is it wrong to tell a friend to break-up with her husband

fifefife Posts: 3,327
edited September 2009 in All Encompassing Trip
so the questions is simple but the situation is different. i have know this woman for over 12 years and we are very good friend but we did date for 4 years. We broke up becuase she was unhappy in her life. She had just finished school and didn't know what she wanted to do with her life. She began to do soem research of what she coudl do for a living and met a person who just came back from Korea to teach English. she though that it was cool and i though that she should do it becuase well, she is an amazing women and i wanted her to be happy.

anyway, we broke up becuase she moved and both of us didn't want a long distance relationship. i had visited her in Korea and everything was great still. after about 7 montsh in Korea she met another man and they began to date. it got pretty intense with them to the point that instead of the 1 year plan of staying in Korea she stayed 3 years.

soon enough she had decided to leave Korea as she was becoming very unhappy becuase teh boyfriend was working all teh time and she only saw him every 2 weeks for 1 day. she came back to canada and we woudl go out as friends. (YES ONLY FRIENDS) We pretty much resumed hanging out alot and old feelings grew back. she also expressed feelings for me. anyway, her boyfriend back in Korea was trying to decide if he was going to come to canada or stay in Korea. my freind woudl say things like if he comes we will get married and if he doesn't then we will break-up. anyway, he did come to canada and they did get married. she seemed very happy for a long time but recently i have notice that she is not happy anymore.

her housband is very nice but he doesn't speack alot of english. she likes to go out for talking and he hates leaving the apartment and the computer. they don't go out together except for family functions where they don't talk to each other. last week, we went out for dinner and she talked about the differences between her husband and myself. her exact words were " he is like a carrot, i don't like them but they are good for me and you are like pizza " i love them but they are not good for me" when i asked her what the hell that means she says that she doesn't like her husband but that he is what is good for her.

i freaked out but didn't say anything. was that wrong? is it wrong to tell your friend who used to be yoru girlfriend that she should leave her husband?
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    In my opinion you did the right thing by not saying anything. I don't think you should tell her to leave her husband. It's obvious you guys have feelings for each other but I think she needs to talk to her husband.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • I would let that comvo. be saved for her and her girlfriends or husband.

    Coming from you, it would seem like you're just trying to get back into her pants.
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  • fifefife Posts: 3,327
    I would let that comvo. be saved for her and her girlfriends or husband.

    Coming from you, it would seem like you're just trying to get back into her pants.

    she really doesn't have any other friends. i agree with you that it would look like that and thats why i didn't say anything.
  • I agree with libragirl. It's not your call.

    this woman sounds like nothing makes her happy

    and how is he good for her and you're bad for her, in what way? Doesn't make sense to me.
    Don't come closer or I'll have to go
  • fifefife Posts: 3,327
    I agree with libragirl. It's not your call.

    this woman sounds like nothing makes her happy

    and how is he good for her and you're bad for her, in what way? Doesn't make sense to me.

    actually, 99% of the time she is very happy. however, when that 1% comes in she forgets that 99%. i can't tell you why he is good for her since i didn't ask that question. i did ask why i was not good for her and she said that i am too passive. thats true, i am very passive. i used to be less passive abotu 5 years ago but now with my job being so stresssful i rather take it easy with people as i don't want any more fighting.
  • tybirdtybird Posts: 17,388
    Due to the past status of your relationship, you should really sit this one out.
    All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a thousand enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.
  • fifefife Posts: 3,327
    tybird wrote:
    Due to the past status of your relationship, you should really sit this one out.

    but why should my past relationship make me step out. i am still her friend and have sided with her husband on many things. its not like i always side with her. i call her on her shit when i choose to. i am truly her only friend.
  • mfc2006mfc2006 HTOWN Posts: 37,484
    then be her friend. but unless something really crazy is going on (such as abuse), keep your opinion to yourself. at least that's what i'd do.
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  • tybirdtybird Posts: 17,388
    fife wrote:
    tybird wrote:
    Due to the past status of your relationship, you should really sit this one out.

    but why should my past relationship make me step out. i am still her friend and have sided with her husband on many things. its not like i always side with her. i call her on her shit when i choose to. i am truly her only friend.
    Too much emotional involvement
    All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a thousand enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.
  • soulsingingsoulsinging Posts: 13,202
    fife wrote:
    " he is like a carrot, i don't like them but they are good for me and you are like pizza " i love them but they are not good for me" when i asked her what the hell that means she says that she doesn't like her husband but that he is what is good for her.

    No offense man, but this chick is dumber than bricks. That's the worst reason to get married I ever heard. What's so great about this girl?
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