just ended 4 years with my girl and need some help

J_LAWN

I frequent a few different forums around the web but you guys seem like the nicest and most down to earth group by far so here goes...

I've been dating this girl since my senior year of high school and all was well. Then I went to school 3 hours away (she stayed at home) and she seems to have lost all trust in me. I can't even go out with my friends on a friday night without her freaking out. And any friend i have who is a female she gets EXTREMELY jealous of and thinks that the girl is trying to steal me away from her.

So enough was enough tonight so i decided to end it because she was making me miserable. But the thing is I still love her but deep down I know (hope) that this is the best thing for me. It's just so tough for me to be alone right now and not go back to her. I'm just trying to stay strong so any words of advice you guys can give me would be awesome.

Thanks,
J

joely_91

probably not the best person to answer this...but seriously who is...? I hate to say it but you might need to think a little bit selfishly at times because as a friend once told me, if your not happy with the way things are, then she wont be either because sadly most of your frustration might be directed towards her.....maybe just sit down with her and talk about it, and it's not really a matter to get worked up over .....but you have to be be happy with how things are yourself and not be walked all over either, although its nice to think that you can give up your happiness for someone else, its not worth it because in the end it might get worse for the both of you?

dimitrispearljam

so i decided to end it because she was making me miserable..

u just said it...is hard,is difficult,where u love someone..but in life sometimes u have to let it go...
if she dont get it,put her to listen black..again and again..she will...
i hope u feel better soon and give the love u have inside u to a person that will respect your wishes a little more

CratePilot

Think you've done the right thing. Both of you can cool off a bit ..... you see how you feel about her ..... and let her have a think about her actions and how she feels about you. It'll all work out for the best ...... the break'll be good .... either you'll miss each other like mad and try and work it out or you'll both move on. I wouldn't say "ended" until you are sure how you feel though. Good luck

Claireack

Think you did the right thing, sounds like she wasn't happy and neither were you. Give it time and see how things pan out over the next few weeks. Take care.

nuffingman

I don't think any of us can really be that helpful but I also think you've done the right thing. A cooling off period is a good idea. Jealousy is a horrible thing for the one that's jealous and the other person. If she doesn't sort this out she'll make partner's lives a misery.

I've only experienced this once many years ago. I was in trouble if I even spoke to another woman, but it was OK for her to speak to other guys. :?: :?: :?: It was a great relief when like you I said enough.

Good luck mate.

meme

sorry :(

It sounds like a lot of insecurity on her side. She should probably engage in something that makes her feel good, happy, and realized in her life. Perhaps that's something you could suggest if you guys get back together.

I understand you are feeling lost right now, but take this opportunity to cool off a little bit. The important thing is that you were frank and open about the reason you had to leave. It's not good to be in a relationship like that. It really saps the love out of it, and it's no fun anymore.

philthehip

Sounds like you have done the best thing all round my friend. You have taken the hardest step and has to congratulated. I wish you all the best and remember, you always have PJ and your jammily to help you through.

Fifthelement

Ahhh, I'm sorry, ending a relationship is never easy. From what you have written though, I am inclined to believe that you have made a very wise decision.

When a relationship begins to make you feel that miserable, it is definitely time to reevaluate what it is that you want/need in your life. Your former girlfriend sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. Such unreasonable jealousy, by either sex, never bodes well for the future of a relationship.

Your uni years should be a time of exploration and growth. Have fun, keep in touch with her (if that seems like a good idea) and remember, every relationship that you have teaches you a valuable lesson: what you are willing to accept in your life, and even more importantly what you are NOT willing to accept in your life. Good luck (((hugs)))

decides2dream

stay strong. you absolutely need your independence, and you should be able to enjoy your life as you want. also, it is soooo important for TRUST to exit in a relationship. without it, imo, there's not much else. i'd like to think it's merely being young, perhaps a little immature, as to why she is so jealous, especially with no cause. however, there are people of all ages who are jealous, insecurity knows no bounds apparently. if you truly love her, and she you...perhaps in time you'll reunite. for right now, KNOW you made the right choice for you....and enjoy it all!

polaris_x

wow ... if this isn't proof time travel is possible - then what is!? ... ryan - this may be a glimpse of your future!

