Advice on how to resolve a trade gone bad?

smanchac1smanchac1 Posts: 2,256
edited February 2013 in The Porch
Me and my girlfriend are both huge fans of pearl jam and post here often, both of us have been members of 10c for years. Infact, we met here.

Alot of people on the forums know both of us, as we have met many people at the many shows we've both attended, as well as made friends with people through the forums. We both have done numerous trades with people on the forums, as well as helped fans out with free CDs, DVDs, posters and more. We have both also contributed (and in many cases, organized) raising funds for members in need. We have always been contributing members of the PJ community.

So in September 2012, my gf made a post on Facebook asking anyone who was at midtown in Atlanta if they could grab us an extra poster as we happen to collect Pearl Jam posters as well as art with trees in it, so the poster was right up our alley.

We were contacted by another forum member through Facebook who was at the festival and was told that they would pick us up a poster at the festival. This is someone we'd met before and my gf considered a friend.

After the weekend, the forum member contacted us and said a T shirt would be fine for trade to cover the poster cost. I was going to the Missoula show at the end of September and I would grab a shirt for them.

I went to Missoula, waited in a god awful long line, over an hour, and bought the shirt. I then mailed out the shirt the following week along with a couple of DVDs as an extra thank you and to cover the difference between the poster cost and shirt cost. This was the first week of October, 4 full months ago.

The member contacted us, and said sorry for not sending the poster yet but due to a medical condition, which in the past required surgery, hasn't been able to make it to the post office yet.

We replied and said not to worry at all! I personally having dealt with a loved one having cancer and understanding how complicated it can be.

So week after week passed. During these months we checked in a few times and asked how they were doing. Each time we were told they were doing better, had gone back to work, even attended some (non PJ) shows. So we inquired about shipping. On different occasions we heard things like "I'm such a slacker when it comes to getting to the post office" and other things. Kept promising to try to make it there in a few days.

Then we see posts on the forum talking about how they need to get to the post office and ship a bunch of items, but ours never arrived.

In December we emailed again and asked about shipping. They said it was shipped that same day we emailed. several days later we email again, asking for tracking information, the reply was the number was at work and that they will send it the next day. After 3 more days we emailed again and the only reply was "it was delivered Saturday" and that's it. We were once offered to give us their poster but we told them no, we wanted ours that we traded for. We didn't want to have to be made to feel like we were taking something from the member- and who knows if it would ever show up anyways. We again asked for tracking so we could check with our local post office but never received a response.

We never got the poster. I dont believe the item was ever shipped. How can they know it was delivered if we never saw the tracking number? They never provided one. We get packages here nearly daily. Never once have we had an item not show up that was actually shipped.

We have been patient, never freaking out, never being rude etc. But it's feb 4th and the shows were in September.

How should we go forward? We've made a point to not say who it is, but I'm sure once they see it they will know its them. At this point I would rather have my $35 back for the shirt I bought and then spent another $6 to ship.

Any advice would be great. We've done alot of trades, never once had any complaints, nothing but people thanking us for the things we do. I don't want to start a fight but this is beyond ridiculous.

Btw- This weekend we received the poster from a very good friend on the board who knows our situation. A HUGE thank you to Mike (DURP) who along with his gf sent us this gift. They are amazing people with big hearts.

Thanks for reading and I would like to know how others would proceed at this time.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • JOEJOEJOEJOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,745
    I'd request a payment for the shirt, but if they continue to give you the run around, I'd walk away. It sucks to get cheated, but if the attempt to collect consumes you, it isn't worth the time or emotion.
  • DURPDURP OhighO Posts: 2,180
    :thumbup:

    Our pleasure.
    My butt itches!
  • I would call them out over at the Flea Market.
    Maybe you are not their first victims.
  • gfnk001gfnk001 Posts: 652
    I would call them out over at the Flea Market.
    Maybe you are not their first victims.

    +1
  • RS151862RS151862 Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 2,691
    Indian leg wrestling
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  • 8181 Needing a ride to Forest Hills and a ounce of weed. Please inquire within. Thanks. Or not. Posts: 58,276
    Peep pressure has worked here before....... :corn:
    81 is now off the air

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  • 2-feign-reluctance2-feign-reluctance TigerTown, USA Posts: 23,348
    Sucks man. Sorry! Not sure how much success you'll have calling this person out on a message pit.
    www.cluthelee.com
  • GivenToLukinKPGivenToLukinKP Chicago Posts: 3,076
    Thanks everyone so far.

