crying on the christmas tree

the wolf

nothing poetic here, just letting go...


I'm finally taking down our Christmas tree
It's a lot harder on me then i thought it would be,
and i knew it was going to be hard.

I was always such a fucking dick when she would put this stuff up.
Like it was such a pain in my ass.
She would be so happy, and I would just ruin it for her.
it would aways remind me of my mom, and depress the hell out of me.
Now I'm never going to see this stuff again,
and it hurts. Bad.
I'm sitting here packing the stuff away, trying to do a good job
so it don't break,
and I'm crying hard for the first time since she left.
Red faced and balling, like a little fucking pussy.

I guess I miss her more than I have been able to admit to myself.
I'm miss her, and I'm angry with her all at the same time for making me
deal with this Christmas shit on my own.
More than anything I hate myself for never letting her just fully
enjoy putting this stuff up.
I'm so sorry Krissy.

That's something I can't take back, something I can't fix, no matter how badly I want to.

I can't deal with this.

skyeriverwinter

I am sorry you are feeling so much pain. Hugs to you...you are in my thoughts...

PearlOfAGirl

Life gives us time to heal from the pain we feel, whether it be what we inflict onto others,
or what others inflict onto us... there is always a lesson to be learned from life...

You are in my thoughts Steve... I know you will get through this...

pandora

learning about yourself is half the battle, you mentioned Mom.
we carry a lot from our childhoods innocent bystanders.
You are very hard on yourself I guess guilt does that to you but
don't feel guilty, men can be a little bit like that with the holiday decorations.
Please be good to yourself so someone new can

chadwick

like it a lot.
i feel the pain.

acrossssSsssshittt

this life can be very unfair at times, and it matters most then, that we're able to dream up our hereafters... believe in them... and find some relief therein