Violence is Violence

Pap · May 2014

40% of domestic violence is suffered by men.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jy5vRGtKPY0

2-feign-reluctance · May 2014

http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf

dankind · May 2014

Pap said:
40% of domestic violence is suffered by men.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jy5vRGtKPY0

Sure. Just ask Paul Simon.

jeffbr · May 2014

Good video. Interesting that the video in the first post from the UK shows 40% of DV victims are men. The link in the 2nd post from the US claims just 15% of DV victims are men. I'm certain that it is much higher than 15%, and it appears the data was taken from a Bureau of Justice Crime Data Brief. I suppose that means that 15% of REPORTED DV is against men. But as the video demonstrates, most people aren't as concerned with DV against men if the woman is the perpetrator, and most of that violence is likely never reported. The victim doesn't want to appear soft, and the by the looks of the bystanders in the video, most of them had smirks on their faces when the guy was getting slapped around, so it is no wonder that is under reported.

dankind · May 2014

jeffbr said:
Good video. Interesting that the video in the first post from the UK shows 40% of DV victims are men. The link in the 2nd post from the US claims just 15% of DV victims are men. I'm certain that it is much higher than 15%, and it appears the data was taken from a Bureau of Justice Crime Data Brief. I suppose that means that 15% of REPORTED DV is against men. But as the video demonstrates, most people aren't as concerned with DV against men if the woman is the perpetrator, and most of that violence is likely never reported. The victim doesn't want to appear soft, and the by the looks of the bystanders in the video, most of them had smirks on their faces when the guy was getting slapped around, so it is no wonder that is under reported.

One of my less enlightened thoughts/views (I'm not proud of it):

When I lived in Boston, I lived for a good long while in Bay Village, which is basically where you go if you want to pay for sex with a tranny. It made for some interesting encounters when heading home after a late night out. But I digress....

Bay Village borders the South End, which is Boston's gentrified gay neighborhood. The billboard at the end of my block was leased to a nonprofit organization that addressed gay domestic violence. I remember one particular ad featured a sad looking man with a black eye with a slogan next to him that read "He loves me not."

To this day, anytime I think of that ad, my initial response is "Hit him back! You're a man! Hit him back!"

Now, I know that sounds wrong, but am I right?

catefrances · May 2014

dankind said:

jeffbr said:
Good video. Interesting that the video in the first post from the UK shows 40% of DV victims are men. The link in the 2nd post from the US claims just 15% of DV victims are men. I'm certain that it is much higher than 15%, and it appears the data was taken from a Bureau of Justice Crime Data Brief. I suppose that means that 15% of REPORTED DV is against men. But as the video demonstrates, most people aren't as concerned with DV against men if the woman is the perpetrator, and most of that violence is likely never reported. The victim doesn't want to appear soft, and the by the looks of the bystanders in the video, most of them had smirks on their faces when the guy was getting slapped around, so it is no wonder that is under reported.
One of my less enlightened thoughts/views (I'm not proud of it):

When I lived in Boston, I lived for a good long while in Bay Village, which is basically where you go if you want to pay for sex with a tranny. It made for some interesting encounters when heading home after a late night out. But I digress....

Bay Village borders the South End, which is Boston's gentrified gay neighborhood. The billboard at the end of my block was leased to a nonprofit organization that addressed gay domestic violence. I remember one particular ad featured a sad looking man with a black eye with a slogan next to him that read "He loves me not."

To this day, anytime I think of that ad, my initial response is "Hit him back! You're a man! Hit him back!"

Now, I know that sounds wrong, but am I right?

it doesnt sound wrong. our instinct when someone hits us is to hit back.. to defend yourself. but a lot of the time defending yourself can get you severely beaten or even killed. but of course so can not defending yourself. its a difficult situation that no one but those in it can gauge.

dankind · May 2014

catefrances said:

dankind said:

jeffbr said:
Good video. Interesting that the video in the first post from the UK shows 40% of DV victims are men. The link in the 2nd post from the US claims just 15% of DV victims are men. I'm certain that it is much higher than 15%, and it appears the data was taken from a Bureau of Justice Crime Data Brief. I suppose that means that 15% of REPORTED DV is against men. But as the video demonstrates, most people aren't as concerned with DV against men if the woman is the perpetrator, and most of that violence is likely never reported. The victim doesn't want to appear soft, and the by the looks of the bystanders in the video, most of them had smirks on their faces when the guy was getting slapped around, so it is no wonder that is under reported.
One of my less enlightened thoughts/views (I'm not proud of it):

When I lived in Boston, I lived for a good long while in Bay Village, which is basically where you go if you want to pay for sex with a tranny. It made for some interesting encounters when heading home after a late night out. But I digress....

Bay Village borders the South End, which is Boston's gentrified gay neighborhood. The billboard at the end of my block was leased to a nonprofit organization that addressed gay domestic violence. I remember one particular ad featured a sad looking man with a black eye with a slogan next to him that read "He loves me not."

To this day, anytime I think of that ad, my initial response is "Hit him back! You're a man! Hit him back!"

Now, I know that sounds wrong, but am I right?
it doesnt sound wrong. our instinct when someone hits us is to hit back.. to defend yourself. but a lot of the time defending yourself can get you severely beaten or even killed. but of course so can not defending yourself. its a difficult situation that no one but those in it can gauge.