    To clarify, I'm the girlfriend in the situation.

    Calling the person out is tempting--but this is someone I considered a friend and would rather have it resolved without doing that. however, I'm not against it. This person is somewhat well liked and known around here, so if we do that, it's going to get ugly and sticky fast. And I really don't wanna play the "our friends" versus "thier friends" game.

    I'm hoping they will see this thread and handle business with us privately. If that doesn't happen, names may come up.

    Btw, this is someone on the trusted traders list on Lost Dogs. So, can't always trust that list apparently. It's one thing to get bent over by someone you don't really know on here but it sucks much more to get screwed over by someone you considered somewhat of a friend.
    Makes much more sense...

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  • 2-feign-reluctance2-feign-reluctance TigerTown, USA Posts: 23,348
    Sorry you guys. Hope it gets resolved :)
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  • JB128716JB128716 Posts: 2,064
    Tell the cheap bastard to buy one on the website and have it shipped to you. Then he doesn't have to go to the post office.
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  • Dr. DelightDr. Delight Posts: 11,210
    If you have to call them out....call them out.
    And so you see, I have come to doubt
    All that I once held as true
    I stand alone without beliefs
    The only truth I know is you.
  • 8181 Needing a ride to Forest Hills and a ounce of weed. Please inquire within. Thanks. Or not. Posts: 58,276
    Sucks man. Sorry! Not sure how much success you'll have calling this person out on a message pit.

    it helped with sawyer and that fiveagaist one guy..and maybe a couple of others
    81 is now off the air

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  • WildsWilds Posts: 4,329
    Sorry to hear about your situation.

    It's up to you to call this person out. Looks like you have done the right thing for a long time.

    The right thing in this case is to chalk it up as a loss, but warn others not to trade with this person.

    The fact that they remain on the "Good to trade" list is a shame.
  • deftonesdeftones Athens, Greece Posts: 2,444
    gfnk001 wrote:
    I would call them out over at the Flea Market.
    Maybe you are not their first victims.

    +1
    This situation sucks...I would call them out too
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  • ...it seems as though you've done everything the right way, even going out of your way to add in extra goodies. you've been civil in every sense of the word. i don't think "calling someone out" would be the "wrong" thing to do. you've tried to reconcile the situation on your own, but it seems clear this member isn't going to ship the poster. you may be helping someone else out by naming the person...
    1998-06-27 Alpine Valley, WI / 2000-10-08 Alpine Valley, WI / 2003-06-21 Alpine Valley, WI / 2003-04-26 Mellon Arena, PA / 2004-10-03 Grand Rapids VFC, 2006-05-17 United Center, IL / 2006-06-29 Milwaukee, WI / 2006-06-30 Milwaukke, WI / 2011-09-03 Alpine Valley PJ20 / 2011-09-04 Alpine Valley PJ20 / 2013-07-19 Wrigley Field / 2014-10-19 St. Paul / 2014-10-20 Milwaukee, WI
    ...
  • Its no solution for you, but at least you know you did the right thing, and you would never screw anyone over. It was only the cost of a tshirt plus postage, yes I know its not the point, but what if the person is well liked on this board? I seen people take the side of the person in the wrong, he's not like that, out of character, something must be going on in their life, give them the benefit of the doubt. blah blah, blah,Just be prepared if you call them out for possible blacklash.
    People do shit for strange reasons, just a fact of life. I know how you feel, I have been on the end of a trade 11 months later still waiting, took them at their word, it was in the mail, then it was in the mail again, and again for sure, then was offered to collect some EV solo merch to be nice to me and stupid me paypaled quite a few $$ and have never seen that either and that was three months ago, I have given up, I cant even bring myself to PM or email this person anymore. at least I know i would never do that to anyone, no consolation knowing that they have my 98 Ames poster hanging somewhere, and I think people would be shocked if I called out this person.

    A++++ trader list is a crock of shit in my opinion

    Maybe I am just too trusting or naive that people will do the right thing. Well I was not anymore.