DeLukin

Trust is an absolutely critical component in any relationship. If that foundation isn't good, everything built on top of it will crumble. If she can never get to a point where she really trusts you (and you can't get to a point where earning her trust is important to you) the relationship is doomed, IMO. There are obviously reasons why she feels insecure about trust - is it all in her mind, or are you partly to blame? Sometimes, the best thing to do is take some time and look at the relationship objectively and from an outsider's perspective - which is really hard to do when you're 'inside' of it. But if you can do that your path might be clearer to you. Good luck!

pandora

J_LAWN wrote:

I frequent a few different forums around the web but you guys seem like the nicest and most down to earth group by far so here goes...

I've been dating this girl since my senior year of high school and all was well. Then I went to school 3 hours away (she stayed at home) and she seems to have lost all trust in me. I can't even go out with my friends on a friday night without her freaking out. And any friend i have who is a female she gets EXTREMELY jealous of and thinks that the girl is trying to steal me away from her.

So enough was enough tonight so i decided to end it because she was making me miserable. But the thing is I still love her but deep down I know (hope) that this is the best thing for me. It's just so tough for me to be alone right now and not go back to her. I'm just trying to stay strong so any words of advice you guys can give me would be awesome.

Thanks,
J

I think her jealousy stemmed from the fact she knew she was losing you. Well now you are gone- get on with it. She'll be over you in no time and find a nice young man who will take her out Friday nights and show her off not be out with his guy friends. He'll be the best thing for her. And you will hopefully find a wonderful lady who you will greatly appreciate as much as you do the other people in you life. I can hope for that kind of love for you both.

soulsinging

you did the right thing man. sometimes love isnt enough. you may care for her, but the relationship obviously wasnt making you happy and you and she needed to part ways. i recently broke things off with my gf of 3 years. im a bit older and she never did any of those kinds of things, but when it came down to it i just knew i wasnt happy. i love her very much and she means a lot to me, but that isnt always sufficient. you're going to miss her, but it's clear she wasnt making you happy and you werent making her happy either. it's best for you both to cut your losses. she can find a guy closer to home that she can keep tabs on, and you can spend that senior year trying to nail every piece of ass you passed up over the last 3 years. right now while you're hurting, that may not sound so comforting. but trust me, in 5 years when you're actually ready to settle down, you'll be glad to have done it.

Get_Right

whats with all the freshmen and the high-school girlfriends???

You are not happy, so you made the right choice. Just one of many painful and difficult decisions you will face in your life. Buck up and move on knowing you did the right thing. Sometimes you need to be a little bit selfish when it comes to relationships.

Now go out and enjoy the experience of meeting new women and expanding your horizons. Thats what college is all about.

J_LAWN

wow thanks everyone! I'm really taking all your advice to heart and now feel a lot better about the entire situation...glad to see some of you have been in a similar situation and made it out ok. i just need to take my time and see how the whole thing plays out and focus on what matters now (my friends and finishing school)

the wolf

J_LAWN wrote:

wow thanks everyone! I'm really taking all your advice to heart and now feel a lot better about the entire situation...glad to see some of you have been in a similar situation and made it out ok. i just need to take my time and see how the whole thing plays out and focus on what matters now (my friends and finishing school)

Yes, finishing school should be on the top of your list right now. good man


good luck bro.

soulsinging

the wolf wrote:

J_LAWN wrote:

wow thanks everyone! I'm really taking all your advice to heart and now feel a lot better about the entire situation...glad to see some of you have been in a similar situation and made it out ok. i just need to take my time and see how the whole thing plays out and focus on what matters now (my friends and finishing school)

