what's on your mind, right now?

hauntingfamiliar · October 2017

Pap said:

^ Honest girl = good girl

23scidoo · October 2017

I hate working Mondays morning..

bluegrace · October 2017

Winter

jnimhaoileoin · November 2017

I really wish I knew what I wanted in life

HughFreakingDillon · November 2017

jnimhaoileoin said:

I really wish I knew what I wanted in life

not many of us do. I find the older we get the more difficult it is to find meaning. I've been having existential difficulty for the past decade ore possibly longer. the biggest difficulty is to balance the reality that none of this matters, so you have to make it matter to yourself, and that's the only way to be happy.

PJ_Soul · November 2017

HughFreakingDillon said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

I really wish I knew what I wanted in life

not many of us do. I find the older we get the more difficult it is to find meaning. I've been having existential difficulty for the past decade ore possibly longer. the biggest difficulty is to balance the reality that none of this matters, so you have to make it matter to yourself, and that's the only way to be happy.

I also think this concept is strongly connected to social expectations/stigmas and the pressure that puts on individuals. There is a common battle between desire, what feels right, and what we've all been essentially brainwashed into thinking is expected of us by social norms. I think it's really hard for most people to fight those expectations, no matter how bullshitty they may be.

HughFreakingDillon · November 2017

PJ_Soul said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

I really wish I knew what I wanted in life

not many of us do. I find the older we get the more difficult it is to find meaning. I've been having existential difficulty for the past decade ore possibly longer. the biggest difficulty is to balance the reality that none of this matters, so you have to make it matter to yourself, and that's the only way to be happy.

I also think this concept is strongly connected to social expectations/stigmas and the pressure that puts on individuals. There is a common battle between desire, what feels right, and what we've all been essentially brainwashed into thinking is expected of us by social norms. I think it's really hard for most people to fight those expectations, no matter how bullshitty they may be.

I ebb and flow almost daily, maybe even more often than that sometimes, between "what the fuck am I doing with my life?" and "why do I put these ridiculous expectations on myself because of how others perceive what I'm doing is not up to my potential?". I put no stock in how much money I should make, so beyond that, what is the point of "success"? happiness is subjective, and living my life going to school and working and having no time for myself so I can have a document framed on my wall will not bring me happiness.

/tangent

PJ_Soul · November 2017

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

I really wish I knew what I wanted in life

not many of us do. I find the older we get the more difficult it is to find meaning. I've been having existential difficulty for the past decade ore possibly longer. the biggest difficulty is to balance the reality that none of this matters, so you have to make it matter to yourself, and that's the only way to be happy.

I also think this concept is strongly connected to social expectations/stigmas and the pressure that puts on individuals. There is a common battle between desire, what feels right, and what we've all been essentially brainwashed into thinking is expected of us by social norms. I think it's really hard for most people to fight those expectations, no matter how bullshitty they may be.

I ebb and flow almost daily, maybe even more often than that sometimes, between "what the fuck am I doing with my life?" and "why do I put these ridiculous expectations on myself because of how others perceive what I'm doing is not up to my potential?". I put no stock in how much money I should make, so beyond that, what is the point of "success"? happiness is subjective, and living my life going to school and working and having no time for myself so I can have a document framed on my wall will not bring me happiness.

/tangent

I hear ya. For me, I think I've found peace with it myself, but what problem remains is that others around me haven't found peace in my peace.

I'm fortunate to have parents who 100% get it. They actually think it's fantastic. My sister and bro-in-law seem to also be coming around, but they REALLY had a problem understanding where I'm coming from for years as far as my refusal to conform with corporate Canada, basically, and my socialistic views (which also results in my rejection of what many think of traditional "success", which my sis and bro hold very, very dear - they are rich conservatives, so to them, "success" = power and money and status). As for friends... I don't think they really care one way or the other at the end of the day, but still sometimes wonder, especially when it comes to my decision to not have kids or be married. But I suspect half of that might be coming from sort of a place of periodic envy of the almost total freedom those choices afford me, lol (and my sister is definitely straight up jealous of it - she is happy to admit it). Oh, and my choice to live car free has been one that I've had to really defend. It's actually fucked up how much trouble people tend to have wrapping their minds around that one, although I've noticed that that is suddenly changing a bit, as everyone else catches up with the fact that it is the way to go in modern urban times. The younger generations are way more on board... it's just that our generation is still completely addicted to cars. So long story short, I don't struggle with my own feelings about these expectations, but with how people in my life view the decisions that I'm comfortable with. I feel like I have to defend or justify my choices, and I'm tired of it.

