things people tell you to do, & you know you should,but cant

haffajappa

I've always been athletic and on numerous sports teams through out my life, but typically am out of shape most of the time (not sure how that works but anyways.)

so my best friend has always been the unathletic one, but lately has gone on a health and fitness kick, going to the gym a lot and such. i'm really proud of her because she usually doesn't like doing active stuff.
however, lately she has become somewhat self-righteous about it, making me feel shitty for not being as active and such.

i try to be as polite as possible because i know our situations are totally different: while we both live with our parents and are university students, her mother is a stay at home mom who pays for her car (plus gas, insurance etc), makes her 3 meals a day, does her laundry, etc etc. She also is unemployed. I work 30+ hours a week on top of being a full time student, go to soccer about 2-3 times per week.

She's been urging me to do the Sun Run but i have no time to train and i'm no good at long distance running, but she continues to tell me to "make time" and how its not that hard to go for runs on breaks at school (my breaks are transit rides to work). She tells me to go for runs when I get off work, but I catch a bus at 6:30am to go to school (hour and a half commute each way) and work until 10pm at night! I just keep my mouth shut because she is my best friend but it is REALLY starting to annoy me.

/end rant.

(sorry)

does anyone else have someone like this? i know i should be getting more fit but its different when your an employed student and unemployed student :roll:

catefrances

is there anyway you can kindly tell her to back the fuck off. that youll get to the fitness thing when you get to it. and if you never do then thats your business.

haffajappa

catefrances wrote:

is there anyway you can kindly tell her to back the fuck off. that youll get to the fitness thing when you get to it. and if you never do then thats your business.

lol if only.
i've known her almost my whole life, she's never really ever gotten this way which is why i don't know what to say, other than complain to my boyfriend about it haha.

the worse part is her mother is one of those "my child is the best child on the face of the planet" people. i dont mean in the usual sense, i mean in the sense that she talks as if what her kids do others don't do as well... anyways its just frustrating.

i think she is trying to motivate me, but its just frustrating because our situations are so different and she doesn't understand what its like to work a lot of hours and keep up with school.

catefrances

haffajappa wrote:

catefrances wrote:

is there anyway you can kindly tell her to back the fuck off. that youll get to the fitness thing when you get to it. and if you never do then thats your business.

lol if only.
i've known her almost my whole life, she's never really ever gotten this way which is why i don't know what to say, other than complain to my boyfriend about it haha.

the worse part is her mother is one of those "my child is the best child on the face of the planet" people. i dont mean in the usual sense, i mean in the sense that she talks as if what her kids do others don't do as well... anyways its just frustrating.

i think she is trying to motivate me, but its just frustrating because our situations are so different and she doesn't understand what its like to work a lot of hours and keep up with school.

tell her its great that she has all the time in the world to dedicate herself to being fit but for you school is way too time consuming and that during semeter break youll look into it. that should shut her up for...oh... at least a week......... maybe.

justam

If she's your best friend, wouldn't she understand if you explained how you feel to her? You could tell her that she's making you feel bad and that it's painful to you that she doesn't realize that your situation is different from hers. It sounds like she's being really thoughtless and insensitive.

I think the worst part about people saying thoughtless things is that they make the person receiving the message (in this case, YOU) feel like it's their fault that something feels wrong when REALLY it's the cloddish person who is saying inappropriate things who is at fault!

haffajappa

well her boyfriend has just lost 25 pounds as well so she is so motivated.

like i said i dont think she is realising she is doing it.

its not like i'm not active... I've been playing soccer for about 15 years and softball every second spring or so. But she asks me to go to the gym and either I'm busy or I don't go. Why? because I choose to walk my dog instead - why would i pay to go to the gym when I have an 80 pound husky that needs walking? There's no sense in leaving the dog at home sitting there and excercising elsewhere. But I think my friend just thinks i'm being lazy.

Cliffy6745

Stuff White People Like...


#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside

As mentioned earlier, white people love to be outside. But not everyone knows that another thing they like to do is make people feel bad for wanting to watch sports on TV or play videogames. While it would be easy to get angry at white people for this, remember it is hard wired in their head that the greatest thing a person can do in their free time is to hike/walk/bike outdoors.

Usually, they will see that you are preparing to enjoy your life and they will say “hey, lets go for a hike in the park,” and most people will say “hey, thanks but I’ve been working all week and I’m really excited about watching this game,” and then they will respond “don’t be a lump on the couch, you’re wasting your life away, etc…” If you ignore them, they will eventually go away.

And much like most things with white people – they win both ways. If you decide to go with them, they feel good about getting someone off the couch and “into the fresh air,” and if you don’t decide to go, they can spend their entire time outdoors saying “boy, this is great, X doesn’t know what he/she is missing!” and running on a mix of self-satisfaction, Odwalla juice and muesli.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01 ... g-outside/

haffajappa

Cliffy6745 wrote:

Stuff White People Like...


#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside

As mentioned earlier, white people love to be outside. But not everyone knows that another thing they like to do is make people feel bad for wanting to watch sports on TV or play videogames. While it would be easy to get angry at white people for this, remember it is hard wired in their head that the greatest thing a person can do in their free time is to hike/walk/bike outdoors.

Usually, they will see that you are preparing to enjoy your life and they will say “hey, lets go for a hike in the park,” and most people will say “hey, thanks but I’ve been working all week and I’m really excited about watching this game,” and then they will respond “don’t be a lump on the couch, you’re wasting your life away, etc…” If you ignore them, they will eventually go away.

