so my parents are splitting up...

Drop The Leash 10Drop The Leash 10 Posts: 7,011
edited October 2009 in All Encompassing Trip
and i was ok with it.. but now my dad is out of the house and im a fuckin mess.. never in a million years i thought this wouldve happened. never.
I will be what i could be
Once I get out of this town


9/29/04;6/27/08;6/30/08;8/23/09;08/24/09;5/17/10
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    I think that's natural to feel upset. Afterall, you love both your parents and it probably hurts you to think they don't love each other. You may feel grief about this for a while. :|
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • Stone Is GodStone Is God Posts: 1,331
    Sorry to hear. I was real young when my parents split so it wans't as hard for me but I can imagine what you're going through. I almost think it's more difficult for older kids because it's almost like being blindsided. Just try to understand what each of your parents are going through and talk to somebody if you have to.

    Try to keep your head up.
    I'll ride the wave where it takes me.
  • comebackgirlcomebackgirl Posts: 9,885
    I'm so sorry. I think the reality sets in when you notice all the little changes that come with them not being together...and that is upsetting :( I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this.
    tumblr_mg4nc33pIX1s1mie8o1_400.gif

    "I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
  • my parents split up when i was in high school, definitely not a fun time. i agree it can be worse if it happens when you're older, i was absolutely blind-sided, and as a young adult you have a much more complete understanding of how everything will be affected. that being said, my best advice is to just spend as much time as possible with your friends and family. my friends and siblings were a huge help to getting through all of it. and while it definitely sucks at the time, i think i actually ended up being closer with both parents and my siblings as a result. it's tough,and i feel for you, but just try to immerse yourself in school, work, friends, family, etc. and slowly you just get acclimated to how things are, and they may even be better than before
    "Ah, life is a gate, a way, a path to Paradise anyway, why not live for fun and joy and love or some sort of girl by a fireside, why not go to your desire and LAUGH..."
  • Get_RightGet_Right Posts: 13,379
    bummer man sorry

    but think about how many people you know whose relationships dont work out
    assuming you are a male
    unfortunately, its part of life and being a man, so man up and love em both as best you can, because truthfully they need support as much as you
  • Heatherj43Heatherj43 Posts: 1,254
    Sorry to hear this. Yep, being older makes it worse. However, they deserve a life of love and happiness and evidently felt they weren't getting it together. They could have stayed together for the kids, but that is worse. My parents stayed together for us and all they did was fight. Each had affairs outside the marraige. It was real confusing.
    Plus, this is the only life they have and they are choosing to live it as best they can and that means separate. I don't believe in marriage. I think people grow, as they should, and its doubtful they grow in the same direction. If they do its 'cuz one is stifling the other. Years ago people stayed married but they didn't live as long. Be happy for them. You will be okay. You will grow and leave home. If they stay together for you what will they have then? Nothing but each other. They will be older, harder to find another love, and alone. Give them your blessings and get on with your own life. They will be fine.
    Save room for dessert!
  • eMMIeMMI Posts: 6,262
    I was 15 when my parents got divorced. it's tough.

    first my dad moved out. then we had to move. (luckily not too far from where we used to live, and not too far from dad.) we had two cats too, one of them got a new home and the other moved to our gran's with dad.

    big, big changes.

    my oldest younger sis (a year younger than me) and myself fought long and hard around those times.

    I knew it was for the best, as I'd heard the 'rents argue at nights. but it still sucked. I was sort of fine after a while, but I really felt bad for my younger siblings. suddenly they couldn't see dad every day.

    as much as it was hell for the first months.. it got better, and it's still getting better. luckily my parents are still very much friends and get along nicely. they just weren't meant to be together anymore.

    I'm very sorry to hear about your parents. just try and spend as much time with both of them as possible (as others have said.) it's gonna feel weird for a long time. but it's always better for them to split up than stay in a relationship that just isn't working anymore. talk about it, chances are that you're all feeling just as confused and sad. but you're all going through the same thing.

    much strenght to all of you!
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."
  • FifthelementFifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,963
    I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope that they can remain civil to each other for your sake and theirs and that they also take care not to put you (and/or any siblings) in the middle.