HughFreakingDillon · November 2017

the only part that I really still struggle with is the meaninglessness of my job. Like, obviously, when you are ok with being low level, there is going to be monotony to it. sometimes I feel like i could be doing something meaningful (like helping others-my wife has always insisted I'd excel in HR because of my ability to identify with people and their psychology and, while I'm very emotional myself, my ability to be completely objective about someone else's issues), but I can also help people in my personal life.

then there's other times that I feel like I'm ok with being low level to make myself feel better about my laziness. LOL

I gotta be honest, I was one of those people that had a hard time wrapping my head around the choice to stay single and/or not have kids. it astounded me, at the advent of facebook, how many people I grew up with that didn't have families, and while I don't know the reasons, I'm sure at least some of them are a result of choice, not ability. then I finally opened my eyes and realized having kids or a spouse isn't for everyone (I also have an evolutionary theory about that as well). it takes a pretty strong person to make that choice and not conform to our societal norms. I didn't conform to it because I felt forced. I've always wanted a wife and kids. I guess I just assumed everyone wanted that. Because we grow up being taught that. Shit, while I love my kids to pieces and wouldn't change it for the world, there are occasions where you sit back and wonder where I'd be without the responsibility. Would I be surfing in Australia? Would I be a roadie for a band? or would I still be a low level clerk in a job no one aspires to and go home to an empty apartment? who knows. But sleeping in would be an amazing perk. And not yelling. My god the yelling.

on another side, though, some of our best friends are our kids' friends' parents, whom we likely never would have met otherwise.

But yeah, explaining your choices to people can get exhausting. I don't mind having a discussion about it, but when you get obviously JUDGED for your choices is where the issue comes in. I often ask them "are you passionate about the job you are in? no? then why did you go to school for 15 years and spends hundreds of thousands of dollars on it? oh, so your kids would be happy? pretty sure my kids are just as happy as yours, so that's out. oh, the big house? Yeah, I don't give a fuck about a big house. so that's out, too. oh, you got nothing else? right, discussion over. Nice jeans though. Glad you can afford nicer jeans than me. Hope they were worth it".

PJ_Soul · November 2017

I can understand the struggle with feeling like you're in a meaningless job. I"m fortunate to have a career that does not make me feel that way, but I have been in the past. I handled it fine, but it still sucked waking up every morning and kind of dreading having to go to the office all day; I don't think I even really realized how much that sucked until I was no longer in that position. That said, I believe that ALL workers at ALL levels have value, and if you are fulfilling a need, then your job is necessarily not meaningless in the world.

However, that and feeling like it's meaningless to you are two totally different things, obviously, and I think how you feel about that just depends on your contentment levels. If not doing much or not challenging yourself or whatever makes you content because it's low stress, great. That makes sense to me - I think reducing anxiety is a great justification for just about any decision or lifestyle. If you are discontent with that, I would suggest you find a new job. IMO, money should essentially have nothing to do with it beyond making sure you and your family is provided for (and yours is, I gather). Or maybe keep the job you have and volunteer (more?) in your free time. That would probably help to offset that feeling you have about work, and still allow you to keep things low key, and also not really commit you to anything when you aren't into being more committed to shit.

jnimhaoileoin · November 2017

I'm trying to figure out if I can live a happy life and feel fulfilled while staying single and never having kids. As I mentioned before, I'm considering becoming a single parent but I'm not even sure I definitely want kids or how I'm supposed to know. Is it some sort of primal instinct? Does the fact that I'm not sure mean I can't want them enough? If I don't have kids, how do I know I won't hit middle age and have it suddenly become the biggest regret of my life?

