I want to spare you, but then maybe I didn't

sometimes I try to say things

I don't know how to hold or put my face and head anymore
trying to spare you this sorrow
my neck shakes my head no
in an instant everything is sallow

trying to balance the healthy with the reality I do go

but then all of a sudden I want to sleep with your five or six pair of jeans and one sweatpants just because  I can't stand how much I love you

my hair, neck, ears are soaked in an instant
And I don't know how to hold my head anymore or in what shape I should make my face in order to properly take this