Joke

pjfan31

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and
went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive
young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.


The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had
nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few
minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment,
I hear someone coming.'


He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against
it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him,
'What would you say is my best feature?' Flustered and
embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'


Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts;
they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and
solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere.


How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'


Clearing his throat, he stammered .... 'Outside, when you said you heard
someone coming.... That was me..

BLACK35

jamingjamers

dont laugh
he goes for sydney swans

Franny

jamingjamers wrote:

dont laugh
he goes for sydney swans

Hey everyone has thier own issues!!

MrMerkinball

An old man goes to the Doctor's for his annual checkup. The Doctor says "I've got bad news: You have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's".

The Man says: "phew, thank God I don't have cancer".

dimitrispearljam

Franny

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their
tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look
towards sky, what you see? '

'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'


'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it
tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to
be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord
is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it
seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'




'You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent.'

Thoughts_Arrive

pjfan31

jamingjamers wrote:

dont laugh
he goes for sydney swans

Now now, We're sitting pretty in fourth.

Love the swans. 2005 glory. One of the best days of my life

dimitrispearljam

was 2 guys talking,one was fishing,the other was a hunter..the one with the fishing said..
last week i catch a fish 50 metres...!!!!
the hunter said,really??
- yeah really..
then the hunter said,,a month ago went for hunting with a friend...and a bear attack me ...and put out my clothes and fuck me...
-what??really?
yeah,but the worst is that my friend see me when bear was over me,and i shoot him for not tell my wife...
-wow!!!said the fisher
-but the worst continue the hunter is that a couple was there ,and see me shoot my friend..
i couldnt do anything else than kill them too for not tell the police...but when i shoot the woman , a school bus arrive with 30-40 kids and see me kill the woman,,so..
-WTF????? said the fisher!!!!!!u shoot the kids too????????????
- and the hunter saud...cut some metres from the fish or im gonna fuckin kill all those bastards!!!!!!!!

he still stands

best. joke. ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0AH0hHWrYc

Jo

A bloke stumbles out of a bar and down the street.
A woman in the shadows says " 50 dollars for thirty minutes", and the bloke takes up her offer.
A policeman comes along shining a tourch saying " What do you think you are doing?!!".
" Just having a quicky with my Misses" the bloke says.
" Sorry " said the cop, " I didn't realise."
And the bloke says, " neither did I until you shone your tourch."

Claireack

Franny

I urgently needed a few days off work, But, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy"

Then he would tell me to take a few days off...
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, So, that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out."

Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "..And where do you think you're going?!"

(You're gonna love this....)


She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.

Franny

INSTALLING A HUSBAND


Dear Tech Support,

This year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
· NBA 5.0,
· NFL 3.0 and
· Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

· Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
· Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
· Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
· If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
· Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
· Cooking 3.0 and
· Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!

Tech Support

pjfan31

A young couple from the China got married.

The young girl was a virgin, the husband, well he wasn't. HE wasn't very experienced, but he led his young bride to believe that he was the love doctor.

On their wedding night, it came time to make love for the first time. The bride was quite nervous, and the husband said
'hey baby, whats wrong'
'I'm just really nervous, maybe we can start slowly and work into it.'

The husband pretending to be more experienced agreed
'baby, I do what ever you want me to, you tell me, I do it'

'Well' she said 'I have heard of a 69 before, maybe we try that'

the Husband replied in shock,

'WHAT? YOU WANT A BEEF AND BLACKBEAN?'

Franny

funnehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The Fairy tale we all should have been read....

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independant, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped onto the princess' lap and said "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you however, will turn be back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy and grateful doing so."

That night as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frogs legs in a seasoned white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself.......

I don't fucken think so!!!!!

Franny

THREE MEN AND THEIR WIVES

3 men married wives from different countries. The first man married a woman from China . He told her that she was to do their dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Italy . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Australia, a place called Brisbane. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

dimitrispearljam

ok,ill try that with my Greekeglish..
was a man sleeping at 2 in the morning,and woke up with a big sound..bang,.bang,,he understand was from the house upstairs,,he goes up and see his this guy play his drums!!!!said to him.
-.hey its 2 in the morning!!
the drummer said,- sorry my friend,its my last rehearsal ,couse tomorrow i play for charity in the city stadium.
ok the other guy said,,its for charity..what to do,,..
next night the same!!drums played all over the night..guy go uopstairts,and the the drummer,said,sorry,rain today so they cancel the show,,its my last rehearsal ,,
this goes 5-6 days the guy play the drums,the other guy go and complain..at 7th night,,the drummer playd but the other guy didnt go to compain..start to worry and say,lets go downstairs to see if something happen!!!he goes into the appartment and see the other guy at the bathroom play with his dick!!!!
what are u do it here??u play with your self????
and the guy answers..
no no..its just my last rehearsal..tomorrow ill fuck u!!!

pjfan31

This Aussie was in a bar, sitting next to some kiwis and said
"Did you hear the one about the Aussie and the Kiw?i"

The Kiwi stops him, and said
"Hey, I'm 187cm tall, 106 kgs, played 67 tests for the all balck. The guy next to me, he's 190cm tall, 115kgs, played 56 tests for the all blacks. And the guy next to him is 193cms tall, 120kgs and played 43 tests for the all blacks. Now let me ask you this, are you sure you want to tell this joke now?

And the Aussie replied, "Not if I have to explain it three times".

Franny

dimitrispearljam wrote:

ok,ill try that with my Greekeglish..
was a man sleeping at 2 in the morning,and woke up with a big sound..bang,.bang,,he understand was from the house upstairs,,he goes up and see his this guy play his drums!!!!said to him.
-.hey its 2 in the morning!!
the drummer said,- sorry my friend,its my last rehearsal ,couse tomorrow i play for charity in the city stadium.
ok the other guy said,,its for charity..what to do,,..
next night the same!!drums played all over the night..guy go uopstairts,and the the drummer,said,sorry,rain today so they cancel the show,,its my last rehearsal ,,
this goes 5-6 days the guy play the drums,the other guy go and complain..at 7th night,,the drummer playd but the other guy didnt go to compain..start to worry and say,lets go downstairs to see if something happen!!!he goes into the appartment and see the other guy at the bathroom play with his dick!!!!
what are u do it here??u play with your self????
and the guy answers..
no no..its just my last rehearsal..tomorrow ill fuck u!!!

Awesome D...exzcellent greeklish!!