Don't force your children to hug relatives over the holidays?

2

Comments

  • Thirty Bills Unpaid
    Thirty Bills Unpaid Posts: 16,881
    edited November 2017
    Sometimes hugs work the other way.

    My parents love my children to death. When they were younger... after spending time with them and I was picking them up... I'd often say, "Kids, maybe you should give nana and papa a hug before you go."

    This was completely for the benefit of their grandparents, but I felt the kids needed that type of direction (they wouldn't think to on their own- kids are narcissistic). Five year olds don't think to demonstrate their affection for others in many cases in ways that are appropriate. A little nudge here and there never harmed them.

    But I completely get the 'forced hug' idea. When I was young a couple of my aunts used to lay big, wet smooches on my cheek. It used to piss me off. 
    Post edited by Thirty Bills Unpaid on
    "My brain's a good brain!"
  • mcgruff10
    mcgruff10 New Jersey Posts: 29,143
    My wife and I have our kids hug and kiss their grandparents but I wouldn't force it with any other relative. 
    I'll ride the wave where it takes me......
  • HughFreakingDillon
    HughFreakingDillon Winnipeg Posts: 39,758
    Thirty Bills Unpaid said:
    Sometimes hugs work the other way.

    My parents love my children to death. When they were younger... after spending time with them and I was picking them up... I'd often say, "Kids, maybe you should give nana and papa a hug before you go."

    This was completely for the benefit of their grandparents, but I felt the kids needed that type of direction (they wouldn't think to on their own- kids are narcissistic). Five year olds don't think to demonstrate their affection for others in many cases in ways that are appropriate. A little nudge here and there never harmed them.

    But I completely get the 'forced hug' idea. When I was young a couple of my aunts used to lay big, wet smooches on my cheek. It used to piss me off. 
    my most wrinkly aunt used to smash my cheeks with her palms and pucker this big disgusting pucker and kiss me on the lips. stuff of nightmares. 
    By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.




  • eddiec
    eddiec Posts: 3,962
    Seriously? In many countries a greeting isn't even a handshake, it's kissing three times. Yes, even men on men.
  • HughFreakingDillon
    HughFreakingDillon Winnipeg Posts: 39,758
    eddiec said:
    Seriously? In many countries a greeting isn't even a handshake, it's kissing three times. Yes, even men on men.
    In America soon it's going to be a p**** grab. 
    By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.




  • rgambs
    rgambs Posts: 13,576
    eddiec said:
    Seriously? In many countries a greeting isn't even a handshake, it's kissing three times. Yes, even men on men.
    Yeah, but that's apples and oranges, we operate in a whole different sphere.
    Monkey Driven, Call this Living?
  • rgambs
    rgambs Posts: 13,576
    I think this is a great opportunity for parents to think about what lessons they are inadvertently teaching their kids.
    In the extreme case, think about how many times a parent has forced a kid to hug their pervo Uncle who is molesting the child unbeknownst to everyone else.

    Monkey Driven, Call this Living?
  • Thirty Bills Unpaid
    Thirty Bills Unpaid Posts: 16,881
    rgambs said:
    I think this is a great opportunity for parents to think about what lessons they are inadvertently teaching their kids.
    In the extreme case, think about how many times a parent has forced a kid to hug their pervo Uncle who is molesting the child unbeknownst to everyone else.

    Cold, hard truths.

    Gross.
    "My brain's a good brain!"
  • even flow - question mark
    even flow - question mark Posts: 1,568
    rgambs said:
    I think this is a great opportunity for parents to think about what lessons they are inadvertently teaching their kids.
    In the extreme case, think about how many times a parent has forced a kid to hug their pervo Uncle who is molesting the child unbeknownst to everyone else.


    Yeah, because everybody's family has the perverted uncle or aunt or grandmother or grandfather. Bring your children up right and they'll let you know if there is a problem.

    The poison from the poison stream caught up to you ELEVEN years ago and you floated out of here. Sept. 14, 08

  • oftenreading
    oftenreading Victoria, BC Posts: 12,856
    even flow - question mark said:
    rgambs said:
    I think this is a great opportunity for parents to think about what lessons they are inadvertently teaching their kids.
    In the extreme case, think about how many times a parent has forced a kid to hug their pervo Uncle who is molesting the child unbeknownst to everyone else.


    Yeah, because everybody's family has the perverted uncle or aunt or grandmother or grandfather. Bring your children up right and they'll let you know if there is a problem.

    There are a multitude of ways that an abuser can assure that the child remains silent, including threatening that parents or siblings will be hurt if they tell, or saying that no one will believe them, or insisting that it is the child who has done wrong and the abuser will protect them. It's very naive to insist that a child who is "raised right" can resist this. 
    my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
  • Thirty Bills Unpaid
    Thirty Bills Unpaid Posts: 16,881
    even flow - question mark said:
    rgambs said:
    I think this is a great opportunity for parents to think about what lessons they are inadvertently teaching their kids.
    In the extreme case, think about how many times a parent has forced a kid to hug their pervo Uncle who is molesting the child unbeknownst to everyone else.


    Yeah, because everybody's family has the perverted uncle or aunt or grandmother or grandfather. Bring your children up right and they'll let you know if there is a problem.

    Wow.

    So essentially... you're saying parents are responsible for kids getting chronically abused.

