On being made responsible for dead people
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Posts: 6,651
Sorry, I can't think of an appropriate subject line. Here's the story:
There's this guy who used to work with/for my sister and brother-in-law. Apparently they had to fire him because he became seriously addicted to drugs and wasn't doing his job. I guess they were all kinda friends, as co-workers go. They haven't seen the guy in about 5 years. Had to stop answering his calls because he would call them up, totally wasted, in the middle of the night begging for his job back - but he never did get his shit together. Everyone feels really bad for him, but you can only do so much to help a person, ya know?
Anyway, turns out his mother got cancer. Recently, he admitted her to hospice and went home and killed himself. He was found a couple of weeks later and his mom died in hospice the next day. The only other living relative is his dad, who abandoned him and his mom long ago. Apparently the Office of the Medical Investigator (OMI - basically the morgue) will only release his body to the next of kin, but his dad refuses to claim him. (Fucking rat bastard!) His friends were told that he would be cremated and disposed of like the other unclaimed people unless his dad claimed him or appointed someone else to whom OMI was allowed to release the body.
My brother-in-law got word a couple of days ago that the father has said the body is to be released to him (my bro-in-law). He's not even entirely sure how his name got thrown into the mix. I'm not even sure he knew the guy had died until he heard the news that he is now responsible for the guy's body. They weren't really even good friends.
First of all, this is all so heartbreaking. Secondly, what kind of fucking man can't be bothered to even claim the body of his own son?? :evil: Third, fuck... what's my brother-in-law going to do with this guy's body? How do you rightfully honor someone's life under such circumstances? It's too bad there's not someone better qualified to do it.
I think they're going to try to find out what hospice the mom was at and who claimed her body and what kind of services are being held. And there were a least a few friends who had been calling OMI and the dad to prevent the guy from being disposed of in a way they felt was improper, so they'll try to find those people. I think they'll also take up a collection to try to pay for a cremation.
So sad. I hope I never die so alone.
There's this guy who used to work with/for my sister and brother-in-law. Apparently they had to fire him because he became seriously addicted to drugs and wasn't doing his job. I guess they were all kinda friends, as co-workers go. They haven't seen the guy in about 5 years. Had to stop answering his calls because he would call them up, totally wasted, in the middle of the night begging for his job back - but he never did get his shit together. Everyone feels really bad for him, but you can only do so much to help a person, ya know?
Anyway, turns out his mother got cancer. Recently, he admitted her to hospice and went home and killed himself. He was found a couple of weeks later and his mom died in hospice the next day. The only other living relative is his dad, who abandoned him and his mom long ago. Apparently the Office of the Medical Investigator (OMI - basically the morgue) will only release his body to the next of kin, but his dad refuses to claim him. (Fucking rat bastard!) His friends were told that he would be cremated and disposed of like the other unclaimed people unless his dad claimed him or appointed someone else to whom OMI was allowed to release the body.
My brother-in-law got word a couple of days ago that the father has said the body is to be released to him (my bro-in-law). He's not even entirely sure how his name got thrown into the mix. I'm not even sure he knew the guy had died until he heard the news that he is now responsible for the guy's body. They weren't really even good friends.
First of all, this is all so heartbreaking. Secondly, what kind of fucking man can't be bothered to even claim the body of his own son?? :evil: Third, fuck... what's my brother-in-law going to do with this guy's body? How do you rightfully honor someone's life under such circumstances? It's too bad there's not someone better qualified to do it.
I think they're going to try to find out what hospice the mom was at and who claimed her body and what kind of services are being held. And there were a least a few friends who had been calling OMI and the dad to prevent the guy from being disposed of in a way they felt was improper, so they'll try to find those people. I think they'll also take up a collection to try to pay for a cremation.
So sad. I hope I never die so alone.
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What an awkward situation
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Life really is stranger than fiction, no? :(
However, if someone dies unidentified or unclaimed by family, doesn't the state dispose of the corpse? I hate to put that so bluntly. The State would be responsible for the cremation and/or burial the remains in a Pauper's Field (Fiddler's Green, or whatever you want to call it).
I think the rules for claiming the deceased are dependent upon where you live. Your bro-in-law should be aware of the legal implications of claiming this fellow before he does anything though. Or he may find himself on the hook for all the incidental expenses. Best of luck with whatever happens.
Dad doesn't want to get involved, it is not your brother in laws place to get involved. I guess if you think you/he is doing the right thing then go for it.
For me, I don't really care about what is done with me when I'm gone. Think I would prefer just to be disposed of without much fanfare.
This guy made his choices, his dad made his own choices. I'd leave well enough alone.
No matter what kind of person someone was, I think they should be treated with some decency in death. If the state would handle the cremation and turn the ashes over to your BIL for burial with the man's mother, that would be helpful. But in my experience they are not going to pay for a service if there is any possibility that it can be turned over to someone else.
If your BIL will contact some funeral homes/cremation services and explain the circumstances, he may find a sympathetic person who will work out an arrangement to provide the cremation at reduced or possibly even no cost. I've seen that happen many times when there was a genuine need.
Totally understand that point of view. Mine is more of a view on the entire process, rather than a statement about your situation.
I think if you held a party, or private service, with our without ashes or a body, that would be a great way to be thought of.
I'm 35 with a wife and two kids, and as I get older perhaps my thoughts will change, but once I'm gone, I don't care what happens to my molecules. The last thing I want is for it to be a grossly expensive process where I put people out to make it something special.
All monies spent on that process would be better put towards a very nice dinner somewhere, or perhaps a party that people have fun at.
I can dispose of this body, no problem. I plan on being bear or lion food when I die, so if you find my corpse propped up against some rock with the predators gnawing on me, just let them be.
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Not at all. I'll try to die in a saucy pose for the cameras.
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Yes yes YES!!! Man, you're so fucking cool! Dying in a saucy pose for me! Hell yeah! And if you don't, I'll just move you into a sexy pose...unless your guts fall out when i move you....nahhhh, I'll kick them back in and snap away!
Note to self....wear old shoes!!
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
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I'm down for tibetan sky burial. Just lay you out and let the buzzards carry you off.
One last use. Feed the birds.
i hear that. my greatest fear.
and that is one fucking horrible story.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
That's a good idea. One advantage we have is that our dad used to work for OMI, so he was able to refer my BIL to cremation services directly so they won't have to pay a funeral home to be a middle-man. That's not something we would have thought of.
I thought you closed threads with long posts.