Last words,.....

the wolf · January 2010

he awoke with a start
heart pounding behind sleep shut eyes
"this is it"
he thought to himself
no more, no more
the beauty of the night
inspired his dark thoughts

in the cold still night
he felt more alive,
open to whatever life, or "God"
had planned for him

all seemed right
"right as rain"
he said to no one,
because there was no one
left to hear his musings

he laughed to himself

no more,
money
pain
hurt
love
life
death
family or friends
no more,
regret
guilt
anger
fear of loss
dreams
or depression

he could be free,
not only in name
but in mind, body and soul

no more,
lonely nights
no more uphill fights
no more, no fucking more

his life had spiraled out of control

there was no beauty
no love
no safety
or security
no sanctuary
no solitude
nor joy
just emptiness

his thoughts and heart
as black as the night sky at which he starred

nightmares had now replaced dreams
" those fucking nightmares "
and irony no longer amused him

apathy instead of hope
coldness prevailed over warmth
sorrow over happiness

in the cold still night
he felt a single tear fall to the ground

"so this is what "IT" feels like"

he suddenly felt very tired
he returned to bed, no longer afraid
and drifted away.

last words.