It's been over 6 months

PKTrekGirl wrote:

Stone Is God wrote:

I was completely and totally blind sided. We had our issues in the past but nothing we hadn't worked out. She was real unhappy with my attitude 6 months ago and I made the effort to change and try a different path. I offered up marriage counseling but she didn't want to go back then. She told me that once she had doubt about us she couldn't remove it and instead of letting me know, she buried for all this time and it came up 2 weeks ago. I really never had a chance and that's the part that sucks. I've never been so disappointed in someone and my judging of someone in my life.

Jeez...that's pretty tough - in particular the part I bolded. 6 months ago she had doubts, and then couldn't remove them on her own (without your input) so that was that? Wow....that's pretty harsh. I mean, unless you cheated on her, which it doesn't sound like you did. I mean, everyone has periods in life where their 'attitude' is not the best...but while if that goes unattended it might create doubts...it shouldn't continue to generate doubts once the 'attitude' has been sorted out....

That is really tough. Really tough.

Anyway, I think you are doing the right thing, focusing on getting your life together in areas that you can control - your bills, schooling, etc. That is a good way to move forward while your heart heals.

Good luck!

Stone Is God wrote:

Nope, never cheated on her. That wasn't even a question. I think has has some deep seeded emotional issues as well as maturity issues. That's why she wasn't able to communicate the way that should should have. The marriage was savable but she never gave me a chance to figure out what we could do to communicate better. I thought we were working through it.

Her family is terrible and her job has been stressing her out. I think I was just overall collateral damage. It blows and she's made it clear she's not willing to try and she's not coming back. I think, down the road, she may realize that I was the stable one and the issues could have been easily worked out. But by the time she may realize it I will be long gone.

mickeyrat wrote:

I went through something similar a couple years ago.

I found that if I focused on how much it hurt, it continued to hurt. I learned if I felt what I felt, those feelings would pass. They may return , but always they will [pass if I just let them be. I earned I could feel what I felt and not take that out on others.
I learned that I needed to see what my part was in the relationship and do the best I could to learn from my failings.
i learned that it was better for me to just be. I didnt want to carry any old "stuff" into the next relationship I hoped I could have. It wouldn't be fair to me OR the other involved if I carried that shit forward. I needed to become comfortable with myself, before I could really be invovled with another.

Turns out individual counseling was immensely helpful , as was being honest with others in my AA meetings. Hopefully you can find a similar such support system.