'You Deserve Rape' sign causes controversy on UA campus

g under p · May 2013

hedonist wrote:

g under p wrote:

I just was wondering if that thread was still there and searched, it is there.....it's called
"My Sister Is In an Abusive Relationship...". I never understand the concept of combating violence with MORE violence....unless in a self defense scenario.

My daughter will off to college next year and may face some of the situations some have posted here. She has been given all the self defense awareness and date rape lessons a father can give a daughter. With that said I still want to get her a small canister of pepper spray. Just to keep her on her toes at all times.

Peace

Hey - couldn't hurt! I remember many nights as a young woman walking to my car in the parking garage after work - kept that canister in my hand; I think just holding it made me more aware in many senses.

(in retrospect, I envision my then-self as a wannabe-super-ninja-heroine. "who's there?" *spins around, armed!* My present self has ditched that persona and just keeps a common sense/mindful eye out)

Thank god that footlooseness passed.

Anyway, any bit helps...but the part I bolded up there?

Smacks of good parenting.

I think you've mentioned in the past you have a son, or stepson? Lucky kid.

Well I went back again and read through some of that ABUSIVE thread and came across one of the links I posted....
http://justicewomen.com/help_teach.html it's called...12 Teaching Scenarios: Responding to Rape, Domestic Violence, and Child Abuse.....that was from page 9 in the thread

I think it can be helpful.

This is from the entire thread.....viewtopic.php?f=14&t=148775&hilit=My+sister+is+in+an+abusive+relationship

Oh as for my daughter I have tried to be very detailed in teaching her to be aware of her surroundings and scenarios. I have raised her as a single parent since she was 3 years old, she thinks of EVERYONE as a friend and I have tried to teach her that's NOT always the case. Far worse is that we live in an community where we have never locked the house, cars or anything else but that doesn't mean they're dangers about. As a parent I have protect her from any dangers that might arise and have her ready, aware of said dangers.

Peace

Jeanwah · May 2013

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

True. Hard to achieve global wide though. An individual household has the chance to educate and raise their daughter to defy the stereotype girls are saturated with throughout society, but there are way too many parents out there that strive for their daughters to fit the stereotype. What's that disgusting reality show focusing on toddler beauty queens (Toddlers and Tiaras)?

There is another side to this equation: the young men we raise need to be taught to respect women. Further, society teaches our young men to be strong and aggressive. The kind and gentle young man is viewed as weak. No young male wishes that for themselves. Again... there are too many households who neglect this significant task and as a result... the violence towards women has no chance of disappearing with many men inherently predisposed and conditioned to act out violently.

Bottom line: for me it boils down to parenting. We are a morally decaying society. When young men act poorly, it has been my experience that most of the time... the parents look to blame the other party, or a neutral party, for the incident versus holding their kid accountable. I think this attitude stems from poor mentoring, widespread general lack of discipline, as well as a common narcissistic view of the world and one's place in it. Kids are taught to take from society... not contribute to it.

I agree with it all, but especially the bolded and last paragraph. Which makes me think of Eddie Vedder. Now he respects women. You don't see anyone viewing him as weak, he's been fighting the good fight since the early 90's with writing pro-choice on his arm and covering Leaving Here. But did he get his respect from his mother? Who knows, maybe it's just in-bred in some people to simply respect all.

Parents today. Man, they are stereotypically are so bad, that all the good parents aren't even easily seen. But they are out there. Somewhere. We need more. More parents like g under p.

Jeanwah · May 2013

Elizabeth Smart: Abstinence Education Teaches Rape Victims They’re Worthless, Dirty, And Filthy

By Tara Culp-Ressler on May 6, 2013 at 12:00 pm

Elizabeth Smart became a household name after she was kidnapped from her home in Salt Lake City, UT at the age of 14 and held in captivity for nine months. She was forced into a polygamous marriage, tethered to a metal cable, and raped daily until she was rescued from her captors nine months later. Smart was recovered while she and her kidnappers were walking down a suburban street, leading many Americans who followed her story on the national news to wonder: Why didn’t she just run away as soon as she was brought outside?

Speaking to an audience at Johns Hopkins about issues of human trafficking and sexual violence, Smart recently offered an answer to that question. She explained that some human trafficking victims don’t run away because they feel worthless after being raped, particularly if they have been raised in conservative cultures that push abstinence-only education and emphasize sexual purity:

Smart said she “felt so dirty and so filthy” after she was raped by her captor, and she understands why someone wouldn’t run “because of that alone.”
Smart spoke at a Johns Hopkins human trafficking forum, saying she was raised in a religious household and recalled a school teacher who spoke once about abstinence and compared sex to chewing gum.
“I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh, I’m that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum, you throw it away.’ And that’s how easy it is to feel like you no longer have worth, you no longer have value,” Smart said. “Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value.”

Now in her mid-twenties, Smart runs a foundation to help educate children about sexual crimes. She now believes that children should grow up learning that “you will always have value and nothing can change that.”

Social psychologists and sexual abuse counselors agree that comprehensive sex education can help prevent sexual crimes. Teaching children about their bodies gives them the tools to describe acts of abuse without feeling as embarrassed or uncomfortable, and it also helps elevate their self-confidence and sense of bodily autonomy. A shame-based approach to genitalia and sexuality, on the other hand, sends kids the message that they can’t discuss or ask questions about any of those issues.

Nonethless, abstinence-only education programs have a long history of imparting harmful messages that shame youth about their sexuality instead of teaching them the facts they need to safeguard their health. A high school in West Virginia recently made national headlines after hosting a conservative religious speaker who allegedly told students “if you take birth control, your mother probably hates you” and “I could look at any one of you in the eyes right now and tell if you’re going to be promiscuous.” In Smart’s home state of Utah — which is home to a large religiously conservative Mormon community — sex education is currently mandated, but lawmakers have repeatedly pushed to weaken the state law and reinstate an abstinence-only curriculum.

http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/05 ... ?mobile=nc

PJ_Soul · May 2013

^^ Exactly why priests can very away with molesting kids for decades.

Good for Elizabeth Smart.

'You Deserve Rape' sign causes controversy on UA campus

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