Do you and your parents get along?

musicismylife78

Do you and your parents get along and see eye to eye?

My own relationship with the 'rents, could be distilled to the depiction from Into the Wild. Chris and his parents relationship mirrors my life. Its as if happiness to them is equatable with material success with a house, with a job even. And having had a job I know, that doesnt mean squat. I was and am not happy.

My parents and especially my dad and I have a sort of strained relationship. We can be in the same room, and laugh, and interact, but boiling beneath the surface is always this feeling of anger and whatnot.

My dad and I had several incidents when I was a teenager where he was physical with me, and that is always sort of there, in the air, not always spoken, or acknowledged, but its there.

My dad is a very gruff, intense, and non touchy feely guy. I think I sort of would have been better served with a dad who hugged, who cared, who genuinely was involved.

My dad and I also disagree in general about life, how to live it, what it means, and what the purpose of a parent is.

I think my parents dont understand me. They never understood me, when I went the political and activist route in high school, and now, as I am struggling in my finding myself and my purpose phase, I feel they dont understand this either.

For them, me, their son, is supposed to go to school, graduate, find a job, get married, have kids, and so on. But I really dont want any of that. I want something more satisfying. More important. More joyful.

Not looking for a response to my own situation, but more, how is y'all's relationship with your parents? Do you get along? Do they understand you? Accept you?

Claireack

Not seen my dad in years. He's an ok bloke just not a very good dad. His wife is only a year older than me and I think that it makes him feel old when he remembers I'm 42. We exchange chrismas cards.

Me and my mum get along well now, but it was a very, very, very long time and years of therapy before we got to that point. She only lives about a mile and a half away so we usually see each other every week.

I guess I feel ok about my parents, I don't expect anything from them anymore which makes things a lot easier.

pearljgirl2010

I'm very lucky to be close with my parents (and my brothers)...I don't take that for granted and appreciate them more and more every day :-)

pandora

I was very close to my mom- miss her so much its been 10 years
I loved my Dad dearly- such a wonderful man- I think I would say we were very close considering our unique situation. Hes gone now 19 years wow
I say just try to get along you know before they are gone. Love is the most important thing in this world
I still have their love even though they are not here with me now. Love just stays with you

mfc2006

i've always gotten along well with my Mom...and still do.
Dad & I didn't see eye-to-eye at all until a year before he passed away...which was 5 years ago...
i am so grateful for that year. if you're in the position to make amends & bury the hatchet, i say do it.
it was one of the best decisions of my life.

miss ya, Dad.

eMMI

yes we do. and I'm so so very happy about that.

my parents got divorced when I was 15 (about 7 years ago now) and for a while after that it was tough going. dad moved out and it was just mum and us 5 kids so things were a bit tense.

but things are quite good now. I don't always see my 'rents as often as I'd like but I know they'll always be there for me.

Flagg

Yes we do. Pretty close to my parents. Wasn't always that way, especially in my late teens, early 20's. I've gotten closer to them as I have gotten older.

Cliffy6745

I was an absolute terrible kid and the only reason I am where I am at today is because of my parents. They could have given up on my plently of times. Now we are extremely close.

ZiggyStar

Yep.....fantastically well. My mum is one of the nicest people you will EVER meet. So full of love for her family and everyone in general. My dad fucking rocks and is my best friend. Our brains are identical -- we are so alike it's not funny. The other 4 kids joke that I'm his favourite because we get on soooo well. He's also my business mentor. Love love LOVE my mum and dad!!

South of Seattle

Flagg wrote:

Yes we do. Pretty close to my parents. Wasn't always that way, especially in my late teens, early 20's. I've gotten closer to them as I have gotten older.

Me as well.

I was fairly rebellious as a teen. As I've grown older, I realize how dumb the shit I did was even though none of it was toooo bad.

My folks and I get along fine now.

Heatherj43

I did get along great with my mom, then spent many years despising her, now she has dementia and its like she is gone already. But, my own kids are dealing with getting along with me and their dad. I think there comes a time when kids go and find themselves and oftentimes they have to push their parents away. My youngest is doing that. I know she loves me dearly, but she needs me to stay quite a distance out of her life. She WAS too close to me, if there can be such a thing, and feels she needs that distance to be herself. She doesn't realize this, but I know it. I watch her actions.
She lived with me until she was 24, married and had one child. I had to force her out of the nest.
Now, she is 30 and doesn't have time for me. This is the same kid who would climb into bed with me, even up to age 24, and watch TV and talk, sometimes falling asleep. That is how I know she HAS to push me away. She needs to be her own person.

catefrances

i am a parent and i get along with myself just fine.

