bullies in schools-who's fault?

dasvidana

I was just reading about the girl in Mass. who killed herself after being bullied at school. Nine of her classmates have had charges brought against them. The adults involved (teachers, counselors, parents) were not charged. My question is, where does the responsibility lay?....the school, the parents, the kids, the teachers, all of the above? This girl's death was so unnecessary.

Poor Mad Sailor

So sad :(

I used to work in a secondary school (11-16 year olds) and when prospective parents asked if there was bullying at the school, many of my colleagues were afraid to answer truthfully; me, I just went for it and acknowledged that there was bullying at the school just as there is bullying in many areas of life whether you are a child or an adult (work, home, community etc).

I think the important thing is not to ignore it and to raise the profile and encourage kids/young people to talk openly about it knowing that the people that they tell will do something about it and that includes working with the bullies! Unfortunately many are reluctant or, through lack of resources, unable to put in the time and effort needed to address the real issues.

More Restorative approaches within schools would be a great start :thumbup:

Social Psychologist Phillip Zimbardo started to explore the area of bullying in relation to his work on 'Heroes'. Basically wants to raise the self-esteem of young people and unlock the hero potential within them as peers can exert some of the most powerful influences on school age children/teens.

A very close friend of mine home educates her children as school bullies made her life a misery :(

TriumphantAngel

just awful. that poor girl.

i was reading about that earlier. i know it's too late for the young girl who killed herself, but what i was reading did mention, how after her death, her community formed an anti-bullying task force that drew more than 400 people to its first meeting.

it won't bring her back, but hopefully will prevent the same thing happening to someone else, and just maybe if that happens, then a small positive will come out of her death.

so sad.

justam

The whole approach to bullying in some schools is wrong. My older son had problems with this issue when he was younger.

When he was young and we lived in upstate NY I noticed that the bullies who picked on my son on the bus ride could get away with murder (!) and get no consequence while my son would get in trouble if he stood up for himself. We started driving him back and forth to school because it was not a good situation for him.

I noticed that here in Florida, there is a much better method. They don't tolerate bullying AT ALL and so the kids actually stop when someone complains because they get a consequence right away. It's so much better.

Kevinman

Sad story. Saw the article yesterday. This is the kind of story that makes you wish you were there, and that there would have been something you could do to prevent it. Hopefully some positive will come from this tragedy.

mikalina

So very sad, the girls have become worse then the boys. I don't get it. It scares me to death. I have a 12 yr old daughter and the teen yrs will be tough.

In Januray a 17 yr old boy at our local high school, shot himself in the head on the golf course near the school.

Parents were completely unaware there was any trouble of any kind - they were stunned. I hope the parents get some answers.

Poor Mad Sailor

Sorry I kind of rambled a bit back there and did not answer your initial question of who is to blame?

I feel that the culture of blame is to blame. Everybody needs to take responsibility to work with young people to help tackle issues such as bullying. Blame does nothing but displace responsibility.

Here in the UK, the education system is forever being blamed for issues relating to young people...rarely does a holistic approach come into play. In my experience this just allows those who do not work in education to sit back and blame those who do (thus avoiding taking any action themselves) and those who do work in education seem to become paralysed by the sheer enormity of the responsibilities heaped upon them.

Fear is debilitating and whole communities need to find the strength to take the power back!!!

dasvidana

I can't believe no charges were filed against the teachers who witnessed the bullying. Apparently there were teacher witnesses and they didn't report the abuse. I work in healthcare and we are mandated by law to report suspected abuse to the authorities. I assume teachers are also mandatory reporters if they suspect abuse of a child---so they should have reported this.

Kevinman

Poor Mad Sailor wrote:

Sorry I kind of rambled a bit back there and did not answer your initial question of who is to blame?

I feel that the culture of blame is to blame. Everybody needs to take responsibility to work with young people to help tackle issues such as bullying. Blame does nothing but displace responsibility.

Here in the UK, the education system is forever being blamed for issues relating to young people...rarely does a holistic approach come into play. In my experience this just allows those who do not work in education to sit back and blame those who do (thus avoiding taking any action themselves) and those who do work in education seem to become paralysed by the sheer enormity of the responsibilities heaped upon them.

Fear is debilitating and whole communities need to find the strength to take the power back!!!

Well said, I agree completely.

Poor Mad Sailor

mikalina wrote:

So very sad, the girls have become worse then the boys. I don't get it. It scares me to death. I have a 12 yr old daughter and the teen yrs will be tough.

Girls' are definitely making the headlines more often; I worked in an all girls' school for 4 years and sat on a panel that addressed the issue of 'girls' in gangs'.

I highly recommend this book: Understanding Girls' Friendships, Fights and Feuds-A practical approach to girls' bullying. By Valerie E Besag

g under p

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldne ... -girl.html

dasvidana wrote:

I can't believe no charges were filed against the teachers who witnessed the bullying. Apparently there were teacher witnesses and they didn't report the abuse. I work in healthcare and we are mandated by law to report suspected abuse to the authorities. I assume teachers are also mandatory reporters if they suspect abuse of a child---so they should have reported this.

