good news...if you think marriage is on the demise...

decides2dream

it actually seems to be doing better!

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/ ... id=8319123

At last count, America's divorce rate had fallen to 36 percent, its lowest level since 1970. That's because, on the whole, most of us like being married, and so do our spouses. And while there are certain challenges inherent in waking up next to the same guy for 5,379 mornings in a row, many so-called "inevitable" marriage pitfalls are really just unexamined old wives' tales. On closer inspection, two facts become clear: There's only a trace of truth in each fable — but there's also the potential to retool them to make your relationship even closer.

soulsinging

This article's a real downer, because I was hoping this one was true:

"husbands ditching their wives for younger women... If getting the kids into college didn't force us apart, it seems, then a 20-something blond will."

mookeywrench

I think there's also a cyclical effect of kids growing up with divorced parents and not wanting to repeat the same thing, so they either wait longer to get married or are more picky with who they marry.

norm

mookeywrench wrote:

I think there's also a cyclical effect of kids growing up with divorced parents and not wanting to repeat the same thing, so they either wait longer to get married or are more picky with who they marry.

love the avatar...jack elam was the best!



i wonder if less people are getting married and that's why there is less divorce

decides2dream

norm wrote:

mookeywrench wrote:

I think there's also a cyclical effect of kids growing up with divorced parents and not wanting to repeat the same thing, so they either wait longer to get married or are more picky with who they marry.

love the avatar...jack elam was the best!



i wonder if less people are getting married and that's why there is less divorce

i would think, that when figuring percentages of marriages/divorces, that it is relative to how many actually have gotten married....b/c otherwise...not exactly useful statistics to show any trends, no?


so even if marriage, overall may be on the decline...which idk, but it wouldn't surprise me given all the options we have....it still, if a decent study, should reflect ONLY trends regarding those actually married - and the divorce rates in relation, not the entire population.


way to try and downplay a good turn tho, norm.



and conor.......i am sure that still happens, if you want it to...so chin up. oh the lucky lady who gets to be your bride!

g under p

I think it has to do more with this economy and the tough times that everyone is facing. It pays much better to stay together even if the couple is miserable. In Palm Beach florida i can recall reading an article about marriages staying together even though in a high percentage of those mariages they DON'T have sex at all.

Peace

norm

decides2dream wrote:

norm wrote:

mookeywrench wrote:

I think there's also a cyclical effect of kids growing up with divorced parents and not wanting to repeat the same thing, so they either wait longer to get married or are more picky with who they marry.

love the avatar...jack elam was the best!



i wonder if less people are getting married and that's why there is less divorce

i would think, that when figuring percentages of marriages/divorces, that it is relative to how many actually have gotten married....b/c otherwise...not exactly useful statistics to show any trends, no?


so even if marriage, overall may be on the decline...which idk, but it wouldn't surprise me given all the options we have....it still, if a decent study, should reflect ONLY trends regarding those actually married - and the divorce rates in relation, not the entire population.


way to try and downplay a good turn tho, norm.

:oops:

:shock:


sorry didn't mean to bring the room down....just wanted to eliminate that factor

i think it's great btw....go marriage!!! :P

decides2dream

norm wrote:

:oops:

:shock:


sorry didn't mean to bring the room down....just wanted to eliminate that factor

i think it's great btw....go marriage!!! :P

just wanted to clear up the 'stats' is all.


and g under p...idk exactly when the study was made, but given that our economy has only recently taken a truly bad turn, say the last 2 years....i highly doubt that is the rationale. obviously, that surely can and more than likely does come into play...but even if this study were recently published, the trends it would be tracking would be far older than simplt right now, our current economic climate.


my lawd...have we as a society gotten so bitter and jaded and negative about relationships lasting and sticking it out...that we find it so difficult to fathom the posibility of positive outcomes and trends?

sheesh.
:?

pearljgirl2010

I'm glad that I'm now a part of a lower statistic....at least I didn't make it jump higher!!

soulsinging

decides2dream wrote:

and conor.......i am sure that still happens, if you want it to...so chin up. oh the lucky lady who gets to be your bride!

transplanted from the MT, and here I will stay from now on:

I don't recall lamenting the demise of marriage, just pointing out that it was happening and it was reality and everyone needed to deal with it. That's pretty much been my philosophy ever since the heartbreak: life sucks, people are shitty, and you shouldn't expect anyone to be nice or love to last. Some people seem to think I'm just overly cynical and bitter