81

we havn't fought in years

lukin2006

I don't see my parents that often, other than my sister we are not a particularly close family, I guess some families aren't. I'm OK with it though. I been with my wife since my early 20 's and she's the one person that I could always count on.

zenith

my dad is one of my best friends - when i was young i was pretty strong willed and rebelous ... but i guess most of what he tried to teach me did sink in, and now, along with loving him to death, i respect him more than pretty much any other person ive known. i can talk to him about anything. he's a great role model in my own boys lives. he's one of the most well liked and admired people i know.

my mother and i rarely speak. I used to look at my friends mothers as i was growing up (especially girls) and wonder what was wrong with me - but i dont think it was until i had kids of my own and really realised what a mother was that i realised what an terrible mother i had. my mother never showd any interest in any of her kids, unless we were doing something that reflected her in a good way. she never hugged us, or told us she loved us. she never steps foot in my house unless its christmas or dads birthday lunch. she never rings any of us. nothing. yet she pities herself because none of her children bother to try and stay in touch with her anymore - we've all given up.

a lot of people wonder why my parents dont just get divorced - but i think they are from the generation that just doesnt do that. plus dad feels pretty obligated towards her. she's been indulged her whole life - never had to work, never had to look after her kids, had a social life that took up every day of the week. she probably wouldnt even know how to pay a bill by herself if she had to.

ironically, im adopted. she got sick of having boys, so she demanded a girl. and got one. i often joke that im the 'handbag she just had to have' :roll:

keeponrockin

Amazingly. We disagree on some things, but they're very supportive. Having said that, I'm at University and doing a lot of what they want, but I wanted to do that too.

nuffingman

I never got on with my Father and sadly he died 12 years ago without us ever putting things right which is sad.

My Mum is now 82 and going downhill. I try very hard but she drives me nuts sometimes. She never seems to be interested in what any of us have to say, just glazes over and desperately tries to interrupt and talk about herself.

The good thing about this is I've made sure my relationship with my daughters is brilliant.

Jennytree

I get on well with both my parents. My father much more than my mother.
My Ma is a bit of a head-the-ball, and even though we never fought (much!), I'm just not close to her at all. She just seems emotionally unattached from the world, which is sad. I don't hate her and we chit-chat so thats the best I can hope for!
My Da, on the other hand, is just a legend of a man. He's so intelligent and he worked so hard all his life for us... and now I'm crying :roll: He just has some really great traits that I admire, he's always encouraged me in my random acts of travel and he's always trying to understand why I have pink hair and piercings He's also such a great grandad to my nieces and nephews, a great storyteller and always taking the mick out of them. So to answer the question, yes, we do get along

FinsburyParkCarrots

I love them more than life itself.

josevolution

Yeah love my folks even though we don't see eachother that often i live 30miles from them but still they are special people in my life and my kids love them .... i'm very fortunate .

lephty

i was a momma's boy all my life. never had a great relationship with my dad. i can forgive my dad a bit since i think he was afraid of getting close to another son after his first son of another marriage died of cancer when i was not yet a year old. from what i understand, that really changed him. my dad passed in july of this year from lung cancer and it was kind of a weird feeling. now i didn't hate him or really love him. we did some fun things while growing up, but in his last year my other brother and i discovered he was living a lie of poverty to support his gambling addiction which really put additional strain on our relationship. he was gambling away more than $2500 a month! almost more than i make a month in net pay he was wasting and had ZERO savings. in fact, he would call my well to do uncle for loans to pay bills and such since he had his gambling problem well hidden.

my parents split when i was 12ish but they really should have split years earlier. when my mother told me, she sat me down to have a "serious talk" and when she told me, all i said was "its about time". this is why i HATE it when i hear people say "we are staying together for the kids"- who do you think you are fooling? 1 brother went to rehab a few different times for drugs and alcohol and apparently is doing quite well now but is socially retarded since he spent his teens to early twenties high as a kite from "pretty much everything but needles" according to him. other brother has a form of cerebral paulsey but he is considered "functional". his right side is mainly affected and some brain function... though sometimes i would think all brain function. now don't get me wrong, i have plenty of sympathy for disabled people, but growing up with one, i was really unaware of his disability until my early teens so i never really saw it. his story is great too... he was an on again off again ANGRY drunk. constant arguing and mishaps. somehow, girls find him attractive and he has 2 kids that my mother has custody of. one of them is slightly emotionally troubled, the other i hope will be fine.

so my mother finds some guy that she says she loves but EVERYBODY else hates. now this is not a "stepson hate" kind of thing. there is not a single person in my family tree that can stand the guy. he is a jerk to her and to the kids she has custody of and he was a jerk to me. so i left it all behind without really saying goodbye in may of 2006. my last piece of mail i got was Avocado which was EXTREMELY fitting with some of the songs lyrics. i could not take anymore of my mothers bad decisions. i left a note on my bed detailing my issues with the household and packed everything up and moved into my apartment. i was rarely ever home so she didn't even find the note for a few days after i was gone.

