How Pearl Jam saved my life
Break The Sky
Posts: 1,276
I've never started my own thread before on the forums. Whenever I saw something interesting I would comment on it but I never had anything I felt was important enough to say to start a thread. Today I have something important to say.
About two years and four months ago, I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease, the same disease that Mike McCready is diagnosed with. Before I was officially diagnosed, I was in constant pain for about two years with that pain growing exponentially every day that came closer to my date of diagnosis. Everyday activities that I had taken for granted all my life were becoming harder and harder to do. I found it harder and harder to get out of bed each morning, go to class or work, and just go about my day as usual. My life bad become reduced to the most basic form it could be reduced to. I was afraid to eat, because whenever I ate anything I became excruciatingly ill. I was spinning. I couldn't tell up from down and the life I woke up to every morning surely wasn't the life I had come to know as my own.
After throwing around incorrect diagnosis for a year and a half or so, my doctors finally landed on Crohn's disease. This diagnosis gave me little resolve. It was the same disease I had watched my grandmother suffer from her entire life. I was well versed on the kind of pain and frustration it can bring, having seen it be a hindrance to my grandmother ever since I was young. I was still in pain but now I was in the hospital as well. My doctors decided that my disease was far enough advanced that the only way to improve the quality of my life would be to surgically removed the affected parts of my small intestine. All of this happening so fast was like a fist to the jaw. I was scared, confused, and alone. I needed something to grab onto, for surely I was falling and falling fast.
My father had mentioned to me in passing word that Mike McCready of Pearl Jam had dealt with Crohn's disease for the past twenty years or so. He recommended that I start listening to Pearl Jam to keep myself occupied while I spent my days on my back. I picked up their music and never set it down again. Pearl Jam kept me company when I everything else in this world had betrayed me. The music, the lyrics, the message, everything about their music captivated me. They gave me a new spectrum of inspiration and hope while everything else in the world turned gray. Pearl Jam helped me come to accept this new life that I was positive I didn't deserve. Some days, they were the only thing that kept me hanging on.
Finally, the day of my surgery arrived. All the poking, prodding, tubes here, IV there, swallow these pills. . . it had all come to culminate. Before the anesthetics kicked in, I had one last chance to have a passing thought before I blacked out. "Once you hold the hand of love, it's all surmountable." Seven and a half hours later, barely able to feel myself from the morphine, I opened up my eyes to see my father and mother standing beside me. That was the day my life did the best it could to return to normal. That day was two years ago today.
In three hours I have an appointment to get my very first tattoo. It's nothing original. . . I'm going to get the stickman from the cover of Alive. Other than the family members who stood by my side unconditionally through my times of tribulation, Pearl Jam is the only thing in this world that has found its way to my heart. . . and that's exactly where the tattoo is going.
I don't know if the guys from the band ever take a look at the forums or not, but thank you. Thank you Eddie, Stone, Jeff, Matt, and especially Mike. I don't know if I would have been able to overcome without your help. The life I live today may not be the same as the one I owned two years ago, but I promise I wouldn't trade it for the world. I wake up every morning and live my life with a time bomb strapped to my chest. I am a better person because of what I've been through and I never would have made it to this point without your help. You helped me to realize that my life was worth living. Thank you so much.
"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." -Jack London
About two years and four months ago, I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease, the same disease that Mike McCready is diagnosed with. Before I was officially diagnosed, I was in constant pain for about two years with that pain growing exponentially every day that came closer to my date of diagnosis. Everyday activities that I had taken for granted all my life were becoming harder and harder to do. I found it harder and harder to get out of bed each morning, go to class or work, and just go about my day as usual. My life bad become reduced to the most basic form it could be reduced to. I was afraid to eat, because whenever I ate anything I became excruciatingly ill. I was spinning. I couldn't tell up from down and the life I woke up to every morning surely wasn't the life I had come to know as my own.
After throwing around incorrect diagnosis for a year and a half or so, my doctors finally landed on Crohn's disease. This diagnosis gave me little resolve. It was the same disease I had watched my grandmother suffer from her entire life. I was well versed on the kind of pain and frustration it can bring, having seen it be a hindrance to my grandmother ever since I was young. I was still in pain but now I was in the hospital as well. My doctors decided that my disease was far enough advanced that the only way to improve the quality of my life would be to surgically removed the affected parts of my small intestine. All of this happening so fast was like a fist to the jaw. I was scared, confused, and alone. I needed something to grab onto, for surely I was falling and falling fast.
My father had mentioned to me in passing word that Mike McCready of Pearl Jam had dealt with Crohn's disease for the past twenty years or so. He recommended that I start listening to Pearl Jam to keep myself occupied while I spent my days on my back. I picked up their music and never set it down again. Pearl Jam kept me company when I everything else in this world had betrayed me. The music, the lyrics, the message, everything about their music captivated me. They gave me a new spectrum of inspiration and hope while everything else in the world turned gray. Pearl Jam helped me come to accept this new life that I was positive I didn't deserve. Some days, they were the only thing that kept me hanging on.
Finally, the day of my surgery arrived. All the poking, prodding, tubes here, IV there, swallow these pills. . . it had all come to culminate. Before the anesthetics kicked in, I had one last chance to have a passing thought before I blacked out. "Once you hold the hand of love, it's all surmountable." Seven and a half hours later, barely able to feel myself from the morphine, I opened up my eyes to see my father and mother standing beside me. That was the day my life did the best it could to return to normal. That day was two years ago today.
In three hours I have an appointment to get my very first tattoo. It's nothing original. . . I'm going to get the stickman from the cover of Alive. Other than the family members who stood by my side unconditionally through my times of tribulation, Pearl Jam is the only thing in this world that has found its way to my heart. . . and that's exactly where the tattoo is going.
I don't know if the guys from the band ever take a look at the forums or not, but thank you. Thank you Eddie, Stone, Jeff, Matt, and especially Mike. I don't know if I would have been able to overcome without your help. The life I live today may not be the same as the one I owned two years ago, but I promise I wouldn't trade it for the world. I wake up every morning and live my life with a time bomb strapped to my chest. I am a better person because of what I've been through and I never would have made it to this point without your help. You helped me to realize that my life was worth living. Thank you so much.
"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." -Jack London
If hope can grow from dirt like me ...
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P.S. That Jack London quote has long been my favorite quote of all time. It just resonates with one's soul and passions.
Los Angeles 10.7.2009