Fenway #1 "I've got a feeling" dedication - A year later today

mwplum

With today being the one year anniversary of Fenway #1, I’ve been reflecting a lot over the past few days. That show was so incredible, and personally it meant so much to my family. I really am at a loss to find words to express how thankful and sincerely grateful I am to the band, their crew, and to all of you who had a hand in making the “I’ve got a feeling” dedication to my father happen, and also to all of you who took the time to reach out and connect in this thread and through personal messages. I cannot emphasize enough how much it affected my family and helped us through the overwhelming grief.

A year later, the sadness of loosing my father is still with me everyday. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of him or take a moment to speak to him before going to bed every night. The experiences shared by all of you have really helped me in terms of perspective to celebrate his presence. Although he is physically gone, I feel as though he will always be with me through the memories we shared together.

When I initially started that thread, I was in a really dark place. I was devastated and felt as though I was drifting through a constant fog of sadness. The healing process really began at Fenway and continued throughout the remainder of the last year. Through this process, I began to reflect a lot about my own life too. 

In the final months we had together, I would be over at my father’s house everyday. While the moments we shared were precious, it was really difficult to see him in such pain. Alcohol became the only way (maybe it was just the easiest way) for me to numb that pain, so every day after leaving him, I’d go home and drink myself to sleep. After he passed, it just became worse, as I started drinking in the morning and would keep a steady level of numbness throughout the day.

Without the support network I had, including my extremely strong and caring wife, I’m not sure what would have happened. But in the fall we learned that after being together for nearly 20 years, my wife and I were expecting our first child.

That moment really turned things around. Inspired by the experience at Fenway, and with the news that I would soon be a father, I began taking hard steps to evaluate and improve my life. I sought professional help as I was drinking to the point that it could be seriously harmful if I stopped cold. After tapering off of alcohol, I quit my job, realizing that I had been miserable there for the past few years. I was working as a lawyer for a firm that had changed a lot over the past few years. When I started 7 years earlier, it was a great environment, that really focused on work/life balance and family, but over time after one of the named partners left, it became extremely corporate and only focused solely on the bottom dollar. 

The past few months have been one of the most significant and rewarding times in my life. I’ve been able to spend so much time with my wife and support her through her pregnancy. I’ve made up for the pain I caused her through my drinking, and am proud to say that I’m 6 months sober. I’ve had the time to reengage in personal interests like exercise, reading (for pleasure), skateboarding, and many other things that I didn’t have time for while working or didn’t have the ability to do while drinking. 

In June, after many months of not knowing the gender, we welcomed our first child into the world, a little boy that we named Edward, but he seems to prefer going by Eddie Reginald (after my father). He has been such a blessing. It has been so rewarding to just have him look at me, make silly faces, and sleep on the warmth of my chest. I know that my father would have loved him so much, and feel that he’s somewhere looking down overjoyed. 

I also got a new job which I’m starting in the fall, which seems much more promising than my last one. I’m very much looking forward to spending the next few months with my wife and child before I start, and am excited about this new beginning. 

So again, to all of you, thank you so much for all of your care and support. I’m convinced that no other band or their community would have responded in such a way, and I feel truly blessed to be a part of it. 

Much love,
Matt

mwplum

mschostok

Your dad would be proud of you. Congrats on the baby boy, you're going to be a great father because you were raised by a great father. Glad you're doing so well. Life works in weird ways sometimes but right now things are looking way up for you. Hope to meet you at a show one day and jam out. 

- Mike 

JP218404

Here here and congrats. 

RunIntoTheRain

So glad to hear all the good news from you Matt.  I was very touched by your posts last year when you lost your dad. So much raw honesty in your posts.
Congratulations on the birth of your son.  Such a blessing. And also congrats on your sobriety.  That's a journey I understand well. 
Good luck with the new job and may we all be gifted with a Pearl Jam tour soon!!

DM282158

All the best man. Thanks for sharing!

SJD3232

Matt,
i read your thread a year ago and was very touched by it. I also have battled my demons with alcohol (for years and I'm only 33) and was sober for 6 months before relapsing. After about 4 months of putting 2 weeks together and relapsing over and over again, I'm finally back on the road to recovery and pray to God I have what it takes this time. I'm currently at 65 days sober, and in that short time so many wonderful things have happened. My wife and I have bought our first home and are 15 weeks pregnant with our first child. Congrats on the baby but make sure you focus on your sobriety first, so you can always be there for your wife and little Eddie! I'm positive that your Dad is proud of you for realizing what you needed to do and made it through such a rough time. Since the show, I've watched their dedication hundreds of times simce it's one of my favorites and it's awesome how much you touched the band as well. These guys don't realize how much they mean to us and how far something like that can carry us in the darkest of times.

Sorry for the sobriety rant - I simply want you to know you're not alone!
Shannon - not a hot chick, guy with a girls name

Renfield

Dear Matt~ Peace & love to you, your wife, and beautiful boy ✌️❤️
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L_j-tpmdPlI
 
Carol