But if it was a sad looking woman with a black eye in the ad, my reaction would be "Where do I send the check?".

catefrances · May 2014

dankind said:

catefrances said:

dankind said:

jeffbr said:
Good video. Interesting that the video in the first post from the UK shows 40% of DV victims are men. The link in the 2nd post from the US claims just 15% of DV victims are men. I'm certain that it is much higher than 15%, and it appears the data was taken from a Bureau of Justice Crime Data Brief. I suppose that means that 15% of REPORTED DV is against men. But as the video demonstrates, most people aren't as concerned with DV against men if the woman is the perpetrator, and most of that violence is likely never reported. The victim doesn't want to appear soft, and the by the looks of the bystanders in the video, most of them had smirks on their faces when the guy was getting slapped around, so it is no wonder that is under reported.
One of my less enlightened thoughts/views (I'm not proud of it):

When I lived in Boston, I lived for a good long while in Bay Village, which is basically where you go if you want to pay for sex with a tranny. It made for some interesting encounters when heading home after a late night out. But I digress....

Bay Village borders the South End, which is Boston's gentrified gay neighborhood. The billboard at the end of my block was leased to a nonprofit organization that addressed gay domestic violence. I remember one particular ad featured a sad looking man with a black eye with a slogan next to him that read "He loves me not."

To this day, anytime I think of that ad, my initial response is "Hit him back! You're a man! Hit him back!"

Now, I know that sounds wrong, but am I right?
it doesnt sound wrong. our instinct when someone hits us is to hit back.. to defend yourself. but a lot of the time defending yourself can get you severely beaten or even killed. but of course so can not defending yourself. its a difficult situation that no one but those in it can gauge.

But if it was a sad looking woman with a black eye in the ad, my reaction would be "Where do I send the check?".

oh ok you didnt say that before. i guess were simply not used to men in our society being a subordinate figure... men should be able to defend themselves, right? and so when we see them beaten by their lovers we find it difficult to process and prejudices we never even thought we had come sneaking in. its just the way weve been programmed. we need to reprogramme ourselves.

PJ_Soul · May 2014

No one should be hitting anyone, period. And I think that a man has every right to physically defend himself if the woman hits first, although he probably has to be careful there, since he's fairly likely to be stronger, possibly turning any physical defense or retaliation into a lop-sided fight.

Although, and maybe someone has already mentioned, men are generally capable of inflicting way more harm on women than women are on men if weapons aren't involved (and probably even if they are in some cases). I'm not saying that this makes it any more okay for women to strike men, but I do think that it factors in somewhere.... I'm sure it plays a big role in the reporting stats. I.e. yes, a lot of men suffer DV at the hands of women, and most don't report it, but I bet more would if the women were causing much injury. Not sure what my point is... I guess just that the rate of injury resulting from DV is probably a lot higher for female victims, and that might be a big factor in how many women vs men report the violence to police (not to ignore the huge role that stigma likely plays in those DV against men stats). And.... I dunno. Isn't there a difference between someone strong attacking someone who is weaker and someone weaker attacking someone stronger? It seems worse to me. In a lot of cases, a man can completely dominate a woman - it must be an absolutely terrifying experience to be up against someone who you know can overpower you. I don't think too many male victims of domestic violence experience this sense of actual physical helplessness when their wives or girlfriends are striking out. Again, not saying that this makes it okay for women to attack their partners (obviously). But in the end I don't think men attacking women and women attacking men are the same thing.

hedonist · May 2014

A gay couple used to live next door to me - they'd have these loud arguments, punches included, bodies thrown against the wall we shared - to the point where one screamed he was going to be killed and for someone to help him. Called 911, police told me it was rough sex (trust me, it might've been rough but that was not sex).

One of them was arrested one evening after, taken away in cuffs. Back a day or so later.

Again, nothing happened, the fighting continued.

Gave me nightmares almost every fucking night.

They finally moved (one dude was our condo's MANAGER, thankfully fired) and peace resumed.

I hope the guy who seemed to take the brunt of it found peace too, but it seemed like they both got off on that shit.

Amongst the Ani · May 2014

I am in an interesting place with this thanks to my kids. It is important to me that my sons respect women. I am teaching them it is never ok to hit a woman in any circumstance as every father should do in my opinion. My wife is also big on the boys learning that so they hear it from both of us constantly when they fight. But now and again my 6 year old daughter clobbers my 8 year old son who clobbers her back. I get on my son that it is never ok to hit a girl and then stare at my wife waiting for her to put the hammer down on my daughter for hitting. But for some reason she gets more caught up with my son that I noticed while my daughter does get in trouble she tends to slide by a little. Had she hit her older sister the punishment would be worse. So I worry in a way we are conditioning her its not as bad to hit a guy as a girl.

hedonist · May 2014

cdysinge said:
I am in an interesting place with this thanks to my kids. It is important to me that my sons respect women. I am teaching them it is never ok to hit a woman in any circumstance as every father should do in my opinion. My wife is also big on the boys learning that so they hear it from both of us constantly when they fight. But now and again my 6 year old daughter clobbers my 8 year old son who clobbers her back. I get on my son that it is never ok to hit a girl and then stare at my wife waiting for her to put the hammer down on my daughter for hitting. But for some reason she gets more caught up with my son that I noticed while my daughter does get in trouble she tends to slide by a little. Had she hit her older sister the punishment would be worse. So I worry in a way we are conditioning her its not as bad to hit a guy as a girl.

Sounds like you're off to a good start - realizing there's a difference in how you teach or reprimand your children based on gender.

(Hopefully your wife will see it's not more or less acceptable for either, and...maybe you could take a more proactive approach with your daughter, vs waiting for your wife to?)

Pap · May 2014

2-feign-reluctance said:
http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf

Link doesn't work. Please re-post it.

jeffbr · May 2014

Pap said:

2-feign-reluctance said:
http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf
Link doesn't work. Please re-post it.

The link was truncated. Just click HERE

Pap · May 2014

Thank you Jeff! :-bd

i_lov_it · May 2014

It just goes to show you that Violence by either sexes is Unacceptable and should not be Tolerated.

Pap · November 2020

Violence is Violence

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