    I wish you luck

    If the person who has you poster reads this thread, DO THE RIGHT THING send the poster
    Arms wide open with the sea as my floor.
  • STAYSEASTAYSEA Posts: 3,814
    I understand medical conditions.

    Pearl Jam is in the same for me.

    I had my posters shipped to my Ex's house accidentally . When I found out, he only had 2 choices, MAIL them, or I'm buying a plane ticket. He's girlfriend shipped them express the next day. I recommend looking at the fair trader thread on lost dogs. We are listed for reasons. :D

    I hope this never happens to anyone.


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  • NamiNami Newfoundland Posts: 5,998
    Call them out. Save someone else the trouble your going through...
    Hamilton 9-13-05; Toronto 5-9-06, Toronto 8-21-09, Toronto 9-12-11, Hamilton 9-15-11....
  • GivenToLukinKPGivenToLukinKP Chicago Posts: 3,076
    We've got a time limit set. If we hear nothing from the person, i will name names.

    Ive been informed by another member via PM that he has also had issues with the same person- both involved the person not mailing something when they were supposed to. Unfortunately that person will likely be out for more than we are.
    No surprise there!

    So, if you reading this- this is your chance to make it right before I post who you are.
    Makes much more sense...

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  • JB128716 wrote:
    Tell the cheap bastard to buy one on the website and have it shipped to you. Then he doesn't have to go to the post office.


    I'd do this
    That I no longer give a fuck
    Who is wrong and who’s right
  • shitty. you've done all the right things. and still nothing. just garbage.
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  • gvn2fly12 wrote:

    A++++ trader list is a crock of shit in my opinion

    absolutely agree. it was a good idea in theory, but 600 people? all it takes is one good trade to get on the trusted list? it would be an enormous task to keep track, but to be worth anything a feedback rating needs to be done. otherwise it's useless. even a shoddy dealer has had at least one bad transaction. that's how they sucker people!
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  • SuziemaySuziemay Posts: 11,168
    Wow, that's really shitty, you guys. I guess I might be in the minority in this regard, but I would just walk away. Chalk it up to life's lesson and now you know this person's true colours and you know to never trust them again. I have no interest in wasting emotional energy on situations like these (I have my family to occupy that space in my life thank you very much!). I'd rather be out a bunch of money than to have to go through a long drawn out process that may or may not recoup my money for me and at the end of it all either with or without the money, I know I'm still going to feel shitty because this person betrayed my trust and that's what's disappointing about this. It's not about the money (at least for me it wouldn't be that).

    Hope things all work out and this person sees the thread and mans /womans up but if not, you guys are still awesome :mrgreen:

    And very cool of DURP :thumbup: :thumbup:
  • rpech'erpech'e Posts: 1,106
    I guess I might be in the minority in this regard, but I would just walk away. Chalk it up to life's lesson and now you know this person's true colours and you know to never trust them again.

    I could not agree more :thumbup:
  • GivenToLukinKPGivenToLukinKP Chicago Posts: 3,076
    Suziemay wrote:
    Wow, that's really shitty, you guys. I guess I might be in the minority in this regard, but I would just walk away. Chalk it up to life's lesson and now you know this person's true colours and you know to never trust them again. I have no interest in wasting emotional energy on situations like these (I have my family to occupy that space in my life thank you very much!). I'd rather be out a bunch of money than to have to go through a long drawn out process that may or may not recoup my money for me and at the end of it all either with or without the money, I know I'm still going to feel shitty because this person betrayed my trust and that's what's disappointing about this. It's not about the money (at least for me it wouldn't be that).

    Hope things all work out and this person sees the thread and mans /womans up but if not, you guys are still awesome :mrgreen:

    And very cool of DURP :thumbup: :thumbup:


    SuMay you are my voice of reason :) I normally would feel exactly the same way, but now knowing this person has done this to others?

    It's disappointing to say the least. And it is more about the principle than the money, absolutely. I've blown worse than $35 on things...but when they are on the good traders list and others have experienced bad deals with this person--I feel it might be time for them to face the heat.
    I'm usually pretty non-confrontational, you know me, but if I don't say something to make this stop, will anyone?

    I'm going to wait an ample amount of time before outing them, but I will definitely consider your words before acting :)

    Thanks girl!!

    And you are right---DURP is an amazing dude :) thanks again to him!!! Very thoughtful and was quite a surprise!
    Makes much more sense...

