ok?

CHANGEinWAVES

is it ok to admit
it's all too much for me
that I'd rather
distract myself by
messing up my own life
then actually
have to think about
my dad possibly dying

is it ok to admit
that I'm not this person
that I pretend to be
if anyone was to look
into my eyes they'd see
me deep with in
the shadows of my soul

is it ok to say
I hide here because
everything that has happened
has been too much to bear
just when i saw relief
the clouds came rushing in

Is it ok to cry
when no one is looking
when I hear my dad's voice
when I think about him hurting
when I think one day
he will be gone

is it ok that
this doesn't flow
that there is no rhyme
that it's only thoughts
spewing from my hands

will it ever be ok.

CHANGEinWAVES

I'm tired of pretending
I just wanna cry
into the arms of someone

I'm tired of being strong
or holding the appearance of strength
I feel like I could break
into a million little pieces

i'm tired of a life
I never wanted
of one lived
for a man
who up and left
when it was my turn

im am so tired
of not hating him
of taking the high road
and believing he did what he could

I'm tired of allowing
him to ignore
a man who did
everything for him

I'm tired of watching
as my dad's heart breaks
over the son he never had

i'm tired of standing by
as he looks for answers
and the one he wants there most
has all but forgotten him

I'm tired of explaining myself
to people who don't care

I'm tired of constantly
wishing for it all
to be ok
with every breath
I take

I'll never be tired of
wishing it was me
and not him.