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Thread vs PM

yosiyosi NYC Posts: 3,069
edited January 2010 in A Moving Train
Has anyone else noticed that people are much more polite in private messages than they are when posting on a thread? I just had a private exchange with someone I had been arguing with on a thread, and it was awesome and friendly and really productive. Just a completely different tone than on the thread. It made me wonder how the fact that posts to threads are public affects the tone people take. It's like thread posts are a sort of theater where you're performing for everyone who's reading, and not just responding to whatever you're responding to. Any thoughts?
you couldn't swing if you were hangin' from a palm tree in a hurricane

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  • gimmesometruth27gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 23,303
    most of the pms i have had have been civil. even very friendly in some cases. there are a lot of super cool and interesting people on here....unfortunately some people will talk a lot of trash on the board and when you pm them to try to settle things they do not reply....it must be some sort of macho posturing or something...the way i see it though is i would never post something publicly that i would never say in a pm...
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • g under pg under p Surfing The far side of THE Sombrero Galaxy Posts: 18,200
    yosi wrote:
    Has anyone else noticed that people are much more polite in private messages than they are when posting on a thread? I just had a private exchange with someone I had been arguing with on a thread, and it was awesome and friendly and really productive. Just a completely different tone than on the thread. It made me wonder how the fact that posts to threads are public affects the tone people take. It's like thread posts are a sort of theater where you're performing for everyone who's reading, and not just responding to whatever you're responding to. Any thoughts?

    Interesting point, I gather it all depends on what someone has posted in a thread. I notice that some on here have a certain style where they come off being abrasive and confrontational others just post about the facts and proving a point. Some on here appear to be far too emotional and get bent out of shape on whatever subject they feel passionate about.

    As for me I post on matters I'm familiar with or have knowledge of, gives the facts to back it and get out. i'm nota know it all whiz kid. A few times like earlier this evening I'll lose my patience with those who appear to be blinded by the light. In the end this the internet and people are going to have their strong opinions we just have find ways to get your point across without it getting personal. Then try to input some humor to lighten up the air, know what mean *Lighten Up Francis* :D

    As for PM's I think it's the solitude and privacy of that sector that allows for them to be a more calming place to speak rather the open theatre of a thread. I think you can find out much more about a person in a PM especially if you're reaching out to them to get a better understanding about a matter. People from what I can tell are more willing to open up but be aware cause some will use that against you, just to get one up on someone.
    Some folks love to perform and show much they can intimidate on the internet which I find is laughable.

    Peace
    *We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti

    *MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
    .....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti

    *The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)


  • __ Posts: 6,651
    I've noticed this too, once or twice perhaps with myself even. But I don't think it's about being macho or performing in public or whatever at all.... almost the opposite, in fact. I think in a thread people feel anonymous and often like they're just talking in general but not necessarily to a particular person or audience, just kind putting their thoughts out there. Whereas in a PM it's a one-on-one conversation specifically with a particular person, so you might be more sensitive about not hurting his/her feelings. Plus it's kind of less anonymous because now you've "met" that person. Also, if one party reaches out to the other via PM, it can seem kind of like an olive branch, which wasn't likely previously extended when arguing in a thread Does that make sense?

    Interesting question.
  • TriumphantAngelTriumphantAngel Posts: 1,760
    scb wrote:
    I've noticed this too, once or twice perhaps with myself even. But I don't think it's about being macho or performing in public or whatever at all.... almost the opposite, in fact. I think in a thread people feel anonymous and often like they're just talking in general but not necessarily to a particular person or audience, just kind putting their thoughts out there. Whereas in a PM it's a one-on-one conversation specifically with a particular person, so you might be more sensitive about not hurting his/her feelings. Plus it's kind of less anonymous because now you've "met" that person. Also, if one party reaches out to the other via PM, it can seem kind of like an olive branch, which wasn't likely previously extended when arguing in a thread Does that make sense?