    2011: East Troy, WI 1 & 2; Toronto ON 1 & 2; Hamilton ON
    2012: Berlin, Germany 1& 2; Stockholm Sweden; Oslo Norway; Copenhagen Denmark
    2013: Wrigley Field- Chicago, IL; Philadelphia, PA 1 & 2; Hartford, CT; Vancouver BC; Seattle, WA.
    2014: Cincinnati, OH; St. Louis, MO; Moline, IL; Milwaukee, WI
    2016: Wrigley Field- Chicago 1&2
  • SuziemaySuziemay Posts: 11,168
    Suziemay wrote:
    Wow, that's really shitty, you guys. I guess I might be in the minority in this regard, but I would just walk away. Chalk it up to life's lesson and now you know this person's true colours and you know to never trust them again. I have no interest in wasting emotional energy on situations like these (I have my family to occupy that space in my life thank you very much!). I'd rather be out a bunch of money than to have to go through a long drawn out process that may or may not recoup my money for me and at the end of it all either with or without the money, I know I'm still going to feel shitty because this person betrayed my trust and that's what's disappointing about this. It's not about the money (at least for me it wouldn't be that).

    Hope things all work out and this person sees the thread and mans /womans up but if not, you guys are still awesome :mrgreen:

    And very cool of DURP :thumbup: :thumbup:


    SuMay you are my voice of reason :) I normally would feel exactly the same way, but now knowing this person has done this to others?

    It's disappointing to say the least. And it is more about the principle than the money, absolutely. I've blown worse than $35 on things...but when they are on the good traders list and others have experienced bad deals with this person--I feel it might be time for them to face the heat.
    I'm usually pretty non-confrontational, you know me, but if I don't say something to make this stop, will anyone?

    I'm going to wait an ample amount of time before outing them, but I will definitely consider your words before acting :)

    Thanks girl!!

    And you are right---DURP is an amazing dude :) thanks again to him!!! Very thoughtful and was quite a surprise!
    Aw, that's tough. I didn't even consider the impact on other people. I see the dilemma. I guess I'm more of a protect myself first kinda gal, and could just see something like this weighing heavily on me so my first instinct would be to walk away because that would be the best thing for me. Screw other people! :lol::lol: Ok, just kidding.

    Good luck with the decision, I know it's not going to be easy but I know it will be well thought out :)

    PS I'm getting flashbacks of you yelling at me to go to bed when we were all giddy with excitement about the Europe tour! I'm going to bed now!
  • LoulouLoulou Adelaide Posts: 6,247
    This sucks. I agree that you have to pick your battles but I agree with my girl Kel. :wave: This person, whoever they are, shouldn't be allowed to cause more disappointment. Once is a mistake, twice maybe but many times? Good on ya Mike for being awesome!!! :thumbup:
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  • veddertownveddertown Scotland Posts: 5,260
    I know you're a respected trader here Stephen and it's great that you are being your usual dignified self so request that refund for your efforts one last time before marking it down to a bad experience. The decent thing would not to be calling them out but if you see them trading here then PM the members they are trading with and warn them to be cautious and maybe then the culprit will get the message and stay away from Lost Dogs. Hope all is well with you man. Glad to see you so happy in your life. I know you deserve what you have for what you have dealt with in the past.... ;)
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  • the only thing i have to say is good luck..
    you both are amazing human beigns,i dont need any traders list to tell me that..
    the good idea is at the posts above...to buy one from the shop..
    i respect you even more,that you know to keep privacy...
    the person did that,well...its a shame...
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  • badbrainsbadbrains Posts: 10,255
    What's that good old Georgie quote??? "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you....blah blah blah...it's not cool to fuck someone over PERIOD. From what I'm getting, the dudes done it before. If it takes heat to make someone realize they're fucked up, burn them. Call them out. No one else in this community should get burned by someone, especially someone IN THIS community. I recently scored a 10C hat I had lost in a move from Cali from someone in this community. Not only was Jonathan fair in the price, he sent it right away and also included a pj sticker and 10 of clubs card as a joke I guess. It's always risky buying shit online these days and if you can't trust "your own" community when trading or buying, then that's pretty fucked up and low. Good luck buddy, hope you get what's YOURS. Dude should pay up already. :fp:
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