    I know that you are probably old enough to know this, but remember that regardless of everything, THEY BOTH STILL LOVE YOU!!!!! (((hugs)))
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • LONGRDLONGRD Posts: 6,036
    Sorry to hear that, man. Same thing happened to me when I was 9, unfortunately only one of them cared about me which was alright because she turned to be the greatest in the world (to me anyways).

    Hopefully, in your situation you still got both parents still care and love you. Take care!
    PJ- 04/29/2003.06/24,25,27,28,30/2008.10/27,28,30,31/2009
    EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Hey Colby... I'm sorry to hear this. If you need to talk you know Rach and I are here.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Brisk.Brisk. Posts: 11,567
    Really sorry to hear this, my parents split up when i was 4 and i think im the same age as you now so it wasn't as bad but i really feel for you now as you are old enough to understand whats going on.
  • decides2dreamdecides2dream Posts: 14,977
    bummer.
    i feel for you!
    it'll be quite an adjustment as many have already stated, but you'll get through it, and sure...try and be supportive of your parents too. it's a rough ride!

    my parents split when i was 14 - my mom left after 36 years of marriage, but they never legally seperated or divorced. we spent all our holidays together as a family and at the end of his life, my mom took care of my dad when he was dying. needless to say, they had a very odd relationship. think they truly loved each other, but not right together, not good living together...whatever.

    all the best to you!
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • sorry for that..ill tell u something of my experience as a son of divorce parents at age of 13..everyone make choices in life that maybe can affect u..u must to be strong to be alive ..just take a big breathe and u will find your way..the only sure thing is that they both love u and u just take that and give the love back the best way u can..and if u have sister or brother try to be as much close u can..u need them and they need u..
    and lishen pearl jam...they fuckin help for sure..
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • yosiyosi NYC Posts: 3,069
    I wish I had some meaningful advice to offer. All I can say is I'm sorry and I hope it isn't too painful.
    you couldn't swing if you were hangin' from a palm tree in a hurricane

  • Im sorry. Try not to take it too deeply to heart. And try to understand that your parents are just trying to do what they can to be happy. Sometimes the change is the hardest part (I know!) but taking out the tension and anger is helpful in the long run.

    I don't know. I cant possibly understand how it is for you since my mom and dad stayed together. Stay strong!
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • the wolfthe wolf Posts: 7,027
    hey bro, I'm really sorry.

    if you need to talk I'm here.

    good luck man.
    Peace, Love.


    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • Heatherj43Heatherj43 Posts: 1,254
    bummer.
    i feel for you!
    it'll be quite an adjustment as many have already stated, but you'll get through it, and sure...try and be supportive of your parents too. it's a rough ride!

    my parents split when i was 14 - my mom left after 36 years of marriage, but they never legally seperated or divorced. we spent all our holidays together as a family and at the end of his life, my mom took care of my dad when he was dying. needless to say, they had a very odd relationship. think they truly loved each other, but not right together, not good living together...whatever.

    all the best to you!
    Your parents sound a lot, like me and my ex. We stayed friends. The first 2 years were tough. He kept trying to get me back and was very jealous and mean, but after that he accepted it and we remained friends. Lots of people in my children's life thought our relationship was odd, but I thought to not be friends was odder.
    I love that we are friends cuz my kids never have to worry about any family gatherings and us 2 fighting.
    We often sit together at these things, even with our current partner.
    We have been divorced 28 years and all is still well. My kids aren't even underage anymore, yet we remain friends. My grandkids now get the benefit if that.
    Save room for dessert!
  • Steve DunneSteve Dunne Posts: 4,965
    hang in there colby...keep the blinders on and breathe...
    I love to turn you on
  • g under pg under p Surfing The far side of THE Sombrero Galaxy Posts: 18,200
    .....and I thought yesterday was a real bummer of a day in beantown sports. Sorry to hear about one of life's realities one's parents going their separate ways. Their love for you will always be there even If it appears the love between them has faded. Stay strong during this time and try and keep some neutrality during this tough time.

    Peace
    *We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti

    *MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
    .....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti

    *The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)


  • g under p wrote:
    .....and I thought yesterday was a real bummer of a day in beantown sports. Sorry to hear about one of life's realities one's parents going their separate ways. Their love for you will always be there even If it appears the love between them has faded. Stay strong during this time and try and keep some neutrality during this tough time.

