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The ultimate Dad jokes
pjfan31
Posts: 7,331
Just got this email, from my Dad...
I do not enjoy computer jokes . Not one bit ..
I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now .
When chemists die, they barium ..
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran .
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid . He says he can stop any time ..
How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it .
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me ..
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore .
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity . I can't put it down .
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra .
PMS jokes aren't funny, period .
Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there's no pop quiz .
Energizer bunny arrested . Charged with battery .
I didn't like my beard at first . Then it grew on me .
How do you make holy water ? Boil the hell out of it !
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble .
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds .
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me !
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus ...
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool ..
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest .
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes .
Velcro - what a rip off !
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
Earthquake in Washington obviously the government's fault .
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure .
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too ..
I do not enjoy computer jokes . Not one bit ..
I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now .
When chemists die, they barium ..
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran .
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid . He says he can stop any time ..
How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it .
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me ..
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore .
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity . I can't put it down .
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra .
PMS jokes aren't funny, period .
Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there's no pop quiz .
Energizer bunny arrested . Charged with battery .
I didn't like my beard at first . Then it grew on me .
How do you make holy water ? Boil the hell out of it !
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble .
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds .
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me !
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus ...
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool ..
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest .
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes .
Velcro - what a rip off !
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
Earthquake in Washington obviously the government's fault .
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure .
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too ..
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Comments
Want to know the difference between a pizza and a drummer?
A pizza can feed a family of five.
I literally laughed out loud.
My kind of lines!
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
WF Center 10/22/13; Baltimore Arena 10/27/13; WF Center 4/28/16; WF Center 4/29/16;
Fenway Park 8/7/16; Fenway Park 9/2/18; SeaHearNow Asbury Park 9/18/21; Camden 9/14/22
Tres Mtns - TLA 3/23/11; EV - Tower Theatre 6/25/11; Temple of the Dog - Tower Theatre 11/5/16
'Are they good?'
HM: 'Remains to be seen'
Really bad movie. Munster Movie. Sorry Rob Zombie.
For some reason I can't stop watching it. So bad.
Just a byte.
WF Center 10/22/13; Baltimore Arena 10/27/13; WF Center 4/28/16; WF Center 4/29/16;
Fenway Park 8/7/16; Fenway Park 9/2/18; SeaHearNow Asbury Park 9/18/21; Camden 9/14/22
Tres Mtns - TLA 3/23/11; EV - Tower Theatre 6/25/11; Temple of the Dog - Tower Theatre 11/5/16