i think my mother tried too hard to be my friend and let me do whatever since i was a good kid and for the most part stayed out of trouble. sounds great right? well i think i needed more parenting and structure than i got.

since i moved out, i've lost 100lbs and feel better emotionally. no more anticipation of "what am i going to walk in to today when i get home". i miss my mom and we've tried to restart relationships a few different times, but eventually contact stops for no real reason. i really don't think things will ever be the same between us.

fortunately i do have 1 mostly normal brother and some cousins that i like to keep close to me. this is my life in a nutshell~

pandora

lephty wrote:

i was a momma's boy all my life. never had a great relationship with my dad. i can forgive my dad a bit since i think he was afraid of getting close to another son after his first son of another marriage died of cancer when i was not yet a year old. from what i understand, that really changed him. my dad passed in july of this year from lung cancer and it was kind of a weird feeling. now i didn't hate him or really love him. we did some fun things while growing up, but in his last year my other brother and i discovered he was living a lie of poverty to support his gambling addiction which really put additional strain on our relationship. he was gambling away more than $2500 a month! almost more than i make a month in net pay he was wasting and had ZERO savings. in fact, he would call my well to do uncle for loans to pay bills and such since he had his gambling problem well hidden.

my parents split when i was 12ish but they really should have split years earlier. when my mother told me, she sat me down to have a "serious talk" and when she told me, all i said was "its about time". this is why i HATE it when i hear people say "we are staying together for the kids"- who do you think you are fooling? 1 brother went to rehab a few different times for drugs and alcohol and apparently is doing quite well now but is socially retarded since he spent his teens to early twenties high as a kite from "pretty much everything but needles" according to him. other brother has a form of cerebral paulsey but he is considered "functional". his right side is mainly affected and some brain function... though sometimes i would think all brain function. now don't get me wrong, i have plenty of sympathy for disabled people, but growing up with one, i was really unaware of his disability until my early teens so i never really saw it. his story is great too... he was an on again off again ANGRY drunk. constant arguing and mishaps. somehow, girls find him attractive and he has 2 kids that my mother has custody of. one of them is slightly emotionally troubled, the other i hope will be fine.

so my mother finds some guy that she says she loves but EVERYBODY else hates. now this is not a "stepson hate" kind of thing. there is not a single person in my family tree that can stand the guy. he is a jerk to her and to the kids she has custody of and he was a jerk to me. so i left it all behind without really saying goodbye in may of 2006. my last piece of mail i got was Avocado which was EXTREMELY fitting with some of the songs lyrics. i could not take anymore of my mothers bad decisions. i left a note on my bed detailing my issues with the household and packed everything up and moved into my apartment. i was rarely ever home so she didn't even find the note for a few days after i was gone.

i think my mother tried too hard to be my friend and let me do whatever since i was a good kid and for the most part stayed out of trouble. sounds great right? well i think i needed more parenting and structure than i got.

since i moved out, i've lost 100lbs and feel better emotionally. no more anticipation of "what am i going to walk in to today when i get home". i miss my mom and we've tried to restart relationships a few different times, but eventually contact stops for no real reason. i really don't think things will ever be the same between us.

fortunately i do have 1 mostly normal brother and some cousins that i like to keep close to me. this is my life in a nutshell~

The life we have is what Makes us and you seem to be doing real well Living for yourself and loving yourself.
I guess this and time may bring you and Mom closer again.

Ms. Haiku

Mom = yes
Dad = no

They live together so I don't talk with my mom as much as I would like. When she was working I would call her at her office. I wouldn't have to go through the strained questions of how is the weather etc that I usually have with my dad.

the wolf

I got along great with both parents. They were awesome.

Mom died in 98
Dad in 06

I miss them both a shit-ton.

cincybearcat

musicismylife78 wrote:

Do you and your parents get along and see eye to eye?

My own relationship with the 'rents, could be distilled to the depiction from Into the Wild. Chris and his parents relationship mirrors my life. Its as if happiness to them is equatable with material success with a house, with a job even. And having had a job I know, that doesnt mean squat. I was and am not happy.

My parents and especially my dad and I have a sort of strained relationship. We can be in the same room, and laugh, and interact, but boiling beneath the surface is always this feeling of anger and whatnot.

My dad and I had several incidents when I was a teenager where he was physical with me, and that is always sort of there, in the air, not always spoken, or acknowledged, but its there.

My dad is a very gruff, intense, and non touchy feely guy. I think I sort of would have been better served with a dad who hugged, who cared, who genuinely was involved.

My dad and I also disagree in general about life, how to live it, what it means, and what the purpose of a parent is.

I think my parents dont understand me. They never understood me, when I went the political and activist route in high school, and now, as I am struggling in my finding myself and my purpose phase, I feel they dont understand this either.