    Peace
    i couldn't believe what happened yesterday.. both the pats and sox.
    I will be what i could be
    Once I get out of this town


    9/29/04;6/27/08;6/30/08;8/23/09;08/24/09;5/17/10
  • Thanks for the kind words everyone.. it means alot.. really.

    "Makes much more sense.. to live.. in the present tense."
    I will be what i could be
    Once I get out of this town


    9/29/04;6/27/08;6/30/08;8/23/09;08/24/09;5/17/10
  • stargirl69stargirl69 Posts: 6,387
    I'm sorry to here your news.Nothing more I can say than take care,breathe and look after your emotional self.
    xxx
    “There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen”
  • Thanks for the kind words everyone.. it means alot.. really.

    "Makes much more sense.. to live.. in the present tense."
    way to go..
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • WhizbangWhizbang Posts: 1,314
    Hey kiddo....
    I don't any more to offer than the fine people on this board who've already responded. I was 7 when my parents split so I do not have the same perspective but I do know they are much better people now. I cannot picture them together at this point in life.

    Some one noted an upside is getting a closer relationship with each of your parents separately and I concur! I have a standing date with my mom every week and talk more with my dad than ever. He and I jump from airplanes together!

    As I am sure you know, your parents, without a doubt, love you. They may get a bit wrapped up in their conflict but it is just that - their conflict, not yours. I was lucky that my parents did not bring me into the middle of their issues, as sadly some parents do. Keep your focus on school, friends and family. When something is bothering you, say something.....if your friends or family aren't willing to listen, talk to a guidance counselor at school...just so you let it out and not dwell on it.

    "And the young, they can lose hope cause they can't see beyond today"

    As you said, live in the present tense but don't forget to keep moving forward....it will all work out.
    believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.

    I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29

    Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
  • Gary CarterGary Carter Posts: 14,067
    that sucks

    just live in the present tense and know it wasn't your fault or anything like that and you will be fine.

    my parents got divorced when i was 2. dad was asshole back than and still is now, lucky me :roll: .
    Ron: I just don't feel like going out tonight
    Sammi: Wanna just break up?

  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    Heatherj43 wrote:
    bummer.
    i feel for you!
    it'll be quite an adjustment as many have already stated, but you'll get through it, and sure...try and be supportive of your parents too. it's a rough ride!

    my parents split when i was 14 - my mom left after 36 years of marriage, but they never legally seperated or divorced. we spent all our holidays together as a family and at the end of his life, my mom took care of my dad when he was dying. needless to say, they had a very odd relationship. think they truly loved each other, but not right together, not good living together...whatever.

    all the best to you!
    Your parents sound a lot, like me and my ex. We stayed friends. The first 2 years were tough. He kept trying to get me back and was very jealous and mean, but after that he accepted it and we remained friends. Lots of people in my children's life thought our relationship was odd, but I thought to not be friends was odder.
    I love that we are friends cuz my kids never have to worry about any family gatherings and us 2 fighting.
    We often sit together at these things, even with our current partner.
    We have been divorced 28 years and all is still well. My kids aren't even underage anymore, yet we remain friends. My grandkids now get the benefit if that.

    its interesting what other people think of ones relationship with an ex if its extremely civilised. my ex and i. though we were never married, have been apart(for the 2nd time) for 10 years now and both my younger children (who were just 18 months and unborn at the time) think their da hung the moon. i doubt they could have a closer relationship. as for he and i... were close and he is my go to guy when needed. my family consider him family. other poeple(and probably my family too) cant understand how if we get along so well why we arent together. tis simple really... im a bitch to live with and were not in love with each other. birthdays and xmas are spent as a family. and its great.


    oh and as has been mentioned before the split has nothing to do with you and its best your parents are apart and happy than together and miserable. no kid should have to live in a household thats divided like that... every one walking around on eggshells waiting for the next blowup.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • real sorry dude. it's not an easy thing to go through.. :|

    my parents split half way through my senior year of high school. i anticipated it happening but anticipating it happening and it actually happening are two very different things.
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