No Surrender - A poem I wrote...opinions please!!
phil_vedder
Posts: 5
Hey there everyone. This is my first post on here...and my first poem too!! I've got quite a few...they could easily be used as lyrics too I guess...I'm trying to write some guitar for them. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!!
A tired man
With a weary head
His eyes so blurry
And stained with red
A subtle smirk
Of ironic jest
That his heart still beats
Within his chest
That his blood still pumps
Through every vein
He looks above
Into cloud and rain
He claws his fingers
Into the dirt
Wipes the mud
Upon his shirt
No more lies
And no more tears
It was time to fight
Through all the years
No surrender
Never ever
A tired man
With a weary head
His eyes so blurry
And stained with red
A subtle smirk
Of ironic jest
That his heart still beats
Within his chest
That his blood still pumps
Through every vein
He looks above
Into cloud and rain
He claws his fingers
Into the dirt
Wipes the mud
Upon his shirt
No more lies
And no more tears
It was time to fight
Through all the years
No surrender
Never ever
He made it to the ocean...
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
I would though put each line with the next so the reader flows better thru it
so the first 2 lines is a complete thought then the next 2
the rhythm is better that way maybe??
I agree...it won't look as lengthy, but it'll flow better.
Great poem. I really like your use of words.
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