You think you're friends..

245

Comments

  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    What I meant with the showing online what you want the world to see, is not telling bolt lies, but it's more subtle, you can create an personality who in great lines is you, but in the finesses, is different. I agree with you that in real life or online you can only be you, and thew true comes out every time. But online it takes maybe a bit longer, because you have just 20% of the communication without the non verbal part. And without that 80 % it is far easier to get misunderstandings between member who communicate instead of face to face. Sure online you get the same shit as in real life, but online it is easier to keep looking longer trough the pink glasses. It is easier to to upholf that you share things with someone than in real life, because you miss so much communication tools.
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,844
    whispering hands said:

    I totally agree with the non verbal communication!! And I also agree with your point on there being a freedom to posting behind the safety of the Jack of consequence. There are those that are true to your statement; you only share with the world what you want them to see. But having been online as long as I have. I gave learned a very important lesson, two actually.. One is no matter in verbal words or in text, you can only be you.. Lies have a way of working themselves to the light..two, text is a very flat medium for expressing your emotions.. And often goes misunderstood.. So the end result?? What you get of me here, online, is what you get IRL. That was a very hard lesson learned. But it has stuck with me through the years.. But it ts

    i am very much the same way you are. online people can be whoever they want to be. it is like the fertile green fields of the sociopath. it is candyland for people like that. i mean, people are fucked up. people take advantage of each other online all the time. i have been a victim of it a few times, and each time it hurts worse than the prior time. it is like "really, i am falling for this again????" people only show what they want you to see. i am a very open and honest poster. i do not want to be misunderstood, so i try to communicate as clearly, openly, and honestly as i can on here. if people ask for my opinion on something, i give it to them. if people ask for advice, i try to give them the best advice i can based on what i know about that particular situation. that gets me taken advantage of because i take people at face value and i take them at their word. i have no reason not to, until they burn me. i like to try to see the good in people, and to me that is all based in honesty. i will be honest with anybody because i believe that they deserve that. if nothing else, people deserve honesty and they deserve truth. i will never hide behind my avatar, my screen name, or some contrived, fake, online persona. what people see with me is what they get. the way i see it, if you don't lie, you never have to remember anything. you never have to try to keep a story straight, and you never have to be wary of what you have told to certain people.

    yes i get burned a lot. but it is ok. i am a much stronger person than people think. on this website specifically, people mistake kindness for weakness all the time. i see it all the time. i have experienced it a few times. people will take advantage of those that they feel are weak. and that is a terrible thing.

    i think the one thing i value most in people is their ability to be honest. some people are unable to do that, so they have to go.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,844
    whispering hands said:

    Yes Gimme' I have to agree there are so many different definitions. And you're right that each should be on the same page as to what nature the friendship, or involvement with one another is. As for a friend that won't even acknowledge you, and ignores you. I don't know what that is about.. But I also know that there two sides to every story. I think often we overlook the other person's side in light of our own fears, or worries concerning that involvement. Perhaps you are in the same boat as I, and you in the end are better off without this friend?? By the way.. It is refreshing to be able to converse on these forums without reproach!!

    yeah you are right. i am right from my side, and this person is right from theirs. i just happen to care a great deal about this person. maybe both of us are going through the motions hanging on to a friendship that isn't a real one.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    I also appreciate honesty in people a lot, and i try to be honest always, but I realize not all members have this way of thinking, regretfully. And yes they can burn you. I also think verbal or written lies are much easier to make than to sell the same lie non verbal. Also out of the non verbal context you get a lot of information about a person, which you miss online. So mistakes are far more likely to occur. So when you have the intention of being honest en direct mistakes online are far easier to make than FTF. An other point that makes it more difficult is the culture differences and cultural prejudice. Online you talk with people from all over the world, without knowing where they are from, or what cultural background they have. What in one culture can be a innocent regard can in an other be a big insult. Most of the time we aren't even aware that so many of our daily life dealings are cultural influenced.