    You might want to rethink this.
    "My brain's a good brain!"
  • mcgruff10
    mcgruff10 New Jersey Posts: 29,143
    Thirty Bills Unpaid said:
    rgambs said:
    I think this is a great opportunity for parents to think about what lessons they are inadvertently teaching their kids.
    In the extreme case, think about how many times a parent has forced a kid to hug their pervo Uncle who is molesting the child unbeknownst to everyone else.

    Cold, hard truths.

    Gross.
    Yup. 
    I'll ride the wave where it takes me......
  • HughFreakingDillon
    HughFreakingDillon Winnipeg Posts: 39,758
    even flow - question mark said:
    rgambs said:
    I think this is a great opportunity for parents to think about what lessons they are inadvertently teaching their kids.
    In the extreme case, think about how many times a parent has forced a kid to hug their pervo Uncle who is molesting the child unbeknownst to everyone else.


    Yeah, because everybody's family has the perverted uncle or aunt or grandmother or grandfather. Bring your children up right and they'll let you know if there is a problem.

    he said "in the extreme case". also, as someone oftenreading stated, there's a reason kids stay silent about abuse. it has zero to do with being "raised right". that's close to victim shaming right there. 
    By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.




  • mcgruff10
    mcgruff10 New Jersey Posts: 29,143
    oftenreading said:
    even flow - question mark said:
    rgambs said:
    I think this is a great opportunity for parents to think about what lessons they are inadvertently teaching their kids.
    In the extreme case, think about how many times a parent has forced a kid to hug their pervo Uncle who is molesting the child unbeknownst to everyone else.


    Yeah, because everybody's family has the perverted uncle or aunt or grandmother or grandfather. Bring your children up right and they'll let you know if there is a problem.

    There are a multitude of ways that an abuser can assure that the child remains silent, including threatening that parents or siblings will be hurt if they tell, or saying that no one will believe them, or insisting that it is the child who has done wrong and the abuser will protect them. It's very naive to insist that a child who is "raised right" can resist this. 
    100% agree. 
    I'll ride the wave where it takes me......
  • even flow - question mark
    even flow - question mark Posts: 1,568

    Y'all good at putting words in my mouth. Wow!

    If ya wanna rip on people. I find it weird that a kid who is raised properly would be like the eight year old described in a few posts above me. Great parenting there! Piss and moan all day long.


    The poison from the poison stream caught up to you ELEVEN years ago and you floated out of here. Sept. 14, 08

  • mcgruff10
    mcgruff10 New Jersey Posts: 29,143
    edited November 2017
    even flow - question mark said:

    Y'all good at putting words in my mouth. Wow!

    If ya wanna rip on people. I find it weird that a kid who is raised properly would be like the eight year old described in a few posts above me. Great parenting there! Piss and moan all day long.


    There is Plenty of great parents out there who have unfortunately gone through this terrible experience. Great parenting unfortunately doesn't matter in some instances. 
    Post edited by mcgruff10 on
    I'll ride the wave where it takes me......
  • HughFreakingDillon
    HughFreakingDillon Winnipeg Posts: 39,758
    even flow - question mark said:

    Y'all good at putting words in my mouth. Wow!

    If ya wanna rip on people. I find it weird that a kid who is raised properly would be like the eight year old described in a few posts above me. Great parenting there! Piss and moan all day long.


    please don't tell me you are referencing my daughter here. 
    By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.




  • HughFreakingDillon
    HughFreakingDillon Winnipeg Posts: 39,758
    PJ_Soul said:
    HughFreakingDillon said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    I think kids are perfectly capable of understanding the nuances of this issue. The average kid generally gets when a situation calls for some behaviour that doesn't come naturally to them. I really don't think not forcing your kids into physical contact with Aunt Ruth or weird Uncle Dan would have a negative effect on their general ability to show respect or to be polite. Now, if a kid refuses all affection, even from a loving mom or dad, or someone who they spend a lot of time with and are actually close to and love, then I would say a parent should perhaps be concerned. It could be evidence of some kind of attachment disorder, emotional issues, or even a sign that the kid is being abused by someone.
    well, it definitely seems odd to us that our daughter is so anti-affection, but for her it's all about control. she'll instigate hugs when I'm leaving for work every day, and stuff like that (she's actually been very upset when I left without giving her one-like if she's taking too long and I leave cause I'll miss my bus), she just likes to be the one in control of it. 
    If she is still initiating hugs and gets mad if she doesn't get one when she wants one, then she is probably not a sociopath. :lol:;)
    PROBABLY. :lol:
    By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.




  • Thirty Bills Unpaid
    Thirty Bills Unpaid Posts: 16,881
    edited November 2017
    even flow - question mark said:

    Y'all good at putting words in my mouth. Wow!

    If ya wanna rip on people. I find it weird that a kid who is raised properly would be like the eight year old described in a few posts above me. Great parenting there! Piss and moan all day long.


    Well you might want to clarify. You said this: Bring your children up right and they'll let you know if there is a problem.

    This unfairly implies a lot of things.
    "My brain's a good brain!"
  • HughFreakingDillon
    HughFreakingDillon Winnipeg Posts: 39,758
    even flow - question mark said:

    Y'all good at putting words in my mouth. Wow!

    If ya wanna rip on people. I find it weird that a kid who is raised properly would be like the eight year old described in a few posts above me. Great parenting there! Piss and moan all day long.


    I raise my daughter to be herself. and especially not to be forced to conform to any social norms if it makes her uncomfortable. my other daughter is OVERLY affectionate. raised the same. if it is all about how we raise them, how do you reconcile that, genius?
    By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.




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