Sad? Cry? I don't know what to call this....

Thorns2010Thorns2010 Posts: 2,201
edited September 2010 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
White Knight? Hahahahahaha
I just might be a Black Knight
All that I know, and all that I feel
Is that a change is coming

May I rise above that which I hate?
That which I fear to become?
That which I fear to do?

Or shall I take the different path?
One that I’ve never taken before
But I know that coming soon
Coming closer than I’d like to admit

Is a choice
To fall by the wayside
Or to rise up and fight
Fight for what I want
For what I want to be

Funny how I sit here and wonder
Why things never seem to change for me
But if you keep doing the same thing
Day after day……..
How are things going to change?

I have a choice to make
And I finally believe
Finally think I will
Make the right one
To bring me higher than I’ve ever been
To finally make you proud of me

My only regret is that you aren’t here to see it
Maybe high above in Heaven watching down….
But alas, you know me, I’ve never believed in Heaven
But…..maybe this time…….
Knowing that you are out there….

Watching from wherever you are
I’m made great steps to change
To make my life better
Oh…..how I wish to talk to you again
Taken from me far to soon…..

I am what I’ve always been….
But mommy…how I wish you were here right now
To speak to, to talk to
To ask you all the questions I still hold in my mind
To have you tell me everything is going to be ok

To tell me that I’ve been a good person
That I’ve made the right choices
That I’ve chosen the right life to live
Neither there, nor then, but here
In the now and present

How I lie awake at night
Thinking of how you think of me
Did I disappoint you?
Even before you were gone…
I’ve asked that question daily

Are you proud of me??
I know you can’t answer that now
And even with you here…..
I don’t think….don’t think I could have asked

Why have I felt, in my own mind at the least
A failure…
To you, and to dad, and to my brothers
I know I was meant for something
Something better than……this….

Why am I alone?
No one here, nor there to hear my cries out into the night
It’s been that way since I was a young child
It wasn’t anything you did
Just, alone….

No one understands who I am
What I am
What I fear
What I love
What I would die for

Not even you would understand
I just have to remind myself of that thought

I miss you ohh so much
Which is humorous to me, to a certain extent
Never saw eye to eye
But yet…….
Without you here
I feel lost……

I love you
And I miss you everyday
And I promise that at the end of the day…..at the end of my life
At some point, at some time…
I will make you proud to call me son
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Thorns2010 wrote:
    White Knight? Hahahahahaha
    I just might be a Black Knight
    All that I know, and all that I feel
    Is that a change is coming

    May I rise above that which I hate?
    That which I fear to become?
    That which I fear to do?

    Or shall I take the different path?
    One that I’ve never taken before
    But I know that coming soon
    Coming closer than I’d like to admit

    Is a choice
    To fall by the wayside
    Or to rise up and fight
    Fight for what I want
    For what I want to be

    Funny how I sit here and wonder
    Why things never seem to change for me
    But if you keep doing the same thing
    Day after day……..
    How are things going to change?

    I have a choice to make
    And I finally believe
    Finally think I will
    Make the right one
    To bring me higher than I’ve ever been
    To finally make you proud of me

    My only regret is that you aren’t here to see it
    Maybe high above in Heaven watching down….
    But alas, you know me, I’ve never believed in Heaven
    But…..maybe this time…….
    Knowing that you are out there….

    Watching from wherever you are
    I’m made great steps to change
    To make my life better
    Oh…..how I wish to talk to you again
    Taken from me far to soon…..

    I am what I’ve always been….
    But mommy…how I wish you were here right now
    To speak to, to talk to
    To ask you all the questions I still hold in my mind
    To have you tell me everything is going to be ok

    To tell me that I’ve been a good person
    That I’ve made the right choices
    That I’ve chosen the right life to live
    Neither there, nor then, but here
    In the now and present

    How I lie awake at night
    Thinking of how you think of me
    Did I disappoint you?
    Even before you were gone…
    I’ve asked that question daily

    Are you proud of me??
    I know you can’t answer that now
    And even with you here…..
    I don’t think….don’t think I could have asked

    Why have I felt, in my own mind at the least
    A failure…
    To you, and to dad, and to my brothers
    I know I was meant for something
    Something better than……this….

    Why am I alone?
    No one here, nor there to hear my cries out into the night
    It’s been that way since I was a young child
    It wasn’t anything you did
    Just, alone….

    No one understands who I am
    What I am
    What I fear
    What I love
    What I would die for

    Not even you would understand
    I just have to remind myself of that thought

    I miss you ohh so much
    Which is humorous to me, to a certain extent
    Never saw eye to eye
    But yet…….
    Without you here
    I feel lost……

    I love you
    And I miss you everyday
    And I promise that at the end of the day…..at the end of my life
    At some point, at some time…
    I will make you proud to call me son

    That was beautiful. To have those thoughts and feel the way you do....I'm sure your Mother was already proud of you.
    "In the age of darkness
    want to be enlightened"
  • peace be with you my friend... this is so sad... pure... and there's hope here... I feel your words so strongly right now... hard to explain
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    dude, i feel certain that she is proud
    not just because of this beautiful poem
    but also the beautiful soul that created it
    peace
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • mikalinamikalina Posts: 7,206
    You are doing wonderful things I'm sure. Life is far from perfect and I bet your mom is very proud of you, what a lovely poem....
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