Pearl Jam as a Saturday Morning Cartoon

Ok, so I am pretty bored, so I was sort of thinking of the members of Pearl Jam in terms of a Saturday morning cartoon, which I think would be quite a success and could create a new generation of jammers. They could be crime fighters by day, and a rock band by night.

Main Characters:

Eddie Vedder - The everyman leader. At first, he struggled to accept his role of a leader, but later embraced it and leads the band in fighting evil during the day and playing killer rock and roll at night. While not leading the band in fighting crime or playing a killer show, he is off surfing, drinking a beer, and writing songs for his next movie soundtrack.

Stone Gossard - The self-professed geek of the group. He is always fiddling with the latest technology, increasing margins on merchandise and bootleg sales, and putting the clues together to help strategize and solve any crimes. When he is not doing this, he is laying down new riffs that could be the next Pearl Jam hit. Stone also acts as the band's mediator whenever there may be an internal rift.

Jeff Ament - Skateboarder, b-baller, bassist, mountain boy, and all around ass kicker. Usually the cool guy in the group, Jeff usually laying down the rhythm of a kick ass song, or laying down evil doers. Otherwise he's just chilling while dropping sweet bass lines and eating pizza.

Mike McCready - The self-professed Axe Grinder of the group, and usually has an axe to grind to any villains that gets in his way. During the day he shreds any villain's hopes of conquering/destroying the planet and still has energy to shred out five minute solos to Even Flow and Porch. There are some concerns that his powers may be fading, as on the last album Backspacer, his energy level seemed much lower than ever before. Not to worry, as McCready still proves show after show that his powers are only growing stronger over time.

Matt Cameron - Long time ally and now the latest member of the group, Matt has proven to be just as faithful of a member as any. If you thought singing and drumming was hard, Matt Cameron can do both with one hand, while fighting crime with the other. Matt Cameron gives the burst of energy that the band needs in order to continue to fight evil while also playing shows more epic than the last. Backspacer proves that Cameron's powers are only getting stronger.

Villians:

Fame - This is an intangible villain that took host in many different ways that haunted the band's early days. Once being lured to success, fame started to press on the band members in the form of record label executives requesting the band sell out. They played along in the early days, but eventually, they grew strong enough to fight back. The first real strike back was refusing to do a music video for their masterpiece "Black". Later, it was taking a sharp turn away from the very style that made them popular in the first place, trading in ballads with belting vocals and structured power solos for much rawer, stripped down style that delivered a fist to the jaw. Along with their refusal to do music videos, they had defeated the threat of selling out, only to give way to a even greater villain...

Ticketmaster Corp - While this has turned into a cold war, at one point the band was fighting a losing battle, trying to fend off a beast too big for five band members to fight. At the lowest point in the battle, Ticketmaster was able to turn one of pearl jam's own against them. In 1998, Pearl Jam made a truce with the beast, ceding their efforts as long as their true fans received favorable seating.

Creed (and other poser bands) - This battle was mainly fought in the late 1990's, as swarms of imitators tried to live off of Pearl Jam's success. The worst was Scott Stapp, an attempt of a clone of Eddie Vedder by the evil Fame, but instead of virtues and integrity, possessed the desire for fame and money. Unfortunately, cloning technology in the 1990's wasn't too great, running off of Windows 98's, and the evil Eddie Vedder clone, known as Scott Stapp, was only short lived in the public eye before the public grew weary of his obvious flaws.

George W. Bush - Sorry George Bush fans, but this is kind of a given. As the evil Creed and other Pearl Jam wannabes faded at the start of a new millenium, a new, more sinister threat was created. By a 5-4 supreme court vote, ushered in a new age of darkness, one that would plague the band and the country for years to come. Eddie had to come to grips that he mistakenly contributed to the problem, supporting the idealism of Ralph Nader in what turned out to be a close election. Accepting his early mistakes, Eddie and the boys fought back, first by releasing the song Bu$hleaguer with their 2002 record Riot Act, and touring on the Vote for Change Tour in 2004. Later, their heralded second coming in 2006, through their self-titled album, delivered a blow that helped knock W. into a lameduck presidency. With the threat subsided, the band has decided to tame their once fierce political activist energy.

Dave Abbruzzese - Unfortunately, the band had to fight an internal at their early stages. First fame, and later Ticketmaster corp, influenced one of the band members who joined the band a little later. Dave was the easiest influenced, as he lacked some of the same virtues that the other members possessed, and only joined the band later on. Eddie and Jeff could sense something was up, and continued to work with Dave while having suspicions that he may be working both sides. Eventually, Stone was tasked getting rid of Dave before he caused irreparable fissures in the band's relationship. Helping Stone was ally Jack Irons, long time friend of band leader Eddie Vedder, who eventually took the reigns at drums and helped the band in creating one of their best albums yet, No Code, and continue their battle against ticket master.

Allies:

Boom Gasper - A quasi band member who joined in the efforts against George W. Bush, Booms adds a layer of depth to the music that was missing before. The band possessed new powers with the Hawaiian hand on their side, being able to deliver a Sonic Boom to evil doers while enabling the band to play riveting covers to such classics like Crazy Mary and Love, Reign on Me. A little organ at the end of Better Man doesn't hurt either.

Jack Irons - As mentioned before, he was originally a long time friend of Eddie Vedder, and refused an early role in the band. He later joined on once the threat of Dave A. was tempered down, and temporarily rejuvenated the band and it's efforts against Ticketmaster. Ultimately, once the band's battle with Ticketmaster ended, Jack Irons's powers faded, and could no longer fight crime and play two encore gigs. He passed the mantle to Matt Cameron.

Chris Cornell - Early on, Soundgarden and Pearl Jam had a tight knit relationship due to Matt Cameron's relationship with both bands. Producing hits like Hunger Strike helped fuel the grunge effort that revolutionize the music scene in the early 1990's, and dealt the death kneel to glam rock, a villain that was fading fast as Pearl Jam emerged onto the scene. Every once in a while, Chris Cornell will show up to relive the glory days and play Hunger Strike and give an extra hand in fighting foes. Chris and Matt have recently reunited with Ben Shepard and Kim Thayil to try to usher in a new wave of grunge to fight the next emerging villain, crumby pop music. Pearl Jam and Soundgarden can't fight this effort alone, but they can mentor a new generation of rockers that will lead in their steps.

Ghost of Andy Wood - On seldom occasions, the ghost of Andy Wood will guide the band to help deliver a knock out performance, mainly through helping them deliver a cover of Wood's masterpiece "Crown of Thorns". Reminding Stone and Jeff where they came from, the ghost of Andy Wood helps the band celebrate the past and guides them through certain sticky situations.

Uncle Neil Young - A long time ally to the group, Neil Young met the group early on, just as they were discovering their powers. Providing a mentoring presence to the group, Neil Young has battled beside them, and been there to help the group when they were in need, for example, in 1995 in San Francisco, he temporarily led the group when Eddie caught the stomach flu. He has battled aside them during several of their battles throughout the years, including their long drawn out battle against Bush in the mid 2000's. Neil has been kicking ass solo and taking names since the late 1960's, and shares wisdom and knowledge that comes in the clutch at crucial moments. The band pays tribute to Young's mentor-ship and assistance by playing Young's Bridge School benefit every so often.

Shit, I can't believe I typed all of that up. Well, don't hate on it too much. Feel free to add anything to it.