And much like most things with white people – they win both ways. If you decide to go with them, they feel good about getting someone off the couch and “into the fresh air,” and if you don’t decide to go, they can spend their entire time outdoors saying “boy, this is great, X doesn’t know what he/she is missing!” and running on a mix of self-satisfaction, Odwalla juice and muesli.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01 ... g-outside/

that makes sense. she is definitely 50% more Caucasian than me!

norm

haffajappa wrote:

her mother is a stay at home mom who pays for her car (plus gas, insurance etc), makes her 3 meals a day, does her laundry, etc etc. She also is unemployed. I work 30+ hours a week on top of being a full time student, go to soccer about 2-3 times per week.

haffajappa wrote:

the worse part is her mother is one of those "my child is the best child on the face of the planet" people. i dont mean in the usual sense, i mean in the sense that she talks as if what her kids do others don't do as well... anyways its just frustrating.

i'm sure she's a wonderful person and all, but reading this...she has no idea of reality and no matter what you say, i don't think she'll get it


tell her you twisted your knee and can't train right now and whenever you see her, limp

Cliffy6745

haffajappa wrote:

Cliffy6745 wrote:

Stuff White People Like...


#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside

As mentioned earlier, white people love to be outside. But not everyone knows that another thing they like to do is make people feel bad for wanting to watch sports on TV or play videogames. While it would be easy to get angry at white people for this, remember it is hard wired in their head that the greatest thing a person can do in their free time is to hike/walk/bike outdoors.

Usually, they will see that you are preparing to enjoy your life and they will say “hey, lets go for a hike in the park,” and most people will say “hey, thanks but I’ve been working all week and I’m really excited about watching this game,” and then they will respond “don’t be a lump on the couch, you’re wasting your life away, etc…” If you ignore them, they will eventually go away.

And much like most things with white people – they win both ways. If you decide to go with them, they feel good about getting someone off the couch and “into the fresh air,” and if you don’t decide to go, they can spend their entire time outdoors saying “boy, this is great, X doesn’t know what he/she is missing!” and running on a mix of self-satisfaction, Odwalla juice and muesli.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01 ... g-outside/

that makes sense. she is definitely 50% more Caucasian than me!

Haha, that just reminded me of that. Pretty funny site to mess around on if you are bored.

Seriously though, she is feeling good about herself so don't rain on her parade but mention something to her that you get your exercise by walking your dog, playing soccer, etc.

haffajappa

norm wrote:

haffajappa wrote:

her mother is a stay at home mom who pays for her car (plus gas, insurance etc), makes her 3 meals a day, does her laundry, etc etc. She also is unemployed. I work 30+ hours a week on top of being a full time student, go to soccer about 2-3 times per week.

haffajappa wrote:

the worse part is her mother is one of those "my child is the best child on the face of the planet" people. i dont mean in the usual sense, i mean in the sense that she talks as if what her kids do others don't do as well... anyways its just frustrating.

i'm sure she's a wonderful person and all, but reading this...she has no idea of reality and no matter what you say, i don't think she'll get it


tell her you twisted your knee and can't train right now and whenever you see her, limp

lol she doesnt. she's always been very babied, which is fine. i mean she's my best best friend, we're total opposites though. my brother and i have been independant since we were like 10, making our own dinners walking home from school etc. its just what we had to do, our parents work hard. but her mom drives her to the bus stop, 2 blocks away. we're just so different with that kind of stuff... its fine, i think, as long as no one preaches to the other.

justam

haffajappa wrote:

well her boyfriend has just lost 25 pounds as well so she is so motivated.

like i said i dont think she is realising she is doing it.

its not like i'm not active... I've been playing soccer for about 15 years and softball every second spring or so. But she asks me to go to the gym and either I'm busy or I don't go. Why? because I choose to walk my dog instead - why would i pay to go to the gym when I have an 80 pound husky that needs walking? There's no sense in leaving the dog at home sitting there and excercising elsewhere. But I think my friend just thinks i'm being lazy.

She probably doesn't realize she's doing it but she IS doing it. She's oblivious to how she is projecting something that is making you uncomfortable. You're receiving it, she's sending it.

I'm harping on this idea because I think it's important to learn to recognize when people are making you feel bad because of the way they are inaccurately viewing a situation. You're uncomfortable because you're AWARE that she's viewing you as "lazy" rather than as someone who has a limited amount of time and more important things to do.

haffajappa

justam wrote:

haffajappa wrote:

well her boyfriend has just lost 25 pounds as well so she is so motivated.

like i said i dont think she is realising she is doing it.

its not like i'm not active... I've been playing soccer for about 15 years and softball every second spring or so. But she asks me to go to the gym and either I'm busy or I don't go. Why? because I choose to walk my dog instead - why would i pay to go to the gym when I have an 80 pound husky that needs walking? There's no sense in leaving the dog at home sitting there and excercising elsewhere. But I think my friend just thinks i'm being lazy.

She probably doesn't realize she's doing it but she IS doing it. She's oblivious to how she is projecting something that is making you uncomfortable. You're receiving it, she's sending it.

I'm harping on this idea because I think it's important to learn to recognize when people are making you feel bad because of the way they are inaccurately viewing a situation. You're uncomfortable because you're AWARE that she's viewing you as "lazy" rather than as someone who has a limited amount of time and more important things to do.

Yeah, totally agree. I can't stand people having wrong impressions of me. It bothers me she can't see the issue. Maybe I should be a super woman who runs 10k after a 16 hour work/school day... buuuuut, ya know..

justam

haffajappa wrote:

Yeah, totally agree. I can't stand people having wrong impressions of me. It bothers me she can't see the issue. Maybe I should be a super woman who runs 10k after a 16 hour work/school day... buuuuut, ya know..