Apparently, the staff witnessed some of the bullying but took NO ACTION. I've been in this situation just because I wasn't in the hip crowd, younger than my classmates and had an accent. I took it for a year, then in 8th grade picked out the weakest of the bullies and beat the living daylights out of him. Even though I was suspended for a day, they never messed with me again.

*Language Of Violence*.....Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy...Michael Franti

The first day of school was always the hardest
The first day of school the hallways the darkest
Like a gauntlet
the voices haunted
Walking in with his thin skin lowered chin
He knew the names that they would taunt him with
Faggot sissy punk queen queer
Although he'd never had sex in his 15 years
And when they harassed him it was for a reason
And when they provoked him it became open season
for the fox and the hunter, the sparks and the thunder
that pushed the boy under, then pillage and plunder
It kind of makes you wonder
how one can hurt another
But dehumanizing the victim makes things simpler
It's like breathing with a respirator
It eases the conscience of even the most conscious
and calculating violator
Words can reduce a person to an object,
something more easy to hate
An inanimate entity, completely disposable,
no problem to obliterate

But death is the silence
in this language of violence
Death is the silence
But death is the silence
in this cycle of violence
death is the silence
It's tough to be young, the young long to be tougher
When we pick on someone else it might make us feel rougher
Abused by their fathers but was at home though
so to prove to each other that they were not homos
The exclamation of the phobic fury
executioner, a judge and jury
The mob mentality, individuality was nowhere
Dignity forgotten at the bottom of a dumb old dare and a numb cold
stare
On the way home it was back to name calling
Ten against one they had his back up against the wall and
they reveled in their laughter as they surrounded him
But it wasn't a game when they up jumped and grounded him
They picked up their bats with their muscles straining
and they decided they were gonna beat this fella's brain in
with an awful, powerful, showerful, an hour full of violence
Inflict the strictest brutality and dominance
They didn't hear him screaming, they didn't hear him pleading
They ran like cowards and left the boy bleeding
in a pool of red 'til all tears were shed
and his eyes quietly slid into the back of his head
dead...

Peace

catefrances

bullying behaviour should never be tolerated. allowing it to slide just once or to trivialise the degree of bullying is the problem.


sticks and stones may break my bones but names ill never hurt me.


we sing this as kids. and it is so wrong. psychological trauma is often more damaging than physical trauma. and sometimes it cant be fixed.

TravisTheSky

Sadly, this sounds typical: Bullying by students, and teachers not bothering to get involved.

I have lived in several wildly different little worlds, been in bizzarro living situations at points in my life. NOTHING in my adulthood was ever as evil as high school/middle school. Perhaps there are some schools where the teachers are truly in loco parentis, respecting their pupils and demanding that all the kids do the same. But the older I get, the more I appreciate that Home Schooling trumps the vicious, petty, soul-killing environment of most schools.

Cosmo

This goes beyond schoolyard bullying:
"Charges have been filed against Sean Mulveyhill (statutory rape, violation of civil rights with bodily injury resulting, criminal harassment, disturbance of a school assembly), Kayla Narey (violation of civil rights with bodily injury resulting, criminal harassment, disturbance of a school assembly), Austin Renaud (statutory rape), Ashley Longe (violation of civil rights with bodily injury resulting),
Flannery Mullins (violation of civil rights with bodily injury resulting, stalking), Sharon Chanon Velazquez (violation of civil rights with bodily injury resulting, stalking) and three others, who remain unnamed."
http://www.merinews.com/article/phobe-p ... 2528.shtml
...
Those are criminal charges that will pan out in court.

Poor Mad Sailor

We hear about this type of incident so often and I am thankful that I am shocked and appalled everytime...no room for complacency or acceptance!

Unfortunately, we all still need to do much more to fight bullying. In the UK schools advertise Anti-Bullying Week (usually in November). One week of profile raising and activities....emm one week? Really? And there lies the problem; it's a box ticking exercise.

Adults also need to be encouraged to blow the whistle on bullies...lead by example and change that which seems taboo, embarrassing or shameful into that which will not be stood for, tolerated or accepted by ANYONE!

I still say that restorative justice can go a long way, but many places are just not prepared to put in the time and effort.

pandora

When my kids were in school they were the brunt of much teasing. Teasing, bullying pretty much the same outcome makes a child miserable. So who wants to make another human being miserable?
Do these children learn behavior from closed minded judgmental parents and are just living what they witness?
Do some kids just go along with that lead bully as a way of protecting themselves?
Are the children just not developed enough yet to realize the misery they are inflicting?
Hopefully action is being taken to help teachers and administrators see the warning signs in children who bully for whatever reason and act appropriately.
Adults are here to protect all children, the bully needs help to change behavior before he passes it on to his children and really probably before he is an obnoxious not very popular adult who is unfilled and angry.
Children who follow the lead bully need help to learn to not be taken in by peer pressure, to think for themselves and recognize right from wrong.
And all children from tiny on should be taught to feel what others feel and live by the golden rule.