Got a very interesting vacation coming up...

samjam · August 2015

So happy happy joy joy--my mother is extremely kindly taking my sister and I on vacation next week to an all inclusive in the Caribbean!

BUT-it is also with her boyfriend and his kids....

They only started dating late last year, and since I've been away from home until 3 days ago, I've really only met HIM a handful of times. I actually like him a lot, however I do NOT like his son, who is a year younger than me...and it takes a lot for me not to like someone. Then there are two teenage girls (19 and 13) whom I haven't even met before.

I'm trying to be open minded about the whole thing because hey--if mom's happy, that's wonderful--I want nothing more for her. The whole thing is kinda huge though and kinda uncomfortable to think about. She's had two long term boyfriends since she and my dad got divorced, and has NEVER done anything like this ever before.

This is either gonna be really great, or really terrible. Trying to keep an open mind though. Just feel kinda thrown into everything.

RKCNDY · August 2015

Sam, I think you have a wonderful opportunity to go to an amazing place!

No, I don't know 'exactly' how you feel, but I can understand meeting someone a few times and not liking them. I can only suggest to read up on the area you are visiting and find activities that can keep you entertained, maybe things you can do with your sister. I do know it feels awkward that you've never met his other 2 kids and its like you're being forced to like them because you will be spending a lot of time together. Just make the best of the situation, maybe you might like his older daughter.

All I can recommend is bring a few good books and lots of PJ on your iPod/phone.

samjam · August 2015

RKCNDY said:
Sam, I think you have a wonderful opportunity to go to an amazing place!

No, I don't know 'exactly' how you feel, but I can understand meeting someone a few times and not liking them. I can only suggest to read up on the area you are visiting and find activities that can keep you entertained, maybe things you can do with your sister. I do know it feels awkward that you've never met his other 2 kids and its like you're being forced to like them because you will be spending a lot of time together. Just make the best of the situation, maybe you might like his older daughter.

All I can recommend is bring a few good books and lots of PJ on your iPod/phone.

I am very much looking forward to going, I have never been to the Caribbean before! Not much to look up, as my mom is pretty set on just staying at the resort. Plus she says the middle girl is the most difficult one...hopefully I can at least connect with the youngest. I just hope to connect with all of them in some way, however small. Trying to be big about this and keep whatever reservations I have aside. But it keeps hitting me how huge this is, on so many levels, and it freaks me out. A lot to take in for me, especially dealing with my personal life situation right now, which is equally as insane and confusing.

Got my iPod and a good book in tow, all I need is a drink in my hand and plenty of shade (I don't do well in much sun...very fair and my sweat glands aren't too kind to me lol). Maybe I'll go ahead and book myself an appointment at the spa...I might need a massage to get through this one!

SD48277 · August 2015

Definitely book yourself a massage. Worse comes to worse, just come here and vent. Somehow, though, I think you will have a good time.

brianlux · August 2015

It's so hard to give advice on this kind of thing so I can only say what I think I might do: try to have a good time and in worst case scenario, put some good music in the ear, see about tracking down a nice spiff and enjoy the sunset.

I hope it goes well for you samjam!

2-feign-reluctance · August 2015

Watch out, you just might have a great time. Get your head out of it & try to live present minded. Or drink a lot of island rum & hang on.

ldent42 · August 2015

Maybe try approaching it the way you would a group project. I think the enormity of it is psyching you out. For now, these are just some younger humans you're tossed in a situation with. Kinda like a group tour. Of course there's the potential for it to be a much bigger deal than that but right now it is not. I think you should try not to feel pressured to do any sort of "bonding" and just accept them as casual acquaintances or work mates.

samjam · August 2015

ldent42 said:
Maybe try approaching it the way you would a group project. I think the enormity of it is psyching you out. For now, these are just some younger humans you're tossed in a situation with. Kinda like a group tour. Of course there's the potential for it to be a much bigger deal than that but right now it is not. I think you should try not to feel pressured to do any sort of "bonding" and just accept them as casual acquaintances or work mates.

This seems like a good suggestion. Obviously eventually want to form a bond with all, especially if this is serious and lasting, but for now, being cordial and getting to know each other at least casually would definitely be ideal.

I think I'm just freaked out because of when I actually met the son who I don't exactly like. He's not a bad person, I just don't think he realizes some aspects of his personality. He can come off as pretentious, a one-upper, better-than-you...and though I don't think he means to be this way, I don't know if he realizes he comes off this way. Anyway, before this first meeting I was excited and very eager to meet him (unlike my sister, who is a WHOLE different story that I won't get into), and believed we would get along really well. Instead, I was just taken aback by how the whole situation went down, and I've got that in the back of my head.

Just gonna have to forget about that though, and live in the moment and enjoy being away--at least I'm gonna try! The rum will definitely help

what dreams · August 2015

It's possible the son acts like a pretentious one-upper because he is extremely insecure. He may very well feel just as unsure and freaked out as you are, so maybe he's putting on an act to get through it. You never know -- if the two of you drink a lot of rum *together,* he may lose the showmanship. The dynamics of blended families are never easy. I hope it goes well.

samjam · August 2015

what dreams said:
It's possible the son acts like a pretentious one-upper because he is extremely insecure. He may very well feel just as unsure and freaked out as you are, so maybe he's putting on an act to get through it. You never know -- if the two of you drink a lot of rum *together,* he may lose the showmanship. The dynamics of blended families are never easy. I hope it goes well.