Thoughts_Arrive · November 2017

HughFreakingDillon said:

the only part that I really still struggle with is the meaninglessness of my job. Like, obviously, when you are ok with being low level, there is going to be monotony to it. sometimes I feel like i could be doing something meaningful (like helping others-my wife has always insisted I'd excel in HR because of my ability to identify with people and their psychology and, while I'm very emotional myself, my ability to be completely objective about someone else's issues), but I can also help people in my personal life.

then there's other times that I feel like I'm ok with being low level to make myself feel better about my laziness. LOL

I gotta be honest, I was one of those people that had a hard time wrapping my head around the choice to stay single and/or not have kids. it astounded me, at the advent of facebook, how many people I grew up with that didn't have families, and while I don't know the reasons, I'm sure at least some of them are a result of choice, not ability. then I finally opened my eyes and realized having kids or a spouse isn't for everyone (I also have an evolutionary theory about that as well). it takes a pretty strong person to make that choice and not conform to our societal norms. I didn't conform to it because I felt forced. I've always wanted a wife and kids. I guess I just assumed everyone wanted that. Because we grow up being taught that. Shit, while I love my kids to pieces and wouldn't change it for the world, there are occasions where you sit back and wonder where I'd be without the responsibility. Would I be surfing in Australia? Would I be a roadie for a band? or would I still be a low level clerk in a job no one aspires to and go home to an empty apartment? who knows. But sleeping in would be an amazing perk. And not yelling. My god the yelling.

on another side, though, some of our best friends are our kids' friends' parents, whom we likely never would have met otherwise.

But yeah, explaining your choices to people can get exhausting. I don't mind having a discussion about it, but when you get obviously JUDGED for your choices is where the issue comes in. I often ask them "are you passionate about the job you are in? no? then why did you go to school for 15 years and spends hundreds of thousands of dollars on it? oh, so your kids would be happy? pretty sure my kids are just as happy as yours, so that's out. oh, the big house? Yeah, I don't give a fuck about a big house. so that's out, too. oh, you got nothing else? right, discussion over. Nice jeans though. Glad you can afford nicer jeans than me. Hope they were worth it".

I feel that way regarding kids. Around where I live it feels like it is expected that you'll have kids.
I don't think I want to have any, I don't have the desire and cannot picture myself as a dad and don't think I'd do a good job at a dad given my own problems.
It sickens me when I go out to the local mall and see all these young mums with their partners and they all look miserable. Why are people so stupid. If you don't want kids then don't have any. Life is made to be all about buy a house, marry, have kids.

Thoughts_Arrive · November 2017

jnimhaoileoin said:

I really wish I knew what I wanted in life

Same.
I am enjoying studying psychology now and hope to become a psychologist but there's a long way to go at university.
Sometimes I feel like I wouldn't make a good clinical psychologist so I feel like I should perhaps be a researcher/academic, sometimes I think why don't I just do art/music but then I feel like I want it but don't at the same time. No money in art, won't pay the bills. Plus sometimes doing art can be stressful. Confused.

Shyner · November 2017

Star on house

HughFreakingDillon · November 2017

PJ_Soul said:

I can understand the struggle with feeling like you're in a meaningless job. I"m fortunate to have a career that does not make me feel that way, but I have been in the past. I handled it fine, but it still sucked waking up every morning and kind of dreading having to go to the office all day; I don't think I even really realized how much that sucked until I was no longer in that position. That said, I believe that ALL workers at ALL levels have value, and if you are fulfilling a need, then your job is necessarily not meaningless in the world. However, that and feeling like it's meaningless to you are two totally different things, obviously, and I think how you feel about that just depends on your contentment levels. If not doing much or not challenging yourself or whatever makes you content because it's low stress, great. That makes sense to me - I think reducing anxiety is a great justification for just about any decision or lifestyle. If you are discontent with that, I would suggest you find a new job. IMO, money should essentially have nothing to do with it beyond making sure you and your family is provided for (and yours is, I gather). Or maybe keep the job you have and volunteer (more?) in your free time. That would probably help to offset that feeling you have about work, and still allow you to keep things low key, and also not really commit you to anything when you aren't into being more committed to shit.

I don't mind the job itself; it affords me time to do what I want (like be on here all day), I like the people. It's not that I dislike it, it's just that it doesn't give much satisfaction, if that makes sense. You are right in that it doesn't provide challenge, but with my anxiety issues, I have carefully stayed away from challenges the last few years as it might send me over the edge. A woman quit in my office, and people were trying to encourage me to apply, basically my boss said I'd get it, but I wasn't in a space where i could handle learning a new job. And there are actually pluses to my job; I deal with people all over the company, and I'm good at it (and respected, I'm told), so that's something.