Yes, finishing school should be on the top of your list right now. good man


good luck bro.

no, finishing school isnt that hard and can stand to slip a spot or two. top of the list should be sleeping with as many college girls as he can over the next 4 years. i missed 3 years of that by having a serious gf at the start of college. i tried to make up for it, but there is really no substitute for that first year or two... there's something about girls freshly arrived on college campuses... they're drunk and promiscuous and gotta take advantage while you can!

i quote EL from the movie road trip:
"Think about it Josh, youre in college. The window of opportunity to drink and do drugs and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day."

inmytree

J_LAWN wrote:

wow thanks everyone! I'm really taking all your advice to heart and now feel a lot better about the entire situation...glad to see some of you have been in a similar situation and made it out ok. i just need to take my time and see how the whole thing plays out and focus on what matters now (my friends and finishing school)

I agree with the others who said you did the right thing....you're young...learn from this relationship...now you know what you don't want....learn from it and get out there and chase some tail...

Trust me, a month from now you'll know you made the right choice....

Who Princess

soulsinging wrote:

you did the right thing man. sometimes love isnt enough. you may care for her, but the relationship obviously wasnt making you happy and you and she needed to part ways. i recently broke things off with my gf of 3 years. im a bit older and she never did any of those kinds of things, but when it came down to it i just knew i wasnt happy. i love her very much and she means a lot to me, but that isnt always sufficient. you're going to miss her, but it's clear she wasnt making you happy and you werent making her happy either. it's best for you both to cut your losses. she can find a guy closer to home that she can keep tabs on, and you can spend that senior year trying to nail every piece of ass you passed up over the last 3 years. right now while you're hurting, that may not sound so comforting. but trust me, in 5 years when you're actually ready to settle down, you'll be glad to have done it.

Ever the pragmatist, Soulsinging! :roll:

Then, in case he didn't get it the first time:

soulsinging wrote:

no, finishing school isnt that hard and can stand to slip a spot or two. top of the list should be sleeping with as many college girls as he can over the next 4 years. i missed 3 years of that by having a serious gf at the start of college. i tried to make up for it, but there is really no substitute for that first year or two... there's something about girls freshly arrived on college campuses... they're drunk and promiscuous and gotta take advantage while you can!

i quote EL from the movie road trip:
"Think about it Josh, youre in college. The window of opportunity to drink and do drugs and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day."

I gotta say, it's downright touching the way you dudes look out for each other! :lolno: :P

soulsinging

whoprincess wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

you did the right thing man. sometimes love isnt enough. you may care for her, but the relationship obviously wasnt making you happy and you and she needed to part ways. i recently broke things off with my gf of 3 years. im a bit older and she never did any of those kinds of things, but when it came down to it i just knew i wasnt happy. i love her very much and she means a lot to me, but that isnt always sufficient. you're going to miss her, but it's clear she wasnt making you happy and you werent making her happy either. it's best for you both to cut your losses. she can find a guy closer to home that she can keep tabs on, and you can spend that senior year trying to nail every piece of ass you passed up over the last 3 years. right now while you're hurting, that may not sound so comforting. but trust me, in 5 years when you're actually ready to settle down, you'll be glad to have done it.

Ever the pragmatist, Soulsinging! :roll:

Then, in case he didn't get it the first time:

soulsinging wrote:

no, finishing school isnt that hard and can stand to slip a spot or two. top of the list should be sleeping with as many college girls as he can over the next 4 years. i missed 3 years of that by having a serious gf at the start of college. i tried to make up for it, but there is really no substitute for that first year or two... there's something about girls freshly arrived on college campuses... they're drunk and promiscuous and gotta take advantage while you can!

i quote EL from the movie road trip:
"Think about it Josh, youre in college. The window of opportunity to drink and do drugs and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day."

I gotta say, it's downright touching the way you dudes look out for each other! :lolno: :P

just would hate to see the youngins repeating the mistakes of my past is all