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Being a Pallbearer

DegeneratefkDegeneratefk Posts: 3,123
in All Encompassing Trip
A couple nights ago, a long time co-worker died suddenly at the age of 52. Today, I was asked to be a Pallbearer at the funeral. I've never been a Pallbearer before and have no idea what to expect. Funerals are difficult enough to go through, how much more difficult is it when you are the one moving this body? I almost said no, but didn't want to seem disrespectful.
will myself to find a home, a home within myself
we will find a way, we will find our place

Comments

  • FoxyRedLaFoxyRedLa Lauren / MI Posts: 4,810
    I'm going to assume you are male. Remember to carry by the handle at waist height. You will do good.
    Oh please let it rain today.
    Those that can be trusted can change their mind.
  • FoxyRedLaFoxyRedLa Lauren / MI Posts: 4,810
    Sorry for your loss.
    Oh please let it rain today.
    Those that can be trusted can change their mind.
  • Who PrincessWho Princess out here in the fields Posts: 7,305
    I'm sorry to hear about your co-worker.

    Will there be a service in a church or a hall? Will there be a graveside service? If there is only a service indoors, you may not have to lift the casket at all. The funeral home will have it on a special cart. The pallbearers will walk alongside it, wheeling it in. You may have to briefly lift it out of the hearse onto the cart, and then back into the hearse after the service. You'll be lifting along with 5 other people, so the weight shouldn't be that much.

    Get to the funeral early and speak to the funeral director. They and their staff are very experienced and will guide you. You probably won't be the only person who's never done it before.

    Your co-worker must have thought a lot of you for the family to have asked you.
    "The stars are all connected to the brain."
  • DegeneratefkDegeneratefk Posts: 3,123
    It's going to be inside the funeral home chapel then going to the graveyard.
    will myself to find a home, a home within myself
    we will find a way, we will find our place
  • Who PrincessWho Princess out here in the fields Posts: 7,305
    In that case the casket will probably already be in the chapel. The funeral home staff will give you instructions. The staff will probably be the ones to actually lift the casket into and out of the hearse when you leave for the cemetery. Don't worry about asking them questions. As I said, you probably won't be the only person who's never done it before. I've found that funeral home staff as a rule are very helpful.
    "The stars are all connected to the brain."
  • MayDay10MayDay10 Posts: 11,813
    Its pretty easy really. Theyll tell you exactly what to do. In a way its a good thing because it gives your mind something to do instead of be sad...
    Think of this as an honor too
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    MayDay10 said:

    Its pretty easy really. Theyll tell you exactly what to do. In a way its a good thing because it gives your mind something to do instead of be sad...
    Think of this as an honor too

    True on all fronts.

    I remember the pallbears who carried my father's coffin and was honored they did so. It's a grave act (no pun intended, honestly).

    You'll do fine, DF, as usual. I too offer condolences.
  • dankinddankind Posts: 20,840
    I feel like I've done this before (perhaps more than once) but erased it from my memory, so it couldn't have been too hard.

    Sorry for your loss, DF.
    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • DegeneratefkDegeneratefk Posts: 3,123
    I was honored the fiance asked me. We worked side by side for many years until I became a supervisor a couple of years ago. The best part was, he was a great employee, so our relationship didn't really change.
    will myself to find a home, a home within myself
    we will find a way, we will find our place
  • markymark550markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,186
    Sorry for your loss.

    MayDay10 is right in that they will tell you what to do and help with the coordination of it all. I've done it a few times and the only problem I've had was the ground was very soggy for one of them because it rained the day before.
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 50,359
    I would assume that you will be given directions, probably by the funeral director if not by some family member of the departed who is making the arrangements. They won't just push you towards the casket and let you fend for yourself.

    Sorry for your loss.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • WhatYouTaughtMeWhatYouTaughtMe Posts: 4,957
    Sorry for your loss. I've filled that role before. I was incredibly nervous, but what I do remember wasn't as bad as I expected. It was probably the least difficult part of the service.
  • PureandEasyPureandEasy Posts: 5,818
    FoxyRedLa said:

    I'm going to assume you are male. Remember to carry by the handle at waist height. You will do good.

    Don't assume, I was a pallbearer ay my Nana's funeral. Luckily I had my oldest brother right behind me picking up the slack. It truly is an honor.
    Don't come closer or I'll have to go
  • CAVSTARR313CAVSTARR313 Posts: 8,756
    I was worried about the white gloves. Gripping a metal pole with cloth gloves seemed like an unneeded challenge.. Only to find out the white gloves had little rubber grippy thingys on the palm side., yes, a great distraction from horrible sadness and a great honor.. Sorry for your loss
    None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe that they are free.
    Abrn Hlls '98 - Clarkston 2 '03 - Grd Rpds '06 - Abrn Hlls '06 - Clvd '10 - PJ20 - Berlin 1+2 '12 - Wrigley '13 - Pitt '13- buff '13- Philly 1+2 '13 - Seattle '13
  • FoxyRedLaFoxyRedLa Lauren / MI Posts: 4,810
    PureandEasy said:

    FoxyRedLa said:

    I'm going to assume you are male. Remember to carry by the handle at waist height. You will do good.

    Don't assume, I was a pallbearer ay my Nana's funeral. Luckily I had my oldest brother right behind me picking up the slack. It truly is an honor.
    Obviously gender doesn't matter - but known to be a male role.
    Oh please let it rain today.
    Those that can be trusted can change their mind.
  • F Me In The BrainF Me In The Brain this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 31,691
    Sorry for your loss bud.
    The love he receives is the love that is saved
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