I don't necessarily dread coming to work. It's hard to explain. it's the part of me that thinks of the DTE video where people are just mindless, numb things staring at a computer screen all day. it's not healthy.

HughFreakingDillon · November 2017

Thoughts_Arrive said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

the only part that I really still struggle with is the meaninglessness of my job. Like, obviously, when you are ok with being low level, there is going to be monotony to it. sometimes I feel like i could be doing something meaningful (like helping others-my wife has always insisted I'd excel in HR because of my ability to identify with people and their psychology and, while I'm very emotional myself, my ability to be completely objective about someone else's issues), but I can also help people in my personal life.

then there's other times that I feel like I'm ok with being low level to make myself feel better about my laziness. LOL

I gotta be honest, I was one of those people that had a hard time wrapping my head around the choice to stay single and/or not have kids. it astounded me, at the advent of facebook, how many people I grew up with that didn't have families, and while I don't know the reasons, I'm sure at least some of them are a result of choice, not ability. then I finally opened my eyes and realized having kids or a spouse isn't for everyone (I also have an evolutionary theory about that as well). it takes a pretty strong person to make that choice and not conform to our societal norms. I didn't conform to it because I felt forced. I've always wanted a wife and kids. I guess I just assumed everyone wanted that. Because we grow up being taught that. Shit, while I love my kids to pieces and wouldn't change it for the world, there are occasions where you sit back and wonder where I'd be without the responsibility. Would I be surfing in Australia? Would I be a roadie for a band? or would I still be a low level clerk in a job no one aspires to and go home to an empty apartment? who knows. But sleeping in would be an amazing perk. And not yelling. My god the yelling.

on another side, though, some of our best friends are our kids' friends' parents, whom we likely never would have met otherwise.

But yeah, explaining your choices to people can get exhausting. I don't mind having a discussion about it, but when you get obviously JUDGED for your choices is where the issue comes in. I often ask them "are you passionate about the job you are in? no? then why did you go to school for 15 years and spends hundreds of thousands of dollars on it? oh, so your kids would be happy? pretty sure my kids are just as happy as yours, so that's out. oh, the big house? Yeah, I don't give a fuck about a big house. so that's out, too. oh, you got nothing else? right, discussion over. Nice jeans though. Glad you can afford nicer jeans than me. Hope they were worth it".

I feel that way regarding kids. Around where I live it feels like it is expected that you'll have kids.
I don't think I want to have any, I don't have the desire and cannot picture myself as a dad and don't think I'd do a good job at a dad given my own problems.
It sickens me when I go out to the local mall and see all these young mums with their partners and they all look miserable. Why are people so stupid. If you don't want kids then don't have any. Life is made to be all about buy a house, marry, have kids.

a lot of young parents look miserable because they are tired. it's a long road being a parent. there are extreme highs, but also mediocre lows where you find yourself not knowing what day it is, as every day seems exactly the same.

or it's because they are at the mall. the mall makes me look miserable too. I fucking hate that place. LOL

I have often wondered if I made the right choice having kids, given the world we live in. I'd never take it back (I love them to death), but I wonder if I shouldn't have brought kids into this world. I worry about their future and what this world will be like for them.

Ms. Haiku · November 2017

An interview for a seasonal retail position yesterday, and an interview for a full time position today. I hope something good happens.

23scidoo · November 2017

Vamos re Panatha!!!!

PJ_Soul · November 2017

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

the only part that I really still struggle with is the meaninglessness of my job. Like, obviously, when you are ok with being low level, there is going to be monotony to it. sometimes I feel like i could be doing something meaningful (like helping others-my wife has always insisted I'd excel in HR because of my ability to identify with people and their psychology and, while I'm very emotional myself, my ability to be completely objective about someone else's issues), but I can also help people in my personal life.

then there's other times that I feel like I'm ok with being low level to make myself feel better about my laziness. LOL

I gotta be honest, I was one of those people that had a hard time wrapping my head around the choice to stay single and/or not have kids. it astounded me, at the advent of facebook, how many people I grew up with that didn't have families, and while I don't know the reasons, I'm sure at least some of them are a result of choice, not ability. then I finally opened my eyes and realized having kids or a spouse isn't for everyone (I also have an evolutionary theory about that as well). it takes a pretty strong person to make that choice and not conform to our societal norms. I didn't conform to it because I felt forced. I've always wanted a wife and kids. I guess I just assumed everyone wanted that. Because we grow up being taught that. Shit, while I love my kids to pieces and wouldn't change it for the world, there are occasions where you sit back and wonder where I'd be without the responsibility. Would I be surfing in Australia? Would I be a roadie for a band? or would I still be a low level clerk in a job no one aspires to and go home to an empty apartment? who knows. But sleeping in would be an amazing perk. And not yelling. My god the yelling.

on another side, though, some of our best friends are our kids' friends' parents, whom we likely never would have met otherwise.