For them, me, their son, is supposed to go to school, graduate, find a job, get married, have kids, and so on. But I really dont want any of that. I want something more satisfying. More important. More joyful.

Not looking for a response to my own situation, but more, how is y'all's relationship with your parents? Do you get along? Do they understand you? Accept you?

Great. They've been great all these years. I think it's been great for several reasons...I stayed on a mostly normal path with good grades in high school, college right away, married with a great job, etc...but also because they encouraged my "loves" in life and really engaged with me in what I enjoyed. Also great relationship because while it is my life, I understood that they took good care of me and had hopes and dreams for me and I didn't want to disappoint them in any way.

It's a 2 way street. You can't expect a parent to just say "do whatever you want"...they are SUPPOSE to try and lead you to the path that has the best chance of making you happy in life in the LONG RUN.

Sian-of-the-dead

My Dad was one of my best friends who died recently. I miss him incredibly. I could tell him anything and we shared so many hobbies, laughs and good times... I'm a lot like him, and that gives me a lot of comfort. We didn't always get on so well though, he had his faults as a human being and it didn't help that when I was 17 I moved out without telling my parents. As a result we didn't speak for two years - it was the longest two years of my life. Eventually we put our differences behind us, forgave and became what we were; a father and daughter with a wonderful, giving, loving and fun relationship.

My Mum and I get on but I find it trying sometimes. She can be very blinkered, uptight and stubborn but I love her so much. She's finding it hard without my Dad so i'm having to be a voice of reason and strength for her, which I don't mind. She needs it. Again, we don't always get on, even now, as we differ in opinions on many things and she didn't really understand why me and my Dad got on so well. We have to agree to disagree on many things but we are willing to work through our differences, we're only human afterall, and we both understand that neither of us are perfect.

decides2dream

Flagg wrote:

Yes we do. Pretty close to my parents. Wasn't always that way, especially in my late teens, early 20's. I've gotten closer to them as I have gotten older.

man, isn't this true for almost all of us? :?
i have/had much older parents and i am the youngest child. that adds in difficultie from the get-go. i was always, always close with my father, and while there was always great love there...doesn't exactly define understanding and acceptance necessarily. my mom and i were never close when i was growing up, i never really felt so 'loved' by her, which is kinda sad. i know she loved me, but she was not affectionate/demonstrative, tho she did do so much for us all. my dad died 4 months before my wedding day and i still miss him every day. i had a pretty good childhood overall and while there were definit tensions/issues in my teens, i imagine they could've been a lot worse...so i am thankful for my family. now that i am older i am SO much closer with my mom. she actually has grown more loving/affectionate as she has aged. we still butt heads often enough, but i do believe we accept each other a lot more. i don't think we will ever fully understand eah other, and many, many topics i just would never even bother to dicsuss with my mom. i could lament all this, but instead i focus on the overall love we have, and how i know she is always here for me and vice versa. we live close tho don't get together that often, but we do get together and truly enjoy each other. i am close with one sister, the other - love is there - but we just never get together anymore. however, again, i know if needed, my sisters are always here. plenty of families are closer, and plenty others are not...so overall, i am thankful. i look at my husband's family and it breaks my heart. :( so you bet, i truly love my mom and am thankful to still have her around.

soulsinging

love my parents. they've stood by me in times when i did not make it easy for them, and obviously there are still occasions when we disagree or worry about each other. but when the chips are down, there's no one else i would rely on. plus, they're a ton of fun. all our guests think our family is a riot... 4 brilliant boys and my parents sitting around a table talking politics all night and even when we heatedly disagree, there's a lot of love and respect going around. if american politics emulated my family dynamic, this country would be a better place.

the wolf

soulsinging wrote:

love my parents. they've stood by me in times when i did not make it easy for them, and obviously there are still occasions when we disagree or worry about each other. but when the chips are down, there's no one else i would rely on. plus, they're a ton of fun. all our guests think our family is a riot... 4 brilliant boys and my parents sitting around a table talking politics all night and even when we heatedly disagree, there's a lot of love and respect going around. if american politics emulated my family dynamic, this country would be a better place.

thats awesome.

so-much-clearer

I get along with mine. I don't talk to them that much (we live at opposite ends of CA) but I always go home for major holidays. We get in fights about me not being able to find a job and not being eager to look outside of CA, but they're generally supportive otherwise.

stargirl69

Flagg wrote:

Yes we do. Pretty close to my parents. Wasn't always that way, especially in my late teens, early 20's. I've gotten closer to them as I have gotten older.

Yeah me to.I had a difficult relationship with my dad from teens until mid 20's.Then we got to know each other,he passed away last month,it's difficult adjusting.I still wish I had known him better though.
Always been close to my mum,although natural distance in teens was short lived.We spend alot of time together.
I am close to all my immediate family.