"Just Breathe" and my mom
asmacumber
Posts: 24
I really need to get this out there, and I'm sorry if it bores you or if you don't care, but sometimes it is so much better to get things out into the universe than to hold it in.
I decided today that for my lunch break I was going to get in my car and just drive a bit and think. You see, for the past few months I've been trying to come to terms with the fact that my mom has breast cancer, and while she is getting treatment, the fact remains that it has already spread to a couple of bones and will more than likely end up being terminal. My mom is one of my best friends and has been for as long as I can remember, and I'm still reeling from this many months after the diagnosis.
So back to my story ... I was driving and listening to "Just Breathe" and I started crying. It is so tender and so honest and it really brought into focus how scared I am of losing her. I've gone my whole adult life knowing that the day would come that I would have to say goodbye, but now that it feels so close I realize how unprepared I am to do it. And add on top of this the fact that my mom is unable to work due to her condition and her husband, who is a truck driver, had his hours cut a few months ago due to the recession. They are flat broke and have been unable to pay their gas bill and have been without hot water for the past 2-3 months, and fall is coming and their house is drafty and it will be cold ... the last thing she needs is the get the flu or something on top of her cancer.
My brother and I have helped as much as we can (I just gave her $60 I don't have for groceries yesterday) but my hours at work have been cut recently and my brother was laid off. I have tried to get her help from the state but they won't do anything unless you are at or below the poverty line, which they are not. I feel so guilty that I can't do more for her ...
So anyway, driving and listening to "Just Breathe" it all hit me very hard and I cried. "Release" and "Indifference" have had me close, but this song is one of the most beautiful I have ever heard.
I just wanted to share that.
I decided today that for my lunch break I was going to get in my car and just drive a bit and think. You see, for the past few months I've been trying to come to terms with the fact that my mom has breast cancer, and while she is getting treatment, the fact remains that it has already spread to a couple of bones and will more than likely end up being terminal. My mom is one of my best friends and has been for as long as I can remember, and I'm still reeling from this many months after the diagnosis.
So back to my story ... I was driving and listening to "Just Breathe" and I started crying. It is so tender and so honest and it really brought into focus how scared I am of losing her. I've gone my whole adult life knowing that the day would come that I would have to say goodbye, but now that it feels so close I realize how unprepared I am to do it. And add on top of this the fact that my mom is unable to work due to her condition and her husband, who is a truck driver, had his hours cut a few months ago due to the recession. They are flat broke and have been unable to pay their gas bill and have been without hot water for the past 2-3 months, and fall is coming and their house is drafty and it will be cold ... the last thing she needs is the get the flu or something on top of her cancer.
My brother and I have helped as much as we can (I just gave her $60 I don't have for groceries yesterday) but my hours at work have been cut recently and my brother was laid off. I have tried to get her help from the state but they won't do anything unless you are at or below the poverty line, which they are not. I feel so guilty that I can't do more for her ...
So anyway, driving and listening to "Just Breathe" it all hit me very hard and I cried. "Release" and "Indifference" have had me close, but this song is one of the most beautiful I have ever heard.
I just wanted to share that.
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