But yeah, explaining your choices to people can get exhausting. I don't mind having a discussion about it, but when you get obviously JUDGED for your choices is where the issue comes in. I often ask them "are you passionate about the job you are in? no? then why did you go to school for 15 years and spends hundreds of thousands of dollars on it? oh, so your kids would be happy? pretty sure my kids are just as happy as yours, so that's out. oh, the big house? Yeah, I don't give a fuck about a big house. so that's out, too. oh, you got nothing else? right, discussion over. Nice jeans though. Glad you can afford nicer jeans than me. Hope they were worth it".

I feel that way regarding kids. Around where I live it feels like it is expected that you'll have kids.
I don't think I want to have any, I don't have the desire and cannot picture myself as a dad and don't think I'd do a good job at a dad given my own problems.
It sickens me when I go out to the local mall and see all these young mums with their partners and they all look miserable. Why are people so stupid. If you don't want kids then don't have any. Life is made to be all about buy a house, marry, have kids.

a lot of young parents look miserable because they are tired. it's a long road being a parent. there are extreme highs, but also mediocre lows where you find yourself not knowing what day it is, as every day seems exactly the same.

or it's because they are at the mall. the mall makes me look miserable too. I fucking hate that place. LOL

I have often wondered if I made the right choice having kids, given the world we live in. I'd never take it back (I love them to death), but I wonder if I shouldn't have brought kids into this world. I worry about their future and what this world will be like for them.

Yeah, those are tied for my #1 reason for choosing not to have kids. I simply don't think the world needs any more people in it. I don't want to contribute to the population crisis. It's a fact that literally the worst thing anyone can do to have a negative impact on the environment as an individual is have children. And it's not just a bit worse than the rest of the ways. It's WAY worse. And just as much, I don't want to raise kids in this rapidly declining society of ours. The education system is fucked, expectations placed on parents are fucked, the lack of independence and freedom kids now have is fucked, and all the negative influences society has on children is fucked. I simply could not bear to raise kids in today's atmosphere. It would just be a huge series of regrets and disappointments for me. I feel like I would be forced to raise my kids in a way I absolutely don't want to raise them, and no matter what I did to counteract current realities, I wouldn't be able to do enough for it to feel right to me (not without ensuring my kid is a social pariah, anyway). And then there is just the heinous financial realities of the city in which I live. I simply wouldn't be able to afford to raise kids the way I would want to, even if all the other stuff wasn't true, which it is.

Luckily for me, I never felt a big biological urge to reproduce anyhow. Like, I really don't have the underlying feeling of wanting to extend my existence through my children. So all those other bad reasons that made me make my decision don't actually lead to any regret either. I sincerely don't mind that all those factors led to me not bearing children. I mind the factors in and of themselves and worry about everyone else's kids and the future because of them, but I don't mourn my own lack of children at all. I also relish the freedom my decision has afforded. A LOT. I never take that for granted (particularly not when I observe other parents with their children most of the time - I agree with Thoughts Arrive. Most parents these days seem pretty miserable about 75% of the time, both because of what a pain in the ass the kids are, but also because kids can really be a strain on the relationship between the parents ... and I think that is partly because of all the other shitty societal crap that I mentioned. Parents have managed to put themselves into a pretty shitty little situation in recent years IMO, compared to "back in the day". Overworked, impossible standards, overextended, all those fucking birthday parties... At least back in the day they could tell their kids to fuck off out of the house and not come back until dinner time. Now they're around pretty much constantly.

hedonist · November 2017

I wish (or not?) that my reasons for having chosen a life without children are more to do with altruism than selfishness....but they aren't.

Just wanted to say that adoption can be a wonderful way to "have" a child

what's on your mind, right now?

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