I've no doubt this is true now though. Said ex is engaged to the guy she left me for and I am positive they will have long and happy lives together in a blessed marriage, to my eternal disgruntledness. But who knows, maybe they'll have a beautiful blond daughter just like her mother that hits her 20s just in time for revenge/mid-life crisis :twisted:

decides2dream

soulsinging wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

and conor.......i am sure that still happens, if you want it to...so chin up. oh the lucky lady who gets to be your bride!

transplanted from the MT, and here I will stay from now on:

I don't recall lamenting the demise of marriage, just pointing out that it was happening and it was reality and everyone needed to deal with it. That's pretty much been my philosophy ever since the heartbreak: life sucks, people are shitty, and you shouldn't expect anyone to be nice or love to last. Some people seem to think I'm just overly cynical and bitter

I've no doubt this is true now though. Said ex is engaged to the guy she left me for and I am positive they will have long and happy lives together in a blessed marriage, to my eternal disgruntledness. But who knows, maybe they'll have a beautiful blond daughter just like her mother that hits her 20s just in time for revenge/mid-life crisis :twisted:

perhaps lamenting it's demise was the wrong phrasing. and this may be one sign that it is not actually happening....


whatever, we all get it...you're bitter and angry....or you at least like to play it on a message board. and believe me, i already knew about your ex and her impending nuptuals.....i think this is the 7th time you've posted the info. haha. and, let's hope not...b/c if the daughter affects you in any way like the mother (that is if she'd even get involved of course)...your entire life/psyche will be fucked forever.... :twisted:


anyhoo....was simply trying to pass on what i deemed a 'positive stat'...but of course it can be taken in many ways. and yea, i didn't actually make it to be about you, me or anyone.....just that marriage apparently, or at least appears here, to be on an upswing! so take it for what it's worth....which may or may not be much, depending on your perspective.

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

I'm glad that I'm now a part of a lower statistic....at least I didn't make it jump higher!!

that's a very positive perspective on it, but you've always struck me as quite positive.
hell, anyone of us who has been married, whether still married or divorced....play a part in that statistic.

SPEEDY MCCREADY

marriage is forever....

which is why I have managed to stay single for 40 years............

hehehehehe......................

decides2dream

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

marriage is forever....

which is why I have managed to stay single for 40 years............

hehehehehe......................

whatever works!

soulsinging

decides2dream wrote:

..your entire life/psyche will be fucked forever.... :twisted:

Ain't that the truth!

decides2dream wrote:

anyhoo....was simply trying to pass on what i deemed a 'positive stat'...but of course it can be taken in many ways. and yea, i didn't actually make it to be about you, me or anyone.....just that marriage apparently, or at least appears here, to be on an upswing! so take it for what it's worth....which may or may not be much, depending on your perspective.

Oh, I know you weren't trying to call me out or anything, I was trying to play along and put a goofy spin on my neuroses. I'm well aware that I'm completely irrational about the subject (though I can assure you, I don't just play it up on the message board as my family and friends would attest)

In any event, whatever the cause, people managing to keep their marriages working more often is probably a good thing. Sometimes splitting is for the best, but I think everyone would agree that splitting families up is no picnic and if we're being more careful about who we marry or getting better at compromising on the things that can be compromised, that's a positive thing.

Who Princess

I've also read stats recently (can't call to mind exactly where, I'm sure if this were the MT someone would nail me for being so imprecise :roll: ) that overall divorce rates are down. More couples get married each year than get divorced. It was attributed to the fact that people are marrying later and I think also because they're having children later. I know people probably do those things for economic reasons as much as anything but it's possible that some are going to be more mature because they've waited.

Of course other people reach 50 and still haven't grown up!

decides2dream

whoprincess wrote:

I've also read stats recently (can't call to mind exactly where, I'm sure if this were the MT someone would nail me for being so imprecise :roll: ) that overall divorce rates are down. More couples get married each year than get divorced. It was attributed to the fact that people are marrying later and I think also because they're having children later. I know people probably do those things for economic reasons as much as anything but it's possible that some are going to be more mature because they've waited.