    I am a great supporter of true and honesty, but what i see as true and honesty is not necessary the same as your definition off those two words
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    But hey, maybe I try to hard blaming it all on mistakes so I don't have to think bad about people, because I like the thought that no one will intentionally harm others, I like to see the good in people....
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    I have to agree with you both. I see your point on the finesse of words versus the non verbal tell, Aafke, but I am very much so like Gimme' in that I will never pretend to be what I'm not.. I will never try to convince you I like you ( people in general). I usually know very quickly wether or not I like someone. And yes I get burned, taken advantage if, and hurt a lot. But I look at it like this. If a person fucks me over or hurts me, then I simply know that that is just one more fucker on the 'hell no' I won't deal with you anymore ( not necessarily in trades etc, just period). I lose a lot of people I have tried to build friendships with, because I don't lie, and I don't steal.. I won't let anyone do that on front of me either. I just think the human moral has dipped so low that wether on here, or out in the real word, people have begun to think lying and backstabbing g are normal ways of life. I may be being a bit cynical there, but this is what I feel to be true.
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    Maybe you are right with your take on people and I'm just in denial. But for me I couldn't intentionally hurt an other living being. I always try to tell the true and surely don't steal. I did hurt people by mistake, and was very sorry for it. I can't imagine why anyone would intentionally hurt someone else, that is to far from my point of view on life. Yes, I quit friendships that aren't healthy or abusive to me, and have lost quite a few over the years. but in my point of view most of them ended by stupid mistakes, instead of bad intentions.
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • BinFrog
    BinFrog MA Posts: 7,314
    The key in life is to seek out that small core of friends who stick with you through everything. I have a lot of decent friends and acquaintances, and i've lost several along the way. But I have formed a really good core of deep friendships...the kind of people you want to have around when life is good and when shit gets bad. You don't need a lot of "these" kinds of friends. A few will do. Heck...even 1 would probably suffice.
    Bright eyed kid: "Wow Typo Man, you're the best!"
    Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Aafke, I don't believe you are in denial. We are all just in different places in our lives. Every single one of us could experience the exact same event and walk away with a uniquely different view point on how things went down, and thus how it effected us. This is one of the fascinating beauties of human nature. It's why I can only hate them all for so long before I am compelled to be in awe if people again.. I have been in this earth perhaps too long,but I think I've met everyone before.. They just had different names, color of skin, or involvements in
    My life. It's odd but it truly feels that way some times. That's why I get along so well with animals.. They don't know HOW to lie.. And Bin Frog. How right you are about that core group. And I do have those people. Unfortunately for me, I'm chronically Nomadic.. So they're spread out over widely diverse spaces across the country.. ( USA). However I think only ONE that I'm learning to trust, lives here in Colorado. And I think I shelter myself a lot if times out of fear.. Pain is not easily digested.. And I have had too much to go running headlong into it. So I tend to be a bit of a recluse. Which is my own fault. But I think sometimes it is needed too.
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    Whispering hands, I understand the sheltering part out of fear. In my daily life I do exactly the same. I hide behind a mask of strong and independent woman. Pain is surely not easily digested. Everyone has his own baggage of life experiences, what make them react differently on the same experience. Luckily that surly makes life interesting for living. But I also believe we have some common grounds, I strongly believe that suffering and pain is part of being human. Every one gets his or her share. But by everyone experiencing pain and suffering, we all know how it feels, and therefor don't intentionally do it to someone we call a friend, because we all know how it feels. You don't wish it to someone you care for or pretend to care for.

    I think there are many types of people, which sometimes can give you the feeling that you all met them before, but I strongly believe that we are all unique. It is easier for our brain to cataloque people into types, but by doing so you take a risk, You don't truely look at the person standing in front of you, but you measure them to experiences you had before, with people who may act quite similar to them, but these are experiences which these people had nothing to do with but are judged on for showing similarities with people you have these experiences with. In my point of view by doing so you don't have an open view on the person who is standing in front of you. They could have very individual characteristics if you give them the chance of getting to know them. I on the other hand think it is quite human to become categorical, I Think it is our way of making the world understandable.

    I also agree with BinFrog You do need a core of friends who stand by you in good and bad times, and just one could be enough. I'm very glad with mine, and I'm very glad I could always be there for her to.
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • PJ_Soul
    PJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 50,899
    Very interesting discussion here!