I was thinking the same thing, maybe it's just amplified because he's insecure or nervous, etc. But I talked to my mom about it and she said I was pretty astute in my observations, and she agrees with me that he is a good person, but maybe doesn't see how he can come off at times. Maybe it's a mixture of both! Who knows. The only way is to spend more time together and try to understand each other.

I am definitely excited for the vacation and want to go in with a positive attitude! Just nervous, as I think anyone would be if they were thrown into such a situation. And thanks everyone for the responses so far! Feels good to talk about it.

Leezestarr313 · August 2015

I'm sure you will have a great time! If shit hits the fan, just go your own way and enjoy the gorgeous scenery as much as you can!

rr165892 · August 2015

Your overthinking it.Just find the common ground items(ping pong,snorkeling,piña coladas,etc) and build from there.
All other times enjoy on your own.Headphones and some chill time.When and if it gets tiring just change it up.

whispering hands · August 2015

Sam, trust me when I say I've been here, only it was the opposite, we got along with his kids, whom also hated him.. So here's what you have to remember; like you said, what's important is your mom is happy, secondly, that kid is only relative To an "outside realm" to your world, ( family get togethers etc.. ) and you are 100% on point going in with an open mind on the whole thing. Every so often just step back... look at the bigger picture, THEN refocus on the current brushstroke.
Hugs girl, so glad you are getting to do this!! You sooo deserve it!

FrankieG · August 2015

I might be way off here, but it sounds like the gravity of the event makes you feel like you need to be as close to them as your real sister by the end of the week. I think just trying to become friends with them should be your main focus. See what they like and dislike, tell them what you like/dislike, and do a couple activities together.

pjhawks · August 2015

don't overthink it. you will not become like brothers and sisters in a week. most likely the kids are having a hard time with their father being with another woman. especially at those younger ages. that can be very difficult to see and deal with. maybe talk to them about that. how it feels to see their parent with someone else. everyone deals with that differently. some can handle their parent moving on while others never can. good luck.

samjam · August 2015

FrankieG said:
I might be way off here, but it sounds like the gravity of the event makes you feel like you need to be as close to them as your real sister by the end of the week.

If this was the case, we wouldn't end up being all that close anyway

More just nervous/taken aback by how quickly it all came about. I tend to overthink things a lot, too. Like...A LOT (for instance have to retake a test at the doctors this week and have already convinced myself something's wrong).

I guess it's something I'm still trying to wrap my head around in theory, too. If it were me, I would have had everyone be more comfortable/familiar with each other first...something I would do maybe a year or two down the line. But can hardly complain about the circumstance!

samjam · August 2015

pjhawks said:
don't overthink it. you will not become like brothers and sisters in a week. most likely the kids are having a hard time with their father being with another woman. especially at those younger ages. that can be very difficult to see and deal with. maybe talk to them about that. how it feels to see their parent with someone else. everyone deals with that differently. some can handle their parent moving on while others never can. good luck.

More than you know. This is a big part, too. Wasn't gonna explain in all but in short: all children in this have lost a parent, so it adds more tension. My mom's bf was widowed, my parents divorced 14 years ago, and my sister and I's father passed in 2012.

This got slightly morbid and depressing quick!

pjhawks · August 2015

samjam said:

show previous quotes
pjhawks said:
don't overthink it. you will not become like brothers and sisters in a week. most likely the kids are having a hard time with their father being with another woman. especially at those younger ages. that can be very difficult to see and deal with. maybe talk to them about that. how it feels to see their parent with someone else. everyone deals with that differently. some can handle their parent moving on while others never can. good luck.
More than you know. This is a big part, too. Wasn't gonna explain in all but in short: all children in this have lost a parent, so it adds more tension. My mom's bf was widowed, my parents divorced 14 years ago, and my sister and I's father passed in 2012.

This got slightly morbid and depressing quick!

i understand why you didn't want to get all the way into it but i do think that explains how they other kids could be having a really hard time. i mean losing a parent as a teen is hard enough then having to deal with the surviving parent re-dating. no way i could have handled that. my dad passed when i was 20 and i wanted no parts of my mom re-dating.

samjam · August 2015

I hear that, when my dad passed I was a month away from turning 20, my sister was only 16. Though my parents had been divorced for a while before that, and my mom dated throughout those years, it's still a different conversation without him around.

And most definitely a different conversation for his kids and their situation.

rr165892 · August 2015

They probably think bringing everyone together will help fill some voids.As a parent I know they only are trying to do right by all the kids.Remember they suffered a love lost as well.And based on what I know about your posts your mom sounds like she did a fine job.So try taking one for the team and give her one less thing to stress about.It would be a solid move by you.It sounds as if the are finding some happiness and companionship.Cant be easy with a Brady bunch of angry young people.lol

samjam · August 2015

Definitely not stressing her out, I am the peacekeeper in all this! If anything, it's my sister who is much more opposed to everything, and will vocalize her trepidations (and often not in the nicest way) to her. While me, I can put a smile on, think about things, and maybe vent any nervousness to some online friends instead

Got a very interesting vacation coming up...

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