What is the difference between:

MrMerkinball

I have a couple of "hypothetical" questions.

1.What (if any) is the difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone?

2. When you are married, is it ok to find someone else attractive?

3. Are you violating the trust of your spouse if you find yourself attracted to another person, but never act on it or saying about it. i.e. you truly keep your feelings to yourself.

dimitrispearljam

dont see any hypothetical question here

MrMerkinball

dimitrispearljam wrote:

dont see any hypothetical question here

Easy there Dimitris!!!

decides2dream

MrMerkinball wrote:

I have a couple of "hypothetical" questions.

1.What (if any) is the difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone?

2. When you are married, is it ok to find someone else attractive?

3. Are you violating the trust of your spouse if you find yourself attracted to another person, but never act on it or saying about it. i.e. you truly keep your feelings to yourself.

1. finding someone attractive is simply, objectively, finding their appearance appealing.
being attracted to someone goes beyond mere surfaces, you are attracted/drawn to the person.

2. finding someone attractive, even if you are married = a-ok.
being attracted to someone when married = possible danger.

3. no violation.
i don't even think saying you find someone attractive is a violation, or wrong in any way, all depends on the kind of relationship you have with your spouse. now if you are truly attracted to them beyond surfaces, yea....could spell danger, and probably not a good idea to share with spouse, and probably something to move past.



dimitri....well done.
your grasp of english is well beyond what many give you credit for.

dimitrispearljam

MrMerkinball wrote:

dimitrispearljam wrote:

dont see any hypothetical question here

Easy there Dimitris!!!

just comment my thought

dcfaithful

decides2dream wrote:

MrMerkinball wrote:

I have a couple of "hypothetical" questions.

1.What (if any) is the difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone?

2. When you are married, is it ok to find someone else attractive?

3. Are you violating the trust of your spouse if you find yourself attracted to another person, but never act on it or saying about it. i.e. you truly keep your feelings to yourself.

1. finding someone attractive is simply, objectively, finding their appearance appealing.
being attracted to someone goes beyond mere surfaces, you are attracted/drawn to the person.

2. finding someone attractive, even if you are married = a-ok.
being attracted to someone when married = possible danger.

3. no violation.
i don't even think saying you find someone attractive is a violation, or wrong in any way, all depends on the kind of relationship you have with your spouse. now if you are truly attracted to them beyond surfaces, yea....could spell danger, and probably not a good idea to share with spouse, and probably something to move past.



dimitri....well done.
your grasp of english is well beyond what many give you credit for.

d2d's post has my huge stamp of "agreed". I see no problem in finding someone attractive if you're in a relationship or married, but being attracted to someone could throw a wrench in things.

I think we're all guilty of finding someone attractive while in a relationship...you can't deny your mind when you see someone and honestly think they're good looking. The real problem is then if you're going to pursue it. :?

Claireack

Ditto

dimitrispearljam

decides2dream wrote:

MrMerkinball wrote:

I have a couple of "hypothetical" questions.

1.What (if any) is the difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone?

2. When you are married, is it ok to find someone else attractive?

3. Are you violating the trust of your spouse if you find yourself attracted to another person, but never act on it or saying about it. i.e. you truly keep your feelings to yourself.

1. finding someone attractive is simply, objectively, finding their appearance appealing.
being attracted to someone goes beyond mere surfaces, you are attracted/drawn to the person.

2. finding someone attractive, even if you are married = a-ok.
being attracted to someone when married = possible danger.

3. no violation.
i don't even think saying you find someone attractive is a violation, or wrong in any way, all depends on the kind of relationship you have with your spouse. now if you are truly attracted to them beyond surfaces, yea....could spell danger, and probably not a good idea to share with spouse, and probably something to move past.



dimitri....well done.
your grasp of english is well beyond what many give you credit for.

+1 for your comment..and thanks for try to understand my greekenglish

jecica

I agree with Decides2dream too. Are you in the "I find everyone attractive but my spouse" phase? I am going through a bit of that right now. NOT acting on it, but the thoughts and day dreams are a bit much sometimes. I stopped feeling guilty about it and just accepted that it's a part of marriage. I think when you act upon your attractions, than no good will come. Thinking about it all day and night = okay.

_

I agree with d2d. To me it's the difference between objectively acknowledging (in your head) that someone is an attractive person and feeling (perhaps with other parts of your body) drawn to them or desire for them. For instance, as a heterosexual woman, I find plenty of other women attractive, but I'm not attracted to them.

decides2dream

jecica wrote:

I agree with Decides2dream too. Are you in the "I find everyone attractive but my spouse" phase? I am going through a bit of that right now. NOT acting on it, but the thoughts and day dreams are a bit much sometimes. I stopped feeling guilty about it and just accepted that it's a part of marriage. I think when you act upon your attractions, than no good will come. Thinking about it all day and night = okay.

idk why exactly, but this really made me laugh. :?


just hope you don't share this info with your spouse. ouch.

btw - all signs point to, fantasies are good, single or coupled.

MrMerkinball

What about periodically fantasizing about not being married.....not having kids......and actually having some freedom?

Who Princess

MrMerkinball wrote:

What about periodically fantasizing about not being married.....not having kids......and actually having some freedom?

I think that's called Being Human.
Everybody likes to imagine What If occasionally. I don't think there's anything wrong with that unless it's a preoccupation and you start to think about how to fulfill it.
Hopefully, my What If's relieve some stress and help me to evaluate what I have now.

decides2dream

MrMerkinball wrote:

What about periodically fantasizing about not being married.....not having kids......and actually having some freedom?

hahahahahahaha....ouch.
i have a lot of freedom, even being married. i think the trick with that is, we skipped the having kids part. however, i am sure your children bring you great joy (along with being an anchor ) good and bad in everything, eh?

and, even so.....you bet......don't we all fantasize about another life, one different from our own....whatever our own may look like? imagination is masturbation. ha.