A Sad Goodbye

yatahe

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Claireack

You are in a lot of pain right now, but hang on in there, things will improve in time.

Have you got someone close by that you can visit and talk to? Friend, family member?

skyeriverwinter

I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain. I am sorry this person has left you so crippled emotionally. If they told you they loved you, as you say they did, I am sure that love is somewhere in their heart. You healed this person and that is wonderful. You've been waiting since 2006 for them to come back? Did they tell you after that they would return?

Love is love...it leads you in many directions over a lifetime. What you or I see as worthy or unworthy of love may not be to someone else. Maybe this person is being who they really are now and who they have always been. Maybe they never were what they pretended to be. We can never truly know someones true nature...only what they are willing to show.

Please try to stay strong...

yatahe

Yes, I have some people. I am just devistated today but know that it will get better someday. It makes me realize how people feel when they feel so low they don't want to live. I won't take my life because my daughter needs me. Life is hard sometimes. It will make me more empathetic to others-this pain.

Thank you for being so supportive and caring.

Claireack wrote:

You are in a lot of pain right now, but hang on in there, things will improve in time.

Have you got someone close by that you can visit and talk to? Friend, family member?

the wolf

I'm sorry.

Reading this made me think of something I wrote for my ex wife when I realized that she was moving on, and I not a part of her "moving plans" or future.

In the end you want them to be happy. Even if it means you have to carry around a dark cloud with you for the rest of your days. and that is hard to deal with at the start of it all.

the good news is, sometimes the dark cloud parts, and lets a bit of sunshine in.

yatahe

Thank you for your kind words.

In 2006, this person was in another relationship and I saw that he was sick in his heart (not happy). So I have been thinking of him all the time (kind of like a prayer) and we got closer these past years. Especially this recent peak in the last 6 months. I was waiting and hoping we would be together (sounds so desperate huh?) someday and then he left me to be with someone else (who he has invested himself into with through children-their relatinship has been rocky at times) . I guess he just wanted to be my friend. But I have seen it before, when I was not in his life he was sad and so skinny and sickly looking. So I came back to him as a friend as I had before but for me I could not just be his friend because I was secretly in love with him. That is why I came and went starting back from 1998. I tred to save him and then saw he started a relationship and then I tried to move on with my life and then that is when he got sick in 2006 (like he was heart sick). Still, I dont know if he knows what he needs but I am not going to push it on him either. I love him and always will but I cannot take his love. Just wish he would see this. I cannot blame him for his choices. But I feel I know what he needs-LOVE> I dont think he knows where the sunshine comes from (me). It happens everytime when I go away emotionally, he becomes sad again and unhappy and i dont think he knows why. I think we are soul mates but he gave up on that dream long ago because he waited for so long for this person he saw in his dream when he was young. So I dont blame him, he is trying to move on. I just dont think he knows it is me. (and I am pretty sure it is). (When I first saw him a voice told me "you will marry him someday"-i know sounds wierd but that happens to people all the time). I want him to figure it out himself without me telling him and forcing it down his throat. It would not be the same thing if I tried to tell him. Know what I mean??? Now he is settling down with someone else and I have sat back and waited for him to turn around but now I am forced to leave emotionally again so that I can get over him and try to find someone and make a life with someone else someday. or atleast try to. I just dont think I can move on because I tried before and I felt like I was cheating out the guys I was with because I could not give them my all. All my love. cause my heart has always been with this other guy. So should I try to move on and live a lie? I cant do it. And that is why I said I would be an elderly lady still alone. My grandma tried to be with someone she was not truly in love with (my grandpa) and they were miserable,. He drank cause he knew my grandma wasnt in love with him. I did a painting of her when she worked in a small town of her as a waitress. The reason it was meaningful is because of her story. She was really in love with the man sitting at the end of the counter but she thought he was in love with someone else and she moved on. Later she found out that his marriage was broken and that he loved her too. But because she did not wait she missed him. They missed the chance to spend their life together. to grow old together. And so the moral of the story is and what my grandma told me was "dont settle".
. But i am not knocking anything cause every one has their own dream goal in life. Mine is to be with my soul mate. And for me, I am a student to get my masters for counseling (scary huh? :P ) and not that that means alot but i am aware i am very disturbed in my heart right now. My family wonders why I am not with anyone and think i am a little crazy. it is hard to understand i guess. I just have to stay true to myself. It will take me a long time to get over this, if ever. Sometimes it is a lonely road.Thanks for your ears.

skyeriverwinter wrote:

I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain. I am sorry this person has left you so crippled emotionally. If they told you they loved you, as you say they did, I am sure that love is somewhere in their heart. You healed this person and that is wonderful. You've been waiting since 2006 for them to come back? Did they tell you after that they would return?

Love is love...it leads you in many directions over a lifetime. What you or I see as worthy or unworthy of love may not be to someone else. Maybe this person is being who they really are now and who they have always been. Maybe they never were what they pretended to be. We can never truly know someones true nature...only what they are willing to show.

Please try to stay strong...

yatahe

Thanks. Yeah, I have read your poems and can relate to you. I know there will be sunshine. It just feels so dark right now. I literally feel like I am dying inside.

the wolf wrote:

I'm sorry.

Reading this made me think of something I wrote for my ex wife when I realized that she was moving on, and I not a part of her "moving plans" or future.

In the end you want them to be happy. Even if it means you have to carry around a dark cloud with you for the rest of your days. and that is hard to deal with at the start of it all.

the good news is, sometimes the dark cloud parts, and lets a bit of sunshine in.

PearlOfAGirl

I can really relate to this pain you are feeling... :(