    Interesting question.
    makes perfect sense and i agree with you scb.

    usually when i post, i don't see it as posting to a ''particular person". most of the time i have the avatar option switched off which makes it harder to recognize who you might be posting to, unless you are familiar with the poster anyway. if it is a subject i am particulary passionate about, and there's a couple, i don't hold back. everyones different, and i know i'm guilty of wearing my heart on my sleeve sometimes. that can work against me, because some people will figure out that weakness and crucify you for it. even when you have valid points. so i think if i was honest, i would have to say that sometimes i am more robot like when i reply on the board and different to how i may be in a one on one conversation in a pm with someone.

    my thoughts and views on the subject discussed would not change and i stand by that, but my approach possibly would, depending on the conversation.

    not that it happens too often. i'm glad most of you bitches don't pm me.

    :mrgreen:
  • redrockredrock Posts: 18,341
    PMs are one-to-one. You focus on what each other have to say and reflect more. In threads you are in a group situation, making individual points, general points, etc. More difficult to stay focussed. I feel it is no different than having a face to face conversation with someone and having the same discussion with 10 or so people sitting in a pub or something.
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,721
    redrock wrote:
    PMs are one-to-one. You focus on what each other have to say and reflect more. In threads you are in a group situation, making individual points, general points, etc. More difficult to stay focussed. I feel it is no different than having a face to face conversation with someone and having the same discussion with 10 or so people sitting in a pub or something.
    +1 and its so easy to play smart and try to show u are better in alot of people + u will find someone to agrre with u so u feel that your opinion is stronger..face to face is more difficult and more intresting..
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • TriumphantAngelTriumphantAngel Posts: 1,760
    i'd also like to take a moment to remind everyone that TriumphantAngel is my name, Text To Movies are my game.

    if you are silly enough to mess with me, it's highly likely that you will find new found fame and become the ''star'' of my latest movie.

    it's really quite empowering. great therapy. waaaaaaaaaaay better than silly arguing on a message board.

    that is all. carry on.

    ;)
  • redrockredrock Posts: 18,341
    TriumphantAngel wrote:
    waaaaaaaaaaay better than silly arguing on a message board. ;)

    It's not arguing, it's and exchange of ideas... right D? ;)
  • TriumphantAngelTriumphantAngel Posts: 1,760
    redrock wrote:
    TriumphantAngel wrote:
    waaaaaaaaaaay better than silly arguing on a message board. ;)

    It's not arguing, it's and exchange of ideas... right D? ;)
    that too.. ;)
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,721
    redrock wrote:
    TriumphantAngel wrote:
    waaaaaaaaaaay better than silly arguing on a message board. ;)

    It's not arguing, it's and exchange of ideas... right D? ;)
    well said WOMAN!!! 8-) this exchange is ...ALL the money ;)
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • ByrnzieByrnzie Posts: 21,037
    TriumphantAngel wrote:
    i'd also like to take a moment to remind everyone that TriumphantAngel is my name, Text To Movies are my game.

    if you are silly enough to mess with me, it's highly likely that you will find new found fame and become the ''star'' of my latest movie.

    it's really quite empowering. great therapy. waaaaaaaaaaay better than silly arguing on a message board.

    that is all. carry on.

    ;)

    I'd like to see you do a movie of me. :P
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    Byrnzie wrote:
    TriumphantAngel wrote:
    i'd also like to take a moment to remind everyone that TriumphantAngel is my name, Text To Movies are my game.

    if you are silly enough to mess with me, it's highly likely that you will find new found fame and become the ''star'' of my latest movie.

    it's really quite empowering. great therapy. waaaaaaaaaaay better than silly arguing on a message board.

    that is all. carry on.

    ;)

    I'd like to see you do a movie of me. :P


    she doesnt do blueys. ;)shame

    I've said worse things via pm than i would say here because then I won't get banned. :thumbup:
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • JeanwahJeanwah Posts: 6,363
    redrock wrote:
    PMs are one-to-one. You focus on what each other have to say and reflect more. In threads you are in a group situation, making individual points, general points, etc. More difficult to stay focussed. I feel it is no different than having a face to face conversation with someone and having the same discussion with 10 or so people sitting in a pub or something.
    I agree. Trying to communicate with a group of people is quite different that communicating with one.
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    maybe by the time it got to pms you both wanted to work things out
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