You think you're friends..

2

Comments

  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 49,473
    Very interesting discussion here!

    There are different levels of friends I think. One just needs to be careful about what kind of friend the classify people as, or else risk feeling hurt or disappointed. There are definitely a few people I have met here on the boards who I would consider my friends even though we have never met F2F or have only met once or twice. Do I expect them to be there for me when I'm in trouble or really hurting? No, of course not. We're not close enough for that. We're just... friends. You know, nice to exchange messages with, to laugh with, to maybe connect when it comes to similar interests. Sure we could easily lose contact either suddenly or gradually for any number of reasons. That's okay. Even though they aren't solid friendships, I still appreciate them very much as the kinds of friends that they are, and I will enjoy them for as long as our friendship lasts (and maybe they'll grow, not shrink).

    Then there are the medium friends, lol. You know, like work friends who you see outside of work once in a while, or just the kind who you go out and maybe go to a show with every few months because you like the same music or whatever, who you call up when you just feel like shooting the shit over some drinks, etc., and that's about it. Those kinds of friends are great too. Share a laugh, get drunk, then go our separate ways for a while until the next time something fun comes up that we both want to do. No drives to the airport or watching the kids for them probably, but If we drifted apart, that would kind of suck, and hopefully we don't lose touch all together (and even better, grow closer over time), but hey, that's life, and I enjoyed them while it lasted.

    And then there are the rare friends who are friends for life, or at least who you hope are friends for life. I personally have three of those. I have had more during my life, but as we all know, shit happens and people change. Those who we thought would be there for us through thick or thin just weren't for one reason or another. And that really sucks I guess.... But honestly, that doesn't upset me either. I have never regretted having a very close friend who ended up not being my friend anymore for some reason. It's not like them having intimate knowledge of me hurts me. The only thing that might hurt me is the fact that I miss them and wish that things had gone differently..... I guess some of you are talking about some major fucking assholes if they are backstabbing you and blabbing secrets or whatever... I can't say I have ever had that happen to me. I have lost one close friend because of a bad attitude on her part and she acted poorly and stuck to doing so, but that didn't make me bitter either. If she developed a bad attitude, then why should I feel upset that I'm not friends with her? I'm better off without her (or him), right?? Yet I still appreciate the good times and closeness that we shared before it went bad. I don't regret any time or effort that I put in to help that person or support her. Why should I? I was living in the Present Tense. :)

    So I am open to all friends. I am open to opening up to whoever I'm comfortable enough to do so with, be they new or old friends. I don't have anything to hide, and it's better to share and be open that to not, whether the friendship will last or not, whether the person will stick by me through something horrible or not. I wear it on my sleeve. I can't pick and choose who sees it. ;)

    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,592
    This is an excellent thread going here- several really good posts with a lot of thought. Nice to see that here. Kudos to you all.

    A couple of things I've learned about people I've met through the PJ forum and those I've met in the real world:

    -People can be real assholes, especially when they are basically invisible like we are here but in real life these same people often cannot help but reveal the good nature that is part of who they are. I suppose the reverse can be said as well but my experience is that people invariably surprise me in the positive. I've only been to one show- Missoula- and I had kind of expected to run in to a small percentage of people I would consider at least obnoxious but I didn't. What I did do was meet a lot of really great, good, kind, fun, cool people. That was a big part of what made that whole experience one I'll never forget.

    -We are all selfish to some degree but more often than not, when push comes to shove people like to give a helping hand. That's definitely something I've seen happen here time and again. This is a great place to reach out for help, as well as a place to express thoughtfulness and caring and to give encouragement, aide, and support in a number of ways.

    We may not all be friends in the truest sense of the word but very often you folks make good things happen!
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    PJ soul. How right you are!!i thank you for that.
  • LosientoLosiento Posts: 282
    edited February 2014
    If you saw Jeff Ament hitch hiking would you pick him up? Being a ten club member I would think so. but you didn't. Tells me you are a pile of crap and a fraud. I wouldn't want to be you.
    Post edited by Losiento on
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    PJ soul, I completely agree with you, you are so right!

    Losiento -> ??? I don't understand were your comment comes from.
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • LosientoLosiento Posts: 282
    Im just sayin'... theoretical question. Maybe.
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Ok now I am confused.. Who was that directed at??
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    I believe I don't get it either...
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • gimmesometruth27gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 22,129
    losiento got banned??? bloody hell....
    There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.- Hemingway

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • gimmesometruth27gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 22,129
    i think that scene in fight club where he is talking about "single serve friends" is pretty appropriate. i seem to have a lot of those.
    There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.- Hemingway

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    I definitely seem to have quite a few of those myself..
  • gimmesometruth27gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 22,129

    I definitely seem to have quite a few of those myself..

    those are the worst kind because i have chemistry with them and want to get to know them better, only to never see them or hear from them again.
    There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.- Hemingway

