what's on your mind, right now?

Fifthelement said:

hedonist said:

I was talking with my cousin earlier, who's grown quite close with my mom.  She said something to the effect of how we typically see our parents as our parents, vs. their own people who had a complete history prior to having children.

I always knew this rationally, but it still hit home - and hard, for some reason.

Maybe because my mom is nearing 90 (and still out and about AND driving ), I know it's on me to make peace with what I still resent her for.  I need to forgive her, as I've done for myself.  I think I owe that to both of us.

RogueStoner said:

I miss you, dear friend. Life just isn’t the same without you. 

((((Hugs to you both))))

Thanks. How are you (and your mom) doing?

hedonist said:

Fifthelement said:

hedonist said:

I was talking with my cousin earlier, who's grown quite close with my mom.  She said something to the effect of how we typically see our parents as our parents, vs. their own people who had a complete history prior to having children.

I always knew this rationally, but it still hit home - and hard, for some reason.

Maybe because my mom is nearing 90 (and still out and about AND driving ), I know it's on me to make peace with what I still resent her for.  I need to forgive her, as I've done for myself.  I think I owe that to both of us.

RogueStoner said:

I miss you, dear friend. Life just isn’t the same without you. 

((((Hugs to you both))))

Thanks. How are you (and your mom) doing?

Overall, quite well.  The funeral is Wednesday morning.  My dad was sick for a lot of years and had spent the last year and a half in and out of hospital.  He never really recovered after the hospital overdosed him on OxyContin, killed and then necessitated him.  So his quality of life has been poor for quite a while.  It reached the point though that he couldn’t return home.  Frankly, he’d rather be dead then without my mom, so he stopped eating.  I salute him for his choice.  It was on his terms.  Still there are tears between the stories and laughter.  He looked so much at peace.  He was a great father and a very kind man who is remembered with love by the extended family, friends, and acquaintances.  What more can you ask for than a life well lived.

hedonist said:

Fifthelement said:

hedonist said:

Fifthelement said:

hedonist said:

I was talking with my cousin earlier, who's grown quite close with my mom.  She said something to the effect of how we typically see our parents as our parents, vs. their own people who had a complete history prior to having children.

I always knew this rationally, but it still hit home - and hard, for some reason.

Maybe because my mom is nearing 90 (and still out and about AND driving ), I know it's on me to make peace with what I still resent her for.  I need to forgive her, as I've done for myself.  I think I owe that to both of us.

RogueStoner said:

I miss you, dear friend. Life just isn’t the same without you. 

((((Hugs to you both))))

Thanks. How are you (and your mom) doing?

Overall, quite well.  The funeral is Wednesday morning.  My dad was sick for a lot of years and had spent the last year and a half in and out of hospital.  He never really recovered after the hospital overdosed him on OxyContin, killed and then necessitated him.  So his quality of life has been poor for quite a while.  It reached the point though that he couldn’t return home.  Frankly, he’d rather be dead then without my mom, so he stopped eating.  I salute him for his choice.  It was on his terms.  Still there are tears between the stories and laughter.  He looked so much at peace.  He was a great father and a very kind man who is remembered with love by the extended family, friends, and acquaintances.  What more can you ask for than a life well lived.

You can’t ask for more. Your dad sounds like he was a good man. 

He was 🙂

deadendp said:

Fifthelement said:

hedonist said:

Fifthelement said:

hedonist said:

I was talking with my cousin earlier, who's grown quite close with my mom.  She said something to the effect of how we typically see our parents as our parents, vs. their own people who had a complete history prior to having children.

I always knew this rationally, but it still hit home - and hard, for some reason.

Maybe because my mom is nearing 90 (and still out and about AND driving ), I know it's on me to make peace with what I still resent her for.  I need to forgive her, as I've done for myself.  I think I owe that to both of us.

RogueStoner said:

I miss you, dear friend. Life just isn’t the same without you. 

((((Hugs to you both))))

Thanks. How are you (and your mom) doing?

