the mascot to roar by physically poking him with a stick (not even remotely true, and thanks for pissing off PETA for us!)...

    Telling people he used to get "pleasured" daily in the campus dairy store as a child (he meant his parents bought him ice cream from there when he was a kid)...

    Telling us he empathized with African Americans because he grew up as a black kid (yeah, he was white)...

    Harassing the DHH officials after Gustav because he really wanted a cookie (he got so bad, DHH threw him out of the building)...

    Asking if one department had a rocket sled or not - and when asked what a rocket sled was, he replied that he didn't know, but it sounded like fun...

    Getting drunk at the Christmas party and pulling his own white elephant gift so he could trade it for what he REALLY wanted - a moose webkinz, which he took to everyone in the room and asked them if they could feel its heart beat...

    They're not on the scale of someone missing Jonathan Taylor Thomas or rocking a G. I. Joe backpack... but they're the best I've got.
    And I listen for the voice inside my head... nothing. I'll do this one myself.
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    Canunkiwi - You've made me think of my boss at the university where I work, who has been known to walk into a patient's room to do her pap smear with his fly down. :lol:
  • unlost dogsunlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    Had our house painted last week. Was a pukey washed out color for years, had it painted dark green. They started with one side and proceeded all the way around.

    Neighbor runs into me after half of it was done, including the quarter facing their house. "Are you having your house painted?"

    I acted startled, and said, "No, why?"
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • mikepegg44mikepegg44 Posts: 3,353
    unlost dogs wrote:
    Had our house painted last week. Was a pukey washed out color for years, had it painted dark green. They started with one side and proceeded all the way around.

    Neighbor runs into me after half of it was done, including the quarter facing their house. "Are you having your house painted?"

    I acted startled, and said, "No, why?"

    lol, that is great. Ah, people, they are so awesome
    that’s right! Can’t we all just get together and focus on our real enemies: monogamous gays and stem cells… - Ned Flanders
    It is terrifying when you are too stupid to know who is dumb
    - Joe Rogan
  • he still standshe still stands Posts: 2,835
    unlost dogs wrote:
    Had our house painted last week. Was a pukey washed out color for years, had it painted dark green. They started with one side and proceeded all the way around.

    Neighbor runs into me after half of it was done, including the quarter facing their house. "Are you having your house painted?"

    I acted startled, and said, "No, why?"

    hahaha.... "you guys playin cards?"

    Yeah the Dow Jones thing is great... the other day people were almost jumping out of the building and were blaming Obama for the market going down 900 points. "Kiddies."
    Everything not forbidden is compulsory and eveything not compulsory is forbidden. You are free... free to do what the government says you can do.
  • Godfather.Godfather. Posts: 12,504
    tonifig8 wrote:
    :lol::lol:

    How about half of the things godfather and unsung post.... just kidding ...no i'm not...... :lol::lol:

    just joking around...

    Great idea with this thread.... I'll ad my story later.....


    that was good my friend ;)

    Godfather.
  • Godfather.Godfather. Posts: 12,504
    "read my lips.. no new taxes"- old Bush

    Godfather.
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    My boss frequently (and again today) calls me in my office - on my corded land line - and, after I've answered, asks if I'm in my office. Yes, I'm in my office. You called me here and I answered, thereby tethering me to the wall. I could not have answered were I not in my office, and now I am unable to leave.
  • LizardLizard So Cal Posts: 12,091
    My husband teaches high school. A few years ago a girl was standing by his trash can with her back to him. He went to go see what she was doing and she was eating her breakfast cereal, out of the box with milk, with a huge ass serving spoon!!!!

    :lol:
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • SmellymanSmellyman Asia Posts: 4,524
    New Yorker dude "So where do you live?"

    Me: "I live in Hong Kong?"

    NY Dude: "Hong Kong? cool....do you speak Japanese?"
  • Got a hard hard headGot a hard hard head Posts: 638
    I once spent the entire day shopping for a pair of Adidas trainers that I really wanted, but couldn't find them anywhere.

    At the end of a very long day of frustration, I tried once last shop and spotted them on the shelf. It was a size 8.

    "Fine," I thought "it'll just be for display purposes."

    I saw a shop assistant and asked them if they had the trainers in my size, which is 9's.

    "Let me check for you," he says before disappearing into the store room.

    After 5 minutes, he returned with a box.

    "Great," I thought "finally I've found them."

    "Erm, we haven't got size nine," he says "but we've got them in size five."

    I don't think that shop assistant will ever realise how lucky he was that I simply walked out the shop without a word.
    It's gonna be a glorious day...
  • Tremor ChrisTremor Chris Posts: 231
    Couple football seasons ago, I was at a local bar watching all the games with some buddies. I got a little hungry so I ordered some fish and chips from the waitress. She asked if I would like anything else. I said, could I get some malt vinegar for the fish. She replied, I'm sorry the only thing we have on tap is coors light, budweiser, budlight miller etc etc etc....
  • cajunkiwicajunkiwi Posts: 984
    Smellyman wrote:
    New Yorker dude "So where do you live?"

    Me: "I live in Hong Kong?"

    NY Dude: "Hong Kong? cool....do you speak Japanese?"

    Hong Kong is the bomb - my dad used to live in Discovery Bay, I've spent more than a few Christmases over there. Awesome place.
    And I listen for the voice inside my head... nothing. I'll do this one myself.
  • SmellymanSmellyman Asia Posts: 4,524
    cajunkiwi wrote:
    Smellyman wrote:
    New Yorker dude "So where do you live?"

    Me: "I live in Hong Kong?"

    NY Dude: "Hong Kong? cool....do you speak Japanese?"

    Hong Kong is the bomb - my dad used to live in Discovery Bay, I've spent more than a few Christmases over there. Awesome place.

    yes it is...I won't be moving...
  • Model Roll ModelModel Roll Model Posts: 215
    cajunkiwi wrote:
    Smellyman wrote:
    New Yorker dude "So where do you live?"

    Me: "I live in Hong Kong?"

    NY Dude: "Hong Kong? cool....do you speak Japanese?"

    Hong Kong is the bomb - my dad used to live in Discovery Bay, I've spent more than a few Christmases over there. Awesome place.
    so you speak Japanese then? :lol:
  • whygohomewhygohome Posts: 2,305
    Here's another one that I have heard and read:

    "Obama is the anti-Christ"
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