Of course other people reach 50 and still haven't grown up!

indeed!
and also, even marrying young, especially nowadays...i just think a lot more people put a lot more thought into the decision. and of course, i realize there will always be people who rush into it...at 20 or 40.......but i think just all the changes marriage has gone thru, especially in a relatively short period of time, that perhaps it is finally reaching some semblance of equilibrium.


i don't know how true it is, or not, but i've read more than a few times that (outside of abusive relationships) second or even third marriages, even when successful, aren't necessarily "happier" or "better" than the first.....just that oftentimes, we learn from our mistakes, make better decisions within the marriage, etc. if you factor in that it's usually suggested that we are normally attracted to a 'type' over and over...a personality and such....it kinda makes sense. some people are simply better equipped to handle the issues within a marriage say at a younger age than older, or being able to truly determine just what is the right type of person for you to spend your life with, etc. i just like to think...people are putting more thought into getting married...and more thought and work into staying married. who knows tho!

libragirl

norm wrote:

mookeywrench wrote:

I think there's also a cyclical effect of kids growing up with divorced parents and not wanting to repeat the same thing, so they either wait longer to get married or are more picky with who they marry.

love the avatar...jack elam was the best!



i wonder if less people are getting married and that's why there is less divorce

lol..that could be. I know a lot of people who are just shacking up and opting not to get married. Can't say I blame them. All my ideas about marriage has been shattered.

decides2dream

libragirl wrote:

norm wrote:

mookeywrench wrote:

I think there's also a cyclical effect of kids growing up with divorced parents and not wanting to repeat the same thing, so they either wait longer to get married or are more picky with who they marry.

love the avatar...jack elam was the best!



i wonder if less people are getting married and that's why there is less divorce

lol..that could be. I know a lot of people who are just shacking up and opting not to get married. Can't say I blame them. All my ideas about marriage has been shattered.

i did say later in the thread that if they are saying 36% of marriages are ending in divorce...that actually means, they are only looking at those who are married, and then divorce, and not the general population as a whole. it would be ultimately, statisitically useless, to make a study on divorce if it is not focused on those who are married. now i will most definitely agree that more than likely, marriage and thus divorce, is lowered b/c we have so many options of choice nowadays but that would not effect a study based solely on the rise/fall of the success or failure of marriages in general.


"America's divorce rate had fallen to 36 percent, its lowest level since 1970"



divorce rate is in reference specifically, to the rate at which people divorce. thus one must be married first to then divorce, so again...looking only at those who chooce to marry, not those who choose alternatives.

pandora

Thats a very nice article- i like all the "new rules"- thanks for posting
we've been together 30- married 28 years so of course I can relate to alot there
and yes empty nest is way fun!
Thats been the key for us- just really close friends who have alot of fun together
so amid the disasters, worries and burdens we can forget the world still just enjoy each other and life.
The best thing we've done for our kids is set that example
and I am a firm believer in "we are our parents" and "history repeats itself" and now along with the new stats even more hopeful that my children will enjoy a life mate like I have.
Of course they are getting way tired of hearing that!

decides2dream

pandora wrote:

Thats a very nice article- i like all the "new rules"- thanks for posting
we've been together 30- married 28 years so of course I can relate to alot there
and yes empty nest is way fun!
Thats been the key for us- just really close friends who have alot of fun together
so amid the disasters, worries and burdens we can forget the world still just enjoy each other and life.The best thing we've done for our kids is set that example
and I am a firm believer in "we are our parents" and "history repeats itself" and now along with the new stats even more hopeful that my children will enjoy a life mate like I have.
Of course they are getting way tired of hearing that!

that's AWESOME!
our nest has always been empty...so yea......we've always had fun on our own.

and the 'best friends' bit...seems key. i think most truly happy long-term marriages...almost always describe their spouses as such.


kudos to you - 28 years ANd happy!
fantastic!



btw - i hope we're not ALL our parents! :shock: while i loved my parents and they were great parents, overall...they weren;t the happiest of couples. my husbands parents.....omg....disaster! and sure, none divorced, due mostly to the times and their generational beliefs.....yea, i'd like to think we learned from them, and hope to do BETTER on the happiness front, together.

pearljgirl2010

decides2dream wrote:

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

I'm glad that I'm now a part of a lower statistic....at least I didn't make it jump higher!!

that's a very positive perspective on it, but you've always struck me as quite positive.
hell, anyone of us who has been married, whether still married or divorced....play a part in that statistic.[/quote]

yes...I'm usually a positive person. There are a lot of good things to come out of my situation!! I'm glad that the divorce rate has decreased, for whatever reason...and you're absolutely right about what you said up there :-)

libragirl

decides2dream wrote:

i did say later in the thread that if they are saying 36% of marriages are ending in divorce...that actually means, they are only looking at those who are married, and then divorce, and not the general population as a whole. it would be ultimately, statisitically useless, to make a study on divorce if it is not focused on those who are married. now i will most definitely agree that more than likely, marriage and thus divorce, is lowered b/c we have so many options of choice nowadays but that would not effect a study based solely on the rise/fall of the success or failure of marriages in general.