Overall, quite well.  The funeral is Wednesday morning.  My dad was sick for a lot of years and had spent the last year and a half in and out of hospital.  He never really recovered after the hospital overdosed him on OxyContin, killed and then necessitated him.  So his quality of life has been poor for quite a while.  It reached the point though that he couldn’t return home.  Frankly, he’d rather be dead then without my mom, so he stopped eating.  I salute him for his choice.  It was on his terms.  Still there are tears between the stories and laughter.  He looked so much at peace.  He was a great father and a very kind man who is remembered with love by the extended family, friends, and acquaintances.  What more can you ask for than a life well lived.

All I can offer are these outstretched arms and tears. ❤  -- Side hug. I promise that I'm wearing a mask. 

(I wish the huggy guy wasn't so smiley. I don't want smiley right now.)

Lol. Smiles are a good thing. Thank you for your hugs (also wearing a mask) 😁😁😁

Fifthelement said:

hedonist said:

Fifthelement said:

hedonist said:

I was talking with my cousin earlier, who's grown quite close with my mom.  She said something to the effect of how we typically see our parents as our parents, vs. their own people who had a complete history prior to having children.

I always knew this rationally, but it still hit home - and hard, for some reason.

Maybe because my mom is nearing 90 (and still out and about AND driving ), I know it's on me to make peace with what I still resent her for.  I need to forgive her, as I've done for myself.  I think I owe that to both of us.

RogueStoner said:

I miss you, dear friend. Life just isn’t the same without you. 

((((Hugs to you both))))

Thanks. How are you (and your mom) doing?

Overall, quite well.  The funeral is Wednesday morning.  My dad was sick for a lot of years and had spent the last year and a half in and out of hospital.  He never really recovered after the hospital overdosed him on OxyContin, killed and then necessitated him.  So his quality of life has been poor for quite a while.  It reached the point though that he couldn’t return home.  Frankly, he’d rather be dead then without my mom, so he stopped eating.  I salute him for his choice.  It was on his terms.  Still there are tears between the stories and laughter.  He looked so much at peace.  He was a great father and a very kind man who is remembered with love by the extended family, friends, and acquaintances.  What more can you ask for than a life well lived.

I’m so sorry for your loss. The way you are remembering him is a beautiful thing and a clear sign of a life well lived. Hugs to you and your family. 

Thanks all.  Lots of reminiscing tonight.

^^^  oh my goodness!  What did you decide on?  Everything looks delicious.

So, the funeral service went really well.  There were many tears shed for our loss, but there was so much laughter recalling the good times and the tricks and pranks my dad was always pulling.  I managed to get up and talk and not break down so yay me.  The slide show turned out really well.  I could not determine the songs that my dad requested.  I googled the artists’ catalogues trying to find a match, but no joy.  So I ended up selecting the music, with my mom’s approval, that I thought my dad would like.  We played:  Man of the Hour (PJ); The Rose (Bette Midler); Go Rest High in That Mountain (Vince Gill); I Bid You Goodnight (Aaron Neville)and Turn! Turn! Turn! (The Byrd’s). The VG & AN songs were used in the PowerPoint slide show.  My dad loved music, and instilled a love of it into me, so I think he would’ve been happy with my choices.

Fifthelement said:

hedonist said:

I was listening to Queen earlier and thought of my dad.  He loved music, especially classical and opera.  Many Saturday mornings of my childhood found me watching in awe as he pretend-conducted orchestras while completely lost in a piece.  Volume all the way up!

I remember in the late 70s/early 80s, sitting with him and my sister on her bedroom floor, headphones on my dad, and playing Night at the Opera for him.  He was floored - by the composition, the variety of music, the layers, that VOICE, all of it.  We did the same with Led Zep IV and Houses of the Holy.  And the Martin-produced era of the Beatles.

It was so cool to introduce him to "our" music as he did with his.  It is now part of me

This is amazing.  I started composing the post above you last night, but left it in draft because I was too tired to finish it.  I hadn’t read what you wrote about your dad loving music until just now.  So funny that we both wrote about the same thing.😳👍🙏

I couldn’t even speak at my dad’s funeral. I envy your ability to keep it together for that. Sounds like it was beautiful and bittersweet.