Missoula, MT Aftermath

Let me start by saying that the concert in Missoula left me speechless. I took my mom as my date (her first show, my second) and as a newly developed fan, she has enthusiastically been telling people the concert was truly awesome. I completely agree. Short of one or two songs, I literally could not have picked a better set list. The live versions of the songs were better than I could ask for, the crowd energy was powerful. The experience was probably one of the most memorable of my life.

When pearl jam hit the stage, tears of joy began streaming down my face. Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a small town seemed so fitting for Jeff’s homecoming. Throughout the concert, when I felt excited about a certain song, my emotions were echoed by those surrounding me. I looked around to see those who were even more passionate than myself, which only elevated my own feelings. As a collective group, people were jumping, singing, and connecting. It was incredible to be surrounded by fans that seemed to get it on the same level that I did.

I have been telling my friends and family that one of the reasons I love pearl jam so much is that when you hear them live, it’s better than hearing the albums. The studio versions of songs don’t do the slightest bit justice that the bootlegs, dvds and concerts do. Watching the emotion coming from each member of the band during different songs is captivating. In Missoula, one of these moments for me was watching Mike during Nothingman. He sat with his arms stretched out in front of him during a great portion of the song. He seemed so strongly wrapped into the music that he couldn’t even play his guitar. You have to wonder where his mind was in that instant. This is just a small example of the special gifts that pearl jam give us live that we don’t necessarily get in our homes or cars while listening to the music. Even after 21 years, each member of the band is SO PRESENT. It’s not just routine for them. It seems like they put their souls into every moment, every note, every chord, every word. They lay it all out on the stage, giving everything to their fans.

The words that I have used here don’t do justice to anything I am feeling. I am so overcome by emotion that I can’t really even process what I am feeling. Every time I think about it, I get a huge lump in my throat and tears come to my eyes. I have had several people ask me how it was. How do I even begin to describe it to them? I can only reply, “It was great!” and what surfaces instead of the words are tears while I walk away from the conversation. I feel so overcome by sadness and longing. True grief that it’s over, and a desire and yearning for more. I never expected to feel this way. I thought I would be so excited to share the experience. Right now, I can’t even speak about it. While I can type the words, I can’t actually say them.

The only thing I could think of was to turn to my fellow fan club members for words of wisdom. I know I can’t be alone in this overwhelming experience. Has anyone else felt this kind of all-consuming emotion after seeing pearl jam? I laugh at myself as I ask the question, because This All Encompassing Trip (the book) exists because of a similar experience for its author. I can truly see why a fan would drop everything to do this for a year. While that would be wonderful, it’s just not possible.

I feel so grateful that pearl jam is in my life.