"America's divorce rate had fallen to 36 percent, its lowest level since 1970"



divorce rate is in reference specifically, to the rate at which people divorce. thus one must be married first to then divorce, so again...looking only at those who chooce to marry, not those who choose alternatives.

Yeah, to tell you the truth I didn't read that whole article or this thread. Just citing my observations.

_Crazy_Mary_

Maybe people are just waiting it out a little longer before getting divorced and in a couple years the divorce rate will double! Maybe....
I mean, if my parents could get divorced after 42 years, anything is possible.

Who Princess

_Crazy_Mary_ wrote:

Maybe people are just waiting it out a little longer before getting divorced and in a couple years the divorce rate will double! Maybe....
I mean, if my parents could get divorced after 42 years, anything is possible.

Well, I don't think anyone is immune to the kinds of crises that can break up a marriage. I think that the longer that a couple has been together, sure, the odds are they will work things out because they have that shared history and experience of solving problems together. But problems can still happen that are just too much for a couple to work through, either some kind of tragedy or a problem that's been festering between them. It's going to be different things for different couples.

I'm sorry to hear that about your parents. That must have been really hard on you (and your siblings, if you have any). I've known of a few couples that split up after long marriages and you always wonder where it came from or why it didn't happen earlier.

Who Princess

pandora wrote:

Thats a very nice article- i like all the "new rules"- thanks for posting
we've been together 30- married 28 years so of course I can relate to alot there
and yes empty nest is way fun!
Thats been the key for us- just really close friends who have alot of fun together
so amid the disasters, worries and burdens we can forget the world still just enjoy each other and life.
The best thing we've done for our kids is set that example
and I am a firm believer in "we are our parents" and "history repeats itself" and now along with the new stats even more hopeful that my children will enjoy a life mate like I have.
Of course they are getting way tired of hearing that!

Congrats! We've been married 31 years so I also enjoyed a lot of the things in the article. I completely agree with you about the importance of being friends and enjoying each others company. One of the things I like best about my husband is that he still knows how to make me laugh. No matter what is going on, his sense of humor almost always saves the day.

pandora

Congrats to you too! and that is so true about humor
my husband too can always make me laugh even when things are all wrong for me.
After all this time together and raising 2 kids we have an awful lot to laugh at too
things we thought were so dire you know.
I think we lighten each others load.

decides2dream

whoprincess wrote:

_Crazy_Mary_ wrote:

Maybe people are just waiting it out a little longer before getting divorced and in a couple years the divorce rate will double! Maybe....
I mean, if my parents could get divorced after 42 years, anything is possible.

Well, I don't think anyone is immune to the kinds of crises that can break up a marriage. I think that the longer that a couple has been together, sure, the odds are they will work things out because they have that shared history and experience of solving problems together. But problems can still happen that are just too much for a couple to work through, either some kind of tragedy or a problem that's been festering between them. It's going to be different things for different couples.

I'm sorry to hear that about your parents. That must have been really hard on you (and your siblings, if you have any). I've known of a few couples that split up after long marriages and you always wonder where it came from or why it didn't happen earlier.

indeed!
THAt i think is what usually is most puzzling. my mother moved out after 36 years of marriage.... :shock: ! and even after that, we always spent holidays together as an intact family, my mother was still very involved when my father became ill, was dying, etc.....but they were always a strange couple. i don't think either one of em ever stopped loving each other, i just don't think they met each other's needs. which also begs the why did it take so long. in my parents case, they are of the generation that did not 'believe' in divorce. in fact, my parents didn't ever actually divorce, or even legally seperate, and my father left everything to my mom. i just think......these 'issues' are ever-present, but for whatever reason or reasons....the couple keeps it together until the point they just think, enough is enough. just goes to prove, none of us are immune, and never take your happiness for granted, however long it lasts...

ajedigecko

1/2 or 1/3...............still to close.

36% just looks much less than 50%

decides2dream

ajedigecko wrote:

1/2 or 1/3...............still to close.

36% just looks much less than 50%

perhaps because it is.



sure, in an ideal world...none of us would ever make mistakes, wrong choices, find unhappiness where we wanted happiness...but since we don't, i find it encouraging that it does indeed appear anyway, for whatever myraid of reasons, less are choosing divorce which i would hope correlates to more being happy in their marriages.

100 Pacer

g under p wrote:

I think it has to do more with this economy and the tough times that everyone is facing. It pays much better to stay together even if the couple is miserable. In Palm Beach florida i can recall reading an article about marriages staying together even though in a high percentage of those mariages they DON'T have sex at all.

Peace

indeed, there's a strong correlation there but again it's one of several important factors,...