    There are different levels of friends I think. One just needs to be careful about what kind of friend the classify people as, or else risk feeling hurt or disappointed. There are definitely a few people I have met here on the boards who I would consider my friends even though we have never met F2F or have only met once or twice. Do I expect them to be there for me when I'm in trouble or really hurting? No, of course not. We're not close enough for that. We're just... friends. You know, nice to exchange messages with, to laugh with, to maybe connect when it comes to similar interests. Sure we could easily lose contact either suddenly or gradually for any number of reasons. That's okay. Even though they aren't solid friendships, I still appreciate them very much as the kinds of friends that they are, and I will enjoy them for as long as our friendship lasts (and maybe they'll grow, not shrink).

    Then there are the medium friends, lol. You know, like work friends who you see outside of work once in a while, or just the kind who you go out and maybe go to a show with every few months because you like the same music or whatever, who you call up when you just feel like shooting the shit over some drinks, etc., and that's about it. Those kinds of friends are great too. Share a laugh, get drunk, then go our separate ways for a while until the next time something fun comes up that we both want to do. No drives to the airport or watching the kids for them probably, but If we drifted apart, that would kind of suck, and hopefully we don't lose touch all together (and even better, grow closer over time), but hey, that's life, and I enjoyed them while it lasted.

    And then there are the rare friends who are friends for life, or at least who you hope are friends for life. I personally have three of those. I have had more during my life, but as we all know, shit happens and people change. Those who we thought would be there for us through thick or thin just weren't for one reason or another. And that really sucks I guess.... But honestly, that doesn't upset me either. I have never regretted having a very close friend who ended up not being my friend anymore for some reason. It's not like them having intimate knowledge of me hurts me. The only thing that might hurt me is the fact that I miss them and wish that things had gone differently..... I guess some of you are talking about some major fucking assholes if they are backstabbing you and blabbing secrets or whatever... I can't say I have ever had that happen to me. I have lost one close friend because of a bad attitude on her part and she acted poorly and stuck to doing so, but that didn't make me bitter either. If she developed a bad attitude, then why should I feel upset that I'm not friends with her? I'm better off without her (or him), right?? Yet I still appreciate the good times and closeness that we shared before it went bad. I don't regret any time or effort that I put in to help that person or support her. Why should I? I was living in the Present Tense. :)

    So I am open to all friends. I am open to opening up to whoever I'm comfortable enough to do so with, be they new or old friends. I don't have anything to hide, and it's better to share and be open that to not, whether the friendship will last or not, whether the person will stick by me through something horrible or not. I wear it on my sleeve. I can't pick and choose who sees it. ;)

    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,776
    This is an excellent thread going here- several really good posts with a lot of thought. Nice to see that here. Kudos to you all.

    A couple of things I've learned about people I've met through the PJ forum and those I've met in the real world:

    -People can be real assholes, especially when they are basically invisible like we are here but in real life these same people often cannot help but reveal the good nature that is part of who they are. I suppose the reverse can be said as well but my experience is that people invariably surprise me in the positive. I've only been to one show- Missoula- and I had kind of expected to run in to a small percentage of people I would consider at least obnoxious but I didn't. What I did do was meet a lot of really great, good, kind, fun, cool people. That was a big part of what made that whole experience one I'll never forget.

    -We are all selfish to some degree but more often than not, when push comes to shove people like to give a helping hand. That's definitely something I've seen happen here time and again. This is a great place to reach out for help, as well as a place to express thoughtfulness and caring and to give encouragement, aide, and support in a number of ways.

    We may not all be friends in the truest sense of the word but very often you folks make good things happen!
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    PJ soul. How right you are!!i thank you for that.
  • Losiento
    Losiento Posts: 282
    edited February 2014
    If you saw Jeff Ament hitch hiking would you pick him up? Being a ten club member I would think so. but you didn't. Tells me you are a pile of crap and a fraud. I wouldn't want to be you.
    Post edited by Losiento on
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    PJ soul, I completely agree with you, you are so right!

    Losiento -> ??? I don't understand were your comment comes from.
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • Losiento
    Losiento Posts: 282
    Im just sayin'... theoretical question. Maybe.
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Ok now I am confused.. Who was that directed at??
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    I believe I don't get it either...
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,844
    losiento got banned??? bloody hell....
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,844
    i think that scene in fight club where he is talking about "single serve friends" is pretty appropriate. i seem to have a lot of those.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."

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