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    I truly know what you mean. It is frustrating and discouraging. I find myself getting angry at myself for allowing myself to fall for that type of person again. And yet.. I keep finding the single serving friends.. And not the real
    Life long, forever friends. The ones that I do have, are friends for life.. And I know they're there for me at all costs. I live them dearly and admire them greatly for putting up with my annoying ass. But I constantly out time and effort into people that just end up hurting me again.
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    Yeah, I know that feeling.. Every time this happens i do blame myself for allowing myself to fall for the same old trick again. I became quite careful in starting friendships. But over and over again i let myself get fouled by those kind of "friends", I'm getting really tired of myself. Luckily i do have some real friends who stick with me trough tick and thin, as I do for them. Maybe that's life, many people come and go but just a few stick with you...Maybe we expect to much out of life...
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    how about let us each place blame on ourselves firstly, secondly & thirdly & move on. some of what i read here has me dunking my head into a sink of dirty dish water, running outside into a -13 degree fahrenheit (-25 degree celsius) snow drift where i roll around in my underwear on a pile of pine cones, pine needles & tacks while you all throw gravel at me while chanting "chadwick you are a terrible pal, kiss our grits"

    cheer the frig up, folks
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • BinFrogBinFrog MA Posts: 7,292

    losiento got banned??? bloody hell....

    Oh well.
    Bright eyed kid: "Wow Typo Man, you're the best!"
    Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
  • pjhawkspjhawks Posts: 12,171
    I've always questioned when people say 'go make friends' I don't think you make friends. I think friends just 'are'. you can't force a friendship.

    and I agree with Chadwick a bit here. Cheer up folks and stop keeping a scorecard on yourself and your friends. roll with it.
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
    But a friendship (any relationship, actually) takes tending to by those in it. You can't just...show up...take take take...over and over.

    You need to nurture what you're growing. I need to do the same. It's incumbent on both, all, parties.

    Someone treats me like shit consistently? Not gonna roll with it (why would I?). I'm gonna cut them loose. There's enough heavy shit to deal with in life without some asshole making things unnecessarily complicated and messing with my head.

    I also hold myself to those same standards.
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    pjhawks said:

    I've always questioned when people say 'go make friends' I don't think you make friends. I think friends just 'are'. you can't force a friendship.

    and I agree with Chadwick a bit here. Cheer up folks and stop keeping a scorecard on yourself and your friends. roll with it.

    this is exactly what i was trying to say in my own little way
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • gimmesometruth27gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 22,129
    i am not friends with any of you a-holes......





    just kidding.....

    i like all of you :)


    There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.- Hemingway

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    At least this conversation is becoming g more of us encouraging one another. That turned out pretty cool!
  • BinFrogBinFrog MA Posts: 7,292
    pjhawks said:

    I've always questioned when people say 'go make friends' I don't think you make friends. I think friends just 'are'. you can't force a friendship.

    I think the key to that quote has nothing to do with forcing friendships. Going out and making friends, to me, means stop sitting around by yourself lamenting the fact that you don't have friends or convincing yourself that everyone is an asshole. Go out there are find good people...they're out there. Feeling sorry for yourself or convincing yourself that everyone sucks doesn't do any good.
    Bright eyed kid: "Wow Typo Man, you're the best!"
    Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    good advice & the truth, binfrog
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    It was never my intention to say the world is to blame, or other people are to blame. I was just trying to figure out why some friendships work and others don't. Of course if you don't go out there and meet people you don't get friends.
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Very true. and yet we are given to present givings, based on past givings. Go figure. The point is.. Make friends where you are able. Cherish those that are true, and be rid of those with ulterior motives!! May friendship always live on!
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    I truly love this place!!
  • SD48277SD48277 Woodstock, NY Posts: 12,242

    The point is.. Make friends where you are able. Cherish those that are true, and be rid of those with ulterior motives!! May friendship always live on!

    ^^^I like this. People come into your life for unknown durations. Some may be brief, while others stay longer. If you are lucky, you will meet someone (or a few) who is true.
    ELITIST FUK
  • shortstackshortstack Posts: 2,339
    image
    did you see me? i saw you.
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 49,473
    edited February 2014

    I definitely seem to have quite a few of those myself..

    those are the worst kind because i have chemistry with them and want to get to know them better, only to never see them or hear from them again.
    But you could just cherish the memory you have of the good time that happened, no? I personally love those moments when you connect with someone to have a fantastic night, like a flash fire, lol. I have had some really amazing moments with single serving friends! Yeah, it's great to take it further if that's how it works out, but don't let it detract from what fun it was! :)
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 49,473
    BinFrog said:

    losiento got banned??? bloody hell....

    Oh well.
    Who was that guy, anyway? Felt like he was only around for maybe a week